Too Horny!?

LegacyUser

Hey im completely new to this but just wanted to get peoples views on this issue i have. Ive been with my partner for a while now and am very much in love with them. Our relationship is excellent,the best ive ever had but in terms of sex they only seem to want it when they cant have it. Im a very passionate person and would be happy to engage in saucy behaviour any time of the day or night but i always seem to have to instigate it which leads to me feeling very unattractive and promiscuous as I am putting in a lot of the effort. My partner doesnt agree with this view at all and says they are doing the best they can and just shy by nature ect etc. But i still cant help feeling almost rejected sometimes and like they are only consenting to lead a quiet life. Maybe my libido is too high and theres an unbalance,maybe im completely over-reacting but i just think it would be nice to be lusted after they way i lust after them. Ive been told on many an occasion im a very attractive person and i try my best with people but i begin to resent them over time when the effort is not reciprocated. On the down side im very selfish and demanding and maybe this is where the problem lies but i cant live without passion and sexual shenanigans!! what to do??

tomboy_100

for starters... you use the word "they" referring to your "partner"!... "Ive been with my partner for a while now and am very much in love with them"
i had to read it again... and again... and thought "wow now here's a horn dog if ever I came across one"... i presume you mean only one other?

I assume you are the girl?

take it easy - it'll come right - stop putting pressure on for a while. things will click when they're ready to click. if they don't click within 10 years :eek: though you might want to try a new partner.

AngryBadger

Sounds to me like you're not getting what you need from the other half of this relationship. Whether you're a guy, or a girl, sex, passion, physical attraction, these things are an integral part of any kind of relationship, adn they're absolutely non-negotiable in a romantic engagement.

There are no boundaries defining sexual appetite. Everyone has their own level. In this case, it seems simple enough to me, you're not getting what you need sexually out of the relationship, and that's a problem.

Obviously you have to put in a lot of effort ina relationship, and finding someone that you're emotionally drawn to, who shares your particular sexual leansing is not always easy. but it sounds like you're making the effort, you've already broached this issue with them, and they're not giving you much lateral mobility. If it were me I'd be looking to greener shores.

Sometimes no matter how much we want something to work, it just isn't going to.

BoozyBabe

I'm also assuming that you're the girl, so it does seem a little strange that your bf never instigates it (even though that's slightly unfair to say)

I kinda feel like your partner though. I'm also quite shy & so never really instigate things (unless you add alcohol, then I'm as horny as a dog in heat!!!). It's not that I don't want it, I'd just die if I made the move & my partner said he wasn't in the mood.
It sounds silly, but it is something that gets to me, so I never make the 1st move.

Maybe your partner is just the same as me.
Maybe you should just give lots of little kisses etc, let him know you're definitely in the mood & not about to reject his advances & then don't take it further.
If he didn't make the move after that, then you would have call for a good chat

LegacyUser

Yeah im the girl and I use the word they in case they see this and cop on its me lol! but obviously my plan has been foiled! and yeah its the same guy,im not that bad lol!! Im am a very horny person but in my opinion most guys would be delighted!! The usual case is guys complaining about their girlfriend never being up for it whereas I am quite the opposite! Maybe i put on too much pressure to perform or something,i dunno but i just wanted to see what other people thought on the issue. Strangely enough for someone as horny as myself Ive never even considered leaving him,hes the best thing thats ever happened to me but im just getting really frustrated and have been over the subject with him so many times,he thinks im insane!!

Nevyn

Your not that unusual trust me, I have been through the same thing myself in several relationships.
You will just have to learn to talk about it and find a happy medium with your partner and when he isn't arround.... well buy some extra batteries or even better get rechargibles.

Rockee

Unfortunately, its only a matter of time before comments like 'Wow, horny chick...cool etc' get posted!

Nevyn

no Rockee they won't as they would be deemed as off topic and unhelpful; just like your post.

off topic and unhelpful posts will get you banned from this forum
Do read the charter and abide by the rules when posting here.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Rockee

Excuse me? My comment was helping keep the thread on the straight and narrow and to discourage guys who might see the word 'horny' and start sending in offensive comments.

Dathai

I was in the same boat as yourself. Just stick with it to be honest.Just try not be so instigative and hold back a bit.And when they want it, just try and keep it from them.Its what I did, and it worked.But in the end, I was just extremly horny, and still am.But Im not with that person anymore hehe.

illicit007

Hey either you're horny or you're not. I don't know if someone can be persuded into being there "true horny self."

If it were me I'd just say "hey baby I NEED more. Now are ya gonna make my night or what?"

A healthy sexual relationship is vital to a healthy relationship full stop and i reckon equal libidos have a large effect on that factor.

constitutionus

wow , horny chic... cool ! . sorry couldnt resist. well if he is shy it could be as simple as that. one of my mates from work couldnt even look girls in the eye when he was chatting them up and was painfully shy in social occasions, untill of course the introduction of alcohol, then he was chasing bird up and down o'connell street:D ( i honestly never saw such a transformation in a guys character). I think a good indicator would be his preformance in bed, if he reciprocates just as passionatly as your self once youve initiated then i dont think you have to worry about him not fancying you. if not there could be danger bells.

another thing is maybe he cares as much for you as you do for him and he doesnt want to ruin it by looking like he wants sex all the time and leading you to think hes only with you for the sex. he also may just like a sexually agressive woman, hell i know i do, like you said it tough to be the one to initiate it ALL the time so maybe he thinks you like it that way. talk to him about it when your cuddleing after wards

finnally it could be just as you said and your sex drives are just different. if thats the case and you still want to be with him, well thats what dildos are for:D now excuse me while i go buy shares in duracel:)

lazydaisy

Constitutionus - you have given me so many good laughs today - I feel like writing you a thank you card or sending you some flowers. [Oh no - wont do that!!! :eek: Your girlfriend might come after me with her vibrator and beat me up with it. :eek: ] ha ha.

You may want to also buy shares in Braun.

OP - Do you think its a sexual confidence issue or a libido mismatch? If its the former there's nothing like practice to change that.

LegacyUser

"OP - Do you think its a sexual confidence issue or a libido mismatch? If its the former there's nothing like practice to change that."

I think its a bit of both to be honest,I'm more energetic than him generally and have more get up and go in me!Maybe its denting his confidence when I give out to him about this. I'l just have to deny him for a while and see how he likes that lol! Thanks for all your replies, I was expecting to get abuse for being so hard on someone,I just want to fix things!

Talliesin

Some people have higher sex drives than others.

Some people's sex-drives are more fragile than others, by which I mean they are more likely to find themselves not in the mood for sex if they are in a bad mood, stressed etc.

Some people are just shy.

One thing you might try is putting him in charge. Make the first move as far as it takes him to get to the bedroom, and then tell him you're all his and try to get him to take the lead from there on in.

Finally though, some people just aren't much inclined to take the lead.

LegacyUser

"One thing you might try is putting him in charge. Make the first move as far as it takes him to get to the bedroom, and then tell him you're all his and try to get him to take the lead from there on in."


Ive tried that but then I get resentful because I have to make the effort and then im not in the mood because Im so angry and the cycle starts all over again!! Its really the only serious thing we argue about but because we argue about it a lot nothing much ever happens and i get more and more frustrated lol!!!!

What Im going to do is just pretend I'm not horny(hard as it may be!) and patiently wait and wait until he caves in..if he ever does..thats what I'm afraid of!!!
.

WhiteWashMan

Unreg06 wrote:

Hey im completely new to this but just wanted to get peoples views on this issue i have. Ive been with my partner for a while now and am very much in love with them. Our relationship is excellent,the best ive ever had but in terms of sex they only seem to want it when they cant have it. Im a very passionate person and would be happy to engage in saucy behaviour any time of the day or night but i always seem to have to instigate it which leads to me feeling very unattractive and promiscuous as I am putting in a lot of the effort. My partner doesnt agree with this view at all and says they are doing the best they can and just shy by nature ect etc. But i still cant help feeling almost rejected sometimes and like they are only consenting to lead a quiet life. Maybe my libido is too high and theres an unbalance,maybe im completely over-reacting but i just think it would be nice to be lusted after they way i lust after them. Ive been told on many an occasion im a very attractive person and i try my best with people but i begin to resent them over time when the effort is not reciprocated. On the down side im very selfish and demanding and maybe this is where the problem lies but i cant live without passion and sexual shenanigans!! what to do??

sex is a part of a relationship.
you have to decide if its a part which is importnat or not.

if it is and you do not have what you need, then you might have to think about finding another partner.
after all, most of us would agree that you can have the best partner i nthe world, but if they wont talk to you at all, then you may have to move on.

its all about what you need.

however, i would work on it with them before i made that decision. at the end of the day, you may just be incompatible libido wise, and that will just end in frustration for you, and probably for them too becuase they feel as if they are not providing for you

Nevyn

You can't rely on some one else to be your happiness.
Same way you can't rely on some one else to completely satisfy all your needs.
I am not talking about shagging someone else, while ideally it would be nice that every time you 'need' good sex your partner could
and would want to get all sticky and sweaty but well life's not that easy; esp if you have differing sex drives.
You will just have to learn to take matters into your own hands to adviod getting frustrated and causing stress in your relationship.
But you should still try and sit and have a talk about it, but I would suggest the talk be when you are not so wound up.

WhiteWashMan

Thaedydal wrote:

You will just have to learn to take matters into your own hands .

ba-dum Tisch!

and just to be helpful to the OP, this is good advice that i agree with...

Nevyn

:P

Off topic and unhelpful replies to this thread will get you banned from this forum.
Do read the charter and abide by the rules when posting here.
Die dulci freure
Thaedydal
____________

WhiteWashMan

i'll give them a browse. thanks for the advice, and you have a nice day too.
i have edited my previous response to ensure that there is something helpful in it for the OP.

constitutionus

lazydaisy wrote:

Constitutionus - you have given me so many good laughs today - I feel like writing you a thank you card or sending you some flowers. [Oh no - wont do that!!! :eek: Your girlfriend might come after me with her vibrator and beat me up with it. :eek: ] ha ha..

CHICK FIGHT , CHICK FIGHT ! (now wheres me bucket of melted ice cream )

OP - another thing is timing, some guys are more aroused in the morning and this may conflict with you if , like alot of girls , your more aroused in the evening. if your not interested in the morning and he's "taking things in hand" himself it could explain why hes not interested in the evening. just a thought

LegacyUser

Well over the weekend I took matters into my own hands,excuse the pun and just went for it without complanining about having to instigate everything. He was really receptive and it went surprisingly well so im just gonna start being more confident and take it from there. Thanks for all the advice!