Addicted to Flirtting, is this normal?

LegacyUser

Going unregged for this as I know a lot of the posters on here.
Going out with my bf for 3 years. i love him to bits and trust him completetly. He is my best friend and I believe that he is the person I will marry.

I started a new job a few months ago and I work with lots of lads, I know one of them fancies me and I am surpirised by how much I love it.
The ego boost is fantastic and the flirtting makes the day fly by.

I have abosultely no intention and taking things any further with this guy, and neither does this guy, as he has a fiance who he lives with, its just a bit of flirtty banter, and on a night out he might throw his arm around my shoulders, or mess play fight with me, just every now and then, not all night, or anything like that.

Now, the thing is, I am starting to feel guilty about how much of a buzz I get out of knowing lads, other then my boyfriend, might fancy me.

I have noticed my behaviour becoming more flirtty in general, with almost all of the lads I pal about with.
Nothing serious, just a touch more tactile and exchanging more jokes, jokey flirtty talk and banter, that kind of thing.

Basically, I honestly have no intention of cheating, and no intention of breaking up with my boyfriend. I need to know..............

Is it ok to enjoy flirtting at this level?

Also, am I in danger of becoming a classic 'prick tease'?

Is the buzz I get from the attention normal? I find it very addictive.

cheekyass

i think so long as who ever your flirting with is FULLY aware that you have a b/f and that they also know that you have absolutely no intension of cheating i think its ok. just dont take take a joke too far, imagine how your b/f would feel or how you would feel if it were him in your situation:p

Nasty_Girl

It becomes a problem if you start expecting every guy on earth to fancy you and flirt with you.

I'm not saying this will happen, it just might, I've seen it happen before.

Then the girls start going to more and more extremes to get the attention they crave.

It can also cause a problem if one of these guys really does fancy you and then you'll have to listen to "Oh but you led me on etc"

Just somethings to be aware of is all.

To be honest, I don't really understand why people flirt with people they don't fancy

LegacyUser

They honestly do know that I have a boyfriend. They are friends and workmates, so they would know me, and my relationship situation fairly well.
Some of the lads I am refering to would be mutual friends of mine and my bf's, so they would know for 100% sure that it was just a bit of messing, not to be taken seriously.

I have never cheated and I don't plan on starting now, seriously!

WhiteWashMan

i flirt outrageously when my partner is about and when she isnt about. its just the way i am. it means nothing.

as long as its fun, and people know that you have a partner, and that you love him, then i see no problem.

LegacyUser

Nasty_Girl wrote:

It becomes a problem if you start expecting every guy on earth to fancy you and flirt with you.

I'm not saying this will happen, it just might, I've seen it happen before.

Then the girls start going to more and more extremes to get the attention they crave.

It can also cause a problem if one of these guys really does fancy you and then you'll have to listen to "Oh but you led me on etc"

Just somethings to be aware of is all.

To be honest, I don't really understand why people flirt with people they don't fancy

Some good points there. I don't think I would expect every lad to fancy me, I am know Jessica Alba
As I said, most of these lads are mates, and it really is just upping the flirtty talk a bit, my PI is that fact that I LOVE the attention, maybe a bit too much, it worries me. Should it not be enough that my boyfriend fancies me?

Endurance Man

Just dont let the old ego get to big , it can be the most unattractive thing on a women.

Nasty_Girl

egoboost wrote:

my PI is that fact that I LOVE the attention, maybe a bit too much, it worries me. Should it not be enough that my boyfriend fancies me?

Everyone likes to be liked, some people really love attention as well. There's not really anything wrong with it as such.

But in some people this is a dangerous thing, like I said I've seen girls who've descended to the level where they'll do anything for lads to pay attention to them even though they have boyfriends themselves.

If you get addicted to everyone paying attention to you and flirting with you, what happens if/when it stops?

LegacyUser

No biggy, as far as I can see.
Everyone likes attention from the oppositie sex, and if you really mean it when you say you have no intention of cheating, and no intention of splitting with your boyfriend, then I seriously don't see the harm in whats happening. As long as everyone involved knows where they stand, as in, the guys you flirt with know your with your boyfriend etc, then its all cool!

dahooligan

Hmmm.. I don't know really. It is one of those borderline things.. one of my mate's missus flirts like mad with anything that breathes and it drives me mad watching her and I know that it deffo drives me mate mad. I don't think that I've a problem with flirting in general though.. if I know the lads or lad thats involved, cos then the chances of anyone getting any wrong ideas are severely cut!
No matter how innocent it may be, its never nice to think of your loved one flirting with someone you don't know, it just opens up a whole paranoid can of worms!

LegacyUser

dahooligan wrote:

Hmmm.. I don't know really. It is one of those borderline things.. one of my mate's missus flirts like mad with anything that breathes and it drives me mad watching her and I know that it deffo drives me mate mad. I don't think that I've a problem with flirting in general though.. if I know the lads or lad thats involved, cos then the chances of anyone getting any wrong ideas are severely cut!
No matter how innocent it may be, its never nice to think of your loved one flirting with someone you don't know, it just opens up a whole paranoid can of worms!

Do you trust your girlfriend??? If so, then a bit of flirtting shouldn't really bother you, and certainly shouldn't open up a paranoid can of worms!

I trust my boyfriend, and although I dont really want to know if he is flirtty with his female friends whe I am not around, it doesn't really matter because I know he would never act on it.

I am quite flirtty in my nature, I speak to my girl friends the same way I speak to my boy friends. My boyfriend was my friend before we got together, he fell for me then, and my personality hasn't changed since then, I would be really hurt to think that he found my flirtty personality made me difficult to trust.

What you have described is hurtful behaviour, if she is blatantly flirtting with your mates friends, in a way that might actually lead you to believe that she could act on it.

What the OP has described is very different. She is flattered by the new found attention from the opposite sex. I don't see the harm in that. She has made it quite clear that she would never act on it, or take it to another level. she loves her boyfriend.

dahooligan

sillysausage wrote:

Do you trust your girlfriend??? If so, then a bit of flirtting shouldn't really bother you, and certainly shouldn't open up a paranoid can of worms!

I trust my boyfriend, and although I dont really want to know if he is flirtty with his female friends whe I am not around, it doesn't really matter because I know he would never act on it.

I am quite flirtty in my nature, I speak to my girl friends the same way I speak to my boy friends. My boyfriend was my friend before we got together, he fell for me then, and my personality hasn't changed since then, I would be really hurt to think that he found my flirtty personality made me difficult to trust.

What you have described is hurtful behaviour, if she is blatantly flirtting with your mates friends, in a way that might actually lead you to believe that she could act on it.

What the OP has described is very different. She is flattered by the new found attention from the opposite sex. I don't see the harm in that. She has made it quite clear that she would never act on it, or take it to another level. she loves her boyfriend.

... I don't think I described it as hurtful, in fact I'm pretty sure I said I didn't have a problem with it. I have a problem with the way me mates g/f behaves but as for me and my situation, I trust my girlfriend with my life and she knows that, what I was trying to point out was that its never good to think of your significant other flirting with someone else.. you have said already that you wouldn't want to know about it. I'm just saying that it would be that bit harder for me to dismiss so easily. I have no trust issues, the relationship that I'm in is great and I plan for it to be great for a long time to come.

Kersh

To the OP - is it ok if he flirts with other women.... the way you flirt with other fellas. This is what defines the borders of a relationship. Ya know, whats sauce for the goose and all that.

dahooligan

egoboost wrote:

Is it ok to enjoy flirtting at this level?

Also, am I in danger of becoming a classic 'prick tease'?

Is the buzz I get from the attention normal? I find it very addictive.

These are the questions that she posed, I don't think she would've asked them if she was positive that she was doing nothing wrong in the first place... (metaphor) Speeding on the motorway is wrong and I'm aware I'm doing it but I have no propblem with it and therefore find no need to ask the general public if they think what I'm doing is wrong - a bit off centre but I couldn't think of anything else

Its only you who can decide whether you're in danger of becoming a classic prick tease, and if you think you are in danger of becoming one - is this something that you actually want? Would ya not flirt with your boyfriend? After all he's the guy you're going home with at the end of the night (maybe thats a bit silly). But is it the attention from other guys that you're addicted to or are you just an attention seeker in general.. cos I think there is a difference

audge

egoboost wrote:

Going out with my bf for 3 years. i love him to bits and trust him completetly. He is my best friend and I believe that he is the person I will marry.

I have abosultely no intention and taking things any further with this guy, and neither does this guy

Basically, I honestly have no intention of cheating, and no intention of breaking up with my boyfriend.

Selective editing there dahooligan, she also said the above, and really, I think that is what is most important.

The Corinthian

If you've no intention of cheating and your BF is alright with this then I can't see the harm.

Of course, you might also become the classic 'prick tease', but then again, should you really care if you do?

dahooligan

audge wrote:

Selective editing there dahooligan, she also said the above, and really, I think that is what is most important.

I really think you're picking me up wrong here.. I well believe that she is an honest girl with the best of intentions for the boyfriend and I believe that she means no harm - thats a given and I'm not questioning that whatsoever. What I was doing was answering the questions that she asked.

dahooligan wrote:

These are the questions that she posed, I don't think she would've asked them if she was positive that she was doing nothing wrong in the first place...

alfa147

U sound like u are a pricktease.

I really have notime for girls like this, At the end of the day its not going to go anywhere.

If ur bf see's u doin that crap with lads, he'll cheat on you and then dump you.

audge

alfa147 wrote:

U sound like u are a pricktease.

I really have notime for girls like this, At the end of the day its not going to go anywhere.

If ur bf see's u doin that crap with lads, he'll cheat on you and then dump you.

She might qualify as a prick tease, I'll grant you this, but I would rather be a prick tease then a cheat or a whore.

She says she makes it clear that nothing will happen, and always lets people know she has a boyfriend.

dahooligan

audge wrote:

She says she makes it clear that nothing will happen, and always lets people know she has a boyfriend.

Well then its not flirting then?! Its just having a laugh.. but she described herself as a pricktease which throws in a thought that she mightn't just be having a laugh.

LegacyUser

dahooligan wrote:

Well then its not flirting then?! Its just having a laugh.. but she described herself as a pricktease which throws in a thought that she mightn't just be having a laugh.

She asked if there was a possibility of her messing about leading to her being branded a prick tease, she never said she was one.

OP, keep it clean and above board, always make sure you make it very clear that you in a happy long term relationship, that you have never, and will never cheat.

Then enjjoy yourself, it sounds like your not used to that kind of attention, or maybe you and you bf have got comfrotable and the flirtting isn't as big a part of things as it used to be, this is normal.

Who here, in a 3 yr relationship, still actively flirts with their partner on a regular basis?

Do you compliment as much as you used to?

Probabaly not, this happens, to almost everyone, eventually.

I don't think you have done anything wrong, you have a firm committment to your bf, which is fantastic.

dahooligan

grand point taken. I obviously picked up a different meaning from what was said but howandever.

In my bottomline opinion - not referring to the OP at all - flirting and messing is grand yeah, no probs once you've made the entire situation clear from the start.

When my gf messes with my mates etc its grand cos I know em and they know me, I have no problem with her flirting or messing with anyone else (her male friends etc - guys I don't know) but I do subconciously worry that the other person may take the flirting up wrong and then the situation could get sticky.. but then thats not my problem cos I won't have to deal with the consequences ie. akwardness etc. Its just a small worry, but nothing bigger than that.

Case closed on my part

daRobot

Most people here are telling you that it's all harmless fun, and to an extent I agree with that.

Thing is though, it is craving sexual attention from other men, and whether you feel guilty about it is one thing, but the bigger point as far as I can see is:why do you need it? From your posts it seems to be important to you.

Regards the guy that your flirting with, you say that he's living with his fiance. Well, neither of you have any 'real' comittments that you can't both walk away from in an instant, if the whole flirting escalates.

You say it would never progress into anything, but all it takes is a real bad month or two with your bf, and bingo, major temptation is there with someone who you knows fancies you, and you probably fancy too.

You've already got some form of a connection going already, with this play fighting etc, so to be honest, i'd take a step back from it.

LegacyUser

Thank you for all your advice.

Update on the guy in work, the flirtting thing cam up yesterday, I said I kinda feel bit guilty bout the flirtting business, he just said, "

"well thats a good thing, means your a good girlfriend, you BF is a lucky man, but you really have nothing to worry about or feel guilty about, I'd never try anything, I love X (his GF's name) and wouldn't never do anything to hurt her"

So we had a good auld chat, nothing to worry about there.

Thanks a million

dahooligan

Ah I ain't gonna flog a dead horse.. Good Luck so egoboost. I hope you don't get into an akward situation with anyone else, now that the air is cleared with this man. And is flirtty spelt like that? I'm not pickin it just doesn't look right

LegacyUser

Do you ever flirt with your boyfriend or is this flirting just your 'egoboost' to attract other fellas??