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Let's not forget

  • 31-01-2006 3:01pm
    #1
    lu22
    Closed Accounts Posts: 51 ✭✭


    Trapped again, surrounded by disability
    everyday, losing track of the winner inside of me

    I don't know myself anymore,
    Don't know what I'm fighting for

    The world we're living in won't cater for my dream
    Most days really are just as bad as they seem

    Talk & talk weigh pros & cons
    wishing & hoping to be as free as the swans

    The water around us is not clear & blue
    its the death of me & the death of you

    Let's stand up and speak our truth
    don't let them cover the sorrow in our roots

    its easy to say that we are who we are
    but its pain & suffering that brought us this far


    ...... feed back appriciated


Comments

  • #2
    hullaballoo
    Administrators, Entertainment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,773 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭hullaballoo


    It reads like something written to sound profound in a B-Movie. There isn't too much emotion in it and there's absolutely no punctuation whatsoever. I always say that it's important to actually learn the mechanics of the language before you even attempt poetry, which is quite a mechanical procedure.


  • #3
    Lothaar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 473 ✭✭Lothaar


    Is the persona in this poem a paralympic/special olympic athlete?


  • #4
    backflip
    Closed Accounts Posts: 48 ✭backflip


    hullaballoo wrote:
    I always say that it's important to actually learn the mechanics of the language before you even attempt poetry, which is quite a mechanical procedure.

    I don't think so really, I don't think there should be any limitations in poetry. Just write.


  • #5
    lu22
    Closed Accounts Posts: 51 ✭✭lu22


    Lothaar wrote:
    Is the persona in this poem a paralympic/special olympic athlete?

    I am a paralympic


  • #6
    TheVerBal1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12 ✭TheVerBal1


    lu22 wrote:
    Trapped again, surrounded by disability
    everyday, losing track of the winner inside of me

    I don't know myself anymore,
    Don't know what I'm fighting for

    The world we're living in won't cater for my dream
    Most days really are just as bad as they seem

    Talk & talk weigh pros & cons
    wishing & hoping to be as free as the swans

    The water around us is not clear & blue
    its the death of me & the death of you

    Let's stand up and speak our truth
    don't let them cover the sorrow in our roots

    its easy to say that we are who we are
    but its pain & suffering that brought us this far


    ...... feed back appriciated


    For a start, I totally disagree with the post below urs, U can "write" poetry without being able to write...

    But I do feel this one lacks a bit of emotion, its sumtin I have trouble with aswell... its all kinda in front of you, U tell the reader everything, I didnt have to think, "why?" at all... U didnt paint anything vivd with the words... nah mean like? I did like the word chioce tho, for what U said, U said it well...


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