Serious personality

LegacyUser · 10-01-2006 12:49am #1

I've always been a really serious person - can't take jokes and don't like many forms of muppetry, which makes me quite boring. It also means I can't connect with people my own age (I'm 21). I was an easy target at school as I let teasing get to me and even now I find it hard to react in a more conventional way when around people who crack jokes or slag each other off. There have been a few times where I was heavily offended by jokes, just because I couldn't read into them properly.

Every day I feel more socially isolated because of all this. Sure I might get on great with people twice my age but that has drawbacks, especially where relationships are involved. I was only ever with one 20 year old girl, and she told me I was the most serious person she ever met in her life.

I really want to change my ways but I've no idea how. My parents always tell me to "lighten up" but that means nothing to me. Is there any advice that anyone could give me please?

Mr Magnolia · 10-01-2006 1:46pm

What are your interest's, hobbies's etc.... do you contribute to boards.ie for example?, I'd say you need to make more of an effort socially (maybe not, don't take offence).
If you can find a cause for the feeling of isolation, you might find the solution...
Perhaps you should contemplate speaking to somebody professionally, you shouldn't have any hang-ups about professional help, that's what these guy's/gals are trained for.
Hope this helps!

BigArnie · 10-01-2006 2:16pm

I'd love to be able to give you advice but I simply don't understand the problem. Do you have any sense of humour at all? What makes you laugh? Does it make you crack up until tears come out of your eyes or do you just manage a smirk? Maybe you're suffering from mild depression or something? Maybe you're working too hard? Maybe somebody's been a real asshole to you in the past? Help us out here.

ravenhead · 10-01-2006 2:18pm

Yeah serious, we need a little bit more info

Canis Lupus · 10-01-2006 2:44pm

What advice can anyone give to make you lighten up unless you have some sort of switch I'm not aware of.

You recognise your problem and accordingly, surely you are intelligent enough to use this to prevent you from getting offended all the time from jokes etc. Either that or I dunno, smoke a joint and watch the telletubbies at the same time.

simu · 10-01-2006 2:45pm

I get very serious at times (although at other times, I'm very light-hearted) and it's true that a lot of people can't handle this. Maybe you're just going to have to accept that you will find most people tedious and irritating and try to hold on to any serious people you do come accross.

Sangre · 10-01-2006 2:52pm

Hmmm...yes...this is a serious problem.

Gandhi · 10-01-2006 3:28pm

Could be that you are just surrounded by unfunny people. The amount of simpletons wandering around out there who think they are hilarious when they repeat variations on the same four or five "witty" remarks that they picked up from some Budweiser Ad / Adam Sandler Movie / Austin Powers is enough to make me want to cry. Think David Brent from "The Office" (or Steve Carrell from "The Office - USA").

It could also be that you are easily offended. When someone makes a joke do you think "What a terrible thing to say!!!", or do you think "Is this fool honestly trying to make me laugh with the same joke he's told a thousand times this week?"

Nalz · 10-01-2006 3:39pm

Okay...this is a tough one really.

Do you enjoy sports? How about football for example. Most lads use sports as a friendly rivalry..i.e. liverpool are shiit all they can do is defend. Light hearted arguments are a good place to start.

Do you get angry alot? Are you mad at society or life in general? Do you stereotype alot? Try not to point the finger too much.It may be a good idea to look at the good points in every person and entertain them as best you can. Broading your thoughts on certain aspects of life and letting go of any grudges may also be a start. Id something/someone is buggin you dont let be known too much either

You should look at life as a rollercoaster. It goes up, it goes down. But you paid money to get on it for the purpose of enjoying the ride...and the ride doesnt last forever. Have fun

LORDOFDOOM · 10-01-2006 3:41pm

Sangre wrote:

Hmmm...yes...this is a serious problem.

lmao.

Perhaps, valium? Maybe a spliff or something. What exactly makes you serious? Seems to be all stuff you can change about yourself quite easily.

calam · 10-01-2006 4:38pm

have you ever thought about autism? sometimes it means that you mightn't find a play on words funny or be able to read situations the way they might have been intended. Or maybe the people around you are just unfunny.

LegacyUser · 10-01-2006 5:25pm

Thanks for the replies, wasn't expecting this many.

Sparks400 wrote:

What are your interest's, hobbies's etc.... do you contribute to boards.ie for example?, I'd say you need to make more of an effort socially (maybe not, don't take offence).
If you can find a cause for the feeling of isolation, you might find the solution...

I don't have many hobbies, that's another thing that makes me boring. I seem to spend most of my spare time online, playing video games or listening to music. I do contribute to boards quite regularly, all I'll say is that I'm around the 500-600 post mark. Maybe I do need to make more of an effort, I just don't know how or what. I live in a rural area with my parents and don't drive, so that may have something to do with my feelings of isolation.

BigArnie wrote:

I'd love to be able to give you advice but I simply don't understand the problem. Do you have any sense of humour at all? What makes you laugh? Does it make you crack up until tears come out of your eyes or do you just manage a smirk? Maybe you're suffering from mild depression or something? Maybe you're working too hard?

Thanks for the questions, I wasn't sure if I made myself clear enough.

It seems to me that I just don't have much of a sense of humour at all. Some things can get me to smirk but that's about it. I wouldn't think work has anything to do with it as I've always been this way.

BigArnie wrote:

Maybe somebody's been a real asshole to you in the past?

Well as I said above I was bullied in school for years.

Gandhi wrote:

It could also be that you are easily offended. When someone makes a joke do you think "What a terrible thing to say!!!", or do you think "Is this fool honestly trying to make me laugh with the same joke he's told a thousand times this week?"

The joke often hurts, as I don't see it as being one until its too late. I'm sometimes ok with short comments but when its prolonged I start to believe that they're serious when really its just that they're pure jokers.

Trilla wrote:

Do you enjoy sports? How about football for example. Most lads use sports as a friendly rivalry..i.e. liverpool are shiit all they can do is defend. Light hearted arguments are a good place to start.

Do you get angry alot? Are you mad at society or life in general? Do you stereotype alot? Try not to point the finger too much.It may be a good idea to look at the good points in every person and entertain them as best you can. Broading your thoughts on certain aspects of life and letting go of any grudges may also be a start. Id something/someone is buggin you dont let be known too much either

I don't play sports, just don't have any interest in them. The way I feel, its like I'm mad at society for "excluding" me. I hate myself.

Victor · 10-01-2006 5:38pm

serious-guy wrote:

I hate myself.

Don't hate yourself, hate the circumstances.

Amazotheamazing · 10-01-2006 5:48pm

Tbh, I'd never much interest in sports like soccer etc, but you gotta meet people half way, I could sit down and discuss the premiership in England with most people because I recognise it's a easy conversation topic, after a while you catch up on things and take an interest.
Another thing is got to be able to embarrass yourself, I play indoor soccer once a week or so and I'm hopeless, but it's a good laugh.

Sangre · 10-01-2006 5:54pm

Victor wrote:

Don't hate yourself, hate the circumstances.

Its not my fault its everyone elses!
Yeah, great advice.

jptk · 10-01-2006 5:57pm

I used to be a very serious person and I still am but Ive also learned to be imature and light hearted over the years. I can laugh along with stupid jokes and make plenty of tasteless ones myself.
I dont know if this will happen for you though, If your angry at everyone and hate yourself you need to talk to a proffesional as it dosnt sound like the problem is going to go away

10-01-2006 7:59pm

I actually think you may have some kind of disorder, as you seem incapable of being able to tell when people are joking. I find a lot of things lame that other people find funny, like American teen movies and certain comedians, but I know when people are joking and when they're not. So I don't think it's a case of knowing unfunny people.

My mum's friend's son was diagnosed with something a while back (may have been autism related, I can't remember), he sounded exactly like you. He literally had no sense of humour and took everything literally. You had to be really careful what you said to him. Turned out he was missing something that most people have to enable them to know when people are being serious and when they're not. He also spent a lot of time alone watching TV and playing computer games and didn't interact with people his own age.

I would go and see a professional and see if you have something like this, maybe there is something they can do to help?

Shabadu · 10-01-2006 8:27pm

I really feel for you- I can't even wrap my head around not being able to have a big laugh. Try going to someone to talk about this. I know you feel angry twoards society, and I suppose feeling so trapped kind of pre-determines this, but I can assure you that there are women out there who won't care that you don't have a sense of humour, and will love you for all the positive aspects of your personality. A lot of women aren't fond of men who are too jokey at all.

Friends will become less peurile with age. Making your friends laugh isn't the most important aspect of friendship, rather it is loyalty, companionship and just being there for them that makes you a great friend. Please don't hate yourself, just continue to go out, meet people and be yourself. You don't have to 'fit in', just show them what a great person you are in your own right.

LegacyUser · 10-01-2006 9:39pm

I never even thought of autism to be honest. I didn't understand what it was and just assumed it was something that seriously affects learning.

But reading what some of you said it could easily apply to me. I'm incapable of taking a joke and no matter what I do I can't change that. I do the same things all the time and never try anything new. I only talk to people older than me and even then I find it hard to maintain visual contact with them. I also live in a dream world a lot where I think "why isn't life just easy, why isn't it that nobody would slag me." This is a fantasy - not real life. I'm in la-la land most of the time.

I'm certainly gonna see someone about it, even if its not autism I'd like to rule it out. Thanks everyone.

me and the biz · 10-01-2006 10:30pm

its probably not autism, its rare and besides it would have been diagnosed by now.

Dave! · 10-01-2006 10:59pm

Aranza Fit Snowball wrote:

I actually think you may have some kind of disorder, as you seem incapable of being able to tell when people are joking. I find a lot of things lame that other people find funny, like American teen movies and certain comedians, but I know when people are joking and when they're not. So I don't think it's a case of knowing unfunny people.

My mum's friend's son was diagnosed with something a while back (may have been autism related, I can't remember), he sounded exactly like you. He literally had no sense of humour and took everything literally. You had to be really careful what you said to him. Turned out he was missing something that most people have to enable them to know when people are being serious and when they're not. He also spent a lot of time alone watching TV and playing computer games and didn't interact with people his own age.

I would go and see a professional and see if you have something like this, maybe there is something they can do to help?

Yeah that's actually the first thought that came to my head when I read the thread (3 rhyming words?! god i rock

)... I don't know much about the disorder, but I just read a book, The Curious Incident of the dog in the night, and the guy in it sounds sorta like the OP -- taking things literally, not really understanding figures of speech or metaphores, etc. You should go get checked out, it's probably nothing serious, but best be sure eh? I would have thought that if it were autism or asperger's that it would have been diagnosed by now, but you said you live in a rural area, so I dunno what resources are there for diagnosing this when you were an infant.

The Black Oil · 10-01-2006 11:15pm

I think what people are referring to re: Autism maybe more the Aspeger's and High Functioning end of it.

me and the biz wrote:

its probably not autism, its rare and besides it would have been diagnosed by now.

Not necessarily, yes children are being picked up now, however, given the age of the poster it is possible he has slipped through the system, particularly given that Autistic Spectrum Disorders are somewhat new to Ireland in terms of awareness and resources. The fact that people come out with such statements^^ highlights the lack of knowledge about Autistic Spectrum Disorders in this country. There are some services for children but I think there's very little for adults.

TCD disability services have info Asperger's http://www.tcd.ie/disability/information/for_staff/supporting_students_with_aspergers.php

http://www.tcd.ie/disability/docs/pdf/Asperger.pdf

http://www.aspire-irl.org/ Aspire, the Asperger Syndrome Association of Ireland

See if anything in the PDF 'fits' If you wish to be assessed it will cost a few bob and you'll probably need your parents to be involved to fill in the childhood information.

Also, if you can get your hands on this check out the scale that's used for assessment in this BUT don't self diagnose.http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1853025771/qid=1136934201/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-2635497-2242317?n=507846&s=books&v=glance

Can I ask how you find noise, does it bother you a lot? You say you don't always pick up on jokes, how are you around taking things literally such as "pull up your socks" (i.e. do more work/cop on etc) would you have difficulty interpreting things like that? Do you interrupt people in conversations, have trouble taking turns or miss certain social cues? Do you have certain routines, e.g. do you simply have to check boards.ie and do you maybe always check the forums in a particular order?

You are welcome to PM me if you need to/wish to find out more about Asperger's Syndrome.

Be wary of some of what people here are coming out with, their comments are a bit daft.

DaveMcG wrote:

I would have thought that if it were autism or asperger's that it would have been diagnosed by now, but you said you live in a rural area, so I dunno what resources are there for diagnosing this when you were an infant.

Zero resources, the likes of The National Educational Psychological Service didn't even exist when this guy was a nipper.

LegacyUser · 10-01-2006 11:35pm

The Black Oil wrote:

Can I ask how you find noise, does it bother you a lot?

I hate too much noise, like for example in towns the sound of cars going by is fine. But in a crowded room with people chatting like crazy I can't stand it.

The Black Oil wrote:

You say you don't always pick up on jokes, how are you around taking things literally such as "pull up your socks" (i.e. do more work/cop on etc) would you have difficulty interpreting things like that?

I don't pull up my socks when someone says that, but I feel insulted like they're mocking my intelligence or whatever.

The Black Oil wrote:

Do you interrupt people in conversations, have trouble taking turns or miss certain social cues?

I don't know if this is related but I often barge into my brother's room while he's talking to my other brother or sister and talk, even if they're talking already.
But I find it very hard to speak in a group situation or with people I don't know, I often say nothing as I feel I've nothing to add to the conversation. I want to talk but I can't.

The Black Oil wrote:

Do you have certain routines, e.g. do you simply have to check boards.ie and do you maybe always check the forums in a particular order?

Yes, I check boards.ie and my e-mail every day even when I'm not expecting anything. I must eat breakfast immediately after getting up with no delay. When someone gives me a time it really hurts when they don't stick to it, but I never express that feeling to them. And if I need to be somewhere by a certain time (job interview, train etc) if I don't leave way too early I get very anxious that I'm not gonna make it.

I just looked up some info on Asperger syndrome on the UK National Autistic Society website (www.nas.org.uk) and many of the things it refers to (though not all) hit me right on the head.

Nalz · 11-01-2006 12:56am

I doubt you have a disorder...but you never know,.

How do you spend your days? Have you any talents/interests/passions?

Surely you must

Cake Fiend · 11-01-2006 1:04am

Have to say, autism was the first thing that popped into my mind too. I don't know enough about autistic spectrum disorders to know whether there can be milder cases that would be harder for parents/teachers to pick up on, but I'd consider it a possibility.

Maybe have a read up on autistic disorders and see if anything matches.

Loomis · 11-01-2006 9:47am

serious-guy wrote:

It seems to me that I just don't have much of a sense of humour at all. Some things can get me to smirk but that's about it. I wouldn't think work has anything to do with it as I've always been this way.

Well as I said above I was bullied in school for years.

The joke often hurts, as I don't see it as being one until its too late. I'm sometimes ok with short comments but when its prolonged I start to believe that they're serious when really its just that they're pure jokers.

After I read this I thought this was the problem.
You were bullied for years.People made jokes at your expense for the sole purpose of hurting you.So now anytime your friends joke with you you can't differentiate between friends malevolently playing with you and the bullies who used to torment you.Thats just how I'd see it anyway.

But then I read the autism thing and thought "what the...?No way!"But then the Asperger's thing came along and to be honest a few of the things would apply to me.
My friends have always told me I'm very mature/serious (they can be very immature but I'm still overly mature/serious for my age).I do things in certain orders and personally I think I have slight OCD tendancies (my girlfriend slags me about it as when I empty my pockets I always stack my coins in order of size starting with the largest on the bottom-things like that).I've never really thought about it but now that I have I don't particularly like noise either.The thing that stood out was the thing you said about times.If someone gives me a time that they're call/meet/pick up something...anything really,and they don't do it it drives me mad.I used to be terrible about being punctual.I'd get very nervous and anxious for example if I thought there was the possibility that I'd be late arriving to school.Though I have mellowed drastically regarding that.
Having said that I would ahve thought most people have things like this?Just quirks.So unless you get assessed for something like that with a proper test I'd say most people could see it applying to them.
Which would bring me back to my first thought that it's a hang-up you have from years of being on the end of cruel jokes.

Nalz · 11-01-2006 9:57am

Mr. Anderson wrote:

After I read this I thought this was the problem.
You were bullied for years.People made jokes at your expense for the sole purpose of hurting you.So now anytime your friends joke with you you can't differentiate between friends malevolently playing with you and the bullies who used to torment you.Thats just how I'd see it anyway.

.......

Which would bring me back to my first thought that it's a hang-up you have from years of being on the end of cruel jokes.

I agree. Im not dismissing the autism thing at all but I think it's highly unlikely. When I read your post 1 or 2 people in my life (and a little bit of myself tbh) came to mind. Some angry, some just plain + simply mature for their age and appearance at a young age (which does lead in some circumstances to boredom, bullying, and even depression) some condescending, some so far up there own hole its unbelievable (not suggestin your like that) but as time goes by things change. How good or bad that change is, is mostly up to you.

The Black Oil · 11-01-2006 1:49pm

I think to some extent people here may be unaware of the distinction between 'classic' Autism (e.g. Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, pinch of salt given that it's Hollywood) and Asperger's. The former would have been more apparent when you were younger. The latter can be more subtle/not as obvious, but remember no two people on the Autistic Spectrum are alike. Obviously non of us here are professionals but from the info you've provided so far I'd say AS is a possibility. I would say find out more about it and if you think it's worth exploring looking into getting assessed, I'd imagine a clinical psychologist would do that, maybe ask your GP to refer you. The link to Aspire ^^ may provide you with info about getting an assessment.

The Australian scale for AS includes 6 categories you would have to meet in order to get a diagnosis of AS. From Tony Attwood's book above, and there are various questions within these categories. I appreciate this is the version for children but the one for adults would be similar enough. I'm not asking you to answer these questions by the way, they're just examples of what's in this book/used for assessment.

Social and Emotional Abilities

Does the child lack an understanding of how to play iwth other children? For example, unawre of the unwritten rules of social play.

Communications Skills

Is the child's speech over-precise or pedantic? For examples, talks in a formal away or like a walking dictionary.
When in a conversation does the child tend to use less eye contact than you would expect?

Cognitive Skills

Does the child have an exceptional long-term memory for events and facts? For example, remembing the neighbour's car registration of several years ago, or clearly recalling scenes that happened many years ago.

Specific Interests

Is the child fascinated by a particular topic and avidly collects information or statistics on that interest? For example, the child becomes a walking encyclopaedia of knowledge on vehicles, maps or league tables.

Movement Skills

Does the child have poor motor coordination? For example, is not skilled at catching a ball.

Other Characteristics.

Late in acquiring speech
Unsual facial grimaces or tics
A lack of sensitivity to low levels of pain

Unusual fear or distress due to:
unexpected noises
noisy, crowded places, e.g. supermarkets
light touch on the skin or scalp
wearing particular items of clothing
ordinary sounds, e.g. electrical appliances

If you read it yourself and you find yourself answering yes to most of the questions in the scale it does not automatically imply you have AS. However, it's a possibility and it's probably best to get checked out. There are about 25 questions in this scale and the psychologist will score your answers between 0-6 (rarely - frequently). EDIT: You can see a few pages of this book on Amazon, the scale is here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/1853025771/ref=sib_dp_pt/104-2635497-2242317#reader-page Click next or the little arrow thing half way down on the edge of the book.

serious-guy wrote:

I hate too much noise, like for example in towns the sound of cars going by is fine. But in a crowded room with people chatting like crazy I can't stand it.

OK, well that would match with AS.

serious-guy wrote:

I don't know if this is related but I often barge into my brother's room while he's talking to my other brother or sister and talk, even if they're talking already.

So not realising you've to be polite/reading social rules, yeah that would fit.

serious-guy wrote:

But I find it very hard to speak in a group situation or with people I don't know, I often say nothing as I feel I've nothing to add to the conversation. I want to talk but I can't.

That also fits, beyond "how's the weather?" type stuff is difficult, small talk etc? No doubt you've heard "oh you're very quiet" a million times eh? You may find you're good at something like public speaking but not much use at one to one or small groups...

serious-guy wrote:

Yes, I check boards.ie and my e-mail every day even when I'm not expecting anything. I must eat breakfast immediately after getting up with no delay. When someone gives me a time it really hurts when they don't stick to it, but I never express that feeling to them. And if I need to be somewhere by a certain time (job interview, train etc) if I don't leave way too early I get very anxious that I'm not gonna make it.

Again that would match with AS as there's a certain rigidity around it, for example, you say "must" eat breakfast after getting up. And also the punctuality thing because from the point of view of someone with AS that time is fixed, little flexibility. Anxiety is also a feature of AS so that would match what you've mentioned around being somewhere on time. I realise I'm saying X and Y fits here but again it's best to discuss this with a professional as they'd ask for more examples and I'd imagine there are some things you mightn't feel comfortable mentioning on here as you might think they're quite unusual or people might laugh at you. PM if you wish, I won't have a go at you even if you think they're weird.

I realise I'm throwing a lot of info at you here and I don't want to make you worry etc but I'm trying to give you more specific information in relation to AS. If it is AS you're not alone, supposedly up to 10000 people in Ireland have it. http://www.rte.ie/tv/three60/week1_05.html

EDIT: Even if you have AS it's not the end of the world, it's only part of a person, not the totality and in some situations it can be an advantage like in certain jobs, not that you'd be obliged to tell the employer you have AS.

Find a psychologist link http://www.psihq.ie/find_psychologist.asp

Dave! · 11-01-2006 6:23pm

^
Excellent post, very helpful

Stark · 11-01-2006 6:46pm

serious_guy wrote:

Then someone gives me a time it really hurts when they don't stick to it, but I never express that feeling to them.

The Black Oil wrote:

And also the punctuality thing because from the point of view of someone with AS that time is fixed, little flexibility.

I would think it's just downright rude to keep a person waiting. If you lived in Germany then it would perfectly normal to expect punctuality. There's an Irish attitude that says "Better the other person standing around for ages than me". Serious-guy has a right to be uncool with that.

serious-guy wrote:

I hate too much noise, like for example in towns the sound of cars going by is fine. But in a crowded room with people chatting like crazy I can't stand it.

How much of an issue this is depends on how loud the noise has to be. Noone is a fan of noise, people's tolerance can vary though. I've a lowish tolerance myself and if I'm any way feeling tired then I'll need to seek quiet.

serious-guy wrote:

I don't know if this is related but I often barge into my brother's room while he's talking to my other brother or sister and talk, even if they're talking already.

The Black Oil wrote:

So not realising you've to be polite/reading social rules, yeah that would fit.

"Barging in" on family members chatting is a bit different to barging in on your boss in a meeting. They're family, you should feel free to talk to them whenever you want without needing permission. If they cut you out, then they're the ones seriously lacking in the politeness department.

You could have some disorder (not being able to distinguish jokes/sarcasm etc.) and it definitely sounds like you're not allowing yourself the happiness you deserve at present. It could be good for you to see someone, but see someone for yourself, not for society. And don't feel as though you need to fit in with the majority. Find a job that suits your talents and find yourself a select group of friends who see eye to eye with you. You'll be happier in the long run.

cordelia · 11-01-2006 7:00pm

me and the biz wrote:

its probably not autism, its rare and besides it would have been diagnosed by now.

For those with Asperger's Syndrome, it is possible to go their entire lives without being diagnosed.
Before we start breaking out the various conditions, let's just say that this is a medical diagnosis, with specific criteria, and should be given by a trained mental health professional. There's my consumer warning for the evening.

Whether it turns out that you have this, or any other, diagnosis, it would probably benefit you to speak to a professional anyway. There are good forms of therapy, particularly behavioural based, which may help you learn how to navigate the tricky world of humor and human relations.
I do feel for you, the world is a serious enough place without being able to enjoy those moments of lightheartedness which we are occasionally given.

The Black Oil · 11-01-2006 7:57pm

Stark wrote:

I would think it's just downright rude to keep a person waiting. If you lived in Germany then it would perfectly normal to expect punctuality. There's an Irish attitude that says "Better the other person standing around for ages than me". Serious-guy has a right to be uncool with that.

Yeah of course, however, from the point of view of someone with AS (speaking generally, not necessarily to the OP) it can be seen as a change in routine which can be upsetting. For example,

http://www.tcd.ie/disability/docs/pdf/Asperger.pdf Circumstances may cause you to occasionally reschedule or even cancel a meeting with a student with A.S. This is an inevitable fact of life - academic or otherwise. Unfortunately it is also an inevitable fact that the student with A.S. is liable to be devastated at the disruption. If at all possible, stick to pre-arranged meetings, and avoid being double-booked. Telling a student with A.S. that a meeting will have to be drastically curtailed due to a prior engagement is equally upsetting.

Stark wrote:

You could have some disorder (not being able to distinguish jokes/sarcasm etc.) and it definitely sounds like you're not allowing yourself the happiness you deserve at present. It could be good for you to see someone, but see someone for yourself, not for society. And don't feel as though you need to fit in with the majority. Find a job that suits your talents and find yourself a select group of friends who see eye to eye with you. You'll be happier in the long run.

I wouldn't get too hung up on it being a "disorder" as such though it seems to fall under ASD. It doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" with someone with AS, they just have specific traits that the general population doesn't. Good points about getting a job that suits your talents and such.

By the way if it seems I'm going a bit overboard here I'm trying to clear up some myths about AS and educate people a bit.

Madge · 11-01-2006 10:43pm

serious-guy wrote:

I've always been a really serious person - can't take jokes and don't like many forms of muppetry, which makes me quite boring. It also means I can't connect with people my own age (I'm 21). I was an easy target at school as I let teasing get to me and even now I find it hard to react in a more conventional way when around people who crack jokes or slag each other off. There have been a few times where I was heavily offended by jokes, just because I couldn't read into them properly.

Every day I feel more socially isolated because of all this. Sure I might get on great with people twice my age but that has drawbacks, especially where relationships are involved. I was only ever with one 20 year old girl, and she told me I was the most serious person she ever met in her life.

I really want to change my ways but I've no idea how. My parents always tell me to "lighten up" but that means nothing to me. Is there any advice that anyone could give me please?

For a start, I wouldn't take the possibility that you have autism or aspergers syndrome seriously :rolleyes:
Its just your personality, everyone's different. Some are more serious than others. I was always the quiet one at school, myself. And I still am a quiet person to this day. It isn't me to "be the life and soul of the party". I've come across people that might think I'm weird etc., but I have great friends at college who like me and respect who I am. I've learned that if people don't "get you" or understand you, thats their problem.
I'd advise you to go talk to someone about this. A counsellor or even your doctor, as you could get depressed about this over time.

LegacyUser · 21-01-2006 10:18pm

I visited my counsellor last Monday and asked for a referral to a clinical psychologist (she's able to do it somehow). When I showed her the aspergers stuff she said its well worth a look as it "seems to be everything we've covered." I'm just waiting for the phone call to say when my appointment is.

I'll keep you posted on how I do.

megameaty · 22-01-2006 5:22pm

I've worked with loads of autistic kids...and can I just add mild autism isn't that rare and often goes undiagnosed, I'm no doctor but aspergers syndrome might be a possibility. It's a form of autism. Here's a brief overview of it:

'By definition, those with AS have a normal IQ and many individuals (although not all), exhibit exceptional skill or talent in a specific area. Because of their high degree of functionality and their naiveté, those with AS are often viewed as eccentric or odd and can easily become victims of teasing and bullying. While language development seems, on the surface, normal, individuals with AS often have deficits in pragmatics and prosody. Vocabularies may be extraordinarily rich and some children sound like "little professors." However, persons with AS can be extremely literal and have difficulty using language in a social context.'

There's loads more symptoms like not being able see the humour in jokes and that kinda thing. Maybe you should look into that. And even if you don't have all the traits you might have a mild form of it. Well defo go see someone about it if it's getting you down. Good luck!

megameaty · 22-01-2006 5:28pm

oooooooh I never knew there was a page two on this thread. Only saw your message now. Great you're doing something about it. Even if you are diagnosed at least there are lots of people out there who know how to treat it cause as I said it's quite common. If you need any advice on it let me know cause I gots lots of friends in autism healthcare. Hope it all works out well and one day someone will make you laugh till you cry.

Serious personality

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