The Frightening Sickity of Reason

Lothaar

The Frightening Sickity of Reason


A tree, a hatstand, a state of mind.
What silence screams through the trembling sycamore.
I wake.
The soft scent of just-milked milk
And fat cows a-moo tickles my nose
And strands of life spike from my face.
I’m here again
I’m here again
If I only had a brain.

Fearing the mighty horribular
Of sickity hat-and-coat men
They pass on by regardless:
“He’s here again.”

To watch, and wait, and see I am
And Christ my arms are sore.
No man nor beast will comfort me,
I’m such a frightful bore.

boo
**

I wrote that a few years ago for a poetry module in college. Just wondering if anyone likes it.
Cheers.

ctrl-alt-delete

Lothaar wrote:

The Frightening Sickity of Reason


A tree, a hatstand, a state of mind.
What silence screams through the trembling sycamore.
I wake.
The soft scent of just-milked milk
And fact cows a-moo tickles my nose
And strands of life spike from my face.
I’m here again
I’m here again
If I only had a brain.

Fearing the mighty horribular
Of sickity hat-and-coat men
They pass on by regardless:
“He’s here again.”

To watch, and wait, and see I am
And Christ my arms are sore.
No man nor beast will comfort me,
I’m such a frightful bore.

boo
**

I wrote that a few years ago for a poetry module in college. Just wondering if anyone likes it.
Cheers.

i like the idea of silence screaming - gives it a frightening edge, e.g. i think sometimes silence is more alarming than a loud noise. I also like the image of "the strands of like spike from my face" i actually really like those lines ive mentioned.

i cant really make out what the poem is about, some kinda farmyard theme is as far as i can get, probably because im tired, sorry

Lothaar

ctrl-alt-delete wrote:

i cant really make out what the poem is about, some kinda farmyard theme is as far as i can get, probably because im tired, sorry

It's a scarecrow.

Lothaar

Just bumping this up. I'd really like to hear some feedback on it - good, bad or indifferent.

lilmissprincess

I have no idea what it is about. But it is so truly brilliant, I look past that. I don't know why, what it is, but the words gel togther in such a magical way....
I know this is crap I'm coming out with, but keep it up. Please.

Zillah

lilmissprincess wrote:

I have no idea what it is about. But it is so truly brilliant, I look past that. I don't know why, what it is, but the words gel togther in such a magical way....
I know this is crap I'm coming out with, but keep it up. Please.

Christ woman, he just said its a scarecrow...


I very much like this poem. You manage to combine the clumsy scarecrow-like words with an overall flow. Very nice. Deserving of bumpage

lilmissprincess

Aye. Sorry. Missed that. But I like it...

Lothaar

Thanks for the feedback. I'm always afraid of writing stuff that is too subtle for readers to get. I hope that's not the case here, cos I like this poem. I thought the 'If I only had a brain' bit, referencing the Wizard of Oz, would tip readers off.

Earthhorse

I think the only bit where you stumble in this poem are the lines "I'm here again, I'm here again".

There's also a shift from the lose rhyming and rhythm of the first two thirds to a very definite rhythm in the final stanza.

But those are minor criticisms. The poem is very good.

Lothaar

Earthhorse wrote:

I think the only bit where you stumble in this poem are the lines "I'm here again, I'm here again".

Thanks for taking the time to comment.
I was attempting to reflect the repetitiveness of being 'here again'. I guess it grates a little, so I may revise it. I'll have to think about that one...

Earthhorse

I can see that, but it kinda sounds like it could have been lifted from any teen-goth-angst-woe is me poem. Oh, and by the way...

Lothaar wrote:

I'm always afraid of writing stuff that is too subtle for readers to get.

Never let that restrict what or how you write.

Lothaar

Never let that restrict what or how you write.[/QUOTE]

Ah, it never changes what I write. I just don't like it when it happens. If you have to explain what the poem was about (or what it was *really* about), then it's like explaining the punchline to a joke - it's a lot more effective when people just get it.

Zillah

Its worth it. There'll always be people who don't get stuff, don't let it put you off. It makes it all that more special for those who do.