Actual call centre conversations!!!! (allegedly!!)

shannonxx

Travel Centre
Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get
through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

---

Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking
about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states
that
I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
telephone
Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

---

RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
travelling in Australia?"
Operator: Doesn't the product give you a clue?

---

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in
France):"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the
steering
wheel to the other side of the car?"

---

Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff
please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B'
fell
off".

---

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in
Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland".

---

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a
phone -
box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up
the
window to write the number on".

---

Tech Support:"I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this
point?".
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

---

Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can
you
see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

---

Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just
realised
that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have
my
file back again?".

---

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in
a
long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This
is
a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed
from a
recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the
Help
Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the
WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; May I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the
words
went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
anything I
type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a
TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
the
power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there
were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find
the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
into
the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean
way
over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's
because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have
is
coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power????????????.. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've
got it
licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff
your
computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up
just
like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought
it
from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too 888king stupid to own a computer".

county

very believeable and quite funny:D

GLaDOS

Unbelivable...unless they're American

Thomas_S_Hunterson

True

MarkR

shannonxx wrote:

Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can
you
see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

---

Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just
realised
that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have
my
file back again?".

I've had both of these. Don't think the samsung's one is true. They'd still be talking about it!

I have had to describe what a cd looked like though.

Me: Your manual is included on the cd.
Customer: There's no cd in the box, I looked all over and no books at all came with the computer!
Me: A Cd isn't a book sir, it's a compact disk. Like you get software / music on.
Customer: (suspicously) What's it look like?
Me: Round shiny thing with a hole in it. (Dreaded in case he'd find an old polo or something)

DEmeant0r

Lol the last one, if it's real, is really funny

Prior Of Taize

One of those "you have to be there" moments but this is a call i got one day at work.

*Caller: These "automatic updates" wont stop asking me to restart my computer.
*Me: Yes i understand. They are totally standard and pose no threat to your computer. They are from Microsoft.
*Caller: They are asking me to restart every 5 minutes. Look the f*cking things popped up again. This is such rubbish.
*Me: Restarting your computer will remove the popup box.
*Caller: This is totally unacceptable. I dont want these updates.
*Me: It is company policy to have these updates. You are only asked to restart when it is truly necessary.
*Caller: I dont want to restart. This is interfering with my work.
*Me: I understand but they wont go away until you do.
*Caller: Turn them off.
*Me: I cant. Everyone has to have them for security purposes. I have them myself.
*Caller: This is unacceptable. I am going to totally ignore them. I am going to keep clicking them away until someday i click the wrong thing and something bad happens. *Caller hangs up*.

KdjaCL

Ahhh my own ones.


Idiot" I cant connect to the internet"
Me "Are you on Dial up or Broadband"
Idiot "Dial up i think"
Me " does it take a few seconds normally to connect to the internet?"
Idiot " yes but everytime i try now it gives an error, i am trying to give my freind a websites name"
Me "Are you using the phone whilst trying?"
Idiot "yes"
Me ".........."
Me then realises im only filling in, in Eircom tru an agency for mate who went on holidays for 2 weeks and altho im there its his RSI number and name im using and i can **** with these idiots.
Me " right you need to disconnect every phone and wire in your house thats connected to the phoneline, then plug them back in one by one and wait 5 minutes before you plug the next one, then when you have everything plugged in reboot your pc whilst holding down F11 and CTrl and 9 and T. When its fully restarted ring your mate and then login into the internet and give them the address, if that doesnt work call right back and ask for Gareth"

Drunk mate "me pc isint working , i was in the pub and brought the lads back to check out some porn on the pc"
Me " i have your pc here, whose house are you in?"

And one picked up from the IT guy in the job.
A pc that was in storage was rigged up to work as a server, after a while a strange smell was noticed in the room. It was empty room with only 1 desk and this pc in it, after much looking around and nose following it was deducted it was coming from the PC. So they opened it and found a dead mouse inside. Upon reboot the pc stalled and gave the exceptionally spot on error

"no mouse or pointing device found, please check cables and ensure a mouse is installed"



kdjac

Karoma

Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can
you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

..so many times..


Customer (Complaining about marks on the casing) for a Sony VAIO laptop: There's a mark or crack by the 'F'
Me: There ..is..no..F...
Customer: Have a look at the fax I sent - it shows it better..
Me: This only shows half of the casing..and there are no marks which I can see..
Customer: Look at the other side of the page I faxed

...

Also, same customer asked "Why is VAIO written upside down on the case when the lid is closed?"

December Son

My favourite one from my days in eircon:

Caller: (female, in a total knacker accent) i just got me pc back from me brother and deres all dis filth on it!
Me: filth? What?
Calller: (irate) FILTH!!
Me: Umm okay. Can you connect to the internet? What happens when you try?
Caller: Hang on (she dials up)
Caller: ok, dis is after cummin up on me screen, 'ONE HUNDRED PERCENT GAY HARDCORE'
Me: (LAUGHING MY F*CKING ARSE OFF)

best call i ever had...she wasnt happy when i started breaking my bollocks laughin i can tell ya...lol

mickymg2003

Lol. People are so stupid. You should have to have a liscence to own a pc.