Can't talk to my sister. I seriously need help.

LegacyUser

I understand that people will find this very strange but it's the way it is.

I hate my sister. I've never gotten on with her and recently she's invaded my private life from which she had been completely excluded. So far she's found out a secret that I would have given anything to keep from her and has started going out with one of my closest friends (who knew that that was the last thing I wanted and had said he wouldn't but that's not really important anymore). I have alot of problems aside from her such as being completely unable to find anyone to have a relationship with, being a figure of absolute hatred at my school for no reason whatsoever, being in love throughout the depths of my soul with a someone who is my best friend but is very happiy with someone else and I have been made aware that my sister treats my inability to overcome these problems with contempt and thinks I should "get a ****ing life". This hurts me very deeply as I was quite happy with my life before she started to meddle in it. I simply can't live with her in my life because, such is the anger, jealousy, resentment and fear that she'll do worse that I can no longer speak to her or even look at her. I have spoken to her once in the past few weeks (during which time she's been with me well over 70% of the time) once and that was when I saw her through the corner of my eye and thought she was someone else.

Does anyone have any suggestions about what I could do or if there's any service or group I could turn to? I can't express how much I appreciate any help.

Canis Lupus

Ah teenagers..... You hate each other, you love each other, you hate each other, you love each other and that's only during a 10 minute period of keeping tabs.

Anyway, tell her to **** off and find her own friends.

Faith

Yeah, tell her to **** off. My best friend went for 7 weeks without talking to either of her parents, so I'd say you could manage to avoid talking to your sister most of the time. You don't need to pointedly ignore her, but don't make unneccessary conversation where she has an oppertunity to provoke you. There's no reason for her to be involved in your life.

What ages are you?

Ickle Magoo

OP,

Do you have to share friends? Try & get a load of hobbies & interests without your sister tagging along.....if she is going out with your friend to antagonise you & she is trying to hang around with you - then refuse to be in her company....she'll soon get fed up....best of luck

b3t4

You are more than likely going to ignore all I say below but please read it anyways.

Invaded wrote:

I hate my sister. I've never gotten on with her and recently she's invaded my private life from which she had been completely excluded.

Any chance she was jealous of what you had? Any chance she is copying you? This would mean that she thinks extremely highly of you. Which one of ye is older? Are ye the only two girls in the family?

I have alot of problems aside from her such as being completely unable to find anyone to have a relationship with, being a figure of absolute hatred at my school for no reason whatsoever, being in love throughout the depths of my soul with a someone who is my best friend ...

It's so easy to take out our feelings on those closest to us. Is there any chance that you are doing this?

This hurts me very deeply as I was quite happy with my life before she started to meddle in it.

Have you told her that? And I don't mean screamed it at her in a heated argument but sat down and told her how you feel? At the same time do you listen to what she says to you?

It seems to me that there is a lot of lack of communication.

I've been in a similar situation. My sister and I are now on better terms because we talked things through. We are the polar opposites of each other in every way but we are learning that that isn't always a bad thing.

It takes time, but give it that time.

A.

LegacyUser

Hey, she's just your sister! Don't offload your problems on her. She's your sister so she's going to be part of your life no matter what, and she's bound to get in the way sometimes. Be nice to her and tell her where the line is, wherever that may be. I'm sure it's hurting her that you say you hate her, because I'm sure you two are close. Why else would it bother you? Do what you can from your side... talk to her and make things right. Give her clear boundaries.

LegacyUser

Thank you all very much.

b3t4:

Any chance she was jealous of what you had? Any chance she is copying you? This would mean that she thinks extremely highly of you. Which one of ye is older? Are ye the only two girls in the family?

I'm pretty sure that she was copy-catting me at first. I'm the older and she's always done that. By the way, I'm actually a boy, I was being over-concious of keeping as anonymous as possible when I wrote that post. Also, yes we're the only two kids.

It's so easy to take out our feelings on those closest to us. Is there any chance that you are doing this?

That sounds like a good point but I don't quite get you. Please elaborate.

Have you told her that? And I don't mean screamed it at her in a heated argument but sat down and told her how you feel? At the same time do you listen to what she says to you?

It seems to me that there is a lot of lack of communication.

That's the largest part of the problem. I can't talk to her. Does anyone know anyway to get around blocks like this?

I've been in a similar situation. My sister and I are now on better terms because we talked things through. We are the polar opposites of each other in every way but we are learning that that isn't always a bad thing.

It takes time, but give it that time.

A.

Thanks for that very helpful reply.

jooooooolia:

Hey, she's just your sister! Don't offload your problems on her. She's your sister so she's going to be part of your life no matter what, and she's bound to get in the way sometimes. Be nice to her and tell her where the line is, wherever that may be. I'm sure it's hurting her that you say you hate her, because I'm sure you two are close. Why else would it bother you? Do what you can from your side... talk to her and make things right. Give her clear boundaries.

Having known her for a long time I don't think she'd respect any such boundaries and really I have to be able to talk to her before I can try that.

Ickle Magoo: Unfortuneatly several of my friends are not taking well to me trying to get rid of her. We live in the countryside and most of my friends, and almost all of those in question live in Dublin so,because my mother won't let her travel alone yet I always get the blame for her absense.

Canis Lupus & Faith wrote:

tell her to **** off

No can do. I don't have it in me to speak to her at all and if I did that she'd text all my friends she hangs out with to arrange a boycott of me.

Thank you all again. Your advice is very much appreciated. And apologies for the length of the posts.

Izzyone

Dont want to sound patronising and apologise if it comes across that way, but I Think it becomes easier with age. I have five sisters and being the youngest I got on well with most of them all but ONE, I could not stand to be in the same room as her and we fought constantly. i suppose in a way it was easier for me to just completely ignore her. We really did not get on, she constantly told me that I was a pain and because I was the youngest i probably was but at times I believed myself to be a hell of a lot more mature and CAring than her.. Some people feel that they can do and say what they like to others. My advice is to stay clear.... I understand what you say about calling and texting others and boycotting you,,all you can say to them is that they do not live with her and have no idea how hard it is. With regards to getting easier as the years pass, I now have a sisterly relationship with my sister but we will never be very close and tbh I am very happy to keep it that way

I don't get on well with my sister either. We don't understand each other and are very different people. She doesn't understand my interests and I don't understand hers. She also rarely talks to me.

She was sick last week, and surprisingly, she was actually talking to me and it was good. But now that she's better we've drifted apart again. As much as I'd like things to be better I just accept it as a fact of life and live with it. She's only 12 so maybe things will change in the future though.

Canis Lupus

OP. You're worried about her arranging a boycott of you amoungst your friends.....Oh......come......on!

Are you sure you're 18? Are girls still that daft at 18? I never really noticed myself but I thought they were past that phase by then. HOWEVER. In retrospect if some of your friends are friends with your sister then there isn't much you can do..... Live with it. Soon it won't be a big deal anyway.

dundalk cailin

Any chance you're blaming her for all your problems, or maybe its easier to be mad at her since you have a lot of problems at the mo?

Me and my youngest sis fought like cat and dog, but now ive moved away we get on better, we have very similiar personalites which is the stem of the problem, but i found it tough over the last year or so, as with me being the oldest should have known better. We definitely work better when we're not in each others faces, put us in the same room for 5 mins, and we'll be at each other.