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"No Way! I'm going to Hell" - Born Again Christian Reads Bible

  • 14-04-2006 7:02pm
    #1
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭


    "What a waste of time"

    Carla Reilly had been going to Church every Sunday to give thanks to Jesus Christ for saving her. But it turned out this wasn't quite enough to get her past the Pearly Gates.

    "When I became a BAC(Born Again Christian) it seemed like all I had to do was show up to a building an hour a week, condemn homosexuals & accept some ancient book blindly. Then I went & ****ing read it."

    Carla was shocked to learn that treating other religions like they were nothing but nonsense, engaging in Premarital Sex & judging people doesn't get you into JC's neighbourhood.

    "I'd heard rumours that Christians weren't big on sex, but being White & Middle Class I assumed I'd be exempt, the brochures from the BAC church said I just had to accept Jesus. What a crapfork"

    Carla read the whole bible after a homesexualist male claimed to have done so & then told her he'd "see her in hell"

    "It's crazy, we're not even supposed to be eating pork, Masturbation is a sin even though it prevents cancer, & I'm convinced God made a lot of rules because he had psychosexual problems of his own. Or just wan't getting any.

    Realising there was no possible way she was getting into Heaven Carla decided to scrap the whole idea.

    "I'm going back to college to finish my degree, I ended up failing Biology because I wrote an essay discussing evidence to suggest Charles Darwin was Judas Escariot's Lovechild, turns out church gossip doesn't hold up in Science circles like with the media"


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