Should I or shouldn't I?

LegacyUser

I've something of an ethical question here -

Okay so there's this girl who I've recently come to know. We both work part-time at a local shop. She started working there several weeks ago.

I'll tell you about her: She is intelligent and mature. She's so nice looking in that 'unique' way that some of my more shallow friends don't find attractive, heh. Needless to say, I beg to differ. We seriously have a lot in common, in a good way. She's everything I respect in a girl; hard-working, honest, modest, funny, good sense o' humour etc. I must stress again how mature she is.
We get on pretty damn well. Lots of flowing, warm chit-chat and all that. She's head and shoulders above every other girl I know. She really is something special. (swoon)

Anyway, here are the dilemmas:
- She's actually significantly younger than me. I've just turned 19 and I think she is still 16. It's possible that she's 17, but I don't think so. Is that too young? I honestly don't know.
- She's going out with another chap who lives in my estate. He's her age, which, like I said, is significantly younger than me, numerically speaking.

Obviously it's early days yet and I'm not going to go doing anything drastic, but if I'm going to go down the path of pursuing her, I need to know soon, and if I'm going to pass her up, then likewise, so I don't get any more attached then I already am.

My main question here is, is it wrong for me to pursue her? Considering that she's younger than me and that she's spoken for? This question has plagued me for a few years now; is it wrong to try to steal someone's girlfriend? It happened to me before so I have seen both sides of the scenario at this stage and I still don't know. It vaguely feels right, though.

I'm not worried about whether I'll fail or not. Maybe, maybe not, but once I know it's right for me to do it, I'll be damned if I don't try.

I'm not looking to recieve any "can't you find a girl your own age?" responses here - I've already mentioned that she's head and shoulders above any other girl I can think of. A girl that I actually like doesn't come around often, I have to say. (I mean that only in a romantic sense)
Feel free to point out the potential consequences of my potential actions, etc, that's what I'm trying to consider before I decide what to do.

Thanks v much

akw_old

17???!!! yeah she's well young. oh no wait you're only 19!

no its not ****ing wrong for you to pursue her, long as you're not too concerned bout the hassles of an ex boyfriend after you!
is he bigger than you??


the boyfriend can lead to a lot of trouble but you seem really into her so go for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a friend of mine has this problem years back, and he staged a fake mugging on her. he came in and saved the day while her then boyfriend nearly cried. was funny, and won him the girl!


i'm 23 and i'd go out with an 18 year old if i was real into her.

BaZmO*

If you do go for it be careful if she is under the age of 17 as that's the legal age of consent and not 16 as I once thought. So if you did decide to take it any further than a few snogs you could end up in a lot of trouble as was the case in a recent court case here that was very publicised.

B.

BaZmO*

akw wrote:

a friend of mine has this problem years back, and he staged a fake mugging on her. he came in and saved the day while her then boyfriend nearly cried. was funny, and won him the girl!

:rolleyes: Your mate sounds like a really nice guy.

B.

Crubeens

Just remember that if you pursue her and win her over, it says a lot about her too. If she's willing to leave/do the dirt on her boyfriend WITH you, whats to stop her doing the same TO you?

I'd say its tough luck that she's spoken for, but have patience and it might work in your favour.

joejoem

The rule is half your age plus 7. That means I can go (give me a secong I have to use my toes to count) to 19 year old girls!

akw_old

BaZmO* wrote:

:rolleyes: Your mate sounds like a really nice guy.

B.

c'mon it was ****ing hilarious, we didn't have weapons or anything, not that bad. showed how much her then boyfriend cared, he was more concerned with himself. anyway, they went out for a while. she knew all about it after a couple of weeks

akw_old

Crubeens wrote:

Just remember that if you pursue her and win her over, it says a lot about her too. If she's willing to leave/do the dirt on her boyfriend WITH you, whats to stop her doing the same TO you?

I'd say its tough luck that she's spoken for, but have patience and it might work in your favour.

i'd have to agree with this. be aware of how willing she is to leave her boyfriend,. though most 17 year old girls aren't looking for anything serious, in my experience anyway.

edanto

You're asking is it wrong?

Well - that's a subjective kind of thing. If you're wondering what I think, I reckon you'd be a prick to try and steal this kid from her fella, so I think it's wrong.

But hey, next year she'll be doing her Leaving and she might end up dumping him during the stress of that and that could be your big chance.

Canis Lupus

|How would the OP feel if he was the boyfriend?

Your looking for justification to break up a relationship. Even if ye are teenagers it's all the same. Don't do it to the boyfriend is what I'd say but then you're ultimately gonna follow your own mind and not what anyone says here.

Victor

On the boyfriend thing, I think its unfair and inappropriate.

The age is pushing it slightly, but in a year or two it wouldn't matter so much.

DawnMc

It's not wrong at all but that said, she is seeing someone else. I would inadvertently suss out how secure/long tern her relationship is. You seem crazy about her

chump

To be fair, I think it's legitimate to make one big effort, but if she's turns you down - you must accept that and let her get on with her current relationship.

Nothing worse than a bloke who's infatuated with someone elses girlfriend and won't let it rest (same goes for the opposite scenario).

Age thing - I wouldn't worry about it. You've only just turned 19 after all...

Crucifix

joejoem wrote:

The rule is half your age plus 7. That means I can go (give me a secong I have to use my toes to count) to 19 year old girls!

There you have it. So the real question, OP, is whether her age <16.5 or her age >16.5

Tar.Aldarion

OP, my 17 year old brother goes out with a 23 year old (model and all) and fair ****s to him...
Similar thing when I was seventeen, well not a model.
She is not too young at all, you are only nineteen, if she is mature enough then there is no problem. Go and catch her.

PurpleFistMixer

I wouldn't say that's too young. Then again, I'm a 16 year old girl who would most likely not turn down a 19 year old, so I could be a bit biased here.

As far as going for her regardless of the boyfriend... well, have you thought she mightn't appreciate it? If she's in to you even a bit, and you start tempting her by making advances, she's gonna feel really bad because she's torn between two people, and she might do something drastic that she'll regret later.

as nike would say!just do it!!!!!!!!

Sleepy

She's 17, seeing another 17 year old. Bide your time, it won't last long and then you can make your moves.

When I was 19 I thought 17 was too young, I was fool and it cost me dearly.

Gaillimhtaibhse

Three years age difference? I'm 18 and have dated lads 4 or 5 years older. Maturity is key. So no big deal.

Boyfriend? (Engaged? Not likely. But if so, back off.) If not, then give it your best shot. If they truly love one another, you won't have a chance to break them apart. Then again, if it's just casual and without true commitment, then "all's fair in love and war."

Now's the time for many of us to seek our soul mate. Then again, what's the hurry? There's time for friendship, love, and fun along the way. Cheers!

xzanti

They say girls mature 2 years faster then men if you know what I mean ?? I personally wouldnt go out with a guy any less than 2 to 3 years older than me because in my experience I just cant relate to them... So in my books your right on target there tbh...

rossious

Age gap is fine.

Fair play to ya that your not lead by the "lads" on how to judge a girls looks. Its good to hear someone with their own mind.

If you let her know you like her (but not my blurting it straight out) and let her see your interested, let her decide. She'll finish it with the other bloke if she thinks your right for her too.

Don't make the mistake of going down the cheating on the other bloke route, cause he'll not be happy and you'll always feel that maybe she could do the same thing to you.......

Airblazer

joejoem wrote:

The rule is half your age plus 7. That means I can go (give me a secong I have to use my toes to count) to 19 year old girls!

hey..i like that rule:D

joejoem

xzanti wrote:

They say girls mature 2 years faster then men if you know what I mean ?? I personally wouldnt go out with a guy any less than 2 to 3 years older than me because in my experience I just cant relate to them... So in my books your right on target there tbh...

I think thats bull, you cant judge someone on there age. In someways Im allot more mature than people 10 years my senior, but at times Im as juvinile as a 12 year old. Its all relative, depends on the person.

Airblazer

Airblazer wrote:

hey..i like that rule:D

Me too
go for it i mean what the worse that can happen

wel maybe the worse that will happen is she'l start going out with you Yay!!
but she'll dump you when a better /different guy comes along

um7y1h83ge06nx

xzanti wrote:

They say girls mature 2 years faster then men if you know what I mean ?? I personally wouldnt go out with a guy any less than 2 to 3 years older than me because in my experience I just cant relate to them... So in my books your right on target there tbh...

I wouldn't agree with that. Im male, 22, and in the last few yrs I have hooked up with women ranging from 4 years younger than me to 12 years older than me!

Women sometimes deal with the age of guys like it's a science. Tbh I think it all depends on the person. Take note of their personality more rather than their birth cert (within legal limits of course!)

LegacyUser

Canis Lupus wrote:

|How would the OP feel if he was the boyfriend?

Your looking for justification to break up a relationship. Even if ye are teenagers it's all the same. Don't do it to the boyfriend is what I'd say but then you're ultimately gonna follow your own mind and not what anyone says here.

I've been there. An slightly older lad stole my girlfirend, and she'd cheated on me with him. I have to admit that it seriously tore me up. I swore I'd never do that to another lad, and I won't do it.

I would never try anything on with her while she's still going out with the guy. Nor would I blurt out the truth about my feelings. What I'm talking about when I say "pursue her", is just me getting "in there", or getting close to her, and basically waiting, as long as it might take. I'm not going to be the reason some poor lad gets dumped or betrayed.

joejoem wrote:

The rule is half your age plus 7. That means I can go (give me a secong I have to use my toes to count) to 19 year old girls!

Yeah I knew about the 1/2 your age plus +7 rule, and luckily I have a feeling she is nearly 17. Meh, I'm not too worried about that anyway. It wouldn't stop me.

edanto wrote:

You're asking is it wrong?

Well - that's a subjective kind of thing. If you're wondering what I think, I reckon you'd be a prick to try and steal this kid from her fella, so I think it's wrong.

But hey, next year she'll be doing her Leaving and she might end up dumping him during the stress of that and that could be your big chance.

Yeah that gives me hope... I'll try to freak her out about exams, lol.
Like I said, I'm prepared to wait for this girl. There's no-one else like her and probably won't be for a long time.

PurpleFistMixer wrote:

As far as going for her regardless of the boyfriend... well, have you thought she mightn't appreciate it? If she's in to you even a bit, and you start tempting her by making advances, she's gonna feel really bad because she's torn between two people, and she might do something drastic that she'll regret later.

Yeah, I agree, I couldn't do that to either of them. I'll have to let it take it's course.

Crubeens wrote:

Just remember that if you pursue her and win her over, it says a lot about her too. If she's willing to leave/do the dirt on her boyfriend WITH you, whats to stop her doing the same TO you?

I'd say its tough luck that she's spoken for, but have patience and it might work in your favour.

Yeah interesting point. Ironically enough, though, that's the real acid test, isn't it? If she turned out to be the loyal type then I'd know she was the one for me.

....

Fake mugging, eh?

cheekyass

if you like her as much as you say that you do i wouldn't let her age stand in your way, however because shes already seeing someone i would leave their relationship run its course. she going out with him for a reason - SHE LIKES HIM. if she didn't she would break up with him. just stay friends with her and if its meant to be it'll happen when the times right!

edanto

-fixxxer- wrote:

Yeah that gives me hope... I'll try to freak her out about exams, lol.

:eek:

ah, I guess you're only joking about freaking her out. But yeah, what I was trying to say in a too-concise kinda way was that there's only a small chance they'll be together in a year or so (just thinking back to the relationships in our gang of friends when we were 16) and you could step up then.

I was also trying a bit of a subtle dig with the leaving cert ref to remind you how young she is.

Like I said, I'm prepared to wait for this girl. There's no-one else like her and probably won't be for a long time.

That's a good call and there's nothing wrong with being flirty! But I think that if it ever comes close to being more than that you should explain to her what you said above about the importance of loyalty.

whacker4fun

Airblazer wrote:

hey..i like that rule:D

some people actually say half you age plus 6 and when they go over 17 it dont matter!:eek:

xzanti

joejoem wrote:

I think thats bull, you cant judge someone on there age. In someways Im allot more mature than people 10 years my senior, but at times Im as juvinile as a 12 year old. Its all relative, depends on the person.

Maybe but as I said... In my experience men my age are less mature than me or maybe dont think as deeply about things as me...

senordingdong

17-yes.
16-no.

rsynnott

xzanti wrote:

Maybe but as I said... In my experience men my age are less mature than me or maybe dont think as deeply about things as me...

That's highly dependant on the person, not just age and gender...