Trust or not????

tommyboo

My gf told me at the weekend that she'd kssed another lad on a night out, we'v been going out for 3 months or so, and she said she can hardly remember it and has no interest. i was very curt with her for the rest of the car trip and made it clear i wouldnt put up with it...

when i pulled over to tell her id have to end it she started telling me how strongly she feels bout me, and being honest i was more shocked than flattered...

i ended up giving in and staying at hers, and we got on really well as always. she was really happy that she'd got it off her chest and that id taken it "well". shes says iv nothing to worry bout and that it was a "once-off" and i know i shouldnt have 2 ask but im not sure ill be able to trust her again. i mean wer form the same town but "study" in different cities....

Sifo

how well do you know her?
did she tell you about this kiss because there was a chance she would be caught??? An believe me she does remember.. Unless you see this going somewhere, bail...

BeardyGit

Good man Sifo,

On the money.

Gil

Dragan

End it.

Start afresh with someone who hopefully won't cheat on you.

I'm sure she was thinking about how much you meant to her when she was with this other fella.

meditraitor

If you think that she only told told you because there was a chance of you finding out, show her the gate.

If you wouldnt have found out maybe you should give the relationship a chance, people make mistakes.

m

chump

mmm, tough call.

I'd tell her that you need a bit of time to think about it. Give it a week without commincation and see how ya feel.

It would also be interesting to see if she hooked up with anyone during that week, even if it didn't "mean anything" - but I doubt you'd find that out.

All in all, 3 months isn't that long of a commitment, so the crime is more minor than say after 3 years (-2). And the honesty on her part deserves perhaps a bonus point (+1). So I'd rate her a -1.

You do need to punish her though for her bad act, so try the week thing, and then start afresh. (provided the week thing goes well, and you have the heart to forgive her)

Linoge

tommyboo wrote:

wer form the same town but "study" in different cities....

Why did you say "study"? What does that mean?

tommyboo

ya i know her really well, i mean iv known her a lot longer than iv been with her, and its not like her...

id no way of finding out b4 she told me, so thats why i reckon i didnt call it all off. she's really good for me and shes totally my type but i just feel like shes broken the trust and im not sure i want to stay going out with her if i cant trust her.

by "studying" i mean wer in college in diff cities but i wouldnt exactly be student of the year!

Khannie

Gil_Dub wrote:

Good man Sifo,

On the money.

Gil

More agreement.

Jenniwren

Tommy......

Bail is right....
emotional blackmail god am ashamed to say that us girls use it sooo much....I firmly believe if she does it once she will do it again.....

tommyboo

[/QUOTE]
You do need to punish her though for her bad act, so try the week thing, and then start afresh. (provided the week thing goes well, and you have the heart to forgive her)[/QUOTE]


cheers dude, ill give that a shot. one thing i made sure she knew before i left was that if it ever happened again i wouldnt even listen to her explain, id kick her straight to the curb (obviously,not literally "kick"!!) !!

i dunno though is it normal to feel a bit weak not laying down the law?? like she used the L-word for the first time, to which my only response was "ya, i know u do..."

tell ye what, im gonna cut off contact for a few days, not answer texts etc and just see how it goes...

6th

tommyboo wrote:

.....i just feel like shes broken the trust and im not sure i want to stay going out with her if i cant trust her.....

oh get over it, so she kissed a guy! she told you coz she wants to be honest, i know alot of people who've done worst and not told the partners coz they think "it meant nothing".

Admit it, you know well it meant nothing to her and you'd actually rather not know and live in ignorance to this VERY MINOR slip. She had 2 choices - tell you or not tell you .... both can go A over T, give her a break.

6th

Exon

It's a hard one, just let her know if it happens again that she shouldn't bother saying sorry etc and clear off. Everyone diserves a second chance!

Mr. Presentable

It's a kiss. So what. Unless it was a passionate hands all over, tongues, moaning, etc., (excuse me for ten) then forget it. You (have or will have done) 'll do worse.

Mr.Nice Guy

End it.

If you can't trust her it will never work. If she's shoved her tongue down a guy's throat once she's quite capable of doing it again - and maybe alot more.

Expect the same respect that you'd give her. Have you kissed people at clubs when you are out? If not, why are you putting up with her sh*t?

End it. You deserve better.

LegacyUser

..and only you can weigh up the intangibles that can't be assessed by anyone else, least of all via the written word.

I was going out with someone once, we had planned to move abroad together, and right after we got there she told me she had kissed someone else. There were lots of other circumstances, and we were living in different countries when it happened. I decided to let it slide. 3 years later, when we were going through a rough patch she slept with someone else. Again, there were many complicated circumstances, and we ended up staying together for another while. I don't regret any of those decisions, but I would be very wary of someone who had a history of cheating on people.

Don't want to play cod-psychologist, but is it possible she really likes you and some part of her subconsciously wanted to create an obstacle to being together?

And is this a once off or a pattern of behaviour? Do you know anyone she has gone out with, or better still, ask her has she ever cheated on any previous partners. Personally, if she had done this before, I'd walk. If it was her first ever time, I'd try to discover why it happened, but would take that week as someone else suggested, to see how I really felt.

Also, have you ever gone out with someone who's cheated on you before?

Binomate

Never trust anyone. Break it off with her. There are pleanty more fish in the sea. Pleanty more fish that don't go kissing other fish behind other fishes backs.

bobbi

I hate to say this shes totally manipulated you.I'd dump her it doesn't sound right

panda100

She hasnt manipulated you and I can totally see it from her perspective.It was only a little kiss-jeez it probably didnt mean anything to her.Fair play to her for telling you,most girls wouldnt.Maybe she was frustrated cos you havent been very up front with your feelings about her-us girls like being told how much you like us!So maybe she did it to get a reaction so you would admit to her that you felt strongly about her.Irish guys are so crap at telling us how they feel that sometimes we have to provoke some sort of reaction to get it out of you,the reasurance that you like us. Dont dump her,she obviously really likes you,she told you she loves you for Gods sake.Everyone is allowed one mistake.

Atrocity

Once the trust is gone it's just not the same.
You'll always be wondering if it's gonna happen again and you'll always be suspicious.

Mr.Nice Guy

panda100 wrote:

She hasnt manipulated you and I can totally see it from her perspective.It was only a little kiss-jeez it probably didnt mean anything to her.Fair play to her for telling you,most girls wouldnt.Maybe she was frustrated cos you havent been very up front with your feelings about her-us girls like being told how much you like us!So maybe she did it to get a reaction so you would admit to her that you felt strongly about her.Irish guys are so crap at telling us how they feel that sometimes we have to provoke some sort of reaction to get it out of you,the reasurance that you like us. Dont dump her,she obviously really likes you,she told you she loves you for Gods sake.Everyone is allowed one mistake.

I get the feeling that if a girl made this post about her boyfriend kissing someone else that your reaction would be very different. As for:

Irish guys are so crap at telling us how they feel that sometimes we have to provoke some sort of reaction to get it out of you,the reasurance that you like us.

What a load of BS. If other women seriously think that then I despair!

Chavster

panda100 wrote:

She hasnt manipulated you and I can totally see it from her perspective.It was only a little kiss-jeez it probably didnt mean anything to her.Fair play to her for telling you,most girls wouldnt.Maybe she was frustrated cos you havent been very up front with your feelings about her-us girls like being told how much you like us!So maybe she did it to get a reaction so you would admit to her that you felt strongly about her.Irish guys are so crap at telling us how they feel that sometimes we have to provoke some sort of reaction to get it out of you,the reasurance that you like us. Dont dump her,she obviously really likes you,she told you she loves you for Gods sake.Everyone is allowed one mistake.

What a load of arse. In response to a guys inability to telling a girl how he feels the girl then goes and kisses someone else instead of telling the guy how she feels? It seems extremely hyppocritical to me not to mention immature.

Regardless of whether the girl meant it or not it's the effect on the OP that's important. OP if you can't trust her then show her the door. I would.

panda100

Im only just giving my thoughts.I did the same last year i really liked my boyfriend but ended up kissing this guy on a night out.I dont know why I did it just happened(i was in coppers if thats an excuse!) Anyways,I never told my boyfriend but felt mega guilty about it cos i really liked him and he was so nice to me.In the end my guilt just generally drove us apart.So I think the fact that she told you means that you can 100% trust this girl-she wants to keep the relationship with you cos she wants to be with you.We all make mistakes but at least she told you bout it.

alfa147

panda100 wrote:

Im only just giving my thoughts.I did the same last year i really liked my boyfriend but ended up kissing this guy on a night out.I dont know why I did it just happened(i was in coppers if thats an excuse!) Anyways,I never told my boyfriend but felt mega guilty about it cos i really liked him and he was so nice to me.In the end my guilt just generally drove us apart.So I think the fact that she told you means that you can 100% trust this girl-she wants to keep the relationship with you cos she wants to be with you.We all make mistakes but at least she told you bout it.

An u see why guys treat girls like sh*t half the time.. all it takes is one girl to do that too a guy and he'll do it too the next 5.. trust me i know..

dump her now or she'll do it again and again...

MadPatrick

If you had no way of finding out I think you should understand that she just wants a clean slate to start over on. Total honesty all the way.
However, she still cheated so my advice is to tell her that you'll forgive her on 1 condition.;)

Thats right buddy, in the ass:cool:

Red Alert

normally my answer's been to dump said person, but i think i'm with panda on this one. how serious was your relationship? i'm just curious because i was once in a relationship where we were going out for ages and doing all the usual stuff but we took it quite casually. i think give her a chance, her honesty's refreshing.