10 things about boggers!!

stepbar

Howdy,

I have a challenge for ye all, I need ten witty things that can you can stereotype boggers by so I can get a mate back (but im useless at that sort of thing). Please bear in mind that my "friend" is from Wexford so 10 things about Wexford boggers would be savage. Sorry If I offend anyone, tis only a bit of craic!!

Mods - if this is in the wrong place please move by all means

Quatre Mains

reverse parking no matter where they are, even in places like Liffey Valley where the spaces are all angled and it makes no sense to do so.

Letting country reg plates out in traffic but blocking 'Jacks'

... i'll leave the clothes and music taste stuff to the horde

Scraggs

An email I got recently... some are funny some are plain bad. No offence to fellow boggers intended!!
Culchie Commandments

01)- Thou shalt drink only pints and/or "whiskey."
02) - Thou shalt always ate the skin of yer rasher.
03)- Thou shalt always stand at the back during mass, or even better,in
the porch talking.
04) - Thine Wife shalt emulate Biddy from Glenroe.
05) - Thou shalt emulate Miley.
06) - Thou shalt "Suck Diesel."
07) - Thou shalt pretend to know all about "The Headage."
08) - Thou shalt look after your tractor better than your car.
09) - Thou shalt have no "Revershing" lights or number plate on your
trailers.
10) - Thou shalt display a "Travellin' to Flavin" sticker on the back
window of all vehicles.
11) - Thou shalt wear your Ivomec Pour-On fleece with pride.
12) - Thou shalt not use but half-inch Wavin or "a good Sally Rod" for
beatin cattle.
13) - Thine sons shall play GAA.
14) - Thine daaawwwthur shall marry the local centhur-forward.
15) - Thou shalt hold regular arguments with d'telly.
16) - Thou shalt reminisce the Fair Day, the Threshing, Kickin'
Cabbages and the Corncrake.
17) - Thou shalt know a Mickeen Tomeen Joe and a Paddy Joe Paaaack from
"the top of the parish."
18) - Thou shalt ate "Hang Sangwiches" and drink Cidona at all GAA
matches.
19) - Thou shalt hate "Those Backstards the Tans."
20) - Thou shalt be edumacated by the Chrissshtian Brethers.
21) - Thou shalt pronounce 'Yellow' as 'Yella'.
22) - Thou shalt carry the A.I. Man's mobile number on you at all
times.
23) - Thou shalt not visit Dublin ( except to Croker and to bring the
wife shoppin' on the 8th of December ).
24) - Thou shalt not fail to attend the Ploughing Championships and all
Steam Rallies.
25) - Thou shalt always know how to reek turf bether than thine
Neighbour.
26) - Thou shalt use balin' twine to hold up thine trousers.
27) - Thou shalt not ever visit the dentist.
28) - Thou shalt not miss an episode of "The Weather."
29) - Thou shalt have many many injuries from "that Hooooor of Charlois
I got from that cowboy calf-dealer."
30) - Thou shalt wear cap crooked.
31) - Thou shalt love all Big John Wayne's fims, especially "The Quiet
Man."
32) - Thine son shall be nicknamed "Bungalow," 'cos "he's got nothin'
upstairs."
33) - Thou shalt shoot stray dogs.
34) - Thou shalt drown cats.
35) - Thou shalt think all Lesbians are from Lesbia.
36) - Thou shalt annually run the tractor off the end of the pit when
tramping silage.
37) - Thou shalt taste all barrels of Molasses.
38) - Thou shalt think it's great craic to ring PJ and roar into the
phone while he's with "the bit of stuff."
39) - Thine favourite chat-up line shalt be "Howya fixshed for a bit a
howya goin' on ?" whilst winking like an epileptic.
40) - Thou shalt paint "Whatever County for Sam!" on all of your round
bales.
41) - Thou shalt never leave the country.
42) - Thou shalt have a Heinz-57 mongrel of a dog which is for nothin'
except terrorising the neighbour's sheep.
43) - Thou shalt only bathe on a sathurday niyat, using only carbolic
soap
44) - Thou shalt read the Farmer's Journal.
45) - Thou shalt always support your county GAA team whilst curshing
them for being "pure sh!te" at every given opportunity.
46) - Thine sweet of choice shall be either Ritchies After-Dinner Mints
or Silvermints.
47) - Thou shalt only be aware of strippers of the bovine kind.
48) - Thou shalt refer to Soccer as "The Foreign Game."
49) - Thou shalt always sing to dirty line to "Alice."
50) - Thou shalt always receive Communion on the tongue, licking the
priest's hand in the process

blueshirt

This GAA thing of addressing people as “lads” even if they are only speaking to one person. I.e. One GAA bod talking to another, “god lads, wasn’t that some point?”

Riamfada

Bannage for inciting racial hatred on boards ????!!!!! :mad:

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Assuming you know EXACTLY where their little trownship is...

Used to work in directory enquiries and the amount of boggers who'd give me an address as a tiny dot in the middle of nowhere and then get pissed off with me when I asked what county it was in. Then, when asked what town it's near, would say, "ah, sure it's not anywhere so it is' and leave it at that.

One bloke even started giving me directions to his friend's house in Ballywhateverthe****itwas in Co Cavan OVER THE PHONE as if that's any use to a guy with a computerised phonebook in front of him...

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Grimes wrote:

Bannage for inciting racial hatred on boards ????!!!!! :mad:

BOGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stepbar

Grimes wrote:

Bannage for inciting racial hatred on boards ????!!!!! :mad:

Inciting hatred against boggers!! LOL, Has anybody every told u a joke I bet ya you didnt laugh.... Ur a rite Pat Kenny......

Riamfada

Im more a Daniel O Donnel fan

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Dear God, it's worse that I thought :eek: . Is there a doctor in the house?!!

psycrow

they love:
eatin sandwiches out the back of a car at GAA
TK Red Lemonade
steel-toe boots
tayto

KTRIC

they love Turf for some reason. And saying "Jaysus Lads" when they're in the pub.

funk-you

The 'craic' is always "mighty"

Aran Jumpers

Tins of cola

they'll give the kids a "Package of Tayto"

Know all about slurry pits and the dangers of them.

Love their "Massey"

for some reason always want to know "how its cuttin?"

Dont trust "Jackeens"

Vote Fianna Fail

Always seem to notice when a dublin reg car is in town

Will follow you to the toilet in a pub to ask (while you're peeing) where you hail from

Have red faces from the "Whishkay"

Have thick ankles

Go "courtin" on a saturday night

Read the death pages in the paper to see do they know anyone

Love the 'Late Late'

Think Gerry Ryan is "an awful eejit"

Drink drive

Have a brother in the big smoke who feckin' loves himself like

Use the phrase 'The Pale'

Use the phrase 'the big smoke'

Pour red lemonade on their jelly and ice-cream.

Love a bit of cake

Go cow tippin'

Dont get enough feckin money of dem in the government for not growin anytin

Think that the smell of sileage puts hairs on your chest

Soda Bread

-Funk

Milk Lover

I prefer to live in the country because me thinks Dublin is the biggest
Sh!thole i was ever in.

r3nu4l

Milk Lover wrote:

I prefer to live in the country because me thinks Dublin is the biggest
Sh!thole i was ever in.

...Think Dublin is the biggest sh!thole they have ever been in mostly because they don't understand electricity

Rovi

psycrow wrote:

... tayto

funk-you wrote:

"Package of Tayto"

Get it right guys, there's only one 'T' in 'Tayho'

super_furry

They hate people from Dublin, but get upset when Dubliners don't care.

Interceptor

This sums up all Irish stereotypes for me......

NORTHSIDE LEAVING CERT

MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS
IN THE NORTHSIDE OF DUBLIN

NAME _________________________

NICK-NAME ____________________

GANG NAME ____________________

1. Deco has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Vinno for 300 Euro and 90 grams to Tomo for 90 Euro a gram,what is the street value of the rest of his hold?

2. Anto pimps 3 brassers. If the price is 40 Euro a royde, how many roydes per day must each brasser perform to support Vinno's 500 Euro a day crack habit?

3. Whacker wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 Euro, to make a 20% profit. How many grams of strychnine will he need?

4. Christy got 6 years for murder. He also got €350,000 for the hit. If his common law wife spends €33,100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out of the 'Joy?
Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Christy get for killing the slapper that spent his money?

5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square metres and the average letter is 1 square metre, how many letters can be sprayed with an eight fluid ounce can of spray paint with 20% extra paint free?

6. Liamo steals Eamo's skateboard. As Liamo skates away at a speed of 35 mph, Eamo loads his brother’s Armalite. If it takes Eamo 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Liamo have travelled when he gets whacked?

SOUTH SIDE LEAVING CERT

MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS
IN THE SOUTHSIDE OF DUBLIN
NAME____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________(if longer, please continue on a separate sheet)

SCHOOL____________________

DADDY'S COMPANY___________

1. Julian smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and killing three people. The old man asks his local TD to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car is Julian driving now?

2. Chloe's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Chloe doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what?

3. Roly fancies the arse off a certain number of tarts, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two-thirds?

4. If Savannah throws up four times a day for a week she can fit a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up three times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce et Gabbano. How much does liposuction cost?

5. Alexander is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When does his Sunday Independent column start?

COUNTRY LEAVING CERT

MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS
OUTSIDE DUBLIN

Name: Paddy/Mary _________________________

1. If Paddy Joe Murphy drove a Massey Ferguson through PaddyJohn’s turnip crop at 10miles an hour. What colour was Paddy John’s tractor?

2. If John Joe likes Mary and Mary likes Paddy, how much is a pint of stout in O'Brien’s at the crossroads?

3. Paddy Joe Mahoney has 25 sheep, 10 cows, 12 hens, a cockerel and 6 geese. John Joe has 12 sheep, 18 cows and 12 pigs. How much does Paddy Joe offer to John Joe for a dowry for Mary?

4. If it takes Sarah Jane 40 minutes to cycle 12 miles to O'Brien’s on the crossroads for the ceilidh and it takes Mary Murphy 40 minutes to walk 2 miles to O'Brien’s, which girl will end up in John Joe’s hay barn?

5. If Paddy Joe’s prize hen can lay 4 eggs every morning and his other hens can lay only two each the odd morning, which one will he have for Sunday dinner?

Dudess

Culchies love:

Rubbing their hands with glee before Sunday dinner
Barn brack (pronounced "barm" brack)
A nice bit of ham
Exhaling forcefully with a big "aaaaaah" after that first sup of milky tae
Carrots and parsnips
Mass
Songs like Hey Baby by DJ Otzi, Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi, Build Me Up Buttercup

Femelade

favourite shop is careys tool hire.

Sizzler

Milk Lover wrote:

I prefer to live in the country because me thinks Dublin is the biggest
Sh!thole i was ever in.

Obviously never been to (insert random country "city" here) then !

Sizzler

Best Bogger saying?

"Hows she cuttin"?

"Divil a bit"

Any more spring to mind?

Dudess

How are ya goin on?
Well jayz boy (e.g. when in Cork: "Well jayz boy, Reardens a great spot" and when in Dublin: "Well jayz boy, Coppers a great spot")

cargrouch

When in MacDonalds/Burgerking, will ask for:

"A bunburger, a sausage, and a pot of fizzy orange"

shinners007

saying "hows the crack?"

"facing the ground as usual!!!"

Litcagral

Dudess wrote:

Culchies love:
Barn brack (pronounced "barm" brack)

Could be something to do with the fact that it is usually spelt "barm brack".

"A Barm brack is a traditional Irish product, which can best be described as a fruited bread product. Traditionally barm brack is eaten on special occasions such as Halloween, Christmas and Religious stations."