How Do You Know When It's Time To Get Help?

LegacyUser

Hi folks,

I know this isn't a medical board. I'm not looking for medical advice here, but I'd like some insight into depression or depressive illnesses.

I've been feeling very low for about 6 months. This is due to a number of factors - finishing college and feeling lost, family problems, the ending of a longterm relationship, messing my love life up in general, hurting people that I shouldn't be hurting, not being able to concentrate, never wanting to get up in the morning, and feeling like there are a few incidents in my past that I didn't deal with (I swept them under the carpet instead). For 6 months I've felt like my life is worth nothing. I go to bed hoping I won't wake up. I've sat at train stations imagining what it would feel like to fall under the train and for all my pain to be gone. Recently I took some painkillers, but I couldn't go through with taking enough of them as I didn't want my parents to find me gone. I know how devasting that would be for them. But life is physically hurting me and I feel I can't continue.

What I'm wondering is, how do you know when it's time to go talk to someone? Doesn't everyone go through a rough patch? I get on very well with my GP, and while I know anything I tell him is confidential, I feel that because he knows me so well, he might not take me seriously. He would think I'm a happy person, well grounded. He knows my family very very well. I don't think I can face telling him how I feel. He's too wellknown to me. I would feel awkward and stupid and dramatic even mentioning this to him.

I've spoken to my mother (not telling her the painkiller incident) explaining that I feel life is becoming too much for me to handle these days. I feel a massive weight on me and I forget what it's like to feel happy and not be worried or down. She played it down a little, saying I should maybe see a counsellor, but that "man trouble" is not a good enough reason to seek help. While the man situation is really getting to me, it's not my only worry. It's just one of many. Am I just being stupid?? Should I give it more time? I feel as though I'm ruining my life, a life that was once almost perfect. Everything is in disarray and I cannot fix it, no matter what I do. I just keep slipping down more and more.

A counsellor will listen to me, allow me to open up, help me to talk through things. I feel this won't be beneficial to me - I can't seem to sort this out myself by just talking through it. I can't deal with the things that have happened. I feel so up and down. My chest sometimes hurts physically from feeling like crap. I want to help myself but I feel as though a counsellor isn't enough to get me on the right track. So what I'm asking is if any of you have felt similar, what did you find worked best for you? And how did you go about getting help?

Thanks in advance.

Victor

Sad wrote:

How Do You Know When It's Time To Get Help?

If you find yourself compromised (work, study, romance, life, painkillers ...), then that is a very good indicator that help is needed. Its not unreasonable if you feel you need help to just ask.

A good starting palce would be with your GP, he'll know a bit of your background and that of your family. He will also be a good link to other professionals.

Talking may help a lot more than you think. When you are stuck in a hole, often you can see no way out. Having someone throw you a rope or give you directions can help greatly.

You don't mention what you are doing now. Are you keeping busy? Boredom, monotony and idleness cna destroy you.

The chest pains are possibly the stress you are feeling manifesting itself physically, but they are enough to talk to your GP anyway.

Ickle Magoo

Hi sad,

As soon as you want help is the right time to get it.....if you think you will benefit from counselling then you should go - it's as simple as that....I don't think a particular line has to be crossed or that you have to be medically diagnosed with something to need (or want) to speak to a neutral thrid party - many people with relatively minor issues regularly go to counselling....

You Dr has to take you seriously....that's his job...many people who seem happy & fun-loving on the outside go on to take their own lives due to depression or mental illness - your Dr will know that & take any concerns about your health very seriously...if he doesn't then you should change your Dr....

Hope you get the help you want

AnnaStezia

You have actually answered your own question. Specifically, you feel that life is currently too much to handle and that you cannot sort it out yourself.

This suggests that outside assistance now seems imperative.

See your G.P. about this and get the appropriate referral. Do not feel embarrassed about talking to him as this is exactly one of the many things that he will have been trained to deal with.

The probability is that you can sorted out despite what you feel now.

The sooner you set about getting all of this resolved the quicker you will get back to where you need to be.

Take a deep breath and just go for it a.s.a.p.

Best of luck.

AngryBadger

If you're feeling this low all the time, now is the time to go and seek help. Don't concern yourself with whether or not your GP takes you seriously, tell him what you're going through, all of it, and if you don't get the response you want then tell someone else.

You need to talk to someone if you're feeling this bad all the time.

Also, what you're describing I've experienced before, for what it's worth, if you feel like talking to someone you're not connected to please pm me. Sometime it helps to air out your feelings with a third party.

meow

You're having suicidal thoughts so right before you started having them you should have sought help.
No one should have to feel so lost and hopelss, I know from too much experience its not a good feeling.

Does your GP work in a surgery with other drs? Maybe you could see one of them instead? But you definately need to start doing something soon.
If you start medication, please be aware that it will take a few weeks to kick in.

Counselling sounds really helpful from what you've described your situation to be. It's not just a case of talking about it either, there's far more involved.
You may not need a referal from your GP, have a look into what's in your area. Its possible to get counselling on a sliding scale or even free, again depending on where you are and whats available.

Whatever you decide to do, please know that there is no quick fix solution.
Its takes time and sometimes lots of it.
Things can even get worse before they get better, I'm not trying to depress you even further but there's no point pretending everythings going to be rosey in a few weeks either.

The Samaritans now offer email support.
Don't be afraid to reach out- you don't have to suffer.

MarinoMark

Hi Sad, I came across this today, maybe of some help, Regards Mark

http://www.irishhealth.com/clin/depression/video_choice.html

Esel

There are counsellors and there are counsellors. What I mean is - anyone can call themself a counsellor.

Go to your doctor. You have a good relationship with them. It's not just 'man trouble'. Tell the doctor everything, including the suicidal thoughts. Take their advice re counselling. If they refer you to a psychiatrist, psychologist, or counsellor, you can be fairly sure you will be going to someone who is professionally qualified.

If your doctor recommends medication, take their advice. As Meow said above, anti-depressants can take *at least* a couple of weeks to take effect. If you are really low, up to eight weeks or more.

Hang in there.

Freedomfighter

Hi Sad
I know how your feeling. I have felt the same. Now i would recommend you see someone. i have alot of experience with doctors, psychiatrist, psychologist and counsellors. I have studied psycology. I could explain to you whats going on in your head a bit and i could point you in the right direction as who to see. But you have done the right thing now and looked for help. If you want to send me a private message we can chat and ill point you in the right direction.
I experienced just the same as you described. Sometimes the human mind can get a little "overloaded" and we need someone to sit us down and sort things out with us and its easy once you get started. Someone said it wont be easy and they are correct it wont but it will be worth the effort. I dont know the whole story but believe me when i say this help is not far but as esel said there are good ones and bad ones. Send me a private message and ill help you
GF

LegacyUser

Hey there Sad,

Just wanted to get in touch to say that you certainly aren't going through this alone. I often used to find myself standing at a pedestrian crossing wishing I'd get hit by a car or truck just so that I didn't have to feel the pain anymore. It's indescribable to anyone who hasn't felt it and that's why sometimes it doesn't do any good to talk to those close to you (e.g. your mother). Also, problems you're having now might be making you feel worse but there's a chance that they aren't the root cause of your feelings.

You should get help and if your GP is a half decent one then start there. One of the other replies said that "anyone can call himself a counsellor" and that's true. Make sure you research it a bit before going to see someone unless you get a recommendation from someone you trust. There are good and bad ones out there. My own experience with counselling was that I thought it wouldn't really be any help just "talking" through things but, believe me, there's a lot more to it than that. I credit it with saving my life - sounds dramatic but I really believe that. I was in a downward spiral and couldn't see any way out until I started seeing a professional. It gets very painful at times but it's all part of the healing process. Whatever is at the root of your sadness then it needs some coaxing to be uncovered and that's hard. But ultimately I think you'll find it a very worthwhile undertaking.

Take care and know that even if it feels like you're isolated and alone in your cold, dark hole - you aren't. On any given day, on any given street there are others walking around feeling like you do. You can get through it - it takes effort and a bit of bravery to confront it but if you've been living alone with your sadness you surely don't lack that.

Lux23

I remember reading somewhere that if you are feeling low for a month or more then it may be clinical or reactive depression and that you should go to a doctor. People with depressive illnesses can do alot of damage to themselves and those around them so its better to nip it in the bud as soon as possible.

hepcat

Do go and see a counsellor by all means,they can be a great help.

I know you probably don't want to hear this but your life sounds pretty ok really. Why not do some charity work - even go abroad on one of those charity working holidays ? It might give you some perspective.

LegacyUser

Thank you for all the help and support - it's greatly appreciated.

I guess I had myself psyched up to see my GP and tell him what has been going on in my head, but everytime I even think about facing him and telling him, my eyes fill with tears and I swallow hard. I'm not sure if I can tell him without bursting into tears, and that's the last thing I want to happen.

Hepcat, your post is the one I feared most...maybe my life is ok, maybe I don't need to talk to anyone. Am I just being over sensitive? Dramatic? Attention seeking? I don't want to come across this way. My work life is fine. I'm holding that one part of my life together because it helps me to get out of "thinking mode". If I'm mad busy at work, I don't have time to feel down. I'm on autopilot. So maybe I'm ok? Is it just me being silly?? This is what confuses me most. I don't want to sit with my GP only for him to say "you're grand, nothin wrong with ya, stop being a big baby". I'm confused

Freedomfighter

Hi Sad
Every person is different what might not bother me may effect you. Your feeling low, confused, like there is a million and one things going on in your head, your tummy churns all the time, you have an ache in your heart. Now everyone else what can a G.P give her? Your G.P wont tell you "your grand" he listens to what you have to tell him and decides on that. If your G.P prescribes you any mood altering medication refuse as a G.P should not do this. Valium and the likes are bad for you and do untol damage to your body. Listen to old bird. Hep is out there you just need pointing in the right direction. You dont have to see you G.P. There is a place called Little johns clinic in walkinstown. Call them up if your too far from them they will put you in contact with someone close to you. These people are amazing. I cant say enough about them. As i said i have seen alot of the professionals and these were without doubt the best...
Need any help just ask...
GF

R-KEANE

I think crying in front of someone would really help you. I think most people have been in a situation where we were too afraid to talk to someone else about certain issues. My own personal experince was difficult for me as I didnbt want anyone to judge me or for me to lose the little bit of faceI hasve with people. Thought I would lose credibility with people. Its such a silly way to be in reality as its not like people are made from stone. I recommend reading some self help books if you simply cant bring yourself to talk to someone else. Tony Robbins or Paul Mckennas 'Change your life in seven days' are worth a read. Its time to feel good about yourself. These things can help.

shabbyroad

sad wrote:

So what I'm asking is if any of you have felt similar, what did you find worked best for you? And how did you go about getting help?

Yes. All of the above.

I spoke to my GP and started there. Went to counselling and it helped.

If you have a toothache you go to a dentist.
If you have a headache you go to a doctor.

You have a heartache. Go get help.

Your GP will understand. Tell them everything - tell them what you've been feeling and what you've been thinking. Don't worry about why this is happening. It just is and you need some help. You can figure out the whys later. For now just make it so you can live a little and start getting better.

freedomfighter wrote:

If your G.P prescribes you any mood altering medication refuse as a G.P should not do this. Valium and the likes are bad for you and do untol damage to your body.

Sorry GF but unless you are a qualified doctor that is simply not good advice and in my opinion it's dangerous advice. Mood altering medication can and does help millions of people. It helped me and it didn't damage me. It was given to me when I needed it and we (my GP & I) planned how we would use it and move away from it when the time was right. It might well help the OP and it'll be between the OP and their GP whether medication can help.

Stromecek

Sad
It's true that life comes in waves but you seem certainly have seemed to have reached a low ebb but there is ways to reach the crest of the wave again.
I myself went through a period of my life like that, a break up of a relationship, a serious illness of a close family member and other things all one after another and it is very difficult feels terrible (jesus I remember that constant feeling in my stomach) but you can feel great again.
some simple methods helped me immensely
scream therapy: taking off to the nature or secluded spot and scream your head off and cry about anything that hurts all the emotions, bad memories everthing and get them out, sounds simplistic even a bit ridiculous but it has helped me, another thing was I read a book called Prometheus Rising by a guy called Robert Anton Wilson at a very opportune time and found it relieving I would deeply reccommend it.
and I would also suggest Meditation, challenging but it quiets the mind of so many anxious thoughts which is like trying to herd a bunch of cats sometimes
About prescribed mood altering drugs, friends of mine have had experiences which weren't exactly positive and some which seemed to help, my view is that you can achieve a balance without them but remember it's completley your decision.
You can and will feel better
I chose to organise this amazing dance of energy into a happy, creative reality tunnel and it seems to be working
good luck on your journey

Freedomfighter

There is so much research about G.Ps prescribing Medications for patients and "forgetting" about them. Long term use of these drugs causes a chemical lobotomy. This has been proven and i have seen it myself. Now shabbyroad your G.P did this correctly. Im sure he was aware of the benifits of you taking these but also the harm. Thats why he planned everything with you but there are so many G.Ps out there that just dont pay attention( for a better word). G.Ps are there to make you physically well not mentally well. I know Doctors who would never prescribe these drugs. My statement to SAD was said only out of concern for her as i dont know her doctor. Is he as responsilble and caring as shabbyroad. Contact the clinic above SAD they will help you i have no doubt.

Esel

Sad wrote:

.... I'm not sure if I can tell him without bursting into tears, and that's the last thing I want to happen....

If you can tell your GP everything *without* crying, then my guess is you are probably not depressed. Tears are good. Crying is good.

Talk to him. He will take you seriously.

It's time to stop looking at trains.

aroha

hi sad

talking to someone ( most probably a qualified stranger) will help, just make sure you find the right kind of therapy style. IF you have identified all the things that you think are causing you problems you know you are already half way there.....the hard part is making sense of how your brain works. Physical symptoms like pains in chest, lumps in throat, unexplained aches and weird physical sensations is your wise body trying to tell you that something isn't right. I think everyone who recognises this and tries to do something about it is brave, NOT silly. kia kaha.

shabbyroad

There is so much research about G.Ps prescribing Medications for patients and "forgetting" about them. Long term use of these drugs causes a chemical lobotomy. This has been proven and i have seen it myself. Now shabbyroad your G.P did this correctly. Im sure he was aware of the benifits of you taking these but also the harm. Thats why he planned everything with you but there are so many G.Ps out there that just dont pay attention( for a better word). G.Ps are there to make you physically well not mentally well. I know Doctors who would never prescribe these drugs. My statement to SAD was said only out of concern for her as i dont know her doctor. Is he as responsilble and caring as shabbyroad. Contact the clinic above SAD they will help you i have no doubt.

I'm only responding to help the OP here and I'm sure Freedomfighter is doing the same. But: I completely disagree with the above - where is this research and what are the results ? GPs are there as a primary care giver to address both mental and physical well-being , hence the "general" in general practicioner. Don't make statements about "so many GPs" unless you're prepared to back it up with some facts. It's misleading otherwise. My experience is not unique.

OP: when you sit with the GP you need to remember that it is a 2-way relationship. It's up to you to tell the GP if you are uncomfortable with using medication. Tell the GP this. Ask them what the plan is for the use of the medication. Just as the GP will tell you what the dosage is, ask them what the potential side effects are, ask the GP what the process will be for you to come off the medication: how and when will this happen. If you are unhappy with the answers then it's time to change GP.

Your GP might not even recommend medication. Untill you sit with them you'll never find out. Your GP can also refer you to counselling.

LegacyUser

For all the advice and help and kind words, I am truly grateful.

It may sound ridiculous but even writing down my original post helped me. I had a bad day today with regards family issues and with my ex. People moving on it can hurt...but it's a fact of life I suppose.

I've decided most definitely to go talk to my GP. And if he doesn't think I've got a problem, I'll look for a second opinion. It's not that I think I'm depressed or need medication, but I think I need someones help to balance me out again. I've thrown myself off balance so much that I can't get my footing back on my own. This is daunting, but the words you've all given me have helped. Thank you so much.

Sleepy

Sad, just one other thing: you're not restricted to your "own" GP. If you feel it'd be too hard to discuss this with him, maybe you could go to one of the other doctors in your locale?

Samaritans can really help some people too? And if all else fails, the PI board can (if nothing else) give you a place to vent.

The transition from college life to working full-time can take some getting used to. I'm out of college nearly 3 years now and there are times when I still miss it a lot. The trick seems to be in finding a new rhythm to your life, find work that you're interested in, hobbies to fill your evenings and friends to spend the weekends with. Chin up, what you're going through is probably the norm these days, just search the word 'depression' on this forum and see how many threads come up. You can get through this and the light at the end of the tunnell is that of a better day, not an oncoming train

LegacyUser

Sleepy wrote:

Sad, just one other thing: you're not restricted to your "own" GP. If you feel it'd be too hard to discuss this with him, maybe you could go to one of the other doctors in your locale?

Samaritans can really help some people too? And if all else fails, the PI board can (if nothing else) give you a place to vent.

The transition from college life to working full-time can take some getting used to. I'm out of college nearly 3 years now and there are times when I still miss it a lot. The trick seems to be in finding a new rhythm to your life, find work that you're interested in, hobbies to fill your evenings and friends to spend the weekends with. Chin up, what you're going through is probably the norm these days, just search the word 'depression' on this forum and see how many threads come up. You can get through this and the light at the end of the tunnell is that of a better day, not an oncoming train

I tend to agree with you there, my mother has suffered from depression for the past 23 years and I have to say she is one of the bravest person I know. To the unknowing person she doesnt appear depressed at all, and anybody who knows her would tell you that she's the best of craic. But for some reason (that I dont understand) she feels depressed. I think a lot of it has to do with events of her youth (her mother died when she was 15) and to be honest that had to have been a very tramatic moment in her life.

Sad, I think you need to take up some new hobbys in life just like my mother has done, that way at least you wont feel like as if you are depressed all the time. And look days will come and go when you feel like s**t but the best thing you can do is to try and stay positive because there are so many things in life that are worth staying positive for. If you ever want to have a chat dont hesitate to give me a shout : ) and stay positive.

NoreenMF

Dear Sad,

Please make sure you see a doctor. Anyone who says that you should just cheer up and look on the brightside etc has no clue about depression. It's an illness.

Have a look at this website, hopefully you should be able to find some help here: http://www.aware.ie/

I also have depression, and before I go to the GP I tend to make a list of the things I want to tell him about how I am feeling as I have very low concentration and always forget to tell him things because he asks me about other things. It is a very good way to make sure you tell the doctor everything.

It is also possible that you may need some medication to help set you on the right path. Don't be afraid to give it a go... Personally I try not to take them, but every now and then I get bad enough to realise that I need to take them to get myself back on track. I am taking it at the moment and am feeling better than I have in the last 6 months.

PM me if you ever want to chat about it or anything else:)

Good Luck