Sharing house with ex

Sun_beam

My ex and I were living together for the last while but I had to move out as I just had enough of the arguemnts and not discussing anything as a couple etc. I love him very much but too much has happened in the course of the last 2 years for us to make it work any further. Anyway we had just bought a retriever before Christmas and had decided that I should take it if we broke up as the ex’s working day is a lot longer than mine.

I was lucky as my parents had gone away on a hol when I decided to move out but they are due back this weekend. My problem is that it is not an option to stay at my parents when they come back, due to lack of space. But I am having a very hard time finding a suitable house to share for me and the dog. As I can understand some people do not want pets in their homes.

Anyway the ex has offered that I can move back into our rented accommodation and take a separate bedroom until I find something else.

I am nervous that it will be too hard to deal with him being there. We are only broken up a week. What if he really doesn’t want it to end and try’s it on one night? I’ve not got a big head but I do know that he still loves me and probably would like to give it another try.

Does anyone think that this living arrangement could work out? Has anyone being in the same sort of situation before?? Am I heading for disaster by taking this option??

LegacyUser

very bad idea.

Beruthiel

Sun_beam wrote:

Does anyone think that this living arrangement could work out? Has anyone being in the same sort of situation before?? Am I heading for disaster by taking this option??

I tried to do this once with an ex, way back in the day, it was a disaster.
You cannot move on with your life while living with an ex and you certainly won't get over him while ye are both under the same roof.
I suggest you save yourself a lot of pain and do not move back in with him, it won't work.

Zulu

Terrible, terrible idea. How would either of you feel if the other scored for example?

Sun_beam

We have agreed that we cannot bring anyone back to the house.
It would be just so easy to move in there in some aspects as broadband is already set up, the tv, I am in control in that house, as in I can do what I want and do not have to get used to living with other people.

Part of me wants to remain close to him. On the other hand, I know it will take getting over him a lot longer.

zippybaby

Don't move back in, especially so soon!! you'd be so confused emotionally and so would he. like you said you might end up together at some stage and if you really have decided yoou need a clean break then that would be a disaster.

Zulu

Sun_beam wrote:

We have agreed that we cannot bring anyone back to the house... ...I am in control in that house, as in I can do what I want

Well, no, you can't. If you meet someone (as single people do) you can't invite them home for a dinner, DVD, cup of coffee etc. and neither can he. At the moment meeting new people is probably the furthest thing from your mind, but if you truly are spliting up...

Part of me wants to remain close to him.

That's perfectly natural. But part of you (the most part presumably if you moved out) dosn't. It's hard. You aren't loosing a lover, but a best friend aswell, but if you really want to split, then do. Get your own place; your own life.

Beruthiel

Sun_beam wrote:

It would be just so easy to move in there in some aspects as broadband is already set up, the tv

and you think that's worth the head melt?!
I assure you it's not

franksm

Sounds like a bad idea ! I'm sure you'd like some "fresh air", you know ? It might all start off well and good, but one argument later and you find yourself in no hurry to come home after work, or spending more time locked in your room, tip-toing around the house etc

What happens if you meet someone and you want to bring him back to the house for a bottle of wine and a DVD Won't be nice.

Miss Fluff

It would be complete and utter madness. If you want to remain close to him as you said, living with him isn't the way to go about it! You have either split up or you have not. Let him look after the dog until you find somewhere suitable and stay with a friend until then

Angels

Dont do it to yourself. You'll find something. It would be a very bad situation it's only been a week!!!

Nuttzz

leave him the dog and get your own place tbh

ravenhead

Sounds like the best thing to do is to get rid of the dog & get a place of your own, he probably sees this offer as a way to get back with you. I could be wrong, he could be the nicest guy ever, but as you said this all happened only a week ago, there's no way he or you have gotten over things yet.

Give yourselves space, cause this arrangement is NEVER going to work

BaZmO*

There is no way on earth that you're gonna get anybody to tell you that moving in with your ex is a good idea, mainly because it's not. I feel for you trying to find a new place as I've been there before but you will just create more problems if you move in with him.

B.

munkee

Terrible idea, fraught with all sorts of potential difficulty and pain I'd say. If your relationship is truly over, it's going to just make it harder to move on, and it's perhaps not fair on him either if he's hoping to get back together. It's very difficult to let go of someone, even when you know things can't work, but it's made easier by having time apart, not the other way around IMHO.

joejoem

What kind of dog is it?

Maybe you might get on better as friends? (in separate rooms of course)

only you can know yourself TBH depends on how well you got on with him before all the coupley arguments got in the way

If your really stuck give it a two week trial period with a few rules done up

Sun_beam

The local paper is out tomorrow. If no-one on there can give me a home for the dog and I, then I will have to move into my old house with the ex until I can get somewhere else.

The dog is a golden retreiver and tbh I really do not want to give it away nor leave him with the ex. In the puppies eyes I am his "master" and it would be unfair to leave him with someone else. To give this pup away would be the very last thing I would want to do. Also, he is now microchipped in my name.

I am just in a **** position at the moment.

franksm

Horrible situation...

Try www.daft.ie too.

I work for Microsoft in Leopardstown and we have an email-list/public folder for people wanting to get or share accomodation. Works well in a big company like ours. Do you not have something similar ?

hepcat

Its a tough one alright. If you make it clear that you are only moving back for the dogs sake (maybe phrase that better;) ) then you shoudl steel yourself and do it for a set amount of time. If you don't find accomm that will take you and the dog in that time, you will either have to get the ex to move out or give up the dog. Not many rental apartments will allow dogs - good luck

porno

bad bad bad bad idea
an ex of mine offered to let me stay at hers after we broke up because i didnt want to move home
i ended up livin there for a year and a half with us getting back together nad breaking up all the time
his reason for asking are probably only because he still wants to be close to you but its very selfish
you'll never get to move on with your life if you move back in

ferale

why not move in...
Make up a prof. contract with him, and just rent the the single room.
Let him pay all the bills, and bin tag, and you just pay rent.

Since you wont let the dog go, you dont have so many options... do you ??

If I was you, i would go back as proud like heavne, and tell him that you want to rent the single room for a period, till you find something nice for your self....

No harm, since you dont want to share with others.... At leats you have the house fo your self since he is in work for the most of the day.....

Its all about you know, not him....

If you dont gamble, you dont win....
good luck anyway...;)

Mr Magnolia

I wouldn't move back. I'd..

1. Stay where you are til you find somewhere suitable for you and the dog

2. Give the dog to him (even if it's on a temporary basis)

3. Find a good home for the dog and give it away

This might not sound the best but, the dog is only a pup, so it'd move on fairly quickly in a good home if it's given loads of attention and is well looked after.

Dr. Dre

It obviously depends on the nature of the break up and how mature ye can be about it. When my gf and I split last year (after 7 years) we lived together for a further 6 months (until the house was sold) with no problems what-so-ever.
There really is no definitive answer that people here can give to this, it's a question of personal circumstances.

The Clown Man

LOL I couldn't get my ex (5yrs) out of my house after we broke up! She just refused to move out cause she said she had nowhere to go. 4 long hard months she was there and it was total hell.

DO NOT TRY AND LIVE WITH YOUR EX.

Period.