Trying to change...

Iofur

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Ok so, I have been out about 4yrs now and I would like to believe that I am completely comfortable with my sexuality. When I came to college I felt that I could finally be open about who I am and how proud of that fact I was. And it seemed to work generally people accepted me and I made many friends.

One year later, things started to turn really sour, I guess people who knew me only really saw that one side of me as if all I had to offer in a friendship was my sexuality. A few of my 'friends' and I parted company never to talk again (unless you'd count the odd icy glare as common etiquette). Around this stage I realised myself that this is all people really know me as, everytime I held a conversation with someone, it somehow turned out to be a conversation about 'being gay'. I started to find myself questioning myself, who I really was and was I truely happy with my decisions.

This in turn led to feelings of greater self-disappointment and inevitably I fell into depression. I realise that being a teenager, hormones are still topsy-turvy and everyone is constantly looking for an identity but I find myself trying to shed one and adopt another.

By doing this many of my close friends and even my immediate family have begun to wonder if I am ok. I have told one or two that I dont to want be 'gay' gay, anymore but I just want to be known as a person and not as a three letter word. I realise that it is my own fault for pushing that image in the first place but now I am trying to change and it is getting so hard to try and get people to see the real me. They either think I am a total closed off mess or just being stupid. This is also playing havok with my mind when it comes to relationships and as such I have opted out of trying to find someone, or be with anyone because I know that I am not all currently there right now.

I was just wondering if anybody else on these boards, has gone through anything similar and if so, how they dealt with it, themselves?
Is it actually possible to really change?
I know I shouldn't care what people say or think about me but that is easier said than done and this whole thing is really eating me up inside.


*''gay'' gay - effeminate queeny tramp bitch (my apologies to anyone who takes offence to this)

Lux23

Hi. I can't really comment on your problem but it may be a good a idea to post this problem on gaire as it has alot of gay members.

Iofur

Lux23 wrote:

Hi. I can't really comment on your problem but it may be a good a idea to post this problem on gaire as it has alot of gay members.

what and where is it?

thanks

Canis Lupus

How about the gay forum on boards

MicraBoy

The LGBT forum on boards is here.

Are you trying to say you don't want to be a camp gay man? If so I am not sure there is much you can do about that except to recognise that campness is not a trait exclusive to gay men. Do a search for the tread on campness (or was it straight acting) in the LGBT forum.

Being bitchy and trampy are traits you can definitely change about yourself, but again aren't the sole preserve gay men.

Not being yourself is bad for you no matter whether you are trying to be more straight acting ar trying to act camper just because you are gay.

kittenkiller

We all go through a stage of being ruled by our sexuality. For a lot of people this happens at a younger age when you're just discovering yourself & forming a sexual identity.
Most of us are fortunate enough to go through this stage with our peers & in turn grow out of it with them.

It seems like you had to go it pretty much alone & as you made new friends at this period, they may only know you as a guy who is over interested in his sexuality.
If they have any cop-on, they'll go with the changes & discover the other side of you too.

When I was 15ish, all I could go on about was this guy & yer man from over there & what I did or didn't do with so&so & the like.
I was just discovering the other new side of myself.
After a while I calmed down about it & realised that my 'romantic' life wasn't the be all & end all of conversation topics.
Luckily, my friends were going throught he same thing & we all kind of moved on together.

Gradually tone things down, but don't feel the need to censor yourself, if you want to share something that happened or a problem or issue or tell a filthy joke, do.
No one'll think any the less of you.
Just be sure you have other things to talk about as well (i'm sure you do) to boost peoples interest in you as something other than 'that gay guy'.

Don't worry about it. We've (mostly) all been there.

jimmycrackcorm

Actually - from reading your post you come across as a women! - not trying to sound insulting or anything such like. But it reminds me so much of at least one ex falling out with their friends in such a manner that I wouldn't have with my friends. Que Icy Glare....

lacuna

What about taking up some hobby or other. Then you're in a situation with new people who all have a common interest which you can talk about. It'll also afford you the opportunity to talk to your current friends about something you do without it being related to your sexuality.

Bear in mind that just because you're gay doesn't mean that everyone you talk to has to be made aware of your sexual orientation. It doesn't have to define you. It's merely one aspect of you.