Seriously down on myself, just found out about my ex

LegacyUser

who i have been seeing every couple of weeks and getting on quite well since we broke up a few months ago, he just told me he is seeing some one else...

I am so in disbelief as we have still been in touch and talking and seeing eachother and sleeping together and having msn action etc.

Its really come out of the blue and I am in bits after hearing this from him. We always said that we would tell eachother if we were sleeping with someone else (std's, emotional reasons, etc..) but he has just told me this evening. I am stopped in my tracks and am so frozen over it. Just can't take it in.. He said he's been seeing her for a few weeks...

I just can't belive it as we had plans to be on the road to get back together.. been getting on quite well and now this

Really it feels like some one has just kicked me in the stomach, face, back, head...

I want to get back with him... I still have strong feelings for him, and obviously he does for me too, but what is he doing this for? I don't get it at all.

Please give me advice on how to get him back.. Guys and girls opinions all welcome, and please no bullsh*t joker answers as I'm genuinely in bits over this.

Thanks

Chucky the tree

Hes having his cake and eating it.


Chances are he was putting in a bit of spade work with his current gf and mightnt of known if he was goona get the leg over or even go out together. So he kept throwing his mickey into you to pass the time and keep his opitions open.

the chances of getting him back are slim. The reason hes dating her is probaly because he doesnt like you anymore(not enough to date anyway). He'll will probaly come back to you if things dont work out with his current gf, however this will only be a brief pitspot to fill up his tank(well actually to empty it) until he finds another girl.

Sensible bloke i think. You should always have opitions.

My advice is too move on. Or else buy a t-shirt with the words "welcome" across the front and some shoe prints on it.

LegacyUser

Thanks Chuckythetree. Well your opinion makes sense. but i just find it so hard to think or belive that he is like that... Although all the signs point to it.

We were together for 5 years... Only last year around September he was asking me to marry him and I was just not ready for that kind of commitment. I don't know. I feel so let down by his behaviour and worse his lies.

I want to get back with him, but dont know how to go about it. I am sure he is still in love with me, it seems like this other girl is a phase maybe or maybe i'm delusional...

BuffyBot

Please give me advice on how to get him back..

Advice on getting rid of him might be more to the point, but however - if his feelings for you were so strong, he wouldn't be playing about with someone else now, would he? Sounds like he was stringing you along, enjoying the banter and the sex and now he's found something new. I hate to say it, but I can't imagine he felt quite the same way about your post-break up situation as you did..

vorbis

well for a guy, making the decision to ask you to marry him and getting shot down would seem to indicate that the relationship had run its course. He probably thought that what ye had for the past few months was just casual fun.

kittenkiller

Just because you used to go out & he's stiull willing to sleep with you does not mean he is in love with you!
Yes, he asked you to marry him.
You shot him down.
All bets are off.

He's gotten over you.
He's found someone else he wants to sleep with/go out with & more importantly, is willing to face the consequences of you knowing about his new lady-friend.

Take a leaf from Forest Gump's book & run away until you've forgotten why you started running!
(Or else buy that t-shirt that was mentioned before, sounds kinda cool! )

Gilgamesh

can't believe why no one has asked this yet, but why did you break up with him previously?
I mean, there must have been a reason.

also, I think that guy had a very convenient arrangement with you, he had you as a fookbuddy alongside his current girlfriend.


the only thing you did with the breakup imho, is you took the emotions out of your relationship with him, but seem to be too scared to completely let loose of him.


sorry if this is a bit harsh, but I think it is time for you to have a reality check and have a close look at your relation to this person, I don't think he is worth hanging around, but that's my opinion

and as they say, opinions are like arseholes, everybody has one

Elessar

What's the problem here? You broke up with him, and now he is seeing someone else. I don't understand your post. Did you expect him to stay single EVEN THOUGH YOU BROKE UP just because you kept in "close" contact?

Seriously, it seems to me like you want to have your cake AND eat it. He proposed to you, you said no, I guess he thought the relationship had run its course, so you/he called it quits.

He is doing what makes him happy. I know it hurts for you but expecting him to stay single and be all faithful to you AFTER you brokeup (he is your EX) is just ridiculous.

Take some time out, get over it, be happy for him and move on.

tap28

Chucky the tree wrote:

Hes having his cake and eating it.


Chances are he was putting in a bit of spade work with his current gf and mightnt of known if he was goona get the leg over or even go out together. So he kept throwing his mickey into you to pass the time and keep his opitions open.

the chances of getting him back are slim. The reason hes dating her is probaly because he doesnt like you anymore(not enough to date anyway). He'll will probaly come back to you if things dont work out with his current gf, however this will only be a brief pitspot to fill up his tank(well actually to empty it) until he finds another girl.

Sensible bloke i think. You should always have opitions.

My advice is too move on. Or else buy a t-shirt with the words "welcome" across the front and some shoe prints on it.

As subtle as a sledgehammer but I totally agree.:)
After the relationship had ended ye were having friendly sex, personally I think this is nearly always a bad idea, but that was it not relationship stuff.
He seems to have found someone he likes and did the right thing by her by telling you to feck off. By the sound of it he seems to be dead right.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone thanks for the replies. I feel like a piece of sh*t.

We had broke up earlier this year after I found out he had cheated on me a year ago while on holidays. He said he didnt feel anything for her at all he said. So I confessed also to having cheated to and he just went mental and lost the plot. Like as if it was ok for him to cheat but not for me? But that kind of broken trust was too much for me. Like I said we'd been seeing eachother for years.

Anyway for the past few months we'd been getting along well. Taking things slowly etc. I thought we were being completely honest with eachother. Even just last weekend we slept together and the next day when I was leaving he said, Look I hope you know I still want to take things slowly with us, I don't want to get back together with you just yet. I said Neither do I, I still have to build up trust in you, but tell me if you are sleeping with / seeing anyone else. He said yeah yeah yeah of course. And that was that.

Then last night we were meant to meet up again but he rings me and tells me he's seeing this girl and wants it out in the open. I said what and how long have you been seeing her? He said A couple of weeks now. F*ck sake, a couple of weeks, and he's slept with her. After everything we'd discussed the pr*ck didnt have the courage to tell me sooner.

I am so upset and mad at him, he texted me last night saying that he would ring me today, and I basically texted him back saying to f off. I don't know if I was being hasty but maybe its the only way...

Im not sure how I feel, I think maybe I still want to get back with him as I can't understand how he can tell me he has such strong feelings for me and then possibly be interested in someone else...?

LegacyUser

Sounds like he needs a reality check- does he honestly think he can go around treating people like that? I understand how hurt you must feel by his behaviour, after being so close to someone for so long it can come as an amazing shock to learn they are capable of this.

I understand you thinking that all you want to do is get back with him and you can go on living like nothing happened but in reality if he cares about you he wouldnt do such a thing if he really loved you. Would you sleep with him and lead him on while you were starting a new relationship with someone else? No you would not because you can see how upsetting it would be for him and also how disgusting it would be (your concerns about std's).

You need to concentrate on all the ****ty things you have ever fought about and remember how bad he made you feel and you have to try and get over him..I'm not saying its gonna be easy- it will probably be the hardest thing you have to do if he is really 'the one' for you.

Best of luck, you will be better off in the end xx

Gateway

That sounds exactly like me! :eek: I thought you were my ex for a min!

Yet I did the decent thing by telling my ex I was starting to see some one before I had even slept with her. I think he should have stopped sleeping with you and told you he was seeing her when he started.

I'd still like to be friends with my ex...

0utshined

disbelief wrote:

We had broke up earlier this year after I found out he had cheated on me a year ago while on holidays. He said he didnt feel anything for her at all he said. So I confessed also to having cheated to and he just went mental and lost the plot. Like as if it was ok for him to cheat but not for me? But that kind of broken trust was too much for me. Like I said we'd been seeing eachother for years.

If I'm reading that right then you found out he'd been with someone else on holidays, gave him the third degree, he apologised and said she meant nothing, yadda yadda, and only after that you admitted to being with someone else?

You don't mention the details of your own infidelity (Why?) but putting myself in your EX's shoes I'd have no loyalties towards you after that. The relationship was over and you were just someone he could hook up with on occasion.

...kind of broken trust was too much for me.

Well no shít? I'm sure it was too much for him as well. Which is why he has got on with his life and met other people. You should do likewise.

Grem

Cry your eyes out, drown your sorrows or stay in your room for the next week. But DO NOT contact him. He's with someone new and chances are that he WANTS to be with this new girl. Not you. Yes he's an a$$hole and not the person you thought you knew, so forget about him.
Dont humiliate yourself by begging him to take you back.
Cease all contact and move on. It's the hardest thing in the world to do but you will be a stronger person for it.
The only way to get over him is to keep being angry with him and dont contact him.

It'll be a rough ride but when you come out the other side you'll thank yourself for not giving in.

BeardyGit

Oh boy, oh boy oh boy....Where to start....

We've all made hasty decisions based on what we believed to be the facts and years later regretted not listening to our hearts or following our gut instinct. Ignore the 'details' surrounding your breakup and what you think is his latest offense, just for a minute or two and think about what your heart is telling you.

Do you *really* want to be with this man? If you do, then get ready to fight for him, because you're going to have to.... Don't be afraid to give it one last go - But you'd better be prepared to lay your cards on the table with him and show him that you're worth having. I don't mean that to sound like you've to beg or anything - You don't of course. But you have to show him that you're serious about the two of you making a real 'go' of it.

When it comes down to it, I've been in a similar situation and made the wrong decision, walking away and feeling hurt instead of fighting for what my heart told me was right. Years later, this is a decision I've been reminded of only last week.....And it's one I guess in a way I still regret.

You have unfinished business.....

Best of luck anyway,

Gil

mz

Please get the book 'He's just not that into you'..it is great - believe me. After you have read it if you still want to fight for him then go for it...just make sure you hold onto your pride.
Good luck

nitrogen

disbelief wrote:

who i have been seeing every couple of weeks and...... sleeping together....

Not exacly an ex then, right.

Static M.e.

Please get the book 'He's just not that into you'..

I actually read that, I girl I know gave it to me to read as an example of how girl logic works... She thought it was excellent, me well, I think most of it is common sense, some it is very valid though others BS imo, I found myself relating on how I had treated girls before "unknowingly?" (That mightn't be an actual word).

I would just like to point out a few points to the OP. Im taking the boys side here, just for arguments sake.

Please give me advice on how to get him back..?

Kill his cat, sleep with his bestfriend, tell him your pregnant.. I could go on and tell you countless other childish and pointless ways to get BACK at him, or you could simply...Move on

We were together for 5 years... Only last year around September he was asking me to marry him and I was just not ready for that kind of commitment. I don't know. I feel so let down by his behaviour and worse his lies.

We had broke up earlier this year after I found out he had cheated on me a year ago while on holidays...So I confessed also to having cheated to and he just went mental and lost the plot. Like as if it was ok for him to cheat but not for me?.

Why do you not find it strange that he lost the plot when you cheated on him, why didnt you tell you cheated on him when it happened, at least he had the balls to tell you.

Then last night we were meant to meet up again but he rings me and tells me he's seeing this girl and wants it out in the open

You asked him to tell if he started seeing anyone and he did, He said a couple of weeks, that could be two weeks for all you know, he could have meet her last week, went out on a date liked her, rang her up meet her again just to make sure and has now decided that he really wants to see more so he rang you and let you know.

Dont get me wrong here the guy could be total prick, but I havent heard his side of the story.

Tell me this how can you cheat on someone that you plan to marry?? Its wrong in every sense of the word.

Take this as an eyeopener, ditch the guy and move on.

*Sorry your feeling rough but it had to be said

Ballyman

Static M.e. wrote:

Please give me advice on how to get him back..?

Kill his cat, sleep with his bestfriend, tell him your pregnant.. I could go on and tell you countless other childish and pointless ways to get BACK at him, or you could simply...Move on

Ha Ha Ha Ha.....................................excellent!!!!!:D

I think she might have actually meant how do I get him back as in how do we get back together!!

Ha Ha Ha Ha.....................................excellent!!!!!:D

Nevyn

Ballyman, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

I agree with Gil_dub
OP i was in the same situation we split but never really did and I was really hurt when he started seeing someone!
They were set up through mutual friends, and he told me
and I felt really **** and I still do, seeing as I'm trying to get back out there and encountering some of dublin's finest men in the process (i say this with heavily dripped sarcasm)

We decided to stay friends and I did apreciate the honesty in the long run
My advice If you think theres a chance you'l get him back go for it, but only if you truly want him

Static M.e.

OP. Im very sorry I got it wrong

I want to get back with him... I still have strong feelings for him, and obviously he does for me too, but what is he doing this for? I don't get it at all.

Please give me advice on how to get him back.. QUOTE]

I apologise.

Maybe he is scared...you could try backing off, dont make an effort to contact him, if he contacts you thats fine maybe he will smarten up, realise what a mistake he has made and come back to you.

Hope it works out

LegacyUser

Hi everyone and thanks a million for your replies.

I've just been away for the last few days, took a break with a friend and went away to chill out and have a bit of time off. (Btw had this booked before the ex rang with the 'news')

Anyway, as I was away I decided to put my mobile away and not bother with it and just chill out. So on Monday morning I found 8 missed calls from the ex, he left one voicemail saying 'oh did you ring me at 7am this morning with no caller id?' I didnt get this msg til about 6pm and sent him a text saying no it wasnt cos of course it wasnt me, so that was fine. then a half hour later he texts me again oh where are u what u doing? i sent him one back saying im away for a couple of days on holidays and why he texting me and ringing so much and leave it like. What the hell is he contacting me for these silly reasons?

So I ignored his calls and texts after that and had a lovely time away. But then as bad-luck would have it i had my mobile on me last night and pulled it out of my handbag and answered it without looking at it properly (i deleted his no. from my fone so didnt cop it was him ringing). He absolutely laid into me, why didnt i answer my fone, why didnt i answer his text, where was i, was i with such and such, was i with some guy, was i f*cking some one else, was i away for long, when was i coming back.... I was like what, where did this come from? Anyway i didnt give him any information as I was in such shock after this.. What is he contacting me for like this?

Then after I said look talk to you another time im out having a few drinks cant be bothered talking to you at the mo lets talk another time and we hang up. He sends me a nasty text saying he's not in love with me anymore. What is going on here. What's his deal?? This is ridiculous, isn't he supposed to be with his new girlfriend? Why did he go mental at me with all those questions?


Oh and to Static M.e. I found out he cheated by his mobile, I sent a txt on his fone as I'd no credit and then went and saw a couple of msgs to this other chick that he had stillll kept on his fone... I wasn't looking for any **** but just had a feeling...

LegacyUser

Elessar wrote:

What's the problem here? You broke up with him, and now he is seeing someone else. I don't understand your post. Did you expect him to stay single EVEN THOUGH YOU BROKE UP just because you kept in "close" contact?

I said in my original post that we were on the road to getting back together... he lied to me for the past few weeks... he had been telling me he loved me and wanted ot take things slowly.

LegacyUser

Gateway wrote:

That sounds exactly like me! :eek: I thought you were my ex for a min!

Yet I did the decent thing by telling my ex I was starting to see some one before I had even slept with her. I think he should have stopped sleeping with you and told you he was seeing her when he started.

I'd still like to be friends with my ex...

Yeah fair play but my ex was doing the two of us at the same time. What an a*shole.

I just really can't understand how he could do this to me. We were so close, and good friends too at the same time, how could he lie to me like that for so long? See things changed for him last November too, a pal that was living abroad for a while came home free and single and my ex looks up to and idolises this guy... maybe he had a helping hand in our break up. But also, he knew his friend also fancied me. I don't know so confused.



Maybe I should start thinking of revenge tactics instead. What would hurt him the most?...

LegacyUser

"revenge tactics"???
with respect you need to grow up a little and realise he's moved on.

LegacyUser

Eh maxwellhouse, duh... if you had read the whole thread u would see he hasn't moved on. His new gf obviously aint that great if he is still chasing after me.

Anyway, there he was ringing me all weekend again, leaving messages saying oh why wont u answer your phone, just answer i want to talk to u, i miss you etc.

this guy has issues. I think I'm better off without him.

bit of a shock earlier this month. but now thanks to my friends and some of the replies here, I am feeling much better about myself.