Something every boards member should read

hopeful dad

I am so sick and tired of no matter what thread you read, someone always has to butt in with a hurtful or condescending remark but this took the biscuit

I earlier posted asking for ideas on what to buy my pregnant wife and some clown said an abortion!!

2 months ago we lost a baby in miscarriage having tried for 2 years, obviously the poster didn’t know this, even if I had posted about it before.

Whether he knew about it or not, he claims he was trying to funny. What lots of people loose when they log on to boards is respect. Just because they hide behind a screen name they believe they have freedom to say what ever they like.

The purpose of the post, is to ask people before you post use your head, why type something u wouldn’t dream of saying to someone’s face just cause your safely behind your keyboard and a screen-name.

Some boards members need lessons in respect, you haven’t a clue how your reply might effect someone else, I am a member here, cause I enjoy helping others and getting help, I don’t come here, for abuse, insults, or nasty comments.

Next time you go to type something that falls under these categories ask yourself 3 questions

1) Would I say it, if the person was infront of me
2) Is me 'trying' to be funny going to cause hurt.
3) is it worth ruining the topic, so people can slag me off. (and am I that desperate for attention)

This post doesn’t require replies; once people read it I am happy.

Pighead

Thats a bit like asking a room full of hyenas to stop fcuking laughing. They'll look at you with a confused look on their wee faces and then they'll start laughing like maniacs. Fair enough its only a bit like that but basically what i'm saying is you cannot control the uncontrollable.

Take the silly billys comments with a pinch of salt and continue on your merry way. Congratulations on the pregnancy.

RVN10

I totally agree with you, there are alot people on here who's goal is to reply with snide remarks and comments that do not help whatsoever. Its not just the regular posters either but the mods and admin can dish it out also.

StupidLikeAFox

A part of me agrees with you. Another part says there are assholes everywhere. if your gonna get offended by smartarses then stay away from places your gonna come across them. Jesus i thought all this would be common sense?

Also, whinging about someone upsetting you is pointless

dbnavan

Hopeful Dad,

I have to say I fully agree with you, problem is getting these idiots to listen, maybe mods should come down harder on offensive members.

What I fear about and wonder how long it will be before someone says something mean about the topic, anyone taking bets?

whiskeyman

hopeful dad wrote:

Next time you go to type something that falls under these categories ask yourself 3 questions

I'd add a forth:

4) If I am offended by flippant comments, should I use be using internet forum boards?

Don't take things here too much heart.
The vast majority of people on this site are all good natured and mean no harm.
Unless you're posting in the Personal Issues forum, expect anything much to go on.
You may have even noticed that the phrase "yore ma" has even been adopted into colloquial speak here - In a way, it shows how petty insults and such remarks are totally disregarded.

The poster was probably just trying a crack at dark humour.... it obviously failed. Some may even have got a giggle, but you clearly didn't.
If it offends you, use the "report post" function.
Let the mods deal with it then.

dbnavan

ColHol wrote:

A part of me agrees with you. Another part says there are assholes everywhere. if your gonna get offended by smartarses then stay away from places your gonna come across them. Jesus i thought all this would be common sense?

Also, whinging about someone upsetting you is pointless

ColHol complaining cause some idiot tells you to get ur wife an abortion for valentines day is not whinging in my book, 99% of people would be offended by that.

dbnavan

whiskeyman wrote:

Unless you're posting in the Personal Issues forum, expect anything much to go on.

I dont care what board or website or any media you on in this day and age nobody should expect to be offended.

whiskeyman wrote:

The poster was probably just trying a crack at dark humour.... it obviously failed.

there is dark and then there is f**-in sick and twist. Dont know how anyone would find humor in that comment

phantom_lord

I always found boards fairly polite compared to places like totse.com

I was looking for an example and this was the first thread I found....http://www.totse.com/bbs/Forum3/HTML/227000.html

seamus

People are idiots hopeful dad. Only difference is here you have to listen to them.

simu

I agree with you hopeful dad. It was a stupid and inappropriate comment and the actions of those who were trying to justify it were no better.

Ban the lot of them, say I!

whiskeyman

seamus wrote:

People are idiots

As a person, I am deeply offended by that.

In my rage, I must respond fittingly with....











yore ma!

:v:

scuba steve

Jaysus, that is a terrible thing to say, even tho he didnt know. I agree, there are assholes everywhere

zAbbo

Quit your whining, and log off, whats more a stupid is that you're coming on here asking for people to pick a valentines present for your wife.

Dustaz

Welcome to the Internet.

Horrible thing to say, but thats what happens on forums.

scuba steve

jeez zabbo, calm man, he was only trying to get a point across. And what would be wrong if he was asking people for ideas for a valentines pressie for his wife? That is what threads are for ya know

dbnavan

zabbo wrote:

Quit your whining, and log off, whats more a stupid is that you're coming on here asking for people to pick a valentines present for your wife.

He asked for ideas whats wrong what that? your quick to condem the OP for asking for ideas yet you dont condem what was said to him. And he is a whiner?? Interesting mentality

Ickle Magoo

zabbo wrote:

Quit your whining, and log off, whats more a stupid is that you're coming on here asking for people to pick a valentines present for your wife.

He asked for some ideas, he wasn't asking anyone to pick a present for his wife....:mad: You don't really think asking for present ideas on a forum is more stupid than suggesting someone get their newly pregnant wife an abortion?!! :eek::(

Tobias Greeshman

Perhaps next time you ask for advice/ideas for presents for your wife, mention that you only want serious replies. Your definately going to get idiots replying here from time to time, if I were you I'd get used to it.

That idiot was well out of line and the joke was in bad taste, but I can assure you he's not the only idiot with poor taste in jokes on here.

hopeful dad

silas wrote:

Perhaps next time you ask for advice/ideas for presents for your wife, mention that you only want serious replies. Your definately going to get idiots replying here from time to time, if I were you I'd get used to it.

That idiot was well out of line and the joke was in bad taste, but I can assure you he's not the only idiot with poor taste in jokes on here.

Why is there a "get used to it" mentality? Just because lots of people do something doesnt make it right.

Extreame example I know but.......Would you have told the jews to get used to nazi's

Binomate

I'm sorry for your troubles with the miscarriages and all, congrats on the baby and good luck with it but for God sake get over what was said.

Pighead

hopeful dad wrote:

Why is there a "get used to it" mentality? Just because lots of people do something doesnt make it right.

Extreame example I know but.......Would you have told the jews to get used to nazi's

Oh give it a rest hopeless dad, the lad made an inappropriate joke he apologised end of story. Stop banging on with your persecution complex. Put After Hours on your ignore list and have fun in the numerous other forums about the place. C'mon Dad ldon't be a ninny.

projectmayhem

despite the bad taste, this is an internet forum. you can't take everything so seriously. especially on after hours. ..

the joke wasn't good, or meant to offend anyone like that. if you took offense, move on. it wasn't the first and certainly wont be the last bad joke on boards.

if i recall correctly the "offender" apologised.. which is more then i would have expected. most of the time whoever said it (no matter how much bad taste) would just not return to the scene and continue like it never happened.

move on with your life. after all, we're not real. this is all scripts typing randomly on a crazy interweb experiment.

p.s. good luck with the new baby!

zAbbo

Extreme example would you expect 100% serious replies in the cess pool of after hours? What are you looking for sympathy? Do you want every keyboard warriour to repent because you've lost a child? should we all become politically correct in fear of hurting someone else's feelings?

Build a bridge and get over yourself, the abortion comment was most likely linked to your sig(which is annoying but meh do you see anyone else complaining about it?)

Maybe we should create a seperate forum for easily offended fathers who are looking for idea's on their wifes valentine days present, who also believe in jewish oppression.

Hmmm maybe. For the record I think in hindsight the comment was out of order, but then again you were asking the question to the wrong audience, naive on your behalf.

hopeful dad

And the apoligy was excepted as you will all see if you check, but this thread is about people making thoughtless comments on boards in general, not just the specific post, which was just an extreame sample.

daiixi

hopeful dad wrote:

Why is there a "get used to it" mentality? Just because lots of people do something doesnt make it right.

Extreame example I know but.......Would you have told the jews to get used to nazi's

There's a "get used to it" mentality because you can't force everyone to have the same views, thoughts and sense of humour as you.

I understand why you've taken the comment to heart and knowing your previous posts I think it was a horrible thing to say, but chances are the poster didn't know your past problems and simply thought they were being funny.

PM them and tell them that you don't appreciate unconstructive comments, put them on ignore or even complain to a mod/start a thread. These are things you can do.

Forcing people to think and act the same as you? Never going to happen. Remember when the Nazi's tried that?

hopeful dad

zabbo wrote:

Extreme example would you expect 100% serious replies in the cess pool of after hours? What are you looking for sympathy? Do you want every keyboard warriour to repent because you've lost a child? should we all become politically correct in fear of hurting someone else's feelings?

Build a bridge and get over yourself, the abortion comment was most likely linked to your sig(which is annoying but meh do you see anyone else complaining about it?)

Maybe we should create a seperate forum for easily offended fathers who are looking for idea's on their wifes valentine days present, who also believe in jewish oppression.

Hmmm maybe. For the record I think in hindsight the comment was out of order, but then again you were asking the question to the wrong audience, naive on your behalf.

Grow up :rolleyes:

toiletduck

yeah i hate useless posts

toiletduck

post count ++

toiletduck

Binomate wrote:

I'm sorry for your troubles with the miscarriages and all, congrats on the baby and good luck with it but for God sake get over what was said.

word

zAbbo

hopeful dad wrote:

Grow up :rolleyes:

Oh Oh look at me, someone offended me, now i better start a seperate thread and learn all these boards whippersnappers because well I just got here and don't even have two dozen posts, but by God i was offended and now I'll set them straight.

Grow up yourself pal

Binomate

zabbo wrote:

Maybe we should create a seperate forum for easily offended fathers who are looking for idea's on their wifes valentine days present, who also believe in jewish oppression.

Fathers4Justice?

Cloud

toiletduck banned from AH - I guess that's what was wanted.

hopeful dad

zabbo wrote:

Oh Oh look at me, someone offended me, now i better start a seperate thread and learn all these boards whippersnappers because well I just got here and don't even have two dozen posts, but by God i was offended and now I'll set them straight.

Grow up yourself pal

I hope you never have to go through it, I was never looking for trouble or abuse and have never hurt anyone here.

by the way, if you read my original first post I am a boards regular, made this sign in cause i needed advise and didnt want people to know who I was, I really have about the same amount of posts as u comrade.

Sparky

saying to an expecting father that they should get an abortion has to be low, and if you said that to somebody in company, im sure nobody would be impressed.
Thats in the same league as saying you hope they would die from cancer.
There is a line you do not cross, and the poster crossed that.
They say god works in strange ways, what gos around comes around.

andrew163

If everyone starts thinking "what would be the polite happy politically correct everyone-loves-everyone thing to say" before they post, then the internet becomes boring, people leave, the forum dies, and the known universe implodes. I have a database that used to run vBulletin with 90,000 posts in it to prove it. It went from about half a million hits per month to less then 100 hits per month in the space of 6 months.... finally pulled the plug on it a few weeks ago.

(well... maybe the universe imploding was a bit of an exaggeration...):v:

<edit>....should really change my sig..</edit>

zAbbo

hopeful dad wrote:

I hope you never have to go through it, I was never looking for trouble or abuse and have never hurt anyone here.

I've had to go through much worse, everyone has their problems, Would I have been annoyed if the poster replied to me like that, probably, but I think I would have the sense to just report it and leave it at that, maybe you should have done the same.

Best of luck with your family, wife, and present hunting

zAbbo

hopeful dad wrote:

by the way, if you read my original first post I am a boards regular, made this sign in cause i needed advise and didnt want people to know who I was, I really have about the same amount of posts as u comrade.

And as a regular user, you would know that duplicate accounts are frowned on, ARF.

What exactly do you want, someone to come out and say sorry to you, perhaps hold you for a while and make all the bad things go away.

hopeful dad

zabbo wrote:

I've had to go through much worse, everyone has their problems, Would I have been annoyed if the poster replied to me like that, probably, but I think I would have the sense to just report it and leave it at that, maybe you should have done the same.

Best of luck with your family, wife, and present hunting

Thanks for the well wishes, as I said before what happened to me was an example, of the kind of post people are supposed to "get used to" or expect on a board.

this thread is a general obsveration about the way we as boards members speak to one another, and not caring about feelings,

it is not a poor me thread. like I said the apoligy was excepted. It is not about that thread in particular.

hopeful dad

Just as I thought you had some decency

zabbo wrote:

Best of luck with your family, wife, and present hunting .

You go and screw it up.

zabbo wrote:

What exactly do you want, someone to come out and say sorry to you, perhaps hold you for a while and make all the bad things go away.

Sparky

theres a twist to this so, hopeful dad, you do realise 2 accounts per user is not allowed, however its the admins and smods decision to ban you over this.

Ajnag

Umm arnt there parenting and pregnancy support forums you could go to?

You could even ask for a forum board here.

But how was the poster meant to know about your previous history and your loss? FFS! Welcome to the internet :rolleyes:

Im sorry but the world isnt formed around you and your sensiblitys, you'd do well to learn that if not just for the sake of your kids.

hopeful dad

Sparky-s wrote:

theres a twist to this so, hopeful dad, you do realise 2 accounts per user is not allowed, however its the admins and smods decision to ban you over this.

I dont mind killing this account if mod's ask me too, although given fact I didnt want family and friends knowing my wife had a miscarriage I am sure they would understand, I dont see it as abusing the system, anyone who as a problem(mods) feel free to contact me.

zAbbo

hopeful dad wrote:

this thread is a general obsveration about the way we as boards members speak to one another, and not caring about feelings,

it is not a poor me thread. like I said the apoligy was excepted. It is not about that thread in particular.

This is most certainly what this whole thread is about, you got annoyed by some idiots flippant post, and here you are fighting the good cause on the back of it.

hopeful dad

Ajnag wrote:

Umm arnt there parenting and pregnancy support forums you could go to?

You could even ask for a forum board here.

But how was the poster meant to know about your previous history and your loss? FFS! Welcome to the internet :rolleyes:

Im sorry but the world isnt formed around you and your sensiblitys, you'd do well to learn that if not just for the sake of your kids.

I did state....

Whether he knew about it or not, he claims he was trying to funny. What lots of people loose when they log on to boards is respect. Just because they hide behind a screen name they believe they have freedom to say what ever they like.

Knowing someones history does not make a comment less hurtful. and my user name is hopeful dad

Sparky

hopeful dad wrote:

I dont mind killing this account if mod's ask me too, although given fact I didnt want family and friends knowing my wife had a miscarriage I am sure they would understand, I dont see it as abusing the system, anyone who as a problem(mods) feel free to contact me.

Oh i completely understand, you never know whos browsing through this.

hopeful dad

zabbo wrote:

This is most certainly what this whole thread is about, you got annoyed by some idiots flippant post, and here you are fighting the good cause on the back of it.

It was an example FFS, just happened to be a post against post. How many randomexamples would you like.

Go do your homework, judging your comments your.......studying for what.....junior cert??

zAbbo

hopeful dad wrote:

Knowing someones history does not make a comment less hurtful. and my user name is hopeful dad

One of your usernames is anyway, perhaps you should state in your sig or profile a few subjects that may offend you, or perhaps limit your boards viewing to 'safe' forums such as the crafts forum or puzzles/quizzes.

What you should have done was, report the poster, then ignore them. But here we are....

whiskeyman

hopeful dad wrote:

Extreame example I know but.......Would you have told the jews to get used to nazi's

Godwin's Law tbh...


I think this needs to be closed / moved.... surprised it wasn't once the above came in..

:v:

Sparky

I can see Giblet dishing out the thread lock soon, can we just say that lessons were learned and hopefully somebody will think twice and maybe three times before posting offensive material, why do you think the f word is censored, because people will be offended by it.

Yes this is the internet and you should expect it, but wasnt the whole idea of boards to create an irish online community. Im not saying we should be all nice to each other like posies, but we should atleast respect the decent views and decent comments of other users.

And not make tasteless jokes, if thats what you want to call them

TerrorFirmer

zabbo wrote:

One of your usernames is anyway, perhaps you should state in your sig or profile a few subjects that may offend you, or perhaps limit your boards viewing to 'safe' forums such as the crafts forum or puzzles/quizzes.

What you should have done was, report the poster, then ignore them. But here we are....

Thats pretty much the point. It's exactly what you said - any anonymous net board. You can't expect everything to be so in line to match your own ideals. If that's what you honestly want, go join a soon to be dads/pregnancy forum, I'm sure there are plenty which will frankly cater more for your specific needs then boards can.

I'm happy for you and your wife but you have to honestly have a bit of sense, the original joke might have been ignorant to that effect, but its bound to happen and it does all the time.

Anyway, good luck with the baby, and finding that elusive perfect present.