Bernadette's Bloomers

simu

Between the innocent, the romantic, the sensual, and the unthinkable. There are still some things we have yet to imagine.

This is the story about Bernadette who falls in love with an older man (she has been looking for her missing father all her life)

Meanwhile, a successful cocaine dealer planning an early retirement is lured back into business by Bernadette's bloomers and an international drug ring.

A woman, plastered in blood, is arrested by a grave, and a tale of loss, lust and jealousy slowly unfolds.

Dot dot dot...

Talliesin

Meanwhile, David Borris, head of a "Joycean Appreciation Society" that is really a front allowing those who share Joyce's bloomers fetish* to meet up has contacted Bernadette, and asked her to play the roll of Molly Bloom in a small revue, wearing her own designs.

"The Vicar" (as the cocaine dealer is known to the press) meets with David's lover backstage, offering to pay them well to get back into the enforcement business.



*This is actually true**
**That Joyce had a bloomer fetish, do not assume that any Joycean Appreciation Societies you may come across are really a bunch of perverts***
***Though, Joyceans are a tad weird, so they could well be****
****Especially if I'm in the society in question*****
*****I'm not actually in any Joycean Appreciation Societies, but having both a fondness for Joyce and for bloomers, I'd be glad to hear about any like this.******
******Societies combining Joyce and other fetishes might well be of interest to me too. PM me if you think you've got a lead.

Earthhorse

How long before this is available as a free CD with the Sunday Times?

Talliesin

Earthhorse wrote:

How long before this is available as a free CD with the Sunday Times?

Asked Joan DeCourcy, once known as "the cleaning woman" for how hard her hits were to trace, but now known to Dublin's literati and fetish communities alike primarily as David Borris' lover. She handed Bernadette a stylish black over-tall flute of champagne.

"No need to over-do the compliments, but I'm happy with it." Bernadette replied gracefully, sipping from the glass, "I shouldn't really, I've always found champagne goes right to my..." she struggled to complete the cliché, but collapsed in a manner that gave the appearance of the well-practiced fainting of the melodramatic, but she was genuinely out cold.

"Oh dear," Joan said, "of course, this sort of thing used to happen all the time when corsets like that were the norm, I'll just take her to another dressing room and loosen them".

20minutes later she returned and explained that Bernadette was feeling a bit embarassed at the event, and asked "The Vicar" if he could drive them back to her place.

He'd just helped carry Bernadette to her bedroom when he asked, "So I suppose you picked me for this act of gentlemanly gallantry so you could get me away to give me the answer to my proposal?"

"Oh yes," Joan replied, pushing the muzzle of her pearl-handled 9-mm into his face and pulling the trigger.

She punched, kicked and scratched at his body, making sure there would be plenty of injuries that would be difficult to determine as post-mortem.

Whatever about this one job, she couldn't let him go on knowing what he knew, and he'd seen how David had been looking at that bitch in the bloomers. Now she'd wake up and have to explain having the skin and hair of a dead man under her fingernails.

I didn't read any of that.

Tar.Aldarion

Then how do you know it exists, Z0MG.

DeVore

In prose or off the thread please,



... said the grumpy Administrator.
DeV.

Villaricos

meanwhile in another part of town the Bloomer Family meet together in secret to discuss the fact that no one has respect for their name associating them with fetishs and cocaine! they plan many things to be done...

simu

and so, they hire some experienced and accustomed archeologists to search for an old and mystic Phoenician treasure. But they get surprised by a series of mysterical assassinations...

The lovely Maria Teresa is unhappily married with the impotent lawyer Marcello. Maria Teresa's marriage is contrasted by the passionate Valeria, who is killed during a chase. Is Valeria's husband the murderer? Maria Teresa helps him...

Talliesin

...find Amelia Jenks Bloomer's first pair of eponymous pants. The Bloomer estate may want to use them to help publicise their family's proud Suffragette history and extricate the bloomer from it's post-Feminist use by only the very prudish, or the deeply perverted, but Marcello knows of their more sinister secret, and Valeria's husband must stop him if he is to clear his name, and avenge her death.
...

Vulpiner

Meanwhile, the South Georgia branch of the family wallow in self-pity, constant reminders everywhere of past glories pervading their decaying and . Great-great grandpappy Morrision Jethro Bloomer's civil war sword hangs over the fireplace, vertically, held in place by a knotted gold-spun thread, a thread that comes out of the past to haunt and knot lives which live more in the past than in the present. For faded glory is all thats here, a glory whose last golden days were lived out by her-Mary Sue. Poor Mary-Sue, her silver edged portrait on the mantlepiece being the focal point of the whole room, her effigy being the mysterious pull that draws bodys to this cold draughty study which would have been abanded to the dust and termites like so many other rooms in this white Gothic mansion.

A white Gothic mansion, Claire thinks to herself. Now thats ironic. But in reality it was black for poor Pappy never got over her, his golden girl his shining light, a beacon that lit and fired this house into life in winter with her vivascious manner and smoothed and cooled summers taxing toil with her lazy, calm drawl

Talliesin

Bernadette woke up, she looked over at the bloodied body beside her. She fainted again.

Maria Teresa turned restlessly trying to sleep in her sexless bed.

Morrison Jethro Bloomer's sword fell from where it had been securely held for over 60 years.

In a quiet out-of-the-way corridor in a moderately expensive girls boarding school a Ouija board spells out a spirit's name: A-M-E-L-I-A J-E-N...

Blush_01

"Hello operator, give me number nine" Amelia Jen said.

Shabadu

The operator handed Amelia Jen the bingo ball and went straight back to operating the machine. The operator pondered; "Wait! That's not how bingo works!". "Too late" pouted Amelia Jen, as she rose out of her seat and mouthed the immortal word... "BINGO".

She strolled accross the foyer flipping the notes through her spindly fingers- the amount was more than ample for her requirements.

The Raspberrier

"Ten bob fifty"

Enough for a trip to Dalkey on the trolley and a soda-pop and a dancing spree.

Black Swan

Unknown to her superficial friends, she had an unrequieted love for the tango, and now sought a partner to dance the night away cheek to cheek, and toe to toe.

FlutterinBantam

However on the way to Dalkey fired with passion and damp with desire she eyed the saturnine stranger in the seat opposite...."Does this tram go to Dalkey" she said with alarming naievety...the saturnine stranger looked her up and down and mouthed "does it f**k."......but it has to go through Sallynoggin

Talliesin

Bernadette regained conciousness again. She was clearly suffering from ellipsis-poisoning, and in need of a paragraph.

She took two, to be sure.

Hail 2 Da Chimp

Then Bernadette realised that this story was going no where...
She quickly booked a one way flight to the jungle where she lived the remaining days of her life with all the monkeys and chimps...
This was the happiest Bernadette ever was. She bought fez hats and waist coats for all the monkeys and made a unicycle out of bamboo and coconuts, it wasnt long before the chimps and monkeys learned to juggle, dance and unicycle!
One stormy night jojo biggles bought Bernadette a big banana and a huge banana tree branch which she could use to cover herself from the rain. There in the arms of jojo biggles eating a banana Bernadette knew she truly had been accepted by her new chimp friends and that this was the happiest she would ever be.



The end.

FlutterinBantam

.....or so she thought...little could she have forseen the drama and heartache that was to befall her....a dark shape loomed out of the dense jungle...a huge creature stooped and with long arms shuffled towards the clearing..Bernadette stirred in her sleep and half awoke to see a huge simian creature with yellow eyes towering over her.........

Hail 2 Da Chimp

But then she realised it was just Jojo Biggles and went back to sleep....




The End