how to make someone to stay away from you

meowCat

Hey everyone,

a friend of mine has a problem with a personal stalker. It's a bit odd, because my friend is a guy and this woman just keeps following him. He's told her several times to stay away from him, but she even comes to his office. His previous office was on the ground floor, so when he started locking himself in it to keep her out, she would stand at the window and stare at him.

So, he was wondering if he could go to court and force her legally to stay away. Does anyone have any experience or knowledge about how to go about doing this? The steps involved, the costs, etc?
Also, neither are Irish/European.

Any advice?

Thirdfox

Not giving legal advice... just general advice - I'm sure he can apply for a court order restraining the woman but perhaps such drastic action is not necessary? Maybe he should contact the Gardaí and tell them of his predicament and get advice from them, they must deal with plenty of stalker situations.

Eru

Thirdfox wrote:

Not giving legal advice... just general advice - I'm sure he can apply for a court order restraining the woman but perhaps such drastic action is not necessary? Maybe he should contact the Gardaí and tell them of his predicament and get advice from them, they must deal with plenty of stalker situations.

Without ASBO's there is not a lot the Gardai can do. Theres laws that can be used of course but only on a per incident case such as public order but again, is looking in a window threatening behaviour in PUBLIC????

Family law such as a restraining order may be the answer but having said that, this is a good case for bringing ASBO's in.

meowCat

Karlitosway1978 wrote:

Family law such as a restraining order may be the answer but having said that, this is a good case for bringing ASBO's in.

Do you have more information on that? A link?
Right now, my friend actually really consides the restraining order. Do you know how you go about getting this?

Eru

meowCat wrote:

Do you have more information on that? A link?
Right now, my friend actually really consides the restraining order. Do you know how you go about getting this?

You could try Irish family law or contact Dolphins house, etc. You can apply without legal advice but I would advice you to get a solicitor.

gilroyb

Tell your friend to try and document the situation. Keep a written log of where they are followed, and I suppose get video/photo evidence.

I'd suggest going to the guards. Although there is a good chance your friend will get laughed out of the place. Not that sure guards are enlightened when it comes to a female stalker.

If they are just standing around outside an office, there may still be a case of loitering, again guards/legal advice would be better able to tell you how you stand.

I'd say there are more than enough laws to help your friend, but if it comes to court your friend will have to be able to prove their case. A judge will need strong evidence before limiting someones freedom in any way

Eru

gilroyb wrote:

Not that sure guards are enlightened when it comes to a female stalker.

And you are?

Nevyn

If you have not lived in the same house/apartment as the person anytime in the
last 6 months then you can't go through the family law courts you have to go through the civil courts.

MeowCat your firend would be best talking to a solictor.

gilroyb

Karlitosway1978 wrote:

And you are?

Yes.

Sangre

Oh God I could think of nothing worse than ASBOs in Ireland. I think they're a farce of a system in England. Designed for adults but used to put children in jail without committing a criminal offence.

meowCat

Thaedydal wrote:

If you have not lived in the same house/apartment as the person anytime in the
last 6 months then you can't go through the family law courts you have to go through the civil courts.

MeowCat your firend would be best talking to a solictor.

Indeed. I think he should get some professional legal advice.
But I think he won't bother with the guards. I doubt they'd take him for serious.
Anyway, thanks for the hints!!


I acknowledge that I won't rely on the advice given in this thread as legal advice.

Eru

Thaedydal wrote:

If you have not lived in the same house/apartment as the person anytime in the
last 6 months then you can't go through the family law courts you have to go through the civil courts.

MeowCat your firend would be best talking to a solictor.

Not true, various orders allow for the respondant to stay away from the applicant and not the premises.

11.3 SECONDS

Not a legal opinion either.

O.P. says his friend is reluctant to go to Gardai for the stated reasons. The victim seems to have no confidence in this matter being resolved through either the civil or criminal courts and that may be fair comment.

However, the victim should give extremely serious consideration to reporting this to the Gardai for his OWN PROTECTION.

I am not suggesting that this woman is going to leap out of the O.P.'s pals bath like Glenn Close or whoever it was. However, if this is a serious stalker the situation could turn nasty. If the stalker is sufficiently clever and manipulative she could end up effectively setting up the victim as the perpetrator and presenting herself as his victim. (One object of the latter exercise would be to place the stalker in a position of power over the victim)

If the O.P.'s friend has this matter on record with the Gardai it may afford him credibility and a measure of protection in the future if this turns sour. Serious consideration should be given to making a detailed statement to the Gardai about the background.

Imagine this turns nasty and the O.P.'s friend is accused of something serious in relation to the stalker. He will say that he is the victim. How does he prove it ? How will it look if he declares himself the victim but never reported it to the Gardai ? He might not sound credible ....

Also, do not make negative assumptions about the ability of the Gardai to assist. Even if they cannot prosecute the issue they may have good advice on what might need to be done in terms of protection, collection of evidence and so on.

Most importantly, the O.P.'s friend needs to get himself effectively " registered " first with the Gardai as the victim before she does

---

Just a personal opinion.....

Brown_Eyed_Girl

I had a similiar problem about 18 months ago and I paid a visit to the guards, the first time I found them particularly unhelpful, but the second time the guard I spoke to was particularly sympathic, and he took the person aside and warned him off, which on the third warning seemed to do the trick, but the main thing was getting a sympathic guard who listened and took action so what I would say is go stright to the guards and keep trying until you get one of them to help you. And hopefully then there would be no need for a court order at all.

meowCat

Brown_Eyed_Girl wrote:

I had a similiar problem about 18 months ago and I paid a visit to the guards, the first time I found them particularly unhelpful, but the second time the guard I spoke to was particularly sympathic, and he took the person aside and warned him off, which on the third warning seemed to do the trick, but the main thing was getting a sympathic guard who listened and took action so what I would say is go stright to the guards and keep trying until you get one of them to help you. And hopefully then there would be no need for a court order at all.

Oh jeee... that's pretty freaky having a guy making your life miserable like that! And it must be worse having an unsympathetic guard. You'd think they are better trained than that!! After all, I'd imagine that stalking isn't a terrible uncommon thing, unfortunately!

Eru

meowCat wrote:

Oh jeee... that's pretty freaky having a guy making your life miserable like that! And it must be worse having an unsympathetic guard. You'd think they are better trained than that!! After all, I'd imagine that stalking isn't a terrible uncommon thing, unfortunately!

How do you train sympathy???? And the full text states that a guard did help despite it being hard to press criminal charges.

moomoothegeek

Some good advice here

and a combination of all will probably solve the problem.

1. call to the gardai
2. contact a solicitor
3. log all sightings detailing times places etc.

may be no harm to notify your employer also .

try to avoid one to one contact with the person.

been their done that bought the piano stool

rondeco

Karlitosway1978 wrote:

Not true, various orders allow for the respondant to stay away from the applicant and not the premises.

There are certain conditions that have to be met before these orders can be given. Most obvious is that they have to be living together for a certain period.

There is legislation for harrassment under non fatal offences against the persons act I think.

Eru

rondeco wrote:

There are certain conditions that have to be met before these orders can be given. Most obvious is that they have to be living together for a certain period.

There is legislation for harrassment under non fatal offences against the persons act I think.

Section 10. Not sure if this qualifies as the person must be interfering with your life in some way or you must fear them.

Does the OP qualify under either?

mountainyman

Lets get hypothetical...

Karlitosway1978 wrote:

Section 10. Not sure if this qualifies as the person must be interfering with your life in some way or you must fear them.

Does the OP qualify under either?

If I were a cop which I'm not, I would be reluctant to take a criminal prosecution because.
The defendant would be a girl,
She hasn't done anything
The guy is in no danger

I don't think the criminal law is the way to go, a civil prosecution looking for an injunction in nuisance will do the trick. (Or Not)

A judge might give you an injunction that she is not to go to certain places.


MM

Eru

I dont think theres really much at the moment either way Mountain.

Perhaps recording the facts and asking this person outright to desist is the best action for the time being. If it escalates then go the legal route.

rsynnott

mountainyman wrote:

She hasn't done anything

She most certainly has.

mountainyman

rsynnott wrote:

She most certainly has.

Document the incidents and seek an injunction to keep her away from you.

MM