Should I meet him?

free2fly

Hi. I have been chatting with this man online for about three months now. He seems really nice and I feel like I can trust him. He has helped me through a very difficult time in my life by encouraging and supporting me. He is really wonderful. But here is my dilema. I am visiting Dublin in a few month's time and he wants to meet up and possibly stay with me for a few days. Should I meet him? And more importantly should I let him stay with me? I am not very internet savvy and want to be sure that I do the right thing. Thank you.

jcoote

how old are you??

age would be a big factor in this in my opinion

Marksie

Have you talked to him by phone or just online?

Sometimes it is good to follow your gut instinct as that is the seat of intuition?

Be sure though if you are meeting himn, that it is on your own "turf" so that if he is not at all what you expected you can make your excuses and leave very quickly.

But by all means go for it if it seems right

Nevyn

No matter how long you have been chatting with this stranger and yet he is still a stranger you should not have him in your home when meeting him for the first time.
Meeting up for coffee in a public place would be a good way to meet him for the first time.
You have no idea what he is like in person or just how trust worthy he really is.
It could be that in person who find him to be a lot less charming and may find him intolerible to be around and you want to have him in your home for a few days ?

No, no and again NO.

Miss Fluff

Yeah, age would be a big factor alright. What age are you and what age did you tell him you are? Are you coming over specifically to meet him?

biko

If his intentions are good he won't mind staying by himself in a B&B and meet during the day. If you feel comforatable you can invite him over again, this time in the house.

He will, if honest, want to do whatever you are comfortable with.

BTW, do not get too drunk. He should also respect this and if you feel he is trying to feed you drinks, call a cab.

VroomVroom

Thaedydal wrote:

You have no idea what he is like in person or just how trust worthy he really is.
It could be that in person who find him to be a lot less charming and may find him intolerible to be around and you want to have him in your home for a few days ?

No, no and again NO.

How is this different to meeting someone in a pub/club and taking them home? I'd say if anything you are in a better position to judge whether or not you should have him in your home than most people would be on your average Saturday night. You have been talking to this person for months, not a few hours and you have probably spoken to him sober during that time.

BuffyBot

Meet for the first time in a well lit, public place. Speak to him on the telephone a few times, and when you get to Ireland have a coffee, and see if off-line your relationship works as well at it does online. Work from there, slowly, but surely until you are completely sure you can trust him.

biko

VroomVroom wrote:

How is this different to meeting someone in a pub/club and taking them home? I'd say if anything you are in a better position to judge whether or not you should have him in your home than most people would be on your average Saturday night. You have been talking to this person for months, not a few hours and you have probably spoken to him sober during that time.

That's why I stopped taking strange girls home after I noticed my virginity was missing

pclancy

Meet him on your terms and dont stay with him the first night unless your totally sure of what you're doing. You say you hvae another few months till you come over, get talking on the phone and make sure you're speaking to who you think you are. Ive met a good few people from online, some ended in relationships, some ended up bad because Id built up this thing in my head of what I thought they were or vica versa and it didnt work.

Defo tell some people you know what you're doing and have a plan to take off if things dont go good. Arrange to have mates ring you at a certain time or something to see how things are.

I wouldnt even consider meeting someone till we were fine with chatting on the phone. Its easy blabber on on MSN but a much better test of how you'll get on is the auld blower. Pick it up and ring him.

free2fly

I am well over 21 and he is as well.

free2fly

marksuttonie wrote:

Have you talked to him by phone or just online?

Sometimes it is good to follow your gut instinct as that is the seat of intuition?

Be sure though if you are meeting himn, that it is on your own "turf" so that if he is not at all what you expected you can make your excuses and leave very quickly.

But by all means go for it if it seems right

My problem with meeting him on my own turf is that I am from the States and will be meeting him in Dublin. I have been to Dublin many times. But it is more his turf than mine. We have talked on the phone a few times.

Ruu_Old

Give him a call and get used to his voice and if you feel you are ready then meet up but its a good idea as the others have said, to meet in a well lit, public area and see how things go from there. Best of luck OP and hope things work out for you.

VroomVroom

biko wrote:

That's why I stopped taking strange girls home after I noticed my virginity was missing

Yeah you have to watch out for them strange girls, they got all of my virginities...

I think some people are taking this all a bit too seriously, especially given that neither of you are kids, but have to agree with what most people are saying, ring the bloke and see how it goes.

free2fly

Thaedydal wrote:

No matter how long you have been chatting with this stranger and yet he is still a stranger you should not have him in your home when meeting him for the first time.
Meeting up for coffee in a public place would be a good way to meet him for the first time.
You have no idea what he is like in person or just how trust worthy he really is.
It could be that in person who find him to be a lot less charming and may find him intolerible to be around and you want to have him in your home for a few days ?

No, no and again NO.

That's true.

seamus

VroomVroom wrote:

How is this different to meeting someone in a pub/club and taking them home? I'd say if anything you are in a better position to judge whether or not you should have him in your home than most people would be on your average Saturday night. You have been talking to this person for months, not a few hours and you have probably spoken to him sober during that time.

Assuming she hasn't had access to a webcam, it's much easier to deliberately (or even accidentally) mask who you are, or what your intentions are when you're just text on the other side of a screen.

The actual words of a conversation only make up part of it. Body language plays a whole lot. That's not to say that taking people home from a club is safe, but you would learn a lot more about someone in an hour's face-to-face conversation (even if they were lying), than you would in week's text conversation with someone who was intentionally holding back the truth.

Lux23

I would meet him alright but you really shouldn't stay with him.

VroomVroom

seamus wrote:

Assuming she hasn't had access to a webcam, it's much easier to deliberately (or even accidentally) mask who you are, or what your intentions are when you're just text on the other side of a screen.

The actual words of a conversation only make up part of it. Body language plays a whole lot. That's not to say that taking people home from a club is safe, but you would learn a lot more about someone in an hour's face-to-face conversation (even if they were lying), than you would in week's text conversation with someone who was intentionally holding back the truth.

Fair enough, I take a lot of the points made here. I just think that over a few months of chatting on the web, numerous phone calls, taking into account that both people are "well over 21", and they have agreed to travel to meet up, something would have slipped in that time...

Good luck with whatever you decide to do though...

free2fly

seamus wrote:

Assuming she hasn't had access to a webcam, it's much easier to deliberately (or even accidentally) mask who you are, or what your intentions are when you're just text on the other side of a screen.

The actual words of a conversation only make up part of it. Body language plays a whole lot. That's not to say that taking people home from a club is safe, but you would learn a lot more about someone in an hour's face-to-face conversation (even if they were lying), than you would in week's text conversation with someone who was intentionally holding back the truth.

We both have web cams. So I have seen and heard him. He was very polite and respectful.

Thank you all for your advice. I will take it all into consideration and be wise about my choices.

Morlar

My advice to you would be to meet him in a public place and dont agree in advance to anything beyond that.

Why does he need to stay with you ? If your not comfortable with that idea either dont meet him - or make it very clear and make sure he is levelset as to what the story is.

It sounds dodgy to me to be honest that you are meeting somone for the first time and he expects to be staying the night with you as this doesnt sound like something you want.

Its pretty much up to you to make this crystal clear so there is no mis-understanding and he doesnt try to take advantage of your politeness.

seamus

free2fly wrote:

We both have web cams. So I have seen and heard him. He was very polite and respectful.

Well then you've probably gotten a reasonable feel for the kind of person he is.

I would still recommend a public place for your first meet up, and to have him stay in his own accomodation. Best of luck with it

abetarrush

free2fly wrote:

We both have web cams. So I have seen and heard him. He was very polite and respectful.

Thank you all for your advice. I will take it all into consideration and be wise about my choices.

Yeah, I think the number one thing is to meet for the first time in a public place, and take it slow!

I think coffee / lunch is a good idea, and just use your common sense

GOOD LUCK!

Marksie

You should have a good idea of what he is like by webcam, at least he is not afraid of showing his face.
and you have talked by phone?
He should at least accept your decisions.
He is not being pushy at all is he?

How long is it til you come over?
given all the advice that has been given here you can sound him out a bit more.

Perhaps the public meeting will be the best.

But if he is genuine then why not go for it! Life is too short

free2fly

marksuttonie wrote:

You should have a good idea of what he is like by webcam, at least he is not afraid of showing his face.
and you have talked by phone?
He should at least accept your decisions.
He is not being pushy at all is he?

How long is it til you come over?
given all the advice that has been given here you can sound him out a bit more.

Perhaps the public meeting will be the best.

But if he is genuine then why not go for it! Life is too short

He has a beautiful face. And I am a sucker for a beautiful face! No he hasn't been pushy in anyway. I will be over in September. So that does give me more time.

You are right about life being too short. Perhaps I should just go for it. I do really care about him. But if he shows up with a trench coat and just socks and no trousers showing I will run away )

dbnavan

My wife and I met online as most know, she was in California I was in Ireland, said it few times already met at Dublin Airport been together ever since...........

However I also know a guy that spoke to a girl online and when she met him she forgot to tell him the little detail that she was infact 15, and only just, and not 18 as she had told him, he was gutted! They had chatted online for 6 months every night and she had her story so perfect to a T, he never suspected anything.

Tar.Aldarion

free2fly wrote:

Hi. I have been chatting with this man online for about three months now. He seems really nice and I feel like I can trust him. He has helped me through a very difficult time in my life by encouraging and supporting me. He is really wonderful. But here is my dilema. I am visiting Dublin in a few month's time and he wants to meet up and possibly stay with me for a few days. Should I meet him? And more importantly should I let him stay with me? I am not very internet savvy and want to be sure that I do the right thing. Thank you.

If you trust him yes, if not, no.
I would never ask to stay somewhere, like he has, but plenty of internet people have let me stay at theirs or offered to let me.
Maybe if you meet him, talk to him for a bit and if he's not a weirdo let him?

free2fly

That's a wonderful story. About how you met your wife And a frightening story about the girl.

free2fly

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

If you trust him yes, if not, no.
I would never ask to stay somewhere, like he has, but plenty of internet people have let me stay at theirs or offered to let me.
Maybe if you meet him, talk to him for a bit and if he's not a weirdo let him?

I suppose the trust factor will be very important. I do trust him. But I not feel that way when we meet in person. Perhaps, if we get along, I can ask for a second meeting? And then see how things go from there? If he is a reasonable man he will understand.

Tar.Aldarion

Do that. Meet him in public.

free2fly

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

Do that. Meet him in public.

Yes. I will. There is one pub in Dublin that I frequent whenever I am there and they know me. So that should be a safe place don't you think?

Tar.Aldarion

Sure, give it a go.

free2fly

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

Sure, give it a go.

I'll let you know how it turns out

oulu

Of course meet him but make sure you do it in public and make sure you are seen by people