Boards Record Breakers.

Pighead

Pighead was watching the Brazil V Ghana game the other day when he seen a fat goofy bloke become the highest scoring goal getter in World Cup history. I couldn't belive this jelly man had eclipsed all the great names that have graced the beautiful game over the years to become the bestest ever.

And it made me realise anybody can be a record breaker and I said to myself "Pighead, you are most probably a record breaker already without even realising it".

So lets see how many record breakers we have on Boards.ie. Pighead once ate 3 cream crackers in just under 2 minutes at work. I'm pretty damn sure this is my greatest hope of being a record breaker as its an almost impossible task. Anyone foolish enough to try and break this record should prepare themselves for a week of sorejaw.

I'm 6ft tall, I admit that this is highly unlikely to be a record on boards but then again nobody thought fatso would score 3 goals this world cup.

The biggest priced winner I've had in teh bookies was a 100/1 shot about 2 years ago. I had tenner on Man Utd to beat Arsenal 4-2. John O Shea popped up late on to bring home the bacon for Pighead. I once ate 4 sugary jam doughnuts in a row without once licking my lips.

So can anybody beat the great Pigheads records or am I officially the best at everything.

connundrum

I once stayed awake for 58 hours.. closing my eyes for a rest doesn't count right!

Oh and once I drank 3 and 1/2 litres of milk in 4.5 minutes.. then I got sick everywhere

My limit of pints in a day is 22 - that was Offaly vs Laois a couple of years ago. Ahh them were the days :rolleyes:

Oriel

I'm sure I have the longest nipple hair. One single hair on each nipple reaches about 2 1/2 inches.

Kernel

Pighead wrote:

So lets see how many record breakers we have on Boards.ie. Pighead once ate 3 cream crackers in just under 2 minutes at work. I'm pretty damn sure this is my greatest hope of being a record breaker as its an almost impossible task. Anyone foolish enough to try and break this record should prepare themselves for a week of sorejaw.

You lying bastard. None of us managed to do this, and you know it. Cracker flakes all over the place and a mouth like the sahara is all you get.

I think I hold the record for most number of official warnings in work.

Pighead

sinecurea wrote:

I'm sure I have the longest nipple hair. One single hair on each nipple reaches about 2 1/2 inches.

:eek: . Pighead thought you were a chick. I've been flirting with you on numerous occasions. I even said you had a nice arse last week. I feel violated.

Record for mistaken peoples genders resulting in embarrasing situations goes to Pighead. And I'm not just talking about the net.

Archeron

I once worked a 32 hour solid shift in a factory I used to work in. From 7am Saturday morning straight through to 2pm Sunday afternoon, and to really rub it in, the only food in the place was from a vending machine. I started imagining things half way through the shift.
Ah, fun times.

Beruthiel

Pighead wrote:

:eek: . Pighead thought you were a chick. I've been flirting with you on numerous occasions. I even said you had a nice arse last week. I feel violated.

sinecurea is female....

Pighead

Dry Crackers Record: 4: Pighead
Longest Staying awake Record: 1 Week or Two :Tar Aldarion
Most Pints Drank Record: 22 Pints: connundrum
Longest Nipple Hair Record: 2 1/2 ": Sinecura
Longest Shift At Work: 32 Hrs: Archeron
Largest Willy Record: 11": Pighead
Most Warnings at Work Record: 17 :Kernel
Longest lovemaking sessions Record:14 Hours: Beruthial and Pighead
Worst Speller Record: sunzz
Biggest Clown Record: sunzz
Most Money Spent in 3 Minutes on a Penis Extension Operation Record: 2000 quid: Daddio
Largest Testicle Collection Record: 73: Shabadu
Largest amount of weight put on in shortest amount of time record: 4 Stone:julep
Biggest debt from shopping Record:coolsmileygirl
Most amount of cocks gobbled in 1 calender year Record: 278: coolsmileygirl
Eating a toilet roll withoput water record: Degsys Mate
Biggest Spammer on this thread Record: Degsy
Biggest User of The Green Smiley on any Message Board Ever Record: Sparky s:D
Longest amount of time to have a bone in right wrist broken: 11 Years: Hill Billy
Unfittest Boardster Record: NetWhizKid
Most refreshers sweets stuffed in mouth at once Record: 11: thelordofcheese
Most miles travelled in 1 day in a polo record:482: Kermitt
Most sneezes without closing eyes record: 3: tbh
Bestest Gambler and bestest system ever invented in the world ever Record:Crumbs
Leakiest arse after a night on the guinness Record: mad m
Lankiest string of piss Record: 6ft5: Anto McC
Quickest to guzzle down a pint Record: 5 seconds: Shabadu
Slowest to guzzle down a pint Record:julep
Most consecutive pen spins using thumb and forefinger Record:373 times: playa3
Hungriest greediest most gluttonous mofo on boards Record:Keyser Soze 5
Most Weetabix ever eaten in one sitting Record:15: Rhyme
Largest shoe size on boards Record:13: Reganio 2
Most idiotic foolish act carried out while drunk Record:The_Dazzler
Falling 8ft from a wall landing on your head without dying record: Lord Chessington
Constant injuring of oneself by ridiculous means record: Nightwish
Most Consecutive Tequillas Drank in 1 Night Record: Sparks 400
Most Flirty PM's received from Chicks: 207: Kernel
Most Gullible Foolish, Paying 4 times over the odds for an item Record: tbh

Pighead

Beruthiel wrote:

sinecurea is female....

Phew, everythings alright with the world again. Mmmm hairy females.
Anyway Beruthial, stop being so modest, tell them all about your marathon lovemaking records. Although in fairness thats a record we both share. xxxx

connundrum

Pighead wrote:

Dry Crackers Record: 4: Pighead
Longest Staying awake Record: 58 connundrum
Most Pints Drank: 22: connundrum
Longest Nipple Hair Record: 2 1/2 ": Sinecura
Longest Shift At Work: 32: Archeron
Largest Willy: 11": Pighead
Most Warnings at Work: 17 :Kernel

WOHOOO, joint 1st in the current medals table...

... in your face America!! :eek:

sunzz

I think I hold the record for best looking guy on this website.

Kiera

sunzz wrote:

i think i hold the record for bet looking guy on this website.

Do you mean bet-down?

Pighead

sunzz wrote:

i think i hold the record for bet looking guy on this website.

Nope afraid not buddy, The Gnome is much better looking than you.
You do however hold the record for Worst Speller and Biggest Clown.

Kernel

Pighead wrote:

Dry Crackers Record: 4: Pighead

I was a witness to this event, and you managed about 2 before you coughed and gagged like a 2 dollar whore!

Setun

I once spent €2,000 in three minutes.

eirebhoy

Pighead wrote:

but then again nobody thought fatso would score 3 goals this world cup.

I think you're alone with that one.

Pighead

Daddio wrote:

I once spent €2,000 in three minutes.

Jesus Pighead didn't realise Cock extension operations could be done so quickly nowadays. Impressive.

EWheelChair

This thread is hilarious, laugh out loud!

Setun

Pighead wrote:

Jesus Pighead didn't realise Cock extension operations could be done so quickly nowadays. Impressive.

<grabs coat and leaves grumbling>

Can I still have an award???

connundrum

Daddio wrote:

I once spent €2,000 in three minutes.

Surely someone who had bought.. say for example - a car would claim to have spent a lot more in a lot less time

If however you were to say 'I once spent €2000 on Top Trumps cards in 3 minutes'.. now that would be rather impressive

Terry

i went from 9 stone to 13 stone in about 4 months. that has to be some sort of record for a man.
spent a year and a half in bed. fu(k you, lennons.

Setun

Well it was allegedly a penis extension, that's impressive?

Isn't it?

Degsy

I know soembody who ate a toilet roll dry,without a drink.Pisses AND ****es all over three crackers!

Beruthiel

Pighead wrote:

Although in fairness thats a record we both share

in your dreams Piggie...

Shabadu

I believe I have the largest testicle collection.

I have the biggest debt from shopping racked up in the shortest amount of time(and no i'm not disclosing anymore I'l get into trouble)

also because of this I probably own the record amount of shoes and also underwear

Degsy

Shabadu wrote:

I believe I have the largest testicle collection.

Buy it on ebay did you?
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/BULL-SCROTUM-Saco-de-Toro-BULLIE-Bag-testicles-pouch_W0QQitemZ9519761874QQihZ007QQcategoryZ1468QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Kernel

Degsy wrote:

I know soembody who ate a toilet roll dry,without a drink.Pisses AND ****es all over three crackers!

Sure you do Degsy, sure you do....... Just like I know a guy who can play the harmonica with his arse!

Shabadu

Degsy wrote:

Buy it on ebay did you?
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/BULL-SCROTUM-Saco-de-Toro-BULLIE-Bag-testicles-pouch_W0QQitemZ9519761874QQihZ007QQcategoryZ1468QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Nope, harvested 'em myself.

Degsy

Shabadu wrote:

Nope, harvested 'em myself.

Ouch..you must have an understanding scissors maker!

Degsy

Kernel wrote:

Sure you do Degsy, sure you do....... Just like I know a guy who can play the harmonica with his arse!

Do you know that guy too?Brilliant isnt he?Especially the Hit song "Its fart too late for goodbyes"!!

Funsterdelux

Kernel wrote:

Sure you do Degsy, sure you do....... Just like I know a guy who can play the harmonica with his arse!

thought I was the only one

Kernel

Degsy wrote:

Especially the Hit song "Its fart too late for goodbyes"!!

groan... kill me now.

Degsy

Kernel wrote:

groan... kill me now.

Happily..*reaches for claw hammer*

Kernel

Degsy wrote:

Happily..*reaches for claw hammer*

No, I don't want to die like that. *lowers jeans and tilts arse*

netwhizkid

I once ran up a hill of about 250mtrs but collapsed half way up and went unconscious for about 15mins. I also shook hands to Charlie Haughey when I was aged 13.

The Hill Billy

A bone in my right wrist has been broken since May 1995.
Is that a record?

I also have 5 different vinyl versions of Out of Control by U2.
They are records.

Oriel

Beruthiel wrote:

sinecurea is female....

Wrong
But now I'm getting worried...
Pighead, my arse is nice, what's your problem?

Plug

3 days and 2 nights awake.

TerrorFirmer

I once attempted that cream cracker thing, you'd swear people were exaggerating how hard it is and laugh, until you actually try it.

try it, god its impossible, I ended up on the floor gagging on millions of tiny pieces of flakes, my mouth as dry as a desert

Pighead

Hill Billy wrote:

I also have 5 different vinyl versions of Out of Control by U2.
They are records.

These records are easily broken.

Plug

Actually I tried eating a few and see how I got on, crap. My mouths dry as a nuns crack.

Kernel

HavoK wrote:

I once attempted that cream cracker thing, you'd swear people were exaggerating how hard it is and laugh, until you actually try it.

try it, god its impossible, I ended up on the floor gagging on millions of tiny pieces of flakes, my mouth as dry as a desert

It's worse if you inhale a lungful of cracker-dust!

Beruthiel

sinecurea wrote:

Wrong

don't lie sinecurea
I know it's a pain having Piggie give you the eye, but don't deny who you are

thelordofcheese

I managed to fit 11 of these guys in my gob at once.

my jaw ached for days afterwards.

sunzz

Post edited now add me to best looking award please

Hilarious thread by the way.

Kermitt

I've been wearing glasses for 86% of my life. and I'm only 22.
I also once covered 482 miles in one day in my old polo. Naas to Cork and back, then to Crossmolina that night

Shabadu

Pighead wrote:

Dry Crackers Record: 4: Pighead
Longest Staying awake Record: 58 connundrum
Most Pints Drank Record: 22: connundrum
Longest Nipple Hair Record: 2 1/2 ": Sinecura
Longest Shift At Work: 32: Archeron
Largest Willy Record: 11": Pighead
Most Warnings at Work Record: 17 :Kernel
Longest lovemaking sessions Record:Beruthial and Pighead
Worst Speller Record: sunzz
Biggest Clown Record: sunzz
Most Money Spent in 3 Minutes Record: 2000 quid: Daddio
Largest Testicle Collection Record: 73: Shabadu
Largest amount of weight put on in shortest amount of time record: 4 Stone:julep
Biggest debt from shopping Record:coolsmileygirl
Most amount of cocks gobbled in 1 calender year Record: 278: coolsmileygirl
Eating a toilet roll withoput water record: Degsys Mate
Biggest Spammer on this thread Record: Degsy
Biggest User of The Green Smiley on any Message Board Ever Record: Sparky s:D
Longest amount of time to have a bone in right wrist broken: 11 Years: Hill Billy
Unfittest Boardster Record: NetWhizKid

Just thought it needed re-airing since Pighead edited it. =(^.^)=

tbh

I once sneezed three times without closing my eyes. And there was a memory test in trinity recently and the girl told me that in one of tests, I was the first one to get 100%. EVER.

Kernel

tbh wrote:

I once sneezed three times without closing my eyes. And there was a memory test in trinity recently and the girl told me that in one of tests, I was the first one to get 100%. EVER.

What was she wearing?

scojones

connundrum wrote:

I once stayed awake for 58 hours.. closing my eyes for a rest doesn't count right!

I have you beat sir, I stayed awake for 99 hours when finishing off an fyp. 8am Thursday to 11am Monday. I was so tired I was seeing things, i.e I had a poster of a dog on my wall, and when I looked at it, it licked it's lips. I have several witnesses to this feat. Edit that list Piggy.