Getting stuck in the "friend zone"

LegacyUser

Regular boardsie, going unregistered.
Just wondering... any other girls out there constantly getting stuck in the friend zone with guys they like? I've found this for a while now... I have no problem getting to know guys, and to get to be friends with them, but relationships are another story. It just seems that no matter how much I'm into someone, that they only ever want to be friends with me. And the lack of relationship is starting to get vaguely depressing.
(for what it's worth, I'm in my early 20s, and in college)

Laguna

For the risk of sounding patronising, do you actually illustrate to the guys you like that you're attracted to them?, not everyone has a super keen sixth sense when it comes to reading signals - especially men, as girls seem to have so many of them. Have you ever actually asked any of these men out?, or are you waiting for them to do so?.

Santa Claus

The friend zone is not a concept that we menfolk get.
Most of the time, guys are more than willing to get with a girl that's interested in them, we just don't have the same hesitation that women do in these situations.

Also, most of us guys don't do subtlety..If you're interested in a guy make it obvious, little hints here and there can go un-noticed !

Nalz

Maybe you should take a risk? If they really are good friends of yours, they would understand if things turn a little pear shaped. You dont have anything to lose. If ya get on with someone really well, take the risk.

chandira

I'd take the leap and ask them out, or broach the subject in some way. The usual cause for ending up in the friend zone imo is when two people are both too timid to make a move for fear of seeming silly or whatever. But life's too short. If the person isn't into it, so what, it's nothing against you, and there are lots of people out there.

Hoping someone will pick up signals or waiting ages for another to make a move just lead to frustration. Seize the day and the fella

The Corinthian

Lose weight.

A bit judgemental, I know, but essentially you’ve said that all these guys like you for your personality, but are not physically attracted to you. Logic dictates that there’s something about you physically that they don’t find attractive - for which in Western Society the principle culprit tends to be obesity.

Of course there could be numerous other reasons, but given the lack of information in your post and applying Occham’s Razor to the problem, that would appear to be the solution.

LegacyUser

Maybe you should take a risk? If they really are good friends of yours, they would understand if things turn a little pear shaped. You dont have anything to lose. If ya get on with someone really well, take the risk.

The guy I particularly like at the moment knows I fancy him... and he's said before he just wants to be friends... I'm not really his type.

Lose weight.

A bit judgemental, I know, but essentially you’ve said that all these guys like you for your personality, but are not physically attracted to you. Logic dictates that there’s something about you physically that they don’t find attractive - for which in Western Society the principle culprit tends to be obesity.

Well I'm actually on a diet at the moment... I'm not *huge*, but I could probably do with losing a bit.

dlofnep

Ok, before I say this, please don't take it the wrong way. It's meant to be as constructive as possible.

Firstly, if the guy has already said he just wants to be your friend then forget about him. Plenty of other fellas out there for you. If you are overweight or not happy with your weight, hit a gym. Guys like women to be attractive.. I'm not saying blonde, blue eyes, 6 waist ect.. But I mean, confident in themselves, smart, fun and somewhat physically attractive. You don't have to look like a model, just take pride in your looks.

Set yourself on a 3 month plan. Set a target to lose a certain amoutn of weight. After the 3 months is up and you've hit your target, go out and buy some nice clothes for yourself. Treat yourself and learn how to become flirtacious. A girl I worked with liked me and I liked her, but I didn't know it for about 10 months until she told me. I would of never known. So flirt, be open and smile at a guy if you like him. If a girl smiles at me, that's an immediate turrn on.. Not sexually, on a mental level.. You know. I know she's noticed me or whatever.

I'm no Dr. Phil or anything, but I think you should work on making yourself happy and content with your look, then be a little bit more flirty

Hope this helps.

joshcork

I agree with the lads and gals i'd say if he's already said that he's only interested in being ya friend then thats it but things do change. Also a bit of eye contact and a smile goes a long way to encourage a conversation to start