older guys....Good or bad?

LegacyUser

Right so here goes, my problem if you could call it that is that i seem to be attracted to older guys,im talking 8,9,10 years here... not guys that i just randomly see, ones i meet through others and grow to know. im pretty mature and people tend to think im a good 5 years older than i am because of this.
i have been in relationships with guys my own age but they just dont seem to do it for me anymore.
i know alot of people wouldnt approve of a relationship of that age gap.
maybe its the experience they have,their levels of maturity,i dont know.
im a good looking girl,i get plenty of offers, but given the chance id go for the older guy.
i know they like me too, not as sleeze bags but as a genuine person.
i know i shouldnt be going for men that age(im 18) and all my friends think im mad...
but then again i dont know if its just these guys i know or most older guys that tickle my fancy.there couldnt be any proper relationship with these guys,due to or lifestyles but still.
i guess im just a bit confused and had ta get that out.....
maybe its a security thing...?

BoozyBabe

IMO, age gap matters less the older you get.
18 does seem a bit young to be going out with say a 27 year old.

You possibly want to be out living your life with your mates, partying it up every weekend, whereas your 27yr old bf has been there, done that & now couldn't be ar$ed!

But just because there's an age gap doesn't mean it's not going to work.

My ex was 9 years older than me & we went out for 5 years.
(The breakup was actually because he wasn't ready to commit!!!)

Heyes

nah dont be stressing about it, im sometimes kinda the same as yourself. Just enjoy life, if you end up falling for an older guy so be it, dont let a number affect your decisions.

Age is but a number

Bluetonic

BoozyBabe wrote:

You possibly want to be out living your life with your mates, partying it up every weekend, whereas your 27yr old bf has been there, done that & now couldn't be ar$ed!

Thats a complete load of illogical nonsense. There is an much or as little chance as that being the case or not the case.

I guess ageism is alive and well.

Lux23

I prefer older men myself so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Beruthiel

BoozyBabe wrote:

You possibly want to be out living your life with your mates, partying it up every weekend, whereas your 27yr old bf has been there, done that & now couldn't be ar$ed

I know it's hard for you youngsters to believe, but some grownups actually like to party well into their 30's

BoozyBabe

Bluetonic wrote:

Thats a complete load of illogical nonsense. There is an much or as little chance as that being the case or not the case.

I guess ageism is alive and well.

Bluetonic:- I just gave a possibility of what could happen!!

No need to brand it illogical nonsense!

Have you been in a long term relationship with a 9 year age gap when you were 18???????

I was 20 when I began mine & these are things that happen.
I never once said that this will always happen & every guy at 27 will have done all his partying etc, just that in some cases it could be the case.

I went on to say that I didn't let an age gap get in the way of my relationship, so by no means should she decide based on age alone that a relationship is not going to work.

SexeeAussie

Beruthiel wrote:

I know it's hard for you youngsters to believe, but some grownups actually like to party well into their 30's

hehehe, yeh, speaking from the standpoint of another 'oldie', occasionally after I get my hair 'set' and I buy a new frock, I might go out after 6pm...... ;-)

Nah, seriously, I had a child at 19....with a 26 year old.....that sounds like a hell of a difference doesn't it...but now we are 31 and 38.......that doesn't raise an eyebrow.

I guess it really depends on the maturity of the people involved, my ex was 31, I was 30.....he acted like a 17 year old. So, it goes to show that age is just a number......

(as long as there are no laws being broken!)

Rach

Bluetonic

BoozyBabe wrote:

I just gave a possibility of what could happen!!

No need to brand it illogical nonsense!

Theres are a million and one things that could happen in the example relationship, just becasue they could happen its not to say that they are not illogical or nonsense.

The Corinthian

Reminds me of a conversation I had with a former colleague a few years ago over a few drinks, where she confessed that I was the type of guy she would have gone for back when she was 21; to which I confessed that were she 21, I might have been interested.

It’s not uncommon for women to be attracted to older men and, TBH, the older you get the more irrelevant age gaps become. I wouldn’t worry about it, if I were you.

AngryBadger

There are no rules as per who you should, and shouldn't go out with. What there are, is scores of csocial conventions, and paradigms. If you and this guy are on the same wavelength, and looking for the same things from each other, then great, however,

1) At 18, you're only just stepping into the world, you don't really know yourself, or what you'd like to do with your life, (probably), so I have to ask, why are you racing into a relationship with a guy who's nearly a decade your senior, and probably looking for some kind of settled life, or else just a piece of ass? Wouldn't it make more sense to go for someone a little closer to your own age, with goals, and aspiration a little closer to your own? I'm not saying a 19-year old, but maybe someone in their early twenties would be a better choice, (i mean they're still older than you and so should tickle your fancy, right?)

2) And I'm going to get flamed for this. Maybe you're incredibly mature for an 18-year old, but isn't it equaly possibl that a guy chasing you, who's 10 years your senior, is a litle lacking in the maturity himself?

I guess, to me, it just seems that with that big an age difference there's going to be some disparity between what the two of you are looking for.

py2006

I'm a 28 yr old bloke and always went for the younger gal! I am not sure why, I think I am afraid of older women.

But the younger girl has to be reasonably mature, which most 20-something girls are anyway.

I couldn't see myself with an 18yr old. I'd feel almost like a perv. Although having said that I remember getting chatty with this girl who I thought was really nice. I assumed she was about 23-24 from the way she carried herself and spoke but as it turned out she barely turned 18.

Its a mad world I tell ya.

*Oul_Doll_Cork*

8 or 9 years isnt that much of a gap! It might be when your a bit younger but as you get older it doesn't matter atall! My sister was 19 when she met her husband who was 28 at the time! When she was celebrating her 21st he was celebrating his 30th!! Age is only a number at the end of the day and if you really love someone and get on really well then it shouldn't matter!!

Oh and my sister is now 26 her husband is 35 and believe me they know how to party!!!! :rolleyes: hehe

fischerspooner

I'm 25 and my gf is 32. There is no age issue with us but the thing is I have no intentions of settling down or marriage or kids for a LONG time if ever, whereas I'm sure she's going to start hassling me soon enough. I've been going out with her for a year now but for her sake she'd be better off with someone her own age or older I reckon.

hepcat

fischerspooner wrote:

I'm 25 and my gf is 32. There is no age issue with us but the thing is I have no intentions of settling down or marriage or kids for a LONG time if ever, whereas I'm sure she's going to start hassling me soon enough. I've been going out with her for a year now but for her sake she'd be better off with someone her own age or older I reckon.

Lucky girl...does she know all this? Or do you wait til she starts "hassling" you?

JustCoz

Well if your preference is older guys then there's nothing you can really do about it. I don't think older men are a problem but I don't think I could ever go out with somebody younger than me.

Lux23

Lux23 wrote:

I prefer older men myself so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

me too, each to their own and all that
whatever turns ya on !!:D
i just cant deal with blokes my age all ego ,mind games and immaturity :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

fischerspooner

hepcat wrote:

Lucky girl...does she know all this? Or do you wait til she starts "hassling" you?

Less of the sarcasm please. Well I've never said I wanted kids and she knows me well enough to know I wont be settling down for a long time so if she wants out she can go whenever she wants, in the meantime she's a good girlfriend to have.

Zombrex

AngryBadger wrote:

2) And I'm going to get flamed for this. Maybe you're incredibly mature for an 18-year old, but isn't it equaly possibl that a guy chasing you, who's 10 years your senior, is a litle lacking in the maturity himself?

Was going to say exactly the same thing.

(To OP) While there is nothing "wrong" with going out with someone 10 years older than you, just from my experience of watching my female friends do this you kinda have to wonder why is a 27 year old man going out with an 18 year old girl.

It is a bit of a stereotype, but it could be that a) it is a bit of an early mid-life crisis, and having trouble setting into being an "adult" and he wants a girl young who reminds of of when he was that age (btw I've seen this happen with girls as well as guys. b) he himself is quite immature and finds it difficult with women his own age so turns to someone much younger than him who is more impressed by his age than people is own age.

So, not saying there is anything wrong with what you are doing, but it is something to keep in mind.

Homer J Simpson

Nothing wrong with age difference at all. I believe it boils down to the maturity levels of the people involved.

People want different things at different stages of their lives. If this is what you want then go for it.

I hope it works out for you.

Sleepy

OP - you really should look at guys closer your own age again.

At 18 you're not nearly as mature as you think you are. I'm not trying to be condescending but believe me, when you look back at yourself as you are now in just 5 years time you'll probably laugh at the little girl who felt she was so mature. I know I thought I was the height of maturity at 18 as did a lot of people I know and tbh none of us had a drop of sense between us.

As AngryBadger pointed out, you should have some serious questions of any guy in his late twenties who'd even consider a relationship with an 18 year old. Any guy over 25 has probably been around the block a few times and there are possibly good reasons why he's still single. There are probably other reasons why he'd be prepared to date someone so much younger than himself and tbh I can't think any of those reasons that could be considered as a "good thing" by a potential mate.

I'm 25 and single myself and like py2006 I'd definitely feel like a perv if I was with a girl your age.

Look to guys that are a couple of years older than you, maybe 20/21 years old (though you'll find that even some guys that age will have a problem with an age gap). Try looking for guys outside of the pub/club environment and perhaps in different circles than you normally frequent.

My own younger brother is 18 and I can go drinking with his friends and find them reasonably mature, his female friends are totally off-limits for me but I can enjoy myself and have quite mature conversations with. Some of them are completely immature but then again so are some of my own mates that are in their 30's.

Vangelis

18 too young for 27?

I'm 19, my boyfriend is 29. I'm turning 20 in three months time. I first got to know him four months before I turned 18 and he was 27 at that time.

Our relationship is exceptional to others, I think, but it's not impossible. And he doesn't feel like a pervert. And I don't think I'm mature either even though people tell me I am all the time. I have a lot to learn. But that doesn't keep me from being in the best relationship I could ever have. I suppose most people are incapable of understanding me because most people don't believe such a relationship is possible.

Nalz

Heyes wrote:

nah dont be stressing about it, im sometimes kinda the same as yourself. Just enjoy life, if you end up falling for an older guy so be it, dont let a number affect your decisions.

Ah come on now, the girl is 18, and I'd def draw the line if the guy was older 23/24...she's just not old enough no matter how mature she is to go with some one 8 years older....

fischerspooner

Vangelis wrote:

18 too young for 27?

I'm 19, my boyfriend is 29. I'm turning 20 in three months time. I first got to know him four months before I turned 18 and he was 27 at that time.

So you were 17 and he was 27. That's just weird - I'm 25 now and there's no way I would have anything in common with a 17 18 19 year old. Are you sure your boyfriend is alright in the head? Sure the thought of mauling younger women appeals to all men sexually (well me anyway) but I could never go out with one!!!

Vangelis

fischerspooner wrote:

So you were 17 and he was 27. That's just weird - I'm 25 now and there's no way I would have anything in common with a 17 18 19 year old. Are you sure your boyfriend is alright in the head? Sure the thought of mauling younger women appeals to all men sexually (well me anyway) but I could never go out with one!!!

You just confirmed my point: Few people understand me.

Yes, I am very sure he is sane and not a womanizer who exploits me. And he is neither a psychopath. I've been advised on what bad signs to look for. He is perfectly fine.

michaelanthony

Older guys are usually trouble

fischerspooner

Few people understand you? We understand you... obviously drawn to the older man, that's a natural thing sometimes with women, but we don't understand why a 27 year old would go out with a girl 10 years younger than you. Is your father around? Man if a 29 year old was tupping my 19 year old daughter he'd be in a spot of bother I tell you...

nitrogen

When a guy gets older, if he's wise, he also likes his women older.

The Corinthian

Sleepy wrote:

I'm 25 and single myself and like py2006 I'd definitely feel like a perv if I was with a girl your age.

This topic has come up a good few times before, but as an observation it was noted that men in their late twenties or over (and who don’t have daughters :rolleyes: ), and women of all ages generally expressed favour, while men in their early twenties and under expressed general disfavour.

Demographically you’re probably going to change your mind fairly soon.

Fast_Mover

well im 18 and i dont think i could go out with a 27year old..we in totally different stages of our lives..besides i have two older brothers of 23 and 25, so lik he'd be older than them and that would be just plain weird..they'd(my brothers)would want to know what his story was, they'd prob see him as a perv and they only want the best for their lil sis:D

my parents 'in theory' couldnt really say anything to me..i can date a man 12years older than myself, im using the basis of their own 12year age gap;) ..my mother was 21 or 22 when they met..but as you get older the age gap isnt an issue.

personally i dont see me heading down the older older man route at all...tho as they say you cant help who you fall in love with and all...

F_M

simu

Who cares once everyone is over the age of consent. After that, it's purely a matter of taste.

Simple, really.

AngryBadger

The Corinthian wrote:

Demographically you’re probably going to change your mind fairly soon.

lmfao I love it!

Font22

go for older men if u are attracted to them, no prob there, just be careful.
i think older guys are probably a good bet to be honest, guys my age are all idots as far as i'm concerned.

Heyes

Trilla wrote:

Ah come on now, the girl is 18, and I'd def draw the line if the guy was older 23/24...she's just not old enough no matter how mature she is to go with some one 8 years older....

Ah i know, one tends to really grow up a lot between even the ages of 18 and 24.. i suppose i was been kinda general with my answer, i think as you grow older age is not really so relevant.

Nalz

Heyes wrote:

Ah i know, one tends to really grow up a lot between even the ages of 18 and 24

yep...whatever u think there "heyes"

Heyes

Trilla wrote:

yep...whatever u think there "heyes"

ya do.. im 25 now, and a very different person to when i was 18 ?!..

AngryBadger

Font22 wrote:

i think older guys are probably a good bet to be honest, guys my age are all idots as far as i'm concerned.

Thats' obviously a very open minded opinion you're offering so.

dundalk cailin

i find myself attracted to guys slightly younger than me (couple of months younger) most often. but sometimes find myself with guys in mid 20s. relationship wise, id say it'd be with someone the same age

Nalz

Heyes wrote:

ya do.. im 25 now, and a very different person to when i was 18 ?!..

ah your 25, oh ok if ya say so... thanks for lettin me know.

I still think its a bit big of a gap for the OP, but by the looks of things others think its okay so I dunno! Personally, Im 23 and 18 would be just a little to young for me...but then again, horses for courses

BigArnie

I have to say, as a 28 year old man I wouldn't go near a woman of 18. Most women at that age, no matter how mature they behave or how grown up they think they are, simply don't appreciate a good man, don't know what they want out of life and, whether they like it or not, aren't as mature as they think they are :eek: Buyer beware

Heyes

Trilla wrote:

ah your 25, oh ok if ya say so... thanks for lettin me know.

was just trying to get a point across.:rolleyes:

Vangelis

Girls become mature much sooner than guys. So I don't find it strange that young girls(18-20) are attracted to older guys. I know I could find a mature man my own age, but I haven't. And I have no issues being with a mature man. It's good for my health.

Caution is always necessary though! Some men have cruel intentions. Whereas when me and my boyfriend first got to know eachother, he thought I was 25. I told him quickly that I was 17 turning 18, but he didn't mind. My age didn't matter because of what I was like. It's an exceptional case. And I don't encourage young ladies to look for "wise" grown men. But they are lucky and should appreciate if they find one.

Nalz

Vangelis wrote:

Girls become mature much sooner than guys. So I don't find it strange that young girls(18-20) are attracted to older guys. I know I could find a mature man my own age, but I haven't. And I have no issues being with a mature man. It's good for my health.

rubbish.. absolute rubbish. I remember sitting through school wondering what the fúck all the girls in my class where like? maybe you had a few bad experiences with men, or all the men you know took longer to mature, but for fúck sake ya cant say that.

BigArnie

Vangelis wrote:

Girls become mature much sooner than guys.

Ah the age-old adage spouted by women everywhere. It's one of the most idiotic bits of generalising you'll ever hear. Women DO NOT mature at an earlier age than guys. Not only are there no statistics to prove it and it's not even common knowledge (depite it's constant reiteration) but I think we all know that SOME women mature at an earlier age than SOME men and others don't.

lazydaisy

I agree Big Arnie. But its nonsense that is spouted by men also - you know older men who are dating and sleeping with women half their age and then justify it with "women mature faster than us so we should go out with younger women."

If you're older and dating someone younger, it may be fun, but it can also be lonely, because you acquire layers of experience as you get older and younger people wont be able to relate to you necessarily.

And then there's the obvious practicalities of people being at different stages in their lives and seeking different things and priorities in their relationships.

BigArnie

lazydaisy wrote:

But its nonsense that is spouted by men also - you know older men who are dating and sleeping with women half their age and then justify it with "women mature faster than us so we should go out with younger women."

I have to say, I've never heard a man justify going out with a younger woman by using this excuse. I agree with everything else you said though.

dundalk cailin

my just-turned-19 year old friend has starting going out with a 29 year old..they're great together..when i met him, she asked me what age i thought he was, i said 21, 22? he seems a lot younger than 29 and she is mature for her age, so i say all the best to them and any other couple who vary in age

Sleepy

The Corinthian wrote:

This topic has come up a good few times before, but as an observation it was noted that men in their late twenties or over (and who don’t have daughters :rolleyes: ), and women of all ages generally expressed favour, while men in their early twenties and under expressed general disfavour.

Demographically you’re probably going to change your mind fairly soon.

Sure, there's an appeal to 18 year old girls (they haven't added on the fresher's fifty yet) but I'd just consider it taking advantage of kids tbh.

If I change my mind in the next year or two, I'll dig up this thread...

simu

Sleepy wrote:

(they haven't added on the fresher's fifty yet)

What's a fresher's 50?

Sleepy

It's an American college joke about first year women putting on 50 pounds as they discover the joys of alcohol

sky_2005

im 19 my bf is 27 everythings good, its ur choice if u have feelings for that person and just make sure that he respect u.