Another Sexual frustration question

LegacyUser

Hey ppl,

I'm a 25 yr old man, my g/f and I are going out over a year now. we've had a fairly healthy sexual relationship. Lately we've been spending a lot of time together, but I've been feeling very frustrated. She doesn't have the same sex drive as me at all. I'd imagine she'd be happy with Sex once or max twice a week. Sometimes this really bothers me because Im so wound up about it. We've talked about it a lot, but things havent changed that much

Now I love this girl to bits, and don't want to lose her, but I don't know what to do at this stage.

Please , I need help

Fysh

OK, you say you've talked to her about it which is good - does she understand that your current sex life is leaving you feeling frustrated? Because if it's making you unhappy and it's not addressed in one way or another it will prey on you and end up having a detrimental effect on your relationship.

If she understands this but doesn't feel comfortable changing her approach to sex, you're faced with the following options:

1) Break it off and try to find someone else whose sex drive better matches your own (realistically a worst-case scenario);
2) Try to accept it and find some way of dealing with your frustration without risking the relationship by ending up cheating on her or whatever;
3) Make some changes in your relationship such as maybe not spending as much time together to try and rekindle the spark that was there earlier, and see if this changes things for the better (not easy to do, but worth a try).

It's a harsh thing to face, but loving someone doesn't mean that your relationship with them will work out the way you want it to. All you can do is be honest with her and yourself, hope that she reciprocates this honesty and see if you can find some way of both being happy. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

ferdi

take matters into your own hands.

PeterJL

confused,

I am a little confused as to where her sex drive is. Are you saying
you would expect she might like to make love 2-3 times per week
and her desire is much less than that or are you saying 2-3
times per week is her desire level and you are dissapointed.
I'm assuming it is the former.

I've put up a similar thread (as a married man in mid/late thirties)
and for most of our married life 1 time per month is about
all I've grown accustomed to with my wife and that included
a break for over a year from all intimacy because she slipped
into some habit and I chose to bury my head in the sand for
a few of those months and never confronted the issue with her
or even fully in my own consciousness.

What I will say is that you should test to see if the pair of you
can communicate openly on the issue and see if there is
some middle ground where rather than full intercourse she
might in between times acknowledge your desires and using
imagination connect in other ways. I remember a book by the
guy John Gray (?) who wrote Men are from Mars and Women from
Venus where he talked about polar sex. I thought the idea was
good even if it seems common sense. He explained that
a couple could get to a point where apart from shared orgasmic
experiences they could also explore and introduce into their
relationships some amount of one partner concentrating on
the others orgasm (via masturbation or whatever).l
It basically introduces give and take into the relationship and
if there is a good degree of trust there I imagine it might
work. For me sadly this concept has never fully registered with
my wife who I love dearly.

my 0.02

dalk

Cant remember which Woody Allen film, but the characters were talking to their therapists:

Woman - He wants sex all the time, like two/three times a week or more!
Man - She never wants sex, only two/three times a week or less!

Pretty much nail on head in my experience (and yours seemingly)... Your just going to have to live with it.

jrey1981

Perhaps try approaching the problem differently...see if a massage or something slightly different gets her going...could the problem be more one of routine than her not having the same sex drive?

Try spontaneity, anything that is a different way to get her in the mood?

Nasty_Girl

If it bothers you this much, maybe you shouldn't be with her?
I know that sounds horrible but if she doesn't want to as much you then she doesn't want to.

I guess you could try just focusing on pleasing her, then she might be more willing to return the favour.

You could buy yourself a toy either...

To be honest I worry about these sex threads that say "I don't want to lose her but..."

condra

Peters post seemed sensible and reasonable.

I think discussng it openly would obviously be much better, and might clear the air, incase there is some paranoia between you.

Relationships are about give and take, but if you both give, both make sacrifices, and are still unhappy with the result maybe the relationship really is in major trouble.

If you skrew say 3 times a week, does she always enjoy it?
I mean does she obviously really enjoy it?
If the "little" sex that you are having makes you feel even worse, if you feel like she is reluctantly doing you a favour by having sex with you, I suspect your going to get even more frustrated over time.

Then theres the feelings of shame and guilt because you obviously love her and sex is often thought of as a superficial thing.
DONT BE ASHAMED or embarassed for having a high sex drive, or more than likely, a normal sex drive.

Youve probably tought about all this already though.
As to what you can do about it, thats pretty difficult isnt it.

Have you considered that perhaps it might be something more personal than simply a low libido. I mean, is there a chance shes not as physically attracted to you before?

I dont think there is going to be any magic solution that will make her into a raging nympho overnight... Nor a magic solution that will tame your sex drive, and either way neither of you probably want to change!

I hope it works out for you I really do.

PS- Spare a thought for us poor single people. The closest thing Ive come to a girl arousing me in the last month is the little blonde girl in Spar smiling at me.

nitrogen

I'm shocked! Truly speechless, I have no speech. Twice a week, once a month. Then people think it's normal amongst women. What century is this, am I guessing there might be a stigma attached to sex amongst Irish girls? That's not a statement. I haven't had an Irish GF for nearly six years so I don't know. What I do know is, the physical aspect of a relationship is equally important as the friendship. Intimacy, whether it be kissing, touching, oral or penetrative sex brings couples closer, it strengthens the relationship. There are or will be problems if it isn't there. And it shouldn't always be initiated by the guy. Of course, everyone has different sex drives but you can kind of understand cheating when it's always the guy begging for it twice a week. Compromise and communicate is what it's all about.

Else, find a girl with a higher sex drive than you, then you're laughing!

LegacyUser

Yea i second that, that's unbelievable. get out of that relationship, i mean you talked about it and she still wont make any effort. I thought relationships were all about give and take; she just seems not to care about your feelings/thoughts/hard-ons....
if its like that now, whats it going to be like when you get married?

just a question

do most married men experience the same thing with their wives, that once they get married the sex just drys up? If you knew that going into it would you still have married?

p.s yes i know its not all about sex, but its a very important part....