Dumbest thing you have heard at the table...

Bananna man

This weekend, someone said, "... as the blinds go up, they become more valuable". He was trying to say it was worth it to try to steal in position when the blinds were up, but it just came out way, way, wrong...

smurph

Playing in the Fitzwilliam last year and there was a lady at my table called Tess. Now anyone who knows Tess knows that she wouldn't be the most optimistic person in the world and always see's doom and disaster around every corner. Her nickname is "stress" anyway one night i says to her "Tess did you ever look at a pint glass filled with liquid and think "This pint is half full instead of always thinking its half empty", to which she replies "I Don't drink pints". I nearly fell of the chair laughing. This should actually be in the "funniest thing i have ever heard at a table" forum

Culchie

Bananna man wrote:

This weekend, someone said, "... as the blinds go up, they become more valuable". He was trying to say it was worth it to try to steal in position when the blinds were up, but it just came out way, way, wrong...

When the blinds go up, they are more valuable ...aren't they? ??

MrPillowTalk

that wsop omaha final table.
showdown for a hugh pot

2 players throw over their cards, dealer starts to push the pot to player A who has two pair or a set i think,

Then player B says: "what are you doing I have the straight 5,6,7,8,,.........oh" and on a final table that went out internationally, priceless.

cardshark202

Fitz Holdem only cash a few months back. I have AK on the button and raise it up. I end up getting it all in against an ace rag merchant. He has 77 which holds up. He then says: "I put you on queens"

bohsman

"Ill put you all in"

Rockee

Dumbest thing Ive heard?.......SNAP!!!!

ianmc38

cardshark202 wrote:

Fitz Holdem only cash a few months back. I have AK on the button and raise it up. I end up getting it all in against an ace rag merchant. He has 77 which holds up. He then says: "I put you on queens"

Similar situation for me. SE cash game. I'd reraised preflop with QQ. Board Txx, no draws. I pot it and guy moves me all-in. I call and he shows QTo. Then says "Oh thats what i thought". Proceeded to hit a runner runner flush. Sick.

ionapaul

I'm still amazed at what I heard one (non-drunk) runner out in Citywest say during the final day's tournie - 'I hate aces, I don't play them anymore'. This was a €250+25 buy-in tournament (not exactly a pub tournament, I thought?)and he had outlasted over 150 other runners by this stage. Myself and Christy Smith were sitting to his left and just had to laugh at him.

I'm happy to play aces pre-flop in almost every situation...he must have read a few books that I've missed.

Gholimoli

I haven’t played much live games so I don’t have that many stories but this last Sunday the VN I heard a few comments from the same player that I was really trying hard not to laugh out loud. Now for throes that played there this was the Tyron dude and he honestly thought he was god’s greatest gift in poker.
After making a few comments on ppls play and bla blah he then proceeded to say
“How many mistakes are you aloud in a tourney…” now i have no idea what he meant but he then explained “ I mean how many bad calls can you make before your knocked out.”
A while later the same guy has a conversation about a flop play with 3 hearts on it. some one said “I couldn’t call that bet unless I had the nuts” he then proceeded to say “nah I wouldn’t even call it with the nuts unless I had the absolute nuts”.

BigDragon

Paul 'The Hangman' Roper. Thats my answer.

JuliusFranco

AK is a terrible hand

gerire

No really 5 card poker, there's just more skill involved than Hold'em

growler

"it was a 50 / 50 shot" says Mr. Q8 o/s after calling my all in with AA preflop, he flopped 2 queens, naturally.
Didn't mind the beat so much as his notion that he may have actually made the correct move, nearly went for him.

thelifeofryan

"I flopped trips on the river"

pokypoky

I was dealing for a freeroll in the fitz once and an old woman beside me was moaning about getting crap cards. She said "this is why I only play buy-in tourneys, the quality of the cards are so much better when there's a proper dealer." Armed with this twisted thinking she somehow managed to outlast me:(

denachoman

From a player at a home game who would call you down with 10 high:

"Poker is all luck, that's why I prefer blackjack - at least you can have a strategy for blackjack"

handsfree

i once put some guy all in in a cash game, i was delighted when he turned over 2 pair. i calmly told him that i had a flush as i flipped over QJ. he then informed me that one was a diamond and one a heart

jtsuited

"i'm not gonna raise with kings or aces before the flop, so i can get a few callers, you know like...slowplay"
normally followed with the observation "jesus my aces keep getting beat"
Then followed by "i'll put you all in"
And my personal favourite:
"How did you not call to see a flop with those? Sure you never know what's gonna come out on the flop!"

brianmc

"That's if you talk about percentages. But if you look at the way the flops have been coming..."

Lex

"I had to call" :mad:

I hear this repeatedly even tho they've limped in and there's been a raise and a re-raise all-in. Cos you never know......Those 33's might hold up!!! :rolleyes:

smurph

pokypoky wrote:

I was dealing for a freeroll in the fitz once and an old woman beside me was moaning about getting crap cards. She said "this is why I only play buy-in tourneys, the quality of the cards are so much better when there's a proper dealer." Armed with this twisted thinking she somehow managed to outlast me:(

You should have given her the deck of cards and said "How about you deal and see what beauties you turn up". worse than that is when you deal and give yourself absolutely brillant cards.

Rnger

Why is "I'll put you all-in" so stupid?

gerire

smurph wrote:

worse than that is when you deal and give yourself absolutely brillant cards.

You do feel somewhat guilty dont you. Especially if you do it 2 times in a row or 2 out of 5 times. People always give you that dodgy look. And you know the only reason they even notice is because you are dealing and acting aswell.

smurph

Rnger wrote:

Why is "I'll put you all-in" so stupid?

The only person that can put you all in is yourself. Someone can bet into you and then its up to you.

kinaldo

last night someone throws his cards at me moaning about being given the exact same sh1te four times in a row. Previous hand he called for €10 oop

ollyk1

Rnger wrote:

Why is "I'll put you all-in" so stupid?

interestingly if its not heads up (i.e. if there is someone other than the shortstack left to act that you were trying to "put all-in") then you have effectively raised the other person all-in too because it was unclear who you were putting all-in. I've seen this happen with 2nd CL running into CL with hilarious results while trying to trap my shortstack!

bohsman

smurph wrote:

The only person that can put you all in is yourself. Someone can bet into you and then its up to you.

Exactly.

JustMac

"I'll put you all-in"

When someone says this I think we all know that their intent is to raise an amount that equals what is left in front of another player. Is there any short way of stating this when playing or is it something along the lines of 'I raise whatever Player X has left?'. (Personally I have no problem with "I'll put you all-in" as I think it is clear what the person wants to do and I hear it practically every time I play. I do appreciate the point by Ollyk1 though about when there are more people in the pot.)

sendic

I once saw a hand where player A raised on the flop for more than 50% of his stack. Player B said "I'll put you allin" and proceeded to place an amount of chips over the line equal to player As original bet plus what he had left behind. Because player B did not double the previous bet it was deemed a call and player A got to see the turn for free.

brianmc

JustMac wrote:

Is there any short way of stating this when playing or is it something along the lines of 'I raise whatever Player X has left?'.

How about "all-in"?


just a thought

JustMac

brianmc wrote:

How about "all-in"?

If theres other people in the pot and you only want to raise an amount to cover 1 particular person. Someone else still in the hand could have more chips than Player X.

brianmc

JustMac wrote:

If theres other people in the pot and you only want to raise an amount to cover 1 particular person. Someone else still in the hand could have more chips than Player X.

Surely that's a strange situation? I was thinking heads up.

Anyhow, I guess not. You can ask for a chip count...

Rnger

This is more funny then stupid.

In the fitz and its some tournement, possibly 30FO or saturday freeroll. Anyway, some guy knocks his tea over, the guy beside him shouts "TEA GONE" and then someone on another table looks over and says "PLAYER WET". Ken looks up and goes "Deal on".

Priceless

DapperGent

ianmc38 wrote:

I pot it and guy moves me all-in.

Tell him to keep his hands off your chips.

Funny one in the Omaha cashgame in the Fitz. Player A raises Player B all in, Player B calls.

Player A makes his straight on the river (which is the nuts) and announces nuts out of turn and throws over his cards which showed he had top pair and a wrap on the flop. Player B (clearly annoyed with this injustice) throws over his cards which show he had bottom pair and a gutshot (which missed) on the flop.

Player B: You got lucky, I know you play your draws hard.
Player A: But I had top pair on the flop.
Player B: You can't critcise my call.
Player A: But I had a better hand and a better draw.
Player B: See. I know you play your draws hard.

Best one ever was a player looking over at the roulette numbers and getting pissed becuase the numbers he normally bets were coming up. He was annoyed because: "They normally don't start coming up til later in the night."

kincsem

Many people try to change their luck with
"Change the deck"

How about? ...... "Change the dealer" (Jim Heffernan)

kincsem

A few years ago I was on autopilot in the Fitz and turned my hand over twice in one hand. The second time was after I had bet the river. The only player in the hand with me saw my hand and said,

"Call"

And he lost.

MrPillowTalk

kincsem wrote:

A few years ago I was on autopilot in the Fitz and turned my hand over twice in one hand. The second time was after I had bet the river. The only player in the hand with me saw my hand and said,

"Call"

And he lost.

now thats priceless

connie147

my pet hate is when a player states to the table"i,ll call even though I know your beating me"!!!! to me,this is obviously a player who thinks hes ahead but just in case he is wrong and is losing he can then tell the table that he read it right.grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i just hate that. ive started having a go at players that say that as in how can you call an all-in or a big bet if you think your behind.how stupid is that? and they dont like it(but they deserve it).

bohsman

JustMac wrote:

"I'll put you all-in"

When someone says this I think we all know that their intent is to raise an amount that equals what is left in front of another player. Is there any short way of stating this when playing or is it something along the lines of 'I raise whatever Player X has left?'. (Personally I have no problem with "I'll put you all-in" as I think it is clear what the person wants to do and I hear it practically every time I play. I do appreciate the point by Ollyk1 though about when there are more people in the pot.)

It has always been bad ettiquette to bet the exact amount someone has left so telling someone youre going to walk around the table and put their chips in for them is definitely bad ettiquette. Take an educated guess at what the player has and bet slightly more than that.

ocallagh

Merrion about 18 months ago, Final Table, blinds very high

Player X (shortstack) limps UTG for close to half his chips. Player Y announces all-in. Player X immediately (and proudly) folds QQ face up. He announces to the table that he never plays "that hand". His wife then confirms that he does indeed lose with the hand every time and refuses to play with them...... Player Y throws over JJ. Player X is genuinely happy with his decision, but finds himself all-in on the big blind next hand. Player X exits the tournament 2 minutes later.

gerire

Thats not "THE Player X" Ocallagh I assume, is it?

Culchie

connie147 wrote:

ive started having a go at players that say that as in how can you call an all-in or a big bet if you think your behind.how stupid is that? and they dont like it(but they deserve it).

It's if you are still behind on the river that counts. There's many times where you should call bets when know you are presently behind.

ocallagh

gerire wrote:

Thats not "THE Player X" Ocallagh I assume, is it?

Begins with a J and ends with a Y... same guy?

Daithio

No, it's not the player 'x'. He's better than that!

brianmc

ocallagh wrote:

Begins with a J and ends with a Y... same guy?

Player X

Fathead

"what do mean i don't win, but there all red".

PPP-Pit Boss

$18 NLH MTT. About half an hour in. I limp raise x1 EP with pocket kings. Two limpers and the button pushes for another x2. I reraise all in (both stacks around 2,500 blinds 50/100 and he hesitates as the clock goes downl.
"I dont want to but I think I have to" says he.
He calls and flips over K2 off suit. And exits quick smart as he has very unfortunatly missed hitting quad two's or a miracle st8/flush..
"Erm, what do you mean you had to?"
"I had pot odds!" He proclaims

fixer

speaking of "Player X"...we need a mugs gallery of all the local characters, and nicknames for each. Shared notes on live game play, that sort of thing.

ianmc38

2 Weeks ago in the SE €75 double chance. Level 2 and after winning a big pot, a player throws the dealer a 50 chip from the tournament. The whole table erupted in laughter including the dealer.

connie147

Culchie wrote:

It's if you are still behind on the river that counts. There's many times where you should call bets when know you are presently behind.

sorry,should have been more specific. im talking about bets made after the river card.