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Confused need advice EX boyf issue!!!
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23-11-2005 4:04pm#1i posted this a while back as a part of another thread but now i'm confused and i need some advice
I am the girl that always remains friends with ex's but even though the most recent ex's friendship is slowly confusing me I don't regret it
I met him a year and a half ago me 19, him 24(?)we got on great and had such chemistry (and still do) even though he revealed 2 me 2 months in he had a child and was afraid to tell me , our break-up happened 3 months later and was mutual, to him not wanting a big relationship (he had major ex troubles) and us not being able to spend as much time together as our schedules allowed we stayed friends only and never lost touch 4 more than 2 weeks .
we kissed at xmas but even though more was wanted by both of us I was seeing some1 and had a conscience..
We still stayed in touch but through him going through some stuff we lost contact in for the month of may and after that we started seeing each other casually again everything was going brilliant till we had a fight (my fault) in July we mutually agreed to meet up at least once a month to catch up which of course always ended up with us in the backseat of one of our cars.
We agreed to end those little encounters a few weeks ago because it aint healthy (even though I know I never have and prob never will have intense sex like that again with someone).
I also discovered recently he's actually 2 yrs older than he originally said and even though my means for accidentally finding it out were deceptive
I wanted to ring his neck because I felt like I would never have gotten involved in the first place what with him being 8 yrs older having a child and still a hatred towards the ex, but bcuz of the way I found out (despite my certain level of intelligence I never twigged it) I cant say it him to him because despite all the faults he's a good mate and picked me up in some bad times, we are not seeing each other anymore so we'll just remain friends.
We call each other twice or three times a week! I know he still has feelings towards me and I do for him but I cant seem to cut him out of my life which I want to do some days because we seem to be stuck in relationship limbo
I slept with him last week (he initiated it) and afterwards I suggested to him we meet up b4 xmas in a hotel room which we're doing
I really don't want to initiate a big talk on relationships because that causes him to close up!!!
if anyone has any opinions towards all this feel free to offer advice!:(0
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coolsmileygirl wrote:i posted this a while back as a part of another thread but now i'm confused and i need some advice
I am the girl that always remains friends with ex's but even though the most recent ex's friendship is slowly confusing me I don't regret it
I met him a year and a half ago me 19, him 24(?)we got on great and had such chemistry (and still do) even though he revealed 2 me 2 months in he had a child and was afraid to tell me , our break-up happened 3 months later and was mutual, to him not wanting a big relationship (he had major ex troubles) and us not being able to spend as much time together as our schedules allowed we stayed friends only and never lost touch 4 more than 2 weeks .
we kissed at xmas but even though more was wanted by both of us I was seeing some1 and had a conscience..
We still stayed in touch but through him going through some stuff we lost contact in for the month of may and after that we started seeing each other casually again everything was going brilliant till we had a fight (my fault) in July we mutually agreed to meet up at least once a month to catch up which of course always ended up with us in the backseat of one of our cars.
We agreed to end those little encounters a few weeks ago because it aint healthy (even though I know I never have and prob never will have intense sex like that again with someone).
I also discovered recently he's actually 2 yrs older than he originally said and even though my means for accidentally finding it out were deceptive
I wanted to ring his neck because I felt like I would never have gotten involved in the first place what with him being 8 yrs older having a child and still a hatred towards the ex, but bcuz of the way I found out (despite my certain level of intelligence I never twigged it) I cant say it him to him because despite all the faults he's a good mate and picked me up in some bad times, we are not seeing each other anymore so we'll just remain friends.
We call each other twice or three times a week! I know he still has feelings towards me and I do for him but I cant seem to cut him out of my life which I want to do some days because we seem to be stuck in relationship limbo
I slept with him last week (he initiated it) and afterwards I suggested to him we meet up b4 xmas in a hotel room which we're doing
I really don't want to initiate a big talk on relationships because that causes him to close up!!!
if anyone has any opinions towards all this feel free to offer advice!:(
so, he lies,and you do the dirt on your boyfiend, you have great sex, and you see each other every other month, talk 3 times a week on the phone?
you sound like fúck buddies.
what exactly is the issue?
if oyu want to go out with him, go out with him.0 -
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If you have ****ed him while going out with someone then you are a tart. sorry if this is harsh, but imo if you have a bf you shouldn be screwing around.
It says early in your post that you kissed while you had a bf, this is also a **** thing to do. Grow up, and either play the field or make him your fella.
If of course you ditched that bf quite early on, and all your sex with this older guy was when you were single, then its just a fcuk buddy scenario. Enjoy, then when you get a fella, lose the ex, ok.
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Im the one who initiated sex in the first place back in July we were platonic except for a kiss for nearly a year!!! We stayed friends throughout though!!!
the other guy I was going out wit @xmas was not serious it lasted 4 weeks so I never considered it serious!
I suppose I get what I deserve for getting him back in the sack but seriously lads ur making him sound evil he’s not
I know he’s not man enough to deal with the court cases and all he went thru hell
his best mate told me what his ex put him through
She was having an affair wit a fella for ages got pregnant (but there were tests done in a case lst yr its his baby)then ran out wit the baby he was in court only a few weeks ago bcuz she wanted yet more money from him !!!
I thought about whether I wanted the baggage but I realized how I felt 4 him and wanted 2 be there for him and its basically bcuz of that **** went on I was continuing being there for him!!!
but somewhere along the way we ended up in this mess! 0 -
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[Edit: Just read your replies above....I'll leave this here anyway as it'll make even less sense if I go chopping it up now!]
Ah here lads, lay off the lass for a little bit will you? It's not like she's enough of an idiot to think this is all perfectly good for her the way it is right now. She's come to ask for a bit of help making sense of it and a non-stop earbashing is unlikely to help.
CSG, There's plenty of food for thought in the various responses here so far - But don't let anything we say get you down. Some assumptions have been made about your character (some nice, some nasty) but I think you've got enough smarts to work this one out for yourself, now you've hopefully been 'pushed' in the right sort of direction.
The way things are between the two of you right now is most certainly not ideal. Far from it in fact. You know that. So step back, tell him to back off for a bit so you have space and time to think this through for yourself, and very importantly, use his reaction as another measure of his character and medium/long-term intent where you're concerned.
It'll probably be a little difficult to contemplate pushing away someone you obviously have some feelings for, particularly if he's having a rough time in the courts and what not at the moment. But you need to be selfish here. If you become an emotional victim as a result of becoming too close to a situation you ultimately can't help with, you'll be no use to either yourself or this lad in the future.
You need to take control here as your own happiness is your own responsibility. Don't become a victim of your own selflessness - Be selfish and brutally honest with yourself when you're looking at what this guy can offer you now and what he is PREPARED to offer in the future. Make the tough decision now so you don't end up with a touger decision to make a little further down the road when all sort of other changes to your life circumstances could become a factor.
I hope that makes sense. I think it does but you never know, I could have it all wrong in my take on things! And don't forget that nobody here bears any real animosity for you or this guy really. We can't, we don't know either of you. But we can all become frustrated when we hear of what sounds like one person being taken for a ride (pardon the pun
) by someone else when their ultimate intentions and motivation are a little unclear. Think of it as a sense of community here where we're all watching your back!
Best of luck,
Gil0 -
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Jesper wrote:Will I bring her to my work Christmas party. Afraid not. Will I meat her some other time. Yup. get my point?
Dude, I hope that was a typo!
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Gil_Dub wrote:[Edit: Just read your replies above....I'll leave this here anyway as it'll make even less sense if I go chopping it up now!]
Ah here lads, lay off the lass for a little bit will you? It's not like she's enough of an idiot to think this is all perfectly good for her the way it is right now. She's come to ask for a bit of help making sense of it and a non-stop earbashing is unlikely to help.
CSG, There's plenty of food for thought in the various responses here so far - But don't let anything we say get you down. Some assumptions have been made about your character (some nice, some nasty) but I think you've got enough smarts to work this one out for yourself, now you've hopefully been 'pushed' in the right sort of direction.
The way things are between the two of you right now is most certainly not ideal. Far from it in fact. You know that. So step back, tell him to back off for a bit so you have space and time to think this through for yourself, and very importantly, use his reaction as another measure of his character and medium/long-term intent where you're concerned.
It'll probably be a little difficult to contemplate pushing away someone you obviously have some feelings for, particularly if he's having a rough time in the courts and what not at the moment. But you need to be selfish here. If you become an emotional victim as a result of becoming too close to a situation you ultimately can't help with, you'll be no use to either yourself or this lad in the future.
You need to take control here as your own happiness is your own responsibility. Don't become a victim of your own selflessness - Be selfish and brutally honest with yourself when you're looking at what this guy can offer you now and what he is PREPARED to offer in the future. Make the tough decision now so you don't end up with a touger decision to make a little further down the road when all sort of other changes to your life circumstances could become a factor.
I hope that makes sense. I think it does but you never know, I could have it all wrong in my take on things! And don't forget that nobody here bears any real animosity for you or this guy really. We can't, we don't know either of you. But we can all become frustrated when we hear of what sounds like one person being taken for a ride (pardon the pun) by someone else when their ultimate intentions and motivation are a little unclear. Think of it as a sense of community here where we're all watching your back!
Best of luck,
Gil
If I was a girl I'd of tried to sound a bit more like this. You know best. But make sure you take every factor even the brutelly bad ones into your decision. I agree with this quote though. But remember there is no bad responses here everyone might be true:( you decide 0 -
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Gil_Dub wrote:[Edit: Just read your replies above....I'll leave this here anyway as it'll make even less sense if I go chopping it up now!]
Ah here lads, lay off the lass for a little bit will you? It's not like she's enough of an idiot to think this is all perfectly good for her the way it is right now. She's come to ask for a bit of help making sense of it and a non-stop earbashing is unlikely to help.
CSG, There's plenty of food for thought in the various responses here so far - But don't let anything we say get you down. Some assumptions have been made about your character (some nice, some nasty) but I think you've got enough smarts to work this one out for yourself, now you've hopefully been 'pushed' in the right sort of direction.
The way things are between the two of you right now is most certainly not ideal. Far from it in fact. You know that. So step back, tell him to back off for a bit so you have space and time to think this through for yourself, and very importantly, use his reaction as another measure of his character and medium/long-term intent where you're concerned.
It'll probably be a little difficult to contemplate pushing away someone you obviously have some feelings for, particularly if he's having a rough time in the courts and what not at the moment. But you need to be selfish here. If you become an emotional victim as a result of becoming too close to a situation you ultimately can't help with, you'll be no use to either yourself or this lad in the future.
You need to take control here as your own happiness is your own responsibility. Don't become a victim of your own selflessness - Be selfish and brutally honest with yourself when you're looking at what this guy can offer you now and what he is PREPARED to offer in the future. Make the tough decision now so you don't end up with a touger decision to make a little further down the road when all sort of other changes to your life circumstances could become a factor.
I hope that makes sense. I think it does but you never know, I could have it all wrong in my take on things! And don't forget that nobody here bears any real animosity for you or this guy really. We can't, we don't know either of you. But we can all become frustrated when we hear of what sounds like one person being taken for a ride (pardon the pun) by someone else when their ultimate intentions and motivation are a little unclear. Think of it as a sense of community here where we're all watching your back!
Best of luck,
Gil
ive backed off from the sex situation b4 bcuz i didnt want 2 be used and he took it grand!! like i said i pursue it more than him!!
thanks a million for ur advice i was begining to think i wasnt seeing it black and white!!
believe me ive given this one a lot of thought
i even went to see a physic twice she said there wud be a lot of patience needed for me but eventually we'd hav four babies 2gether
i threw that in for the laugh bcuz thats wat i did when she said it!!
im gonna hav to think about it more
you said take control and think of my own happiness thats wat lead 2 the sex in the first place but i have to think about that too!!
thanks for ur advice anyway!!!0 -
Someone is awake
Gil_Dub wrote:Dude, I hope that was a typo!
Bit of Both
Can't do one without the other 0 -
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Jesper wrote:what the F*** u doing with a purple little teddy as an icon. bit confused are we:D
Animal...The drummer from the Muppet Show. Trade in your testicles mate...You've failed the test!
@OP - Good luck....Just don't rush at anything. As Mr. Armstrong was fond of singing "We have all the time in the world".....He's run out of time, but you've a good while to go yet, all going well! 0 -
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Kersh wrote:If you have ****ed him while going out with someone then you are a tart. sorry if this is harsh, but imo if you have a bf you shouldn be screwing around.
It says early in your post that you kissed while you had a bf, this is also a **** thing to do. Grow up, and either play the field or make him your fella.
If of course you ditched that bf quite early on, and all your sex with this older guy was when you were single, then its just a fcuk buddy scenario. Enjoy, then when you get a fella, lose the ex, ok.
I'm of the same opinion. Anyone that sleeps with another guy knowing he has a girlfriend is no better than a slut in my eyes(same applies to guys that sleep with another girl). I think it's cheap and disgusting and shouldn't be condoned by anyone. If a relationship is ****, end it. Don't go fcking another person behind your partners back. And i don't think it's right for people to glorify the status of **** buddies either.0 -
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Here's my 2c, from what' I've just read.
You're with an older guy, who you reckon is not as intelligent as you, but with whom you have fantastic sex. You say he talks to you, but you know he lies, so only "reliable" information you get seems to come from his mate. The guy has baggage which makes you unhappy, but you're willing to live with it and you want to get to know him better. Correct?
If that is correct, then let me play the devils advocate here. He's lying to you, and the fact that you trust his friend more than him shows clearly how desperate your situation with him really is. It doesn't sound like you could ever have a decent relationship with this guy, because when it comes to personality and intelligence, you two are not matched. So as I see it, you have 2 choices.
A) You accept it for what it is: keep having sex with him, but accept that it's not a relationship, just an affair, and keep on the lookout for a boyfriend. When you find a guy you're really compatible with, set the affair by the wayside, ideally before you have sex with the new guy (because its not a great idea to start a relationship with an overlap)
If you feel that you're not getting anything out of this guy, or that the sex simply complicates things, you can dump him. Outright and forever. It'll be hard to do, it'll probably feel quite lonely until you find someone else, but it may well be worth it in the long run.
Either way, going longterm and alone with this guy is clearly just going to run you into the ground.0 -
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