Relationship-phobia?

LegacyUser

Hi All,
Im a 20 year old girl, I have never had a proper boyfriend, the reason being I have never let a guy get too close. I have kissed many guys over the course of the past 3 years, some I have kissed a number of times whenever out, and texted casually. But when they seem interested in going out or becoming more serious I back off.

I dont like the thought of not being free when out meeting new people, maybe i am just used to being available if I like a new guy. Any of the guys that I do like, and that like me, I get put off by the littlest things. Am I looking for the 'Perfect Guy'? (Even though i know he doesn't exist!)

Im not perfect, and certainly am not blind to my faults, however I have been told by people that i am good-looking/pretty, and my self confidence has improved over the last while as i lost some weight.Maybe I should just dip my toes in the water, and date one of the aforementioned guys? I think the fact that ive always been single when socialising makes me apprehensive of not being single? Although i suppose if i was in a relationship i wouldnt go out to clubs like i ususally do, as the aim in hindsight is to 'pull'?

I know Im only 20 etc, I am glad in a way that I was single during my teenage years, Im quite independent which may be a factor/reason.I just think it's be nice to have a boyfriend (Im not saying just go out with anyone) but even to see what its like. I am also a virgin but that is not something Im too bothered bout.

Just thought Id write it down, its something thats been bothering me for a while, any opinions appreciated, Thanks

joejoem

Lots of people feel like this, there should be a club. You are not alone!

EvilPixieOne

I'm the same really. I've had relationships but never too serious, and I always end up feeling a bit trapped. I love being out and being single and having possibilities with lots of different guys and tbh before I meet the right guy I want to get with all the wrong ones. Maybe you should just say yes next time before you back off and if you start feeling stuck just tell the guy how you're feeling and you can always be single again. You're only young etc

AngryBadger

wouldn't get too worked up about it, there's a lot of pressure on pepl these days to be going out with someone, all in its own time. No rush, you're right to enjoy yourself first

susanna

Don't worry about it, seriously. I have never gone out with someone for very long, I just like my own space too much and mostly I'm happy being single. I always back away, even if i liked the guy at first there are little things that start to annoy me after a while and I get away. Maybe I'm too independent, but I'd rather be like that than go out with someone who wasn't right for me just for the sake of it

Nalz

joejoem wrote:

You are not alone!

exactly. your not alone. Loads of people think and feel like this to be honest. the key is to try not to show it too much. But no matter what anyone says someone or something will come along and you'll lose that feelin fairly quick!!

Dave

My (male) flatmate is exactly the same as you. Maybe you two should hook up... or not.

ARGINITE

Had a friend who was exactly the same, her rewason was that she would get bored of kissing the same guy all the time. Then she met a guy, went out with him and 4 years later their still going out.
It seems like a pretty normal thing, I wouldnt worry about it. When your ready you find the right guy.

LegacyUser

SingleGirl

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> don't let yourself get a wrecked head over over this. The difference between you and a load of other single people is that you're admitting to the truth that they can't admit to.

Take it easy on yourself, don't go out with someone just for the sake of going out with someone, or just because your friend has a boyfriend. If your heart says wait for the right bloke, then wait.

Crikey... I've had one or two girlfriends down through the years... I'm 29.... and still have L/T relationship phobia, which is why I don't get too close just yet! I can't explain it... I just don't want strings attached right now. I reckon people mellow out when they're destined to and then they're ready. Don't let it bother you. If you force something, you may just regret it.

And enjoy your twenties....