Self harm, depression etc.

LegacyUser

Hey,
Im going to make this as short as i can.

Basically ive been cutting myself for almost 4yrs, ive tried to stop plenty of times but have failed. The reasons why I do this are varied im terribly self conscious and get stressed over tiny things. A few yrs ago i confided in some "friends" however, some of them told others and one in particular broke my trust and thought this was acceptable because of this i trust no one. I feel so alone sometimes because very few people understand why im doing this. Recently ive become very low, i just wake up and dread school and have missed a lot of it because of this. ive stopped eating recently its not intentional i just dont feel hungry. My relationship with my parents has never been good so i tell them absolutely nothing about me.
Anyway, the main thing is i want to stop this so i need some opinions on what to do.

thanks

Gordon

Well, first off you should give the Samaritans a call or send them an email, they are very supportive. Check out the sticky link at the top of PI here.

LegacyUser

Hi. I went through a phase of self harming. For me it was a way of dealing with rage that I just couldnt deal with and a way of feeling something other than the emotional aneomia. alienation and isolation, I was going through. When you cant turn anger outward you turn it inward and self destruct.

The Samaratins are a great help. Take advantage of it. If I were you I wouldnt confide in anyone but a professional. Most people dont understand what its about and they will either not know what to say or think your crackers. Eitherway, you're not going to get the support or empathy you need. And you'll end up feeling more alone and betrayed.

Your friend may have mistakenly worried that self-harm is indicative of a future suicide attempt and perhaps felt the need to alert someone.

Nalz

Gordon wrote:

Well, first off you should give the Samaritans a call or send them an email, they are very supportive. Check out the sticky link at the top of PI here.

Yeah, the Samaritons are a good step. They are really helpful. Ive never been down really to understand why people would cut themselves but if you were to think that everytime you go to harm yourself your harming all the people that care about you too. And no matter what you say I know ther is poeple out there that care about you, your parents for one. Seriously you must consider others also with your actions. Chin up, from what I read your still in school and life hasnt really begun for you. I know school can be a horrible experience for some, but honestly things will gradually pick up if youi let them. Just hang in there.

How old are you?
male/female?

jrey1981

Is there any way that you can channel your emotions and provide an outlet for what you feel?

It seems you have taken a big step in recognising you have a problem - in self harming and not eating.

Talking to someone at the Samaritans might help this as others have suggested, or writing down your feelings and then, if you do not feel comfortable talking to your parents, why not get them to read what you have written?

Regarding school, if you are no longer happy there, then there seems to be no sense in going into a pressurised environment that may bring on what you are feeling.

Gaillimhtaibhse

LS wrote:

Basically ive been cutting myself for almost 4yrs, ive tried to stop plenty of times but have failed.

Contacting the Samaritans may be helpful.

i trust no one. I feel so alone sometimes because very few people understand why im doing this.

I understand depression. Been there. But I also know joy. When I first entered the teens, I used to cycle between joy and depression. No one understood this either. Got therapy. Helped some, but the cycling continued. Became focused on a sport (taekwondo) and this helped a lot. Gave me feelings of control and greater self-esteem. It may or may not be for you, but then again, perhaps there is something that you could focus on that would do the same for you? All you need to do is find it. If you want to chat, send me a PM.

b3t4

LS wrote:

Hey,
Basically ive been cutting myself for almost 4yrs, ive tried to stop plenty of times but have failed.

Try not to look at the negative so much. At least you did try to stop and well done for trying. :-)

A few yrs ago i confided in some "friends" however

Do you see the way you referenced these people that were in your life?? You and I both know that true friends do not do things like this. True friends are shocked and they don't know what to do but they will be there for you when you need them. Just don't lean on them too much as they are not the professionals and have their own sh!t to deal with.

I feel so alone sometimes because very few people understand why im doing this.

The thing is though is that you are not alone. I've known and know of a fair few people who self harm.

ive stopped eating recently its not intentional i just dont feel hungry.

Your appetite will return once you sort out your feelings. Try not to add stress on top of stress. Eat what you can and give your body some time.

My relationship with my parents has never been good so i tell them absolutely nothing about me.

You are probably living at home right now and things are strained. Give it a couple of years and you will be able to move out and your life will change for the better. Believe me I know. I know that right now that feels like a million years away but its really only around the corner. Every minute may seem like an hour now but things can and will change. Also, for the moment, try and find ways that you can spend your afternoon somewhere other than in your house. Go to the cinema, for a walk, for a cycle...

Anyway, the main thing is i want to stop this so i need some opinions on what to do.

I hate to be the bringer of bad news but this will take an awful lot of time. Self harm is like an addiction. It's easy, quick and very satisfying, so it can seem like it has all the answers when you are at your lowest and don't know what to do.

Try to replace the self harm with the following methods:
1. Write down all your feelings on paper. It's not an english essay so it doesn't have to make sense at all. If you are worried about people finding it either tear it up into very small pieces or burn it.
2. Hit a pillow against as wall using all your force and energy. What ever is upsetting you pretend that the wall is it.

Another thing is to not consider yourself a failure if you have a relapse. Just get back on the band wangon.

Seek out a counsellor in your school or near to your school. The school should be able to get you in contact with someone. Also, this won't be shouted from the room tops so just take the time to ask someone for help :-)

Best of luck,
A.

LegacyUser

Lots of people do this. Not that I'm saying its' right. But you arn't alone. Lots of people use it as a way of dealing with thing.

Personally I've known 2 girls that have done it to themselves. One of them I knew for like a year before I found out... only when I started to date her. I went out with her for about 2 years and in that time helped her to stop.

B3T4 says a lot of good things... from a person who know a lot about Self Harm what from helping someone who did it for years to stop, listen to him/her.

You will try and stop and you will go back and do it again, but each time you try and you are conscious of what has happened and you do not give up, each time will get better, eventually you will do it less and less often.

Also there is LOADS of info out there on the net.

This is just one link

http://www.selfharm.org.uk/

Good luck.