Financial concerns regarding parents second relationship

Annasopra

My Mother died just over a year ago. I am the youngest at 26 and we all still live at home with my dad. My mother was a very strong willed who put her heart and soul into my parents business and marriage. She worked very hard all her life. The business was originally set up with some financial assistance from my maternal grandparents. The business was sold 7 - 8 years ago and both my parents worked part time on and off after that. The house that we live in is paid for and in addition there are 3 other properties which are owned by my father (but still paying the mortgage on). My father is (in my opinion) a bit of a muddler - when it comes to looking after finances - he has lots of different policies (insurance/pensions - I'm not quite sure). He is involved in a new relationship with a widow who has 2 children of her own.

I have had some discussions with some of my mums friends who would be worried that in the case of my dad remarrying that myself and my brother and sister would lose out financially. I wasn't really sure how to react to these discussions, is that somehow grabbing my dads money and burying him before he is dead, but as one of them said; it is not his money; she worked damn hard to provide for us all. I guess what I want to know is what do other people think; do myself and my brother and sister have a right to my dad's money?, How should this be discussed in a sensitive way with my dad, should one of us be privy to all financial details in order to actually know where everything is if anything were to happen to him?

sit down and talk to your dad theres nothing else you can do
its a realistic situation but an awkward subject but just be honest and you'l get your questions answered

Gazza22

Well you say that he is in a new relationship, so theres not really any rush to discuss the matter, perhaps when/if it gets serious.

Yeah your mother did have a considerable input into his wealth so you and your sister are indeed entitled to approach him about the subject. Just don't come on too strongly or he will think your just after his money!...

I'm sure your father would only want what's best for his family so i doubt he'l be taken aback...just sit down and have a chat about it with him

tbh

to be honest, I wouldn't say anything until you are sure you have to - it could all fizzle out with the widow. I don't think you should feel guilty about it, but you may be worrying about nothing - maybe your dad has no intention of seeing you lose out?

The Clown Man

Did your mother leave anything to you in her will?

If she left it all to your father then it's up to him to do what he likes with it. She may have left her share of things to him on condition that it goes to you. Check the will and get legal advise if you wish. I don't think it's fair to just go asking your father not to marry etc. Maybe if you just asked him to agree to some sort of financial arrangement if he does marry.

jimmycrackcorm

Sit down to have a rational discussion with him. Voice your concerns but stress that you are not trying to be selfish or irrational but as situations change it is better to make sure that everything is clear. I'd broach it by asking if he has updated his will.

In case anyone needs reminding of the mess you only have to think of the farmer dude earlier this year who shot his neighbour and then himself because he bought some of the family land. It wouldn't have happened if there had been a proper will drawn up.

Beruthiel

Johnnymcg wrote:

it is not his money

yes it is his money, sorry but speaking as a parent I do not see why at your age you have the right to think that your parents money is yours.
You are a grown adult with the ability to make your own way in the world just as your parents have.
Get on with making your own money and leave your father alone, you do not have the right to look at him as a bank. I have told my daughter as much, if for example I knew I had six months to live, I'd sell everything I had and party/travel the world till I ran out of money.
Thats my right, I made what I have from scratch and I expect her to have the ablility to do the same.
If your father is a good father then he will take care of you in his Will, just as I have already done for my daughter in mine. Until then I suggest you mind your own business.
Sorry if that seems harsh but I don't get people who see their parents for anything other than for support in times of need and for love. Thats all any parent should be.
I would think that you should suggest he make a will if he hasn't already, but that's all you should do.
As the last remaining parent it is in his interest to lay everything out in his will, tactfully ask him to do this so it will make everything easier for you all when he passes away, put it to him that way and he will most likely take care of it.

0utshined

Johnnymcg wrote:

do myself and my brother and sister have a right to my dad's money?,

No, not in the slightest. You've said it yourself, it's his money to do with as he likes, just like it was your mothers choice to leave it to him or set up a trust for her children or whatever it was that she chose in the end.

I know that for myself I neither expect nor want anything from my parents will. They've raised me and I appreciate that. I'm grateful for it but I'm an adult now and am capable of making my own way. Knowing them as I do they most likely will leave their estate to myself and my brothers but I don't expect it and if they choose to leave it to a cat's home or some charity or church then so be it, it will have been their decision to make.

I don't mean to attack you but the presumption that a child is somehow entitled to their parents estate when the die really písses em off. They raise you and that's where their responsibilities end.

How should this be discussed in a sensitive way with my dad, should one of us be privy to all financial details in order to actually know where everything is if anything were to happen to him?

It shouldn't. You should advise him to make a will so that his wishes are respected in his death but that is it. In his will he should list all his accounts and holdings but being honest it really is none of your business.

Having said that, if he dies intestate yourself and your siblings will get the majority of his estate even if he remarries but I really think you should help him arrange a solicitors appointment to make a will and leave it at that.

Edit : Didn't refresh before posting, Beruthial pretty much said the same thing but my reply is from a child's perspective for what it's worth.

WhiteWashMan

if it was left to your father in her will, or if he is the beneficiary in her death (my condolences by the way), then the money is his.
he is free to do with it as he will.

it may not seem fair to you, but at the end of the day, he can do with it if he will.

pretty much what ruthie said tbh, but you can either see how it goes, or you can approach your father and talk about it.

SexeeAussie

WhiteWashMan wrote:

if it was left to your father in her will, or if he is the beneficiary in her death (my condolences by the way), then the money is his.
he is free to do with it as he will.

it may not seem fair to you, but at the end of the day, he can do with it if he will.

pretty much what ruthie said tbh, but you can either see how it goes, or you can approach your father and talk about it.

OMG, I can for the first time on these boards say that I agree with MR WWM (above poster!)

I have a lot of insight into this area as I worked for The Public Trustee here in my little hole in the world..... We used to deal with intestasies and in making/altering wills for people, plus being the executor of the estate once the individual had passed away.

I would certainly talk to your Dad about any wills that may have been written before your Mum had passed away, and regarding any other issues that may occur in the event that your father takes ill (power of attorney) or dies.

Talk to him as a son that is being responsible and realistic about the future and mortality etc.

Even though I agree with the above posters I do think that you may be able to discuss things with him as an adult. Ask him where his will is, where his inurance policies are......etc. It's all forward planning as far as I am concerned.

Good luck

Rach

Linoge

Your mother would have left you money if she wanted you to have it. Its actually very strange that she didn't at least leave you all enough money for a deposit on a house. She obviously trusts your father very much, or maybe there is some agreement/something in her will that you just dont know about yet?