Revenge?

Katykaboom

I had to do one of the worst things of my life yesterday and tell my best friend her boyfriend slept with someone else. She didn't take it the way I would.....

She is angry and is swearing revenge. First she left a comment on his bebo page, telling everyone he f*cked someone else, knowing that he wont check it for days, then she started a forward email about him, and as far as I'm aware she is ringing his mother today to tell her.

This isnt the first time he has done this, he kissed soemone else before, and she forgave. She was heart broken the first time and thats why I was so surprised at her reaction. Is revenge a dish best served cold or not at all?

super_furry

She'll be the one that comes across as the villian in this now, she should just get on with her life.

jaggeh

bortaS bIr jablu'DI' reH QaQqu' nay'

Kiera

Cold.

My boss taught me how to get someone back. You wait a while till they think it has all blown over and then hit them with it. Works every time!

A girl here in work found out her bf was messing about and put lots of stuff on the buy and sell with his number.

I couldn’t do something like that tbh but it worked for her.

Katykaboom

genius, I'll pass that on to her later.

ST*

super_furry wrote:

She'll be the one that comes across as the villian in this now, she should just get on with her life.

Villian no, psychotic - just a bit..

KatyKB, it was an admirable thing you did by telling her. Most people are afraid to confront a friend about theses things in case it back-fires.

That said, you really should be around for her right now. When she is feeling angry and vengeful you have to talk sense into her.

Tar.Aldarion

He deserves the righteous vengeance OP.
Wanker.

She shouldn't do it though, just cut him out of her life.

ntlbell

Kiera wrote:

Cold.

My boss taught me how to get someone back. You wait a while till they think it has all blown over and then hit them with it. Works every time!

A girl here in work found out her bf was messing about and put lots of stuff on the buy and sell with his number.

I couldn’t do something like that tbh but it worked for her.

Your boss is a modern day genuis.

Did she ring his house and tell him the fridge was running? and to run after it?

Was she 12?

PWN DA BEBBO!! :rolleyes:

Hermione*

It's one of the worst things you could find out about you b/f. Much as I wanted to give in to revenge, it's just showing him how much he's hurt you. The best thing to do is cut him out of herr life and try to move on. But kudos to you for being brave enough to tell your friend

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Problem is reputation. He'll get one, fine. But she'll get one too - as a vengeful vendictive bitch and even the honest guys are going to sterr clear of her (in fact, the honest guys are the more likely guys to steer clear of her).

Think you should put this to her - might make her think twice.

meowCat

I'm impressed you told her OP. Well done! Very difficult task to break that to a friend.

About the question, revenge never works for the revenger. Revenge makes people very bitter. It's best to work it through for yourself, learn from it and then forgive (and never talk to him again) and move on.

Your own peace of mind is more important than any childish revenge games!!!

Hobbes

One of my previous jobs the owners sister found out her boyfriend was having an affair for sometime. She had it planned for sometime but when he went off to a "business conference" she sold all his stuff/threw it out. Took everything she owned and moved to a new apartment. He came back to an empty apartment.

Funnier one was a few months in UK a radio DJ rang his girlfriend live on air to tell her he had been cheating on her. She sold his car (Turbo Esprit) on ebay for the first offer.

http://icbirmingham.icnetwork.co.uk/birminghampost/news/tm_objectid=15648302&method=full&siteid=50002-name_page.html

Ruu_Old

Ah he will get whats coming to him sooner or later, just wait and see

Kiera

Kiera wrote:

Cold.

My boss taught me how to get someone back. You wait a while till they think it has all blown over and then hit them with it. Works every time!

He was absolutely right. Wait for a while, let everything simmer down, let the target think everything has passed, and then hit him with something when he last expects it. She should put it out of her mind for the time being and move on, but biding her time. It's tempting to rush in, but revenge is definitely best served cold.

How many clichés in that post anyway?

Bartronilic

That's a cool idea! wati for it to blow over THEN hit them with it! I'm gonna try that out! and deny it, that's always the best part!

Chucky the tree

yo op - your friend sounds like a right sad cow, no wonder fellas treat her like ****. Maybe if she grew up and stopped acting like a 10year old she have a easier time with guys.


Ikku is spot on. ANy fella who finds out she did this wont touch her with a barge poll and rightfully so.

DublinWriter

Katykaboom wrote:

First she left a comment on his bebo page....

Need we say more?

SoupyNorman

Katykaboom wrote:

I had to do one of the worst things of my life yesterday and tell my best friend her boyfriend slept with someone else. She didn't take it the way I would.....

She is angry and is swearing revenge. First she left a comment on his bebo page, telling everyone he f*cked someone else, knowing that he wont check it for days, then she started a forward email about him, and as far as I'm aware she is ringing his mother today to tell her.

This isnt the first time he has done this, he kissed soemone else before, and she forgave. She was heart broken the first time and thats why I was so surprised at her reaction. Is revenge a dish best served cold or not at all?

Well fair play to you for telling her, lots of ppl wouldnt have the guts to tell even their best friend something like that!

The girls reaction is very understandable and she should blacken the fecker but as for ringing his mother, thats fairly extreme.

Theres no excuse for cheating!

Manolo Blahnik

If someone did something like that to me I'd stay calm although I'd be dying inside. To act like it doesn't really bother you and you don't want anything to do with them, would hurt them more.

Doing stupid stuff like that isn't revenge isn't satisying enough. It makes it look like you're a mean person anyway.

Always stay calm.

OLDYELLAR

Really whats the point?

Ya tis a pissy thing to do but shes obviously best off without him no point in letting it eat away at her tryina think of revenge , Id be goin more along the lines of why do something to him because in a way then hes goina get sympathy because his gf went ''psycho bitch'' better to just try best as she can to ignore him an move on , let him see she can do better anyway.

Katykaboom

Chucky the tree wrote:

yo op - your friend sounds like a right sad cow, no wonder fellas treat her like ****. Maybe if she grew up and stopped acting like a 10year old she have a easier time with guys.


Ikku is spot on. ANy fella who finds out she did this wont touch her with a barge poll and rightfully so.

Don't be so pathetic, you dont know her, I didnt ask what your opinion was of her, I asked what do you think of her situation, you are the one who is using name calling?? so you are acting like a ten year old in my opinion.

FillSpectre

Katykaboom wrote:

Don't be so pathetic, you dont know her, I didnt ask what your opinion was of her, I asked what do you think of her situation, you are the one who is using name calling?? so you are acting like a ten year old in my opinion.

You are asking about opinions about her actions. That does amount to opinion of her, people are judged on what they do and say. Any petty revenge is pathetic. All it says given the right personal "justification" she will do mean and hatefull acts. Say if she just grows to dislike somebody she is in a relationship that might be "justifcation" for her to act the same.

Not healthy action or signs of a nice person.

Zulu

Katykaboom wrote:

She is angry and is swearing revenge. First she left a comment on his bebo page, telling everyone he f*cked someone else, knowing that he wont check it for days, then she started a forward email about him,

...well if it makes her feel bitter... ...I mean better... what does it matter if she come across as childish?

and as far as I'm aware she is ringing his mother today to tell her.

...thats a step too far. I wouldn't tollerate that from anyone I know. ...but I suppose thats what happens when children play "grown-up".

tbh

the best revenge is a life well lived. Her best option is just forget all about him. Revenge probably won't even make her feel better. As someone already said, its just showing him how much he hurt her.

Beruthiel

Katykaboom wrote:

and as far as I'm aware she is ringing his mother today to tell her.

to what ends exactly?
being a mother myself, I know what I'd be saying to someone who thought it was a good idea to ring me over such a thing

r3nu4l

He cheated once, despite all she forgives him. So he repays her trust and forgiveness by sleeping with someone else. Then he makes her look like a complete fool for having any faith in him by totally and utterly humiliating her again. Nice guy!!!

As a guy I can say that he is a dumb sh*t and not really much of a man. If he wanted to fool around he should have dumped her first.

OP, tell your friend not to call his "mammy", she probably thinks the sun shines out of his ar*e and won't give your friend any hop.

Good luck and good riddance, nothing wrong with letting all his friends know what a sh*t he is but that's enough. OP, I rally respect what you did and feel great empathy for your friend.

tbh

Beruthiel wrote:

to what ends exactly?
being a mother myself, I know what I'd be saying to someone who thought it was a good idea to ring me over such a thing

yes, I think most of the regulars know exactly how that conversation would go!!

Tar.Aldarion

tbh wrote:

yes, I think most of the regulars know exactly how that conversation would go!!

I think she might say 'Read the charter'.
Wonder is there one hanging up on your wall at home B? :P

panda100

I just think this depends on how differnet girls react to such things.I am embarrassed to say I would probably react in the same way as your friend:o Well maybe not the bebo thing or ringing his mother but I did kiss one of my ex's friends just after we broke up and it caused a lot of probs for everyone. On past experience revenge is really bittersweet and in the long term its just bitter. You really have to calm her down before she rings his mum....that would be a big mistake.
Revenge is fine but only when its done when she's calmed down and thinking clearly and is just painful to him and not his friends or family....

Beruthiel

tbh wrote:

yes, I think most of the regulars know exactly how that conversation would go!!

you'd be right

Wonder is there one hanging up on your wall at home B?

no need for one, the rules are imprinted on their brains

A little revenge would benefit him too.

I bet next time round he won't be dumb enough to get caught...

Zulu

panda100 wrote:

Revenge is fine...

Couldn't disagree more. Revenge speaks volumes about a persons character, I'd be very, very catious before considering it.

Katykaboom

Zulu wrote:

...well if it makes her feel bitter... ...I mean better... what does it matter if she come across as childish?

...thats a step too far. I wouldn't tollerate that from anyone I know. ...but I suppose thats what happens when children play "grown-up".

I forgot to mention that I asked her about it last night and she said that she wasnt goignt to ring his Mam, that she wasjust freaking out as she had just found out.

Katykaboom

I also just want to add, I think the reason she wanted to tell his Mam was so he didn't lie to her and say it was all my firedns fault as she was quiet close to her, and with his track record he definitley will.

I think that if this is what it takes to get it out of her system so be it, they were together for a couple of years, but I just dont appreciate people calling my best friend a sad cow!!!

And to hell with he might do it so he won;t get caught next time, hopefully he won't do it because of the repercussions, and he sees how much it hurts her.

I actually introduced them, I thought the sun shone out of his arse up until about a week ago. Just goes to show, it can happen to absolutley anyone, no matter how nice thier partner is.

Oral Slang

Fair play to you for telling your friend..

I was in the same dilemma about a year ago when I heard from someone that my friends girlfriend was seeing someone I know..
Unfortunately I was told this in confidence & that put me in a really awkward situation.
I decided not to tell him as I only heard the news second hand, so couldn't be 100% that it was accurate.
If anything went on it appears to be over now, but I still feel really terrible when I meet him & his g/f, wondering if it was true and wishing I could have told him, so really admire you for your courage!

Zulu

Katykaboom wrote:

I think that if this is what it takes to get it out of her system so be it, they were together for a couple of years, but I just dont appreciate people calling my best friend a sad cow!!!

Well we're all entitled to our opinions, but if you ask me, bitter people desperately trying to hurt someone in a vain attempt to reclaim some sense of justice isn't just sad, but pathetic. ...but that's just my opinion.
I'd have far more sympathy for her if she just walked away. ...in fact, I'd admire her if she just walked away. She'd retain far more pride and dignity.

Hermione*

Zulu wrote:

Well we're all entitled to our opinions, but if you ask me, bitter people desperately trying to hurt someone in a vain attempt to reclaim some sense of justice isn't just sad, but pathetic. ...but that's just my opinion.
I'd have far more sympathy for her if she just walked away. ...in fact, I'd admire her if she just walked away. She'd retain far more pride and dignity.

When I was in a similar situation, I acted as if nothing had happened ... after an unavoidable meeting with the ex and my replacement, she actually texted to tell me I was a cold b**ch ... I was delighted that my calm front had fooled them! It would've killed me to let him know he'd gotten to me.

Merrick

Katykaboom wrote:

Is revenge a dish best served cold or not at all?

Ah no, as the saying goes, it's best served boiling hot and spilt all over the offender's private parts.

Seriously though, well done to the OP for being a good enough friend, and brave enough to tell her friend.
I reckon she's going too far with all the calls to his mother and such other nonsense. The best thing to do would be to try forgetting about him.

Zulu

Hermione* wrote:

When I was in a similar situation, I acted as if nothing had happened ... after an unavoidable meeting with the ex and my replacement, she actually texted to tell me I was a cold b**ch ... I was delighted that my calm front had fooled them! It would've killed me to let him know he'd gotten to me.

You see, thats a winner on all grounds. You keep your dignity; you don't come across as sad and bitter; you keep the higher moral ground, and best of all, it bothered them so much they needed to get a final dig in - validifying you stance. Class.

panda100

Zulu wrote:

Couldn't disagree more. Revenge speaks volumes about a persons character, I'd be very, very catious before considering it.

I can see why you would think this but I still think revenge can be good,If aimed soley at the guy/girl in question. Tbh if my boyfriend slept with one of my friends I wouldnt give too hoots of what he though of my character if I got revenge.I would want to make sure he knew that I wasnt some sort of wet girls blouse that would take his cheating lying down.Then I would probably go and scratch all his cd's or something like that. Yes,him and his friends would probably think I was a b*tch but I wouldnt care cos I never have to see him again . Id rather him think I was a bitter,revengingg b*tch then to have him walking away thinking 'phew I had my cake and ate it lucky me'...He got to have his fun so now I get to have mine,seems only fair.

op your friend has no need to tell the mum,i really dont think thats fair on the guy.Who cares if she got on well with the mum.If she's going to have the boy out of her life,then the mum will be out of it too,but the boy will have to see his mum for the rest of his life.

panda100

Zulu wrote:

Couldn't disagree more. Revenge speaks volumes about a persons character, I'd be very, very catious before considering it.

I can see why you would think this but I still think revenge can be good,If aimed soley at the guy/girl in question. Tbh if my boyfriend slept with one of my friends I wouldnt give too hoots of what he though of my character if I got revenge.I would want to make sure he knew that I wasnt some sort of wet girls blouse that would take his cheating lying down.Then I would probably go and scratch all his cd's or something like that. Yes,him and his friends would probably think I was a b*tch but I wouldnt care cos I never have to see him again . Id rather him think I was a bitter,revengingg b*tch then to have him walking away thinking 'phew I had my cake and ate it lucky me'...He got to have his fun so now I get to have mine,seems only fair.

op your friend has no need to tell the mum,i really dont think thats fair on the guy.Who cares if she got on well with the mum.If she's going to have the boy out of her life,then the mum will be out of it too,but the boy will have to see his mum for the rest of his life.

FillSpectre

panda100 wrote:

I can see why you would think this but I still think revenge can be good,If aimed soley at the guy/girl in question. Tbh if my boyfriend slept with one of my friends I wouldnt give too hoots of what he though of my character if I got revenge.I would want to make sure he knew that I wasnt some sort of wet girls blouse that would take his cheating lying down.Then I would probably go and scratch all his cd's or something like that. Yes,him and his friends would probably think I was a b*tch but I wouldnt care cos I never have to see him again . Id rather him think I was a bitter,revengingg b*tch then to have him walking away thinking 'phew I had my cake and ate it lucky me'...He got to have his fun so now I get to have mine,seems only fair.
.

You seem to have the same problem. If somebody cheats on you anything you do for revenge just makes you look pathetic. THe story about how you are nuts would not stay confined. It would actually make you a target for more abuse.

I know one girl who guys always wound up because of something she did. She never escaped the reputation and is still known as a nut even though she got married and has kids. Her husband actually has to put up with abuse too.

As it is not acceptable for a man to do any damage or do something violent towards a woman it is equally unacceptable for a woman to do the same. Woman will get an awful shock when men's rights are kicked in. Many haven't figured out they are getting away with behaviour based on a bias that won't last.

tbh

the problem is that guys - probably myself included - see all attention as a compliment. "hey remember that girl that I cheated on, and she was so into me she cut up all my clothes? What a crazy b1tch she was!" cue much laughing and back-slapping down the pub.

as an alternative:

"remember that girl you cheated on? and then you met her and she froze you out? you were so sickened, and spent all night trying to figure out how to get back with her? that was so funny, she totally burned you".

Zulu

panda100 wrote:

I can see why you would think this but I still think revenge can be good,If aimed soley at the guy/girl in question.

You've entirly missed the point.

Tbh if my boyfriend slept with one of my friends I wouldnt give too hoots of what he though of my character if I got revenge.

...but you think so much, that you feel the urge to seek revenge?!?

I would want to make sure he knew that I wasnt some sort of wet girls blouse that would take his cheating lying down.

...but I taught you didn't care what he taught?

Then I would probably go and scratch all his cd's or something like that.

...and come acroos as a weak, bitter, sad little girl that was so beat into him, she couldn't control herself when he dumped/did the dirt on her.

Yes,him and his friends would probably think I was a b*tch but I wouldnt care cos I never have to see him again .

...still, you'd have to live with it - but that doesn't seem to bother you much.

Id rather him think I was a bitter,revengingg b*tch then to have him walking away thinking 'phew I had my cake and ate it lucky me'...He got to have his fun so now I get to have mine,seems only fair.

...one second, you don't care what he thinks, the next you do...

op your friend has no need to tell the mum,i really dont think thats fair on the guy.

...but it ok to destroy him entire cd collection?!? Perspective... ...anyone!?!

Panda - I think you need a second to think...

Hermione*

Zulu wrote:

You see, thats a winner on all grounds. You keep your dignity; you don't come across as sad and bitter; you keep the higher moral ground, and best of all, it bothered them so much they needed to get a final dig in - validifying you stance. Class.

Thank you When I told them, all my male friends said it was what would most annoy them (although none of them would what my ex did :rolleyes:). The last dig though was the icing on the cake for me!

I had exactly the same situation to deal with last march
I was on night out and bumped intop my best mates's fella of 4 years and he was at an ATM at 12 o clock with some blonde.
I cornered him and he confessed to 2 timing my mate and i broke the news to her.
I hated to see her like that but it had to be done.
Her revenge was going out and meeting a gorgeous nice fella straight away and she's still with him.
The ex however much begged for months to be taken back now is a pathetic mess he was caught sellling coke and kicked from his house and now looks worse than ever
so yes i agree revenge is a dish best served cold!!

I have taken revenge once or twice but i'll think about it first before i post up here

FillSpectre

coolsmileygirl wrote:

The ex however much begged for months to be taken back now is a pathetic mess he was caught sellling coke and kicked from his house and now looks worse than ever
so yes i agree revenge is a dish best served cold!!

That's not revenge! Revenge is where somebody takes out an action to inflict damage due to a percieved slight.

That is karma.

I am guessing people here are pretty young then in their 20s. Revenge is not a good idea for health or the soul.

metaoblivia

It may be hard, but I don't think revenge is the way to go. Just let it be and move on. I recently got dumped by my boyfriend for his ex who's moving to Korea. He had cheated on me with her when she came to visit. I didn't yell or scream or swear revenge. I just told him it would probably work out best if we didn't speak anymore as I felt betrayed and couldn't trust him anymore. Then I erased all evidence of him from my life - all of his texts, messages, emails, everything.
Your pride definately takes a beating but you just have to get over that and move on.
The more time your friend spends on hating this man, the more time she'll have wasted on him. She's better off picking up her life and finding someone better.

panda100

tbh wrote:

the problem is that guys - probably myself included - see all attention as a compliment. "hey remember that girl that I cheated on, and she was so into me she cut up all my clothes? What a crazy b1tch she was!" cue much laughing and back-slapping down the pub.

as an alternative:

"remember that girl you cheated on? and then you met her and she froze you out? you were so sickened, and spent all night trying to figure out how to get back with her? that was so funny, she totally burned you".

This dfinatly is the post of the thread. I think girls and boys just view revenge as differnnt. I would be pretty upset if someone scratched all my cd's etc in a fit of revenge and would take it as a lesson not to do something nasty again. But a guy would just think the girl was mental and that he was great for getting all this attention.
Women are from Venus ,men are from mars......

Zulu

panda100 wrote:

This dfinatly is the post of the thread. I think girls and boys just view revenge as differnnt...

Nope, it's not a girls and boys thing, it a petty thing, and I wouldn't tar girls as being petty. Most of my female friends would view this type of revenge with the same level of contempt as I would.

...that being said, that's probably part of the reason we hang around together.

To be honest I'd say this is an age thing. Do you mind me asking, roughly (ball park) how old you are? I'm in my late twenties.

ambro25

TBH, sounds like there's a lot spineless mutts about these days :mad:

But I would fully agree that revenge is a character trait, that it forms an integral part of your personality, and that the extent to which revenge will be sought and exacted (from none to way-the-f*ck-overboard) depends totally on you who you really are: as a matter of fact, it is one of those "things" that can help you find out about yourself...

But it should never, ever be considered under the light of 'what will other think?' because it is a very personal, if not downright intimate, action, that in some cases will be necessary to balance your life out.

Of course, it's also a matter of degree that will vary with how mature the aggrieved person is: e.g. from very aggrieved for a 2-timing partner when you're in your teens, to marginally aggrieved for someone vandalising your property but very aggrieved for a wrongful dismissal later on in your life...

I've had plenty of occasions to be vengeful, have rarely acted upon the slight, but whenever I have, it's been (i) dis-proportionate and (ii) intensely satisfying. And I sleep like a baby at night.

The Old Rule still applies: don't get mad, get a few over them (getting 'even' is for losers )