Can men be trusted

MILKSHAKER

I have been going out with my boyfriend for over 2 years and have spent the last 2 years living with him. We met at college and share a great friendship and relationship. We are rarely apart which may sound like a bad thing however the fact that we get on so well make that very easy. 1 year into our relationship i caught him on dating websites and the profiles he had were horrible for me to read. I confronted him and he was very apologetic and put it down to being curious. I let it go as i didnt want to ruin what we had. Last year we spent one of our 1st weekends apart and through sircumstances i found out that he cheated on me. When he was confronted he said he was very drunk and cant remember it. This makes it very hard for me cause he wont accept it happened and i really cant tell if he is lying. Im now finding it really hard to trust him. I love him but any time were apart im always thinking the worst. Im not possesive but just feel that anytime im away from him he goes on crazy sessions with his mates and wont get in touch. How can i get over what happened and learn to trust him again? Is it even worth trying to trust again?? Any advice would be great cause right now i feel so open to being badly hurt...

LegacyUser

of course men can be trusted... just like women

DOLEMAN

Lots of men and women cheat.

Men in particular can have sex with zero emotion attached. In other words, his cheating doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

You need to decide whether you want to be with someone who cheated on you and will quite likely cheat again.

Questions: Is your boyfriend making your life better or worse?
Questions: Would you be happier if you were single?
Questions: Would you be happier with someone else who doesn't cheat on you?

Surrender

Looks like you got the short straw, dump the git. Just to make a point though we're not all sleazy adulterers, you will find a genuine nice guy out there so just give him the boot and go hunting again. I know its easy for me to say and you obviously care about the dude but from what you've said it looks like the man can't be trusted. Hope ya get sorted anyway

koneko

Alright, the subject line is completely bogus first of all, you really shouldn't think like that, you'll just end up putting yourself in a bad mental state where you feel like you can't trust any men, when that is far from true.

Are you happy? Clearly not. Have you spoken to him about this, and told him what your fears are? What does he say when you approach this subject? It's really up to you whether you want to stay with him and possibly get hurt again, or whether you move on and find someone who feels the same way about relationships. I think it sounds more like he isn't that bothered, and would probably cheat again when he has the opportunity (and probably has cheated more than that 1 time). But hard to say without more detail.

super_furry

Some men can, some men can't. Sounds like the one you're with at the moment can't and maybe you should start thinking if you wouldn't be better off without him.

LegacyUser

No man can be trusted, the only difference between the ones that "cheat" and the ones that don't are that the ones that "cheat" get caught. The ones that "don't" really do, but just do it well and don't get caught.

I've cheated on my g/f several times but i still absolutely love her to bits, i always had a bad habit of getting emotionally attached to girls i got with when i was single but now when i'm going out with someone i honestly couldn't care less. I might as well be sleeping with a rubber doll for all the emotion i feel for them.

Its like using your hand except you have boobies to hold as well.

BoozyBabe

Can men be trusted? YES
Can your man be trusted? Don't think so.
Does he deserve your trust? Don't think so
Should you try to trust him again? Don't think so, nor do I think it would be possible anyway.
Should you dump him & find one of the men who can be trusted? I think so

fuzzywiggle

Well if you can't trust him I'd get out of it tbh. You're only beating yourself up over it. Where's the fun in that? I know it must be hard if you love him and all but really, you won't have any peace if you're up to 90 worrying when he goes out with the lads. Find someone you can trust 100%. You deserve it.

MILKSHAKER

The problem im left with is that anytime i have ever come close to having a good relationship i make sure and ask if they have 2timed before. The answer always seems to be no yet nearly all of my relationships have ended over being 2timed. My current boyfriend swore that he would never do it so i trusted him. If i leave him and try and move on i could find myself in the same position again. I dont doubt that there are good men out there but how to know that they wont betray you!!! My brothers, male friends, boyfriends brother etc all 2time.

koneko

Then you're seeking out the wrong people. You're drawing in the wrong type somehow, could be because you're looking in the wrong place, or because you're attracted to a certain type (bad boys). Start looking in other places.

Also, why do you need to move on to someone else? Can't you be single for a while? Get to know yourself and be happy with who you are before you jump into another relationship with the wrong kind of person.

honru

MILKSHAKER wrote:

The problem im left with is that anytime i have ever come close to having a good relationship i make sure and ask if they have 2timed before. The answer always seems to be no yet nearly all of my relationships have ended over being 2timed.

Do you honestly think that they would admit to cheating?

Simple fact is, people forgive too too easily for cheating, so folks will continue to do it again and again. If I found out I was cheated on, no matter how hard it would be to take, I would break up the relationship on the spot.

MILKSHAKER

Its not that i need to be attached but i would like to get married later in life and if i cant find perfection now i dont know how i ever will. To be honest the person that im with is a great man and the reletionship is almost perfect, the only flaw being the fact that he has the abitily to wander and has done so in the past. I would find the single life very lonely and probably wouldnt be any happier. The person who responded saying that he does this to his girlfriend is a coward, how would he feel if he was cough, would he even be upset to see his girls heart breaking??

chump

r u crazy ? wrote:

No man can be trusted, the only difference between the ones that "cheat" and the ones that don't are that the ones that "cheat" get caught. The ones that "don't" really do, but just do it well and don't get caught.

What a fool. If you actually believe this good luck.

r u crazy ? wrote:

I've cheated on my g/f several times but i still absolutely love her to bits, i always had a bad habit of getting emotionally attached to girls i got with when i was single but now when i'm going out with someone i honestly couldn't care less. I might as well be sleeping with a rubber doll for all the emotion i feel for them.

Its like using your hand except you have boobies to hold as well.

Yup, and you let the other party in on your thoughts about the whole issue before you dip your twinkie into her mug?

Funsterdelux

Short answer No with an if, long answer Yes with a but.

trishh

MILKSHAKER wrote:

Last year we spent one of our 1st weekends apart and through sircumstances i found out that he cheated on me. When he was confronted he said he was very drunk and cant remember it. This makes it very hard for me cause he wont accept it happened and i really cant tell if he is lying. Im now finding it really hard to trust him.

This should be enough of a warning... the fact that he cheated and won't even admit it !! That sounds like it could have happened more than once ! My advice would be to sit down with him and try to get some honest answers. If he "does not want to talk about it".. forget him and move on.

Ickle Magoo

OP,

Of course, some men can be trusted just as some women can't be trusted - however, you have very good reason for not trusting this man....if you cannot live with the fact he uses dating sites and cheats on you at the very first opportunity available and uses drink as a reasonable defence ( )...it really doesn't sound like an honest, trusting relationship so it's little wonder you feel suspicious & paranoid....it's one of the reasons I would never go out with a man who cheated on me...why should I get myself worked up & paranoid because of his infidelities?! Find a man who is honest & you trust completely & you can enjoy having a mature relationship with him....best of luck

LegacyUser

Please get out of that before you drive yourself into a pit of ridiculously low confidence and terrible well being. What good is being in a relationship if it's a sham?

You need to hear it, your relationship is a sham. Your boyfriend is cheating and playing you. you need to save yourself and get out.

f®eak s&#169

f®eak s&#169 wrote: »

Simple fact is, people forgive too too easily for cheating, so folks will continue to do it again and again. If I found out I was cheated on, no matter how hard it would be to take, I would break up the relationship on the spot.

What if it was the drunken kind?

Beans_On

What a pointless thread???
"can men be trusted"how can anyone answer that.

LegacyUser

f®eak s&#169 wrote: »

Do you honestly think that they would admit to cheating?

Simple fact is, people forgive too too easily for cheating, so folks will continue to do it again and again. If I found out I was cheated on, no matter how hard it would be to take, I would break up the relationship on the spot.

I totally and wholeheartedly agree. It hasn't happened to me but if it did, and i don't care what the reasons were...i would still end it @ all costs.

Ickle Magoo

bluewolf wrote:

What if it was the drunken kind?

Cheating is cheating in my book, there are no separate categories or a sliding scale of what I would or wouldn't accept....he's either faithful to me or he isn't....

The way I see it, the only times I have ever cheated while drinking was when I wanted out of the relationship or I didn't consider it serious & I used the drink as an excuse....I presume when a man uses the old "I was drunk" excuse, he feels the same way....

bobbymac

Get rid of the twotimer first thing, he's not worth tuppence. But some guys are OK, tho not easy to find. Your best bet is to go for somebody shy, maybe a bit nerdy.

honru

bluewolf wrote:

What if it was the drunken kind?

Using drunkeness as an excuse for cheating is the most overused crutch in the book.

It's like "where's your homework Jimmy?" "The dog ate it."

Frankly when I'm drunk, I know my ego is rattling away there to tell me what's right and what's wrong. If I had the sense not to jump off a ten-storey building, then I'd certainly know not to cheat on my girlfriend.

What if you're falling-over drunk and someone pounces you, so to speak?
It's less of an excuse if you're that bad, I suppose.

Nevyn

Beans_On, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

honru

bluewolf wrote:

What if you're falling-over drunk and someone pounces you, so to speak?

I'm not to get all hypothetical on this but there's a certain responsibility people should abide by once entering a relationship and if that's broken then you're going to have to face the consequences.

It's all about respect. If you have no respect for yourself, then you certainly have no respect for your partner.

Fair enough.
I haven't cheated on anyone and I never would anyway.
But then the thread isn't about women.

To the op, yes guys can be trusted but I'm not sure yours can

Cake Fiend

r u crazy ? wrote:

No man can be trusted, the only difference between the ones that "cheat" and the ones that don't are that the ones that "cheat" get caught. The ones that "don't" really do, but just do it well and don't get caught.

Bollocks. Don't tar the rest of your gender with your tainted brush - there are plenty of us with morals. What pisses me off the most is that people like you use the idea that 'everyone does it' to justify it. I have the balls to actually say in advance that I'm not into anything exclusive, pity you can't have the same integrity.

OP, if your boyfriend cheated on you once and got away with it, I'd say he'll do it again and will probably feel less guilty each time.

Nevyn

Can people be trusted , some of them can some of them can't.

Strokesfan

DOLEMAN wrote:

Questions: Is your boyfriend making your life better or worse?
Questions: Would you be happier if you were single?
Questions: Would you be happier with someone else who doesn't cheat on you?

Excellent Questions!

secret_squirrel

It sounds bad alright especially if he is in denial, however could this be a case of difference definitions of cheating?

Many men for example might well see anything up to sleeping with someone else in the 'not cheating' bracket, with sleeping with someone else crossing the line.


What did your BF do? Do you know exactly?

Do your BF and your definitions of cheating vary widely?

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

Jimi-Spandex

Sico wrote:

Bollocks. Don't tar the rest of your gender with your tainted brush - there are plenty of us with morals. What pisses me off the most is that people like you use the idea that 'everyone does it' to justify it. I have the balls to actually say in advance that I'm not into anything exclusive, pity you can't have the same integrity.

OP, if your boyfriend cheated on you once and got away with it, I'd say he'll do it again and will probably feel less guilty each time.

Quoted for truth.


To the OP, I would say it's better to bite the bullet now instead of in a few years when you could be married/have kids etc and he's cheated on you for the umpteenth time.

I suppose it's best phrased like this, as hard as you think it would be to be single again it will probably never be easier than it is now to get rid of him and make a clean break.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

Thaedydal wrote:

Beans_On, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

i think he is spot on... this is a ridiculous thread, the question asked can never be answered its to vague. i would like to ask the OP does she think that here dad used to cheat on her mom. does her uncle cheat on her aunt.
come on, lets grow up and not be so generalist about 50% of the population.
in fact this is thread bordering on sexism...

what does it say in the charter about sexism, racism, ageism etc.

Irish Wolf

Thaedydal wrote:

Can people be trusted , some of them can some of them can't.

That's the long and short of it I'm afraid. Generalisation is not the way to go, I think the question you should ask is... do I really want to spend anymore time wondering whether or not "he" is being unfaithful.
For your own sanity I would say no, you'll drive yourself crazy, and tbh, if the relationship does go further - it's bound to crop up in an arguement at some stage.

lol... unfortunately we all lie at some times in our life, guess it's part of the human condition, a dog never tells a lie

I hope it all works out.

The Sweeper

How long is a piece of string? Can people be trusted?

Overall, you have to trust people at some point. You may find that the flagrant cheating and emotional holocaust shenanigans is more prevalent in your earlier relationships than your later ones - as people get older most of them become more mature.

This doesn't mean they won't cheat.

The best you can really hope for - in my opinion - is that you find someone that you love, respect and trust, and they feel the same about you. Then hopefully they'll respect you enough that if they do realise they don't want to be with you any more, they'll tell you straight.

You can't wear anti-heartache armour. They don't make it. What you can do is believe in your own self worth and your instincts, so you pick a partner who's more suited to your needs.

keithclancy

Jesus, he's a bloke ... maybe he was horny and made a stupid mistake, women do it all the time, just as much as men.



Sh*t happens, Dump him and get over it, then again, there might have been something in your relationship to have caused him to put himself in that situation in the first place.

MILKSHAKER

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ wrote:

i think he is spot on... this is a ridiculous thread, the question asked can never be answered its to vague. i would like to ask the OP does she think that here dad used to cheat on her mom. does her uncle cheat on her aunt.
come on, lets grow up and not be so generalist about 50% of the population.
in fact this is thread bordering on sexism...

what does it say in the charter about sexism, racism, ageism etc.

I am only looking for advice on this one, if you think the topic is too vague then thats fine, its certainly not bordering on sexism as im not targeting anyone, i simply asked the question can men be trusted, what i was hoping to achieve was to find out about other peoples experiences on the issue. Bringing up uncles and parents in this doesn’t help as i am more concerned about early relationships. The point i am making is that it has happened to me in every relationship so far and im questioning if its something that i should get use to or keep going round in a vicious circle.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

MILKSHAKER wrote:

I am only looking for advice on this one, if you think the topic is too vague then thats fine, its certainly not bordering on sexism as im not targeting anyone, i simply asked the question can men be trusted, what i was hoping to achieve was to find out about other peoples experiences on the issue. Bringing up uncles and parents in this doesn’t help as i am more concerned about early relationships. The point i am making is that it has happened to me in every relationship so far and im questioning if its something that i should get use to or keep going round in a vicious circle.

read what you just wrote. you are asking can one whole sector of society be trusted... in fact it is sexist.
read this an tell me what impression you would take from it...

"its certainly not bordering on racism as im not targeting anyone, i simply asked the question can blacks be trusted"

"its certainly not bordering on racism as im not targeting anyone, i simply asked the question can chinese be trusted"

"its certainly not bordering on racism as im not targeting anyone, i simply asked the question can english be trusted"

see what i mean now.

Puteq

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ wrote:

i think he is spot on... this is a ridiculous thread, the question asked can never be answered its to vague. i would like to ask the OP does she think that here dad used to cheat on her mom. does her uncle cheat on her aunt.
come on, lets grow up and not be so generalist about 50% of the population.
in fact this is thread bordering on sexism...

what does it say in the charter about sexism, racism, ageism etc.

I would completely disagree that this is a ridiculous thread, and remember that it is voluntary to come here, if you find it pointless or ridiculous then feel free not to post. I like boards because you can post anything (within the rules) and ignore what does not interest you.

getting back on topic, I guess you cant really trust anyone 100%, but regarding this topic specifically, I think men are more untrustworthy than women. some other people have commented that men are just as untrustworthy as women, this is probably true generally but specifically regarding monogamy I dont think men and women are the same.

as for this topic being sexist, i totally disagree, making a differentiation does not necessarily constitute sexism, and I dont think its sexist in this case

Zulu

How old are you Puteq, and may I ask if your male or female?

OP, it's a little childish to make such comments, but your hurt so I'm sure we can all get over it.

People can be trusted, but sometimes they let you down. Whatever you decide on with this relationship, you need to understand that every relationship is different. If the outcome of every relationship you experience is the same, then you need to look at the common factors and work out what went wrong.
I would suggest that while men are one common factor, you are another.

Epicpriest

MILKSHAKER wrote:

I am only looking for advice on this one, if you think the topic is too vague then thats fine, its certainly not bordering on sexism as im not targeting anyone, i simply asked the question can men be trusted, what i was hoping to achieve was to find out about other peoples experiences on the issue. Bringing up uncles and parents in this doesn’t help as i am more concerned about early relationships. The point i am making is that it has happened to me in every relationship so far and im questioning if its something that i should get use to or keep going round in a vicious circle.

Yes, a lot of men can be trusted. I am trustworthy, if i meet a girl who makes me feel good about myself and makes me smile when i think about her. If i am with someone who makes me feel horrible about myself, and makes me depressed, i will not be.

We should meet and discuss this... very noble of me to suggest this don't you think? But seriously, thats my 2c above there.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

Puteq wrote:

I would completely disagree that this is a ridiculous thread, and remember that it is voluntary to come here, if you find it pointless or ridiculous then feel free not to post. I like boards because you can post anything (within the rules) and ignore what does not interest you.

getting back on topic, I guess you cant really trust anyone 100%, but regarding this topic specifically, I think men are more untrustworthy than women. some other people have commented that men are just as untrustworthy as women, this is probably true generally but specifically regarding monogamy I dont think men and women are the same.

as for this topic being sexist, i totally disagree, making a differentiation does not necessarily constitute sexism, and I dont think its sexist in this case

if i was to post a thread "can blacks be trusted" or "can asians be trusted"

i would certainly hope that it would be removed on the grounds of racism.
so i think that this topic DOES in fact fall out side the rules.

Funsterdelux

Well, can men be trusted, how about can Man be trusted.

MILKSHAKER

I apologise if i offended anyone on this matter, it was not my intension and i think its important to point out that i have an equal amount of male and female friends so this is not an outburst at males. It was quoted earlier by a man that he can easily 2time his g/f without getting emotionally attached. All to their own on this matter but i will stand corrected if even one female can respond saying that she could sleep with another fella for the laugh, undermine her own relationship and then say that he compared to a rubber doll??
I guess ladies may be more emotional and cant just share the most intimate thing with another person and pretend it means nothing.

Its almost 9 months since by b/f did this to me and the more time passes the more its getting to me.

And to Epic - thanks for the invite, much appreciated, however meeting up would not be the best of ideas, i need to sort this mess out 1st and not jump from the frying pan into the fire...

MILKSHAKER

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ wrote:

if i was to post a thread "can blacks be trusted" or "can asians be trusted"

i would certainly hope that it would be removed on the grounds of racism.
so i think that this topic DOES in fact fall out side the rules.

Can you lay off on this mate, i dont have a problem with men, i am not sexist infact quite the contrary.

Epicpriest

MILKSHAKER wrote:

I apologise if i offended anyone on this matter, it was not my intension and i think its important to point out that i have an equal amount of male and female friends so this is not an outburst at males. It was quoted earlier by a man that he can easily 2time his g/f without getting emotionally attached. All to their own on this matter but i will stand corrected if even one female can respond saying that she could sleep with another fella for the laugh, undermine her own relationship and then say that he compared to a rubber doll??
I guess ladies may be more emotional and cant just share the most intimate thing with another person and pretend it means nothing.

Its almost 9 months since by b/f did this to me and the more time passes the more its getting to me.

And to Epic - thanks for the invite, much appreciated, however meeting up would not be the best of ideas, i need to sort this mess out 1st and not jump from the frying pan into the fire...

I hear ya, was just messin with ya. You can trust a lot of men, but not the one you're with. Move on hun. If theres any doubt, get out.

Puteq

Zulu wrote:

How old are you Puteq, and may I ask if your male or female?

OP, it's a little childish to make such comments, but your hurt so I'm sure we can all get over it.

I am a 31 year old male. em, why? am i coming across as immature? I thought I had life fairly figured out

Nevyn

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ this is not humanities and often people post here starting threads while they are in emotional turmoil.
If you have an issues take it up with the mods or in feedback rather then draging the thread off topic.

Zulu

MILKSHAKER wrote:

...but i will stand corrected if even one female can respond saying that she could sleep with another fella for the laugh, undermine her own relationship and then say that he compared to a rubber doll??

Stand corrected. I know a few.

I guess ladies may be more emotional and cant just share the most intimate thing with another person and pretend it means nothing.

Oh give it up please. You're just digging deeper. "the most intimate thing" is an individual concept. Evidently you are attracting people who don't feel the same way as you about sex. Move on and stop trying to blame "men" as a whole. It's getting tiresome.

Puteq wrote:

I am a 31 year old male. em, why? am i coming across as immature? I thought I had life fairly figured

Your "women are more trustworthy than men", had the ring of a 15 year old girl off it to be honest. - No offence. I would have taught at 31 you'd have seen your fair share of cads on either side of the fence.