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The Legal Jokes Thread!

  • 03-03-2006 7:37pm
    #1
    TheVan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 738 ✭✭✭


    Ok so I reckon that some of this is way too serious so.....

    What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
    A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight

    What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
    The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

    Did you hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
    He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

    oh and btw this has the full approval of Hullaballoo!


Comments

  • #2
    Thirdfox
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,110 ✭✭✭Thirdfox


    Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
    Professional courtesy.

    (that hurt... :D )

    "I hear you lost your court case. Did your lawyer give you bad advice?"
    "No. He charged me for it."

    There are two kinds of lawyers -- those who know the law and those who know the judge.


  • #3
    hullaballoo
    Administrators, Entertainment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,774 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭hullaballoo


    Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you.
    —Anton Checkhov

    Ahem, stickied.


  • #4
    Sangre
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,187 ✭✭✭✭Sangre


    Hmm a legal joke? How about BnL.


  • #5
    Thirdfox
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,110 ✭✭✭Thirdfox


    Sangre wrote:
    Hmm a legal joke? How about BnL.

    Ouch! Below the belt! I've got friends doing that... they say it's even better than law... denial is such a wonderful thing isn't it? :p


  • #6
    Time Magazine
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,452 ✭✭✭Time Magazine


    Doctor tells patient "I've bad news, Jim. You've only a year to live."

    Jim replies "Oh Christ. What should I do?"

    Doctor: "Well I'd suggest you marry a lawyer ASAP"

    Jim: "..but why?"

    Doctor: "It'll feel like ten."


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  • #7
    hullaballoo
    Administrators, Entertainment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,774 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭hullaballoo


    What do you call 5,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?

    A good start.


  • #8
    padser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,375 ✭✭✭padser


    There is a queue in the bank. Suddenly one of the men reaches out and staightens the jacket of the guy in front of him. The second man turns around angrily and asks what the hell he thinks he is doing. Im sorry sorry replies the first man, you see im a tailor. Well 'im a laywer' replies the second man, but you dont see me screwing the guy in front of me.


  • #9
    besty
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,010 ✭✭✭besty


    Why are lawyers like nuclear missiles?


    Once one person uses one, we're all f****d!


  • #10
    Victor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,580 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    The plaintiff, a lady, wins a court case where the respondant had called her a cow.

    Just before the court broke, the respondant asks the judge "I appreciate I'm not allowed call a lady a cow, but am I allowed call a cow a lady?". The judge replied, he didn't see why not, he couldn't imagine the cow complaining.

    The respondant thanked the judge, moved to the aisle and turning to leave announced loudly in the the plaintiff's direction. "Good day m'lady".


  • #11
    Karoma
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,396 ✭✭✭✭Karoma


    How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Fifty-Four:
    - 8 to argue,
    - 1 to get adjournment,
    - 1 to object,
    - 1 to demur,
    - 2 to research precedents,
    - 1 to dictate a letter,
    - 1 to stipulate,
    - 5 to turn in their time cards,
    - 1 to depose,
    - 1 to write notes,
    - 2 to settle,
    - 1 to order a secretary to change the bulb, and
    - 28 to bill for professional services.

    Or

    How many can you afford?




    Oh,and I like this.


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