Scared !

Miss M

Hi,

This is my first time to use this so hope it works out ! I logged on yesterday for the first time cos I was actually looking for Bell X1 tickets and then I stumbled across the personal forum.

Basically I read the thread on 'how to get someone out of your head' and I'm terrified ! If that poor guy is still upset after 5 months how am I going to cope.

My boyfriend of 9 years broke up with me before Christmas. Wasnt coping too badly but on New years day I found out that there was someone else involved and this has seriously set me back. Hes the only boyfriend i've ever had and I've never really gone through this before. I cant eat or sleep. He told me I was the one and we were going to get married. I made all my plans around him and put 110% into the relationship. I dont know a life on my own and I dont know how I'll get through this. Everytime i think of him with someone else I feel physically sick. I couldnt even bring myself to look at someone else right now.

I know everyone says that time is the great healer but has anyone any suggestions for the short term cos really not coping too well at all.

AngryBadger

Time is a great healer, but it's a lousy deal getting there.

I don't think there's any one way to get over someone, what I would suggest is indulging yourself for a while, spend some time watching the movies you love, eating the food you like, bust out a little, treat yourself. A large part of getting over a break-up is that we wonder if we did something wrong. Thing is it's not like that.

Anyway, at the rsik of turning this into a ramble, treat yourself for a while, try to avoid the guilt spiral that we al go through after a break-up, and try not to pressure yourself into feeling better, it'll come of its own acord, as will attractions to other people

Heyes

You should spend time with your family and friends, and try and take your mind off it. It is going to be very tough for a while. but you will become stronger because of it.
Give yourself time - yes i know you said yourself "time is a healer" but it is, believe me. I ve been heartbroken myself over time, but time and friends have helped me a lot. And i am actually a much stronger and more independant person because of it.

jay-me

Find sum1 new plenty of singles on the forum....some cute too.

Nalz

Miss M wrote:

I know everyone says that time is the great healer but has anyone any suggestions for the short term cos really not coping too well at all.

Smile
Keep busy
Buy new clothes / CDs / change your room /change your appearance even
Stay the same person though
expand your phonebook / be a nicer person (if thats possible)
look on the bright side if ya can
put on the brave face
talk to your family if they go to talk to you about it
pick one really good mate and let it all out to them - dont bottle it up
anytime you want to call or text him - call your friend/sister/brother
dont tell the whole world your story - keep your head up for as long as possible
dont take up smoking/ aggressive drinking / drugs
try and juggle the whole "cryin one minute/gotta get out and have fun the next" scenario as best ya can
dont make a scene in public - control the anger
live life - the clock is ticking

goodluck your gonna need it, we all did and do


PS - dont get involved with married men, relations or friends of your ex!

Nalz

jay-me wrote:

Find sum1 new plenty of singles on the forum....some cute too.

I dont think she's at that stage yet...like she said "physically sick" if she thought of someone else. I hate to admit it but I know what she means

hullaballoo

Have to agree with Trilla on that one, there seems to always be an initial feeling of wanting to kiss someone else, for the novelty, and because the break-up hasn't sunk in yet. This only lasts until you start to feel the pain of it, then there's just no chance you could find anyone else appealing for a while.

The exact same is just after happening to me, and that's the stage I'm at now. I keep on seeing my ex all over college with the other guy too, and that makes me literally sick to the stomach, not to mention weak at the knee.

*Oul_Doll_Cork*

After 9 years going out with someone it's definatly hard to move on! Try and think about it from a different angle, this person has been your life for the past 9 years, I'm going to take a guess here and say you both met when you were in your late teens? Well, if that's the case then there is probably so much you didn't do back then that you would have loved to have done??

The thing that most people miss when they break up in my opinion is routine! You find yourself getting bored at 9 o clock at night when you would usually be with your partner watching corrie of something silly like that! Also you find yourself missing his family a lot!!! You need to occupy yourself, go out with your friends, even if your not feeling up to it make the effort and get out there. As time goes on the pain will hurt less and less!!

Just hold your head up high in the meantime. Don't get too drunk and make a phonecall that you will regret! This isn't the end of the world, I know it may seem like it but everything happens for a reason and this could be the start of something even better!! I hope everything works out for you girl, I really do.

BigArnie

Look at it this way - it's the beginning of a new life for you. One that you hadn't planned on but that's full of incredible possibilities. Far better than the one you had planned with your ex! It's what you make it and once time has healed the bruises, you can get on with your new life and f**king enjoy it you will

senordingdong

Make time for things you wouldn't have done/had time to do while you were in a relationship...like going out with your friends more, going on holidays and most importantly, meeting new people.

theluckyduck

I had to go through something like this myself! Don't worry too much or think it was something u did, if you were with him for such a long period you must be a pretty amazing person. When i went through something like this i couldn't look at any girl, i was just not interested. So I spent my time in the gym, partied and hung out with old and new friends! I now couldn't be happier cus now i have an amazing girlfriend, i have become pretty damn muscley and i am having great craic. I guess what i am tryin to say is ride out the storm cus it can't last forever!

ARGINITE

AngryBadger wrote:

Time is a great healer, but it's a lousy deal getting there.

Its true just take it one day at a time and after a while you will think about them a little less every day. Until you relise that you haven't taught about them for a whole week. I went through the nearly the same thing last year. The first month is really really hard but after about 3 months thing got a lot better for me and now I really dont think about her any more.

Do the following:

senordingdong wrote:

Make time for things you wouldn't have done/had time to do while you were in a relationship...like going out with your friends more, going on holidays and most importantly, meeting new people

Santa Claus

Trilla wrote:

I dont think she's at that stage yet...like she said "physically sick" if she thought of someone else. I hate to admit it but I know what she means

Some confusion here, OP said she's physically sick at the thought of the ex with someone else !

Nalz

Miss M wrote:

I couldnt even bring myself to look at someone else right now.

Okay - confusin cleared up?

Victor

Talk to someone, explain how you feel.

muppetkiller

My advise is Go travel ..it's a great thing to do on your own ...It's great for personal development and confidence too.
It might sound like a crazy idea but it's so easy to meet new friends/people on your own and you'll be in a different mind set too..
lots of new things to do see etc..will push this person further from your thoughts..
thats my opinion ...:D
best of luck ...
and another thing since when did we get a singles Forum
i'll have to check that out...lol

Mr Magnolia

Try and spend time out and about with friends and family. If it's practical, you should go on a holiday or take a 'break away' with a mate(s).
Hope you feel better soon...

TheVan

I went through the same thing and I've come out the other side so i know what you're feeling. Myself and my girlfriend (only one so far) broke up after over 3 years and I found it very tough afterwards.
Getting away on a holiday is good. It helps to have a break from any situation that might remind you of them. Spend time with friends. They're the best people to help you through it. Talk to your friends about it.
When you find someone else you like you will feel different about it. After that you begin to understand that sometimes relationships don't work out for whatever reason and in the cold light of day have a clearer view of your relationship.
It's not going to be easy but you will get through it.

dudara

Breaking up is one of the hardest things to do. Finding out that there was a third person involved is a kick to the nuts (if you're male) or gut (if female). The thought of your partner with someone else can make you physically sick.

But if he was lying to you, then you know in your heart and soul that you're better off apart. Take this time to find yourself. For 9 years you've been a part of a couple. Develop yourself now.

Miss M

Hi guys,

Thanks for all the support. I didnt realise the internet could be such a comfort.

Fel much better after even posting the thread yesterday and I even got up in good form this morning. Then Bang ! Got an email from him tdoay at lunch time asking if I was ok and if there was anything he could do for me to let me know. In fairness, what could he possibly do for me except mend my broken heart and well he's not going to do that. I want to tell him not to contact me but I still love to hear from him as much as it kills me. I still get butterflies when I see his name come up on the screen. But I have to remember the lies he has told and the hurt he has caused.

I think I will go away for a weekend though to visit some friends and treat myself to a bit of retail therapy !

foggy

Now is also the time when lots of new evening classes start.
I'm guessing if you were with this guy for 9 years your social circle might clash with his.
Get out and do an evening class. learn to swim or do a car maintenance class, even dance classes. The people doing the classes with you won't know you are recovering from a broken heart and will take you as you are. No solitious 'are you okay' 'can i do anything for you'. You get to be yourself and perhaps make some new friends as well.

Best of luck.

cordelia

dudara wrote:

...if he was lying to you, then you know in your heart and soul that you're better off apart. Take this time to find yourself. For 9 years you've been a part of a couple. Develop yourself now.

Wise words.

Miss M

Going to go to New York for a weekend and roll on the single life !

Mr Magnolia

Glad to hear your getting on with life!

Angels

Miss M wrote:

Going to go to New York for a weekend and roll on the single life !

Just read your thread there. I really do feel for you cause i was there once aswell. But im glad to read your off to New York. You won't be long forgetting about him once your there!!