13yr old lying and stealing

grockle

does anyone have any advice?
my 13yr old daughter has been acting very 'teenage' for about 18months now. since she started secondary school she thinks she is all grown up and wants me to 'back off'. i feel unable to do this as she is behaving in some ways which will get her into trouble. she is stealing, in an opportunistic rather than planned way, from me and my partner (of 2yrs). she is constantly telling lies, some for no apparent reason. she can be the most wonderful daughter at times, she will cook dinner sometimes, most of the trouble i have with her is the usual teenage rudeness and unreliability, but i am worried i do not know how to handle the more serious stuff that could have big consequences in later life.

Khannie

We recently busted my 13 year old nephew stealing a tenner from my wifes handbag. If he were our son I would have given him a decent clip around the ear (enough for it to be a decent warning) and grounded him for a month. Stealing from your parents is a massive no-no IMO.

luckat

Backing off with teenagers is a matter of where and when.

Sometimes teenagers' occasional obnoxiousness seems like a ploy by nature to make sure they leave home - a way of separating themselves from those they've depended on through childhood.

Only thing I've ever found worked with teens - and it works really well, for most kids - is "mol an óige" - praise and flatter and smile and give treats *immediately* when they're doing what you want, and when they're not, just let it wash over you. (Oh, and buy a dishwasher. Stops all those rows about dishwashing.)

As for stealing from your bag, maybe you might put a note in the bag saying "Please don't steal from me. If you need money, I'd be happy to pay you to mow the lawn."

Khannie

luckat wrote:

As for stealing from your bag, maybe you might put a note in the bag saying "Please don't steal from me. If you need money, I'd be happy to pay you to mow the lawn."

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Genius.

tj-music.com

grockle wrote:

does anyone have any advice?
my 13yr old daughter has been acting very 'teenage' for about 18months now... she is stealing, in an opportunistic rather than planned way, from me and my partner (of 2yrs)...

Just look at the timeline, there could be more to it than just rebellion. It could be a way to express her anger for not being number # 1 anymore.

Don´t take this offensive please but I know from my line of work ( was working as a social worker with kids) that cases of misuse sound just like that.

I don´t know if you are the mother or the father and how much you can trust your partner of two years.

Maybe I shouldn´t be answering this thread as it could cause quite a stir but since you asked you should try and sort out all possibilities especially considering that violent and abusive and attention seeking behaviour in very young people often could be interpreted as a cry for help.

luckat

Oh, yes, excellent point! 13 means just entering adolescence <cringe>, but also six months in on not being the favourite adored baby, the little one starts to misbehave in the way that will certainly get most attention.

Well, maybe it's time to reward her for it, even though she's chosen a bad way to "tell" you. What about making one day a week absolutely yours - when you go for a drive around the mountains, go to the pictures, go clothes-hunting, go to a concert, go to the library and find books, hang out at home and do your toenails - whatever is the thing that the two of you really like to do together.

You might also look at school - is there anything going on there?

Apple Gal

My sister who is 15 used to always steal my mom and dads stuff,it got really bad last year when she had my mom's atm card and took out loads of money.
My parents tried everything but she still stole evrything from money to make up, she doesn't really care what it is. She has stolen lots of my stuff that she had no intention of ever using she just steals it. My parents got a small safe and they put all the money and stuff in it and we all lock our bedroom doors so she can't steal anything. She got a boyfriend about nine months ago and ever since then the stealing isn't as bad.
And she just did her work experience this week and she is amazingly a lot more mature. I think it's just something some people go through.
My mom used to go shopping with her to try and have a nice day with her without fighting and they would get on really well but then once she stole another thing it would make my mom really upset because she thought my sister might have changed.
But now that shes older she is doing it less so I think your daughter will probably grow out of it!

RainyDay

Apple Gal wrote:

My sister who is 15 used to always steal my mom and dads stuff,it got really bad last year when she had my mom's atm card and took out loads of money.

I've heard from a couple of bankers that a fair number of cases of supposed ATM skimming/theft turn out to be down to family members following investigation!