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Santa letters

  • 14-12-2005 4:31pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 134 ✭✭


    Santa's Letters (If Santa Answered Honestly)

    Dear Santa

    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
    yeer.
    Yer Frend,
    BiLLy

    Dear Billy,

    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How
    about I send you a f**king book so you can learn to read and
    write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least
    HE can spell!
    Santa

    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
    Dear Santa,

    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for
    my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can
    do.
    Love,
    Teddy

    Dear Teddy,

    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
    hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
    your frigid Mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give
    up that dream. Let me get you some nice LEGOs instead.
    Santa

    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
    Dear Santa,

    I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog,
    a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
    Love,
    Francis

    Dear Francis,

    Who names their kid Francis, nowadays? I bet you're gay.
    Santa

    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
    for your reindeer outside the back door.
    Love,
    Susan

    Dear Susan,

    Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face
    when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me
    a bottle of scotch.
    Santa

    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
    Dear Santa,

    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
    toys?
    Your friend,
    Thomas

    Dear Thomas,

    All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I
    spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by
    drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail
    waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted
    to know.
    Santa

    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
    Dear Santa,

    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please
    PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
    Timmy

    Timmy,

    That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap
    doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
    Santa

    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
    Dearest Santa,

    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our
    home?
    Love,
    Marky

    Mark,

    First, stop calling yourself Marky, that's why you're getting
    your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house,
    you live in a low-rent project. Third, I get inside your pad just
    like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
    Sweet Dreams,
    Santa

    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
    Dear Santa,

    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
    peace and joy in the world for everybody!
    Love,
    Sarah

    Dear Sarah,

    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
    Santa


Comments

  • Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 23,238 Mod ✭✭✭✭GLaDOS


    :D That was brilliant

    Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the conclusion of the test



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,143 ✭✭✭flanzer


    That's it.....I'm not writing to that fukker this year! :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 500 ✭✭✭mc nuggets


    Poor Sarah;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 265 ✭✭HybridTech


    "like a screen door in a hurricane!" LOL :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 42 MuffinMonster


    That one bad santa


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 180 ✭✭xXxnaoisexXx


    haha thats funny!!:D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,961 ✭✭✭✭Mimikyu


    This post has been deleted.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 29,930 ✭✭✭✭TerrorFirmer


    Santa wrote:
    Who names their kid Francis, nowadays? I bet you're gay.

    Oh mercy, too funny....:D


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