to look for love or close my eyes and wait?

LegacyUser

I'll be militarily concise because I know this is a common feeling on p.i. but I REALLY need you girls to help me out a little

I'm a 23 year old guy from South Dublin.

I was with someone for more than a year, broke up with her - still happy with that decision - and have been single for 6 months.

Have kissed many girls in clubs over the 6 months. Im very out going, my approach in talking to a girl i like is to be as unsleazy as possible and it seems to work. It helps that I'm genuinely not sleazy.

Latley I met a girl who seemed like a girl I'd go out with. But turned out otherwise. But since I've been feeling like I really need someone to share things with, to do things with. Im sick of randomers in clubs. Im sick of fake intimacy with someone you've never met before and generally feel alone.

The worst thing that I can do seems to be to LOOK for a girl I could carry on my back accross the cinema car park rather than sit on my lap on a chair in a club! Ive pretty much stopped kissing nobodies in clubs but feel like I give off obvious signals of a guy looking for a girlfriend. I fear settling for the next semi decent girl. Before I've gone out with girls only after trying to maintain my single status but giving in because I "really like her". I dunno. Im a mess. I have everything in the f*cking world going for me except for a little cutie to team up with and share life with.

i dunno

help

AngryBadger

I think meeting people in clubs is dodgy at the best of times, everyone is too busy maintaining image, and trying to outwit the opposite gender, the whole thing is fairly false, can be a bit of craic, but not the best place to find someone you really like.

There is no formula, you just have to keep trying until you find someone you connect with, whether you wind up finding them in a club, or somewhere else, well, that's anyone's guess really.

Sorry i can't be more constructive.

LegacyUser

nah thats cool, i've no direct question so im not expecting a direct answer

jrey1981

you can look for them in other places, given that you are not a fan of randomers in clubs.

Think about what kind of girl you would like to meet and where she might hang out - evening class, uni, voluntary work, that kind of thing.

You cannot make it happen, but you can improve the chances a little.

I have tried this approach and it has helped me meet the kind of girls I go for.

My 2 cents for what its worth.

Ickle Magoo

Why not try looking for more girls to meet without specifically having the agenda of wanting a g/f and just see what happens? Join clubs (not the night variety), take up new hobbies, pro-actively do something that not only takes your mind off the fact that you are a little lonely but also gives you a greater oportunity of meeting a girl that you have something in common with....and the bonus with meeting a girl sober and in daylight is that you're more likely to hit it off in the longer term! Best of luck

40YardScreamer

Ickle Magoo wrote:

Why not try looking for more girls to meet without specifically having the agenda of wanting a g/f and just see what happens? Join clubs (not the night variety), take up new hobbies, pro-actively do something that not only takes your mind off the fact that you are a little lonely but also gives you a greater oportunity of meeting a girl that you have something in common with....and the bonus with meeting a girl sober and in daylight is that you're more likely to hit it off in the longer term! Best of luck

Well that is good advice. I would also add that maybe the OP is being a little too particular. Meeting someone for a one night stand gives you very little info on them and so you are judging them on that one meeting. Its not the best place to get to know someone. Maybe you should try online dating? Not for everyone, but maybe you'll find someone from it.

ShriekingSheet

jrey1981 wrote:

you can look for them in other places, given that you are not a fan of randomers in clubs.

Think about what kind of girl you would like to meet and where she might hang out - evening class, uni, voluntary work, that kind of thing.

You cannot make it happen, but you can improve the chances a little.

I have tried this approach and it has helped me meet the kind of girls I go for.

My 2 cents for what its worth.

great advice

Gigs are also a little different to clubs as regards meeting people. Small Dublin gigs in whelan's etc depending on what kinda music you go for.

el tel

hold me down wrote:

to look for love or close my eyes and wait?

It could be a long wait so you need to get out and follow the type of advice given so far. Remember, good things come to those who wait, but the things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who were there first...

~Leanne~

Love will come along when you least expect it - believe me!!

azezil

~Leanne~ wrote:

Love will come along when you least expect it - believe me!!

aye, love's a funny aul thing, you can't find it when you look for it, but when you're happy in yourself it'll find you

newestUser

~Leanne~ wrote:

Love will come along when you least expect it - believe me!!

The question the OP asks appears frequently on this board. This response inevitably comes up, or something along the lines of "don't try force it, it'll happen eventually", "stop trying and you'll meet someone", etc.

Often, it's a girl saying this. Tbh, I don't think this is helpful for a bloke. Guys have to take the initiative. No offence to Leanne, but sometimes I find this thinking to be trite. In general (I'm setting myself up to be contradicted here!!!) men have to make more effort to meet women than vice versa. Women in general do not approach men.

In any case, some lads are unhappily single for reasons beyond bad luck. There might be issues with their personality/lifestyle/appearance which require attention.

Some of the earlier posts offered good advice (ie try getting involved with activities where you're likely to meet women you find attractive), I'd agree with this. You have to put yourself out there and mingle!

muppetkiller

Beautiful people have beautiful friends...and that can be both physically and personality ... hang around with nice people and you'll meet nice people easy
I wouldn't mind but your 23 ..!!! Don't think i had a relationship for more than 3 months at that stage

~Leanne~

@ newestuser - yea i understand what ya mean - us girlies to tend to have it easier.
Just for the record i met my fiance in a nightclub, i chatted him up, was 2 years ago and we are now planning our wedding!! hehe so it does tend to happen in funny ways!
I do agree with taking up new activities etc though!

newestUser

~Leanne~ wrote:

Just for the record i met my fiance in a nightclub, i chatted him up, was 2 years ago and we are now planning our wedding!!

Well, there's my argument shot to sh1te!

I think that it's hard to give constructive advice to the OP (or anyone asking a similar question) without having more information. Has the OP always had a problem meeting women? If not, what's changed?

hold me down wrote:

Im a mess. I have everything in the f*cking world going for me except for a little cutie to team up with and share life with.

i dunno

help

It sucks being single and not knowing how to fix that, but this is not a helpful attitude to have. There's more to life than being part of a couple, don't let being single stop you from enjoying everything else in your life.

newestUser

hold me down wrote:

I'll be militarily concise because I know this is a common feeling on p.i. but I REALLY need you girls to help me out a little

Jeez I completely missed this!

Why ask girls to help you with your problem?

How a woman gets a man, is totally different from how a man would go about getting a woman.

While it can be useful to hear a womans perspective on things, women will not have as much empathy or understanding of your situation as someone of your own sex will.

Maybe you're looking for answers in the wrong places, eh?

Samhildanach

You're looking for a girl 'to carry on your back' eh you mean 'give a piggyback' to the cinema .. hahaha that's great, real cute! I think what you mean is you're looking for a more natural/down to earth or less self-conscious type of girl. I think we all have our 'ideal' image of the perfect partner and it is often difficult to find this 'perfect' type for you. Like many other posters I think you are looking in the wrong places for a start. If you want to meet natural/interesting type girls then you should join some clubs e.g. film club, dance classes, drama association, martial arts class etc .... or you could join an internet dating site where you can view different types of girls with interests similar to your own. Personally I have often met interesting people at evening classes or amateur clubs - these clubs/groups often go out for a drink to socialise after class and its a great opportunity (without the pressure of 'what do I say?') to get chatting to lots of people because you've already interacted with them at the class.

idontknowmyname

The only advice I can give you is to stop looking so hard , when you don't look for it or when you least expect it you'll meet the right girl for you. I know it's a cliche but it's true. It happened to me....I went out with a bunch of lads that I had known since playschool, just went out for a laugh, they brought along a another guy who I'd never met before, we got talking.....fast forward 2 years and we're still together.

newestUser

idontknowmyname wrote:

The only advice I can give you is to stop looking so hard , when you don't look for it or when you least expect it you'll meet the right girl for you. I know it's a cliche but it's true. It happened to me....I went out with a bunch of lads that I had known since playschool, just went out for a laugh, they brought along a another guy who I'd never met before, we got talking.....fast forward 2 years and we're still together.

lol, may I refer you to my first reply to the OP, post 11...

LegacyUser

newestUser wrote:

In any case, some lads are unhappily single for reasons beyond bad luck. There might be issues with their personality/lifestyle/appearance which require attention.

well I'm very outgoing, if a girl seems pleasent as well as hot I've no trouble introducing myself etc. I'm a lead singer in a good band so I suppose maybe I put a bit of pressure on myself, feeling that I'm not the type of guy that ordinarily has this problem... anyone who knows me, even from boards would be pretty surprised this was me posting. But it is me. And I'm not happy with my current lot. And I'm not settling for the next girl that comes along just cos I feel like this either.

you're all being really great about this by the way - especially for such a standard issue PI post

LegacyUser

re: internet dating im not too sure if i could do that

im in the process of setting up a myspace thing though which might be a laugh!

No_Regrets

I think you should let go of this pressure you feel, because it's all fake and nobody around you is feeling what you feel, so relax! Be careful about getting together with any woman just to feel that you have somebody and you will know it when you really click with someone. Like some of the other posters said, try to look outside of your normal "circle" and be open minded. Don't tie yourself down to a "type"! Often we find ourselves to be completely attracted to and intrigued by people who we may never have imagined you could be before. Good luck and be yourself...hopefully love is on its way to you very soon.

Kermitt

No_Regrets wrote:

I think you should let go of this pressure you feel, because it's all fake and nobody around you is feeling what you feel, so relax! Be careful about getting together with any woman just to feel that you have somebody and you will know it when you really click with someone. Like some of the other posters said, try to look outside of your normal "circle" and be open minded. Don't tie yourself down to a "type"! Often we find ourselves to be completely attracted to and intrigued by people who we may never have imagined you could be before. Good luck and be yourself...hopefully love is on its way to you very soon.

This is so true, OP, I went through a lot of what you describe, then thinking far too deeply about it all. (I even asked on here once or twice) Just go with it. I just kicked myself in the backside one day and stopped thinking about it and trying too hard. 2 months later I met a girl (friend of a friend) on a trip to cork and we're still together 7 months later. It's different for everyone, but I had myself convinced that I couldn't find someone to be close to, But it happened unknowns to me. Almost like being hit by a bus when not looking. Go out, have fun, Get involved in social clubs ans most importantly relax and be yourself. It will happen.