Can't reach climax

lill ol me

Sorry if this offends anyone and if the mods want to delete it thats ok. Im not sure how far these topics can go before they are considered to bad for public viewing. Hence the reason why i set up another account under the name lill ol me cos alot of my freinds use read borads and i dont want them knowing who i really am.

anyways,

ive been with my girlfreind awhile now and recently we just started having sex. She is the first girl ive been with and its really nice but i cant climax. We went at if for almost 5 hrs friday morning and nothing. I know some ppl would kill to have this problem as they suffer from premature ejaculation but its just not fun if u cant reach climax.

We've been using durex extra safe condoms so im wondering has the thickness of these reduced the sensation but as she is the first girl ive ever had sex with ive nothing to base that assumtion on. We've talk about it and she does enjoy it enjoying it but hasnt really reached climax either.

Can anyone shed any advice on this?

aidan_walsh

Well, if you're getting upset about it during the act, thats only going to encourage the problem. Relax, don't worry about it and enjoy yourselves. It'll all come in time.

Bloody hell, is there no way to write something like this without the double entendres? =D

eth0_

Can you climax when you masturbate? If so then it's probably a psychological thing (are you doing it right, I hope she doesn't get pregnant etc etc), and extra safe are pretty thick.

Also, going at it for hours isn't going to do anything for either of you, you'll just get sore and pissed off. The more you think about it the less likely this problem will go away.

lill ol me

eth0_ wrote:

Can you climax when you masturbate? If so then it's probably a psychological thing (are you doing it right, I hope she doesn't get pregnant etc etc), and extra safe are pretty thick.

Yeah no problems when masturbating. Usually takes only a few mins which is why im wondering whats up. I am worried about all those things like am i doing it right, is she enjoying it, will i get her pregnant but i cant help that.

seamus

Sex is horribly awkward when you first get at it. Your body just isn't used to interacting with another like that. You're probably stressing far too much, as you say, "Am I doing it right?", "Is she enjoying it?", "Ow, my knee doesn't bend that way", etc etc

I would advise you to just enjoy the intimate experience as is, don't see climaxing as the goal. You don't have to come inside her, there's plenty more fun to be had when your ass muscles have cramped up.

Goodshape

It happens. Just learn to relax and go with the, erm, flow (hey, aidan_walsh, I think you're right!).

Also try not to think about it even if you can't cum.. no point in going past the point of enjoyment in a desperate attempt to shoot your load. As eth0_ said, you'll just get sore and pissed off.

muckwarrior

lill ol me wrote:

We've been using durex extra safe condoms so im wondering has the thickness of these reduced the sensation

In a word, yes! Durex extra safe do significantly reduce the sensation. There was a thread about this recently actually, have a look. Basically you should try the standard ones, and if you still have no luck then try the featherlite ones.

ZENER

What age group are you in ? Are you sure of your sexuality ?

ZEN

lill ol me

ZENER wrote:

What age group are you in ? Are you sure of your sexuality ?

ZEN

we're both 20. Im straight. there is no question about that! I love womens bodies to much to be gay!

elvis2002

well as I said on a previous post, extra safe is like wearing a raincoat. I find its almost impossible to come with those. Get yourself some featherlite. They are much thinner, give a freater sensation, not much but makes a big difference.

Civilian_Target

lill ol me wrote:

We've been using durex extra safe condoms so im wondering has the thickness of these reduced the sensation

Its like cutting the finger off a kitchen glove and attaching an industrial strength rubber band to the bottom. To say it reduces sensation's a gross understatement. As has already been said, get yourself some ribbed ones, and relax. If you're not relaxed and comfortable with what you're doing, you won't climax either. She's probably enjoying it a lot, so you'll be fine.

And finally, know thyself! Crack one off on yourself on the evenings when she's not about, it'll make you feel more comfortable

(I think that just about embarasses me sufficiently for this evening.)

Lady_Macbeth

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054871381

You might want to have a look at this thread that was posted recently enough. It's about the same kind of issue, except from the girl's perspective.

Generally, though, the advice is the same as has been posted here so far: relax and enjoy it. If the little voices in your head are screaming, 'when you gonna cum? when you gonna cum? you gonna cum at all? why haven't you cum yet? ffs, cum would you? omg, you're not gonna cum, are you? are you? ARE YOU?' then clearly your mind is focused elsewhere and not on enjoying the act of pleasure itself.

Forget about climaxing. The experience in itself - and in particular since it's your first time - should be one to which you thoroughly submit yourself. Anything else is simply subordinate to this. Enjoy yourself. Make sure your girlfriend is enjoying herself. Enjoy this together.

- Lady

AARRRGH

Don't worry about it. I assure you this problem will be dead and gone when you're my age (27).

There are all kinds of reasons why this is happen. Most likely it's some kind of minor shy/uncomfortable-with-sex-for-some-weird-reason/condom issue.

Stop worrying about it. You're not gay/weird. You're just going through a bad phase.

If it makes you feel any better, when I use condoms I really really really have to concentrate to get anywhere. I suspect it's the condoms.

Idbatterim

yeah, the extra safe are ridiculous, it got to a point where i wasnt even bothered having sex with them, you cant feel anything so im not surprised your not climaxing, try a thinner one and see what happens, should help alot...

AngryBadger

Stupid question probably, but have you ejaculated with her before from just fooling around?

If you have, then this is probably a stress reaction. There can be a lot of pressure associated with sex, and i don't just mean performance-wise, there's the whole added risk/eresponsibility of pregnancy and that whole side of things. Some guys can react to this by subconsciously refusing to let themselves relax enough to reach climax. it's kind of a control thing, we want the pleasure of sex, but we'd rather not take the risk of kids

If you have climazed with your girlfriend from foreplay I'd suggest adding some more of that to the sex, another idea might be to make an evening out of it. Have a few drinks, and a meal, or whatever you like doing together, spend the day building to it wiht a few risqué texts, flirting, all that jazz. By the time you start doing the nasty, you'll be so aroused from day-long inneundo, (and so relaxed from a few drinks and a nice evening), you may find it easier to just lose yourself in the rhythm....as it were

funk-you

Use different condoms, stop thinking about the goal and think about the fun you're having getting there and PERHAPS look into getting an STI check for the two of you and then look into other contraceptives(pill etc...)*. for me condoms are a nightmare anyway.


*I accept no responsibility for pregnancy or STI incurred due to my advice.



STOP thinking and just go for it
STOP thinking and just go for it
STOP thinking and just go for it


-Funk

eth0_

afaik extra safe are usually used for anal sex...

Talliesin

Get different condoms. Really, extra-safe are a bit much for vaginal intercourse, and they aren't as easy to use (not having the teat and hence requiring you to make sure there's a bit of room ahead of them makes them harder to put on).

If you've been going at penetration for so long and not getting anywhere then do something else for a bit, go back to cuddling, giving her head etc. (the etc. of course is up to you) and then return to penetration later - or not if one of you is really getting into what you're doing then, just stick with that, since it doesn't always have to end with penetration and the more comfortable you are with exploring and enjoying each others' bodies the less likely you'll be to have difficulties later on.

If you still find that you're the only one who can bring you to climax try watching each other as you each do so. Again, the more comfortable you become being sexual with each other the less likely continual problems will be.

LegacyUser

It's obvious you're all guys here! If I ever meet up and get with any of you lot I hope I have the good sense to run away before it's too late! I'm not takin' the p*ss either!

LegacyUser

Erm........why?

PeterGriffen

Female wrote:

It's obvious you're all guys here! If I ever meet up and get with any of you lot I hope I have the good sense to run away before it's too late! I'm not takin' the p*ss either!

Erm....... what was wrong with these posts exactly? It's a genuine problem. I had it for years and it used to cause serious problems in relationships.

Wibbs

I'd say the condoms too. That and nervousness and the different sensations that you're not used too. One trick, beyond changing the condoms is to slow down and focus on the feelings. The natural tendency is to speed up, but I reckon slow is the way to go. Look on the bright side, it's both a better thing than premature and easier to sort.

AngryBadger

Female wrote:

It's obvious you're all guys here! If I ever meet up and get with any of you lot I hope I have the good sense to run away before it's too late! I'm not takin' the p*ss either!

If you ever happened to meet any of us wouldn't that prove you had no sense, since in the first place you'd have to have arranaged to meet us? Thus proving you're a fool?

HAHA!! ZING!

Nevyn

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Thaedydal

Blisterman

This problem is usually caused by masturbating the same way for years, so your body becomes accustomed to it.
Try using different grips next time, to train yourself to come from different sensations.
Try holding back from masturbating for a few days before you have sex, also.

Slutmonkey57b

All good advice. Remember that up until this point your gf and you have both been using mental stimulation to climax. Try talking more and hammering less (as it were). Talk about what you're feeling physically, what's comfortable, what's good, what's not working. Better communication = better sex. Don't be afraid to experiment.

Tar.Aldarion

Have a look at the past threads on things like this,
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=290754&highlight=sensitive
etc
Hopefully it's not a medical problem!

LegacyUser

Dude what you gotta do is buy the ultra thin and ribbed condoms they work great and another thing oral sex greatly increases the chances of reaching climax for both of you because you both release natural pheramones in your pubic area that will drive each other wild try that on each other and also the condoms. You will be surprized how good it works just remember longer foreplay increases sexual arousal for you both and makes it easier but definatly try oral I promise it will work for you both and you will notice how aroused both of you will be then move on to sex and don't think about it just let it happen it will I promise!