Tourist Guide to the 26 counties

Diarmsquid

Tourist Guide to the 26 counties .........

Cavan
Filthy, ignorant hillbillies, puritanical papists.
Hobbies: discovering IRA ammo dumps and knitting black balaclavas.

Kerry
Stupid but loveable.
Hobbies: Gaelic football, scraping pig foetus off their wellies and
chain-smoking.

Wicklow North
Sports car driving country snobs (Greystones, Enniskerry)
Hobbies: Sticking their noses in the air and referring to themselves
as"one".

Wicklow South
Sheep shaggers.
Hobbies: Sitting in field with their neighbours and talking about
the"banjaxed hydraulics on the JCB", collecting the dole.

Dublin North
Criminals, drug dealers and factory workers, easy women, unmarried
mothers, skinheads and all-round examples of human waste.
Hobbies: Heroin and watching serials numbers being filed off stolen
BMW's, doing hand-breakers.

Dublin South
West Brits, snobs, rich, easy glamorous women.
Hobbies: colonic irrigation and sleeping with their best
friend's spouse.

Limerick
Violent, racist scum of the earth, knife-wielding prostitutes.
Hobbies: play rugby while stabbing each other with screwdrivers and then
complaining about their city's bad reputation.

Donegal
Looks down on all-others, aloof.
Hobbies: Turning their noses up at all and sundry

Cork
Jealous of Dubliners, highly sexualised women.
Hobbies: Standing at the side of the Motorway and making smug faces at the
cars with Dublin plates.

Tipperary
Beautiful pristine girls, but hard to get into bed but worth it if you can
because that County does not have two different Ridings for nothing!
Hobbies: Getting a flat in Dublin and losing their accents and hoping
their parents don't find out.

Meath
Dublin wannabes.
Hobbies: Beating Dublin at GAA and hoping that one day somebody in Dublin
will actually notice.

Galway
Sophisticated, could be mistaken for a South Dubliner, sexually
adventurous, cultured and wealthy.
Hobbies: Teaching sex acrobatics to foreign tourists, dropping acid,
paying a million pounds for a three bedroom suburban house and pretending
it was a bargain.

Kildare
Alcoholics.
Hobbies: Walking up in barns with a bottle on one side and hatchet-faced
Biddy on the other.

Mayo
Depressing, defeatist, negative, misery-laden losers, emigrate as soon as
the umbilical cord is cut. Usually gets killed in a construction site at
21
Hobbies: Dropping a lighted cigarette on his mattress and then being
burned alive in a Cricklewood boarding house so he can have his
remains flown back to Knock Airport for burial.

Louth
IRA supporters, smugglers and bandits, beautiful girls (Dundalk).
Hobbies: Tearing through Cooley at 125MPH trying to stop the boxes of
cheap vodka from falling out the window.

Waterford
Decent honest hard-workers generally good folks.
Hobbies: Calling a strike.

Clare
Fiddle-playing charming simpletons and, more recently, neo-nazis.
Hobbies: Falling into pot-holes and being never heard from ever again.

Sligo
Go-getters, strong sense of free enterprise, likes to make cash.
Hobbies: get rich and b*llix to everything else.

Kilkenny
Harmless innocent alcoholics.
Hobbies: Sending their only son to Fashion College in Dublin and then
wondering why he never brings girls home and why he is always looking in
the Brown Thomas catalogue?

Carlow
Who cares?
Hobbies: Move to Dublin and then best forgotten about.

Offaly
Mad for playing sports and having fun, generally liked.
Hobbies: To win a pub.

Leitrim
Enigmatic reclusive weirdos.
Hobbies: Being absorbed into surrounding counties, quietly.

Longford
Gombeen men.
Hobbies: Legalizing bestiality.

Laois
The real boggers and proud of it generally held in high esteem by
Dubliners.
Hobbies: Living an honest life, collecting EU development grants.

Westmeath
Mysterious boggers, cryptic.
Hobbies: Trying, unsuccessfully, to get noticed.

Wexford
Selling their "home-grown" organic fruit (bought at supermarket that
morning) at the side of the road in summer and ripping-off
gullible Dubliners out for a drive in the country.
Hobbies: Ripping off tourists is more than enough.

(Roscommon and Monaghan are missing, but sure did anyone notice?)

biko

Dead on
(Can see a bit of inter county slagging from this list)

Nasty_Girl

Diarmsquid wrote:

Tipperary
Beautiful pristine girls, but hard to get into bed but worth it if you can
because that County does not have two different Ridings for nothing!
Hobbies: Getting a flat in Dublin and losing their accents and hoping
their parents don't find out.

Wexford
Selling their "home-grown" organic fruit (bought at supermarket that
morning) at the side of the road in summer and ripping-off
gullible Dubliners out for a drive in the country.
Hobbies: Ripping off tourists is more than enough.

I'm so proud of my herritages.

This list changes everytime its posted though.

nice little jibe against me;)

Mr.D.Leprachaun

Monaghan (north):
Paranoid culchies, bandits and I.R.A. supporters. Both the first and second in command of the Blueshirts were Monaghonian.
Hobbies: Coming up with proof that the E.U. is run by the government in Dublin as a plot to bring down Monaghan, refusing to explain what they have against Cavan people.

cournioni

Diarmsquid wrote:

Cavan
Filthy, ignorant hillbillies, puritanical papists.
Hobbies: discovering IRA ammo dumps and knitting black balaclavas.

Ohh aye... :cool:

Gandalf23

Good stuff... and good to see you got cavan oh so very right...

TomTom

Gwan offaly

HybridTech

I'm off to the Motorway to make a few smug faces!

biko

Galway
Sophisticated, could be mistaken for a South Dubliner, sexually
adventurous, cultured and wealthy.
Hobbies: Teaching sex acrobatics to foreign tourists, dropping acid,
paying a million pounds for a three bedroom suburban house and pretending
it was a bargain

You know, if I didn't live here already... I'd move to Galway .
Gaillimh abu!

Amazotheamazing

Surely Galway's should include "thinks papier mache heads somehow makes for a cultural hotspot, more rain than a monsoon but possibly less than a rainforest".

jaggeh

G-G-G-Galway

HomunQlus

Dublin North
Criminals, drug dealers and factory workers, easy women, unmarried
mothers, skinheads and all-round examples of human waste.

I have some humour alright, but I'm no human waste.

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:


Besides, I'm also no criminal if that's what you thought now.

danniemcq

Amazotheamazing wrote:

Surely Galway's should include "thinks papier mache heads somehow makes for a cultural hotspot, more rain than a monsoon but possibly less than a rainforest".

yeah plus a higer intake of drugs per weekend than Jamica in a year

NikNik

Diarmsquid wrote:

Cavan
Filthy, ignorant hillbillies, puritanical papists.
Hobbies: discovering IRA ammo dumps and knitting black balaclavas

What do men say in Cavan before foreplay? "Hey sis, you awake?"

strepsil

Diarmsquid wrote:

Dublin South
West Brits, snobs, rich, easy glamorous women.
Hobbies: colonic irrigation and sleeping with their best
friend's spouse.

Brits??

shouldn't that be americans???

biko

Mr.D.Leprachaun wrote:

Monaghan (north):
Paranoid culchies, bandits and I.R.A. supporters. Both the first and second in command of the Blueshirts were Monaghonian.
Hobbies: Coming up with proof that the E.U. is run by the government in Dublin as a plot to bring down Monaghan, refusing to explain what they have against Cavan people.

Good man adding to the list.
No word from the roscomianites, err roscommoneers, err roscommontonians yet tho...

funk-you

very good
[/goes off to bang up in the factory toilets/]

mc nuggets

Diarmsquid wrote:

Kilkenny
Harmless innocent alcoholics.

Aren't we great.

NotMe

HomunQlus wrote:

I have some humour alright, but I'm no human waste.

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:


Besides, I'm also no criminal if that's what you thought now.

lies:v:

HomunQlus

NotMe wrote:

lies:v:

I didn't meant what I said as a funny contribution you know. I'm living in the north of Dublin.

To call me (and the others who live in the entire Dublin north) an all-round example of human waste is simply not funny at all.

How would you feel if someone came to you and said 'hey look at this all-round example of human waste'?

Exactly.

That's why it's not funny.

NotMe

HomunQlus wrote:

I didn't meant what I said as a funny contribution you know. I'm living in the north of Dublin.

To call me (and the others who live in the entire Dublin north) an all-round example of human waste is simply not funny at all.

How would you feel if someone came to you and said 'hey look at this all-round example of human waste'?

Exactly.

That's why it's not funny.

Hey I live in North Dublin too (and I don't consider myself human waste )... but the post is basically slagging every part of Ireland. It's not a personal attack on you. [edit] (or is it? )

Tar.Aldarion

humanities?




:v:

Bettyboop

North wicklow one is so true.:D

Diarmsquid

HomunQlus wrote:

I didn't meant what I said as a funny contribution you know. I'm living in the north of Dublin.

To call me (and the others who live in the entire Dublin north) an all-round example of human waste is simply not funny at all.

How would you feel if someone came to you and said 'hey look at this all-round example of human waste'?

Exactly.

That's why it's not funny.

I live on the Northside too. It was only a joke. Everyone else can appreciate that. 'Twasn't meant for any offence.

And The_Dazzler:

OutlawBlues

funny, but went a bit too far on limerick

Amazotheamazing

As a Limerickman I'm pretty used to the cliches being thrown around Outlaw. No point worrying about, I didn't think it was funny above and I doubt many others did either. It's just an old joke.

Terry

Kildare
Alcoholics.
Hobbies: Walking up in barns with a bottle on one side and hatchet-faced
Biddy on the other.

i take great offence at this post and thing the original poster shoulkd be banned for life.
i don't like that everyone now knows about my alcoholism and the fact that the hatchet faced biddy gave me herpes.

the barn was wonderful though.

Dave!

HomunQlus wrote:

I didn't meant what I said as a funny contribution you know. I'm living in the north of Dublin.

To call me (and the others who live in the entire Dublin north) an all-round example of human waste is simply not funny at all.

How would you feel if someone came to you and said 'hey look at this all-round example of human waste'?

Exactly.

That's why it's not funny.

Ah for god's sake, there's always one...

Le Rack

Nothing like a good Wexford Strawberry!

StupidLikeAFox

julep wrote:

i take great offence at this post and thing the original poster shoulkd be banned for life.
i don't like that everyone now knows about my alcoholism and the fact that the hatchet faced biddy gave me herpes.

the barn was wonderful though.

Ah sure your from leixlip, ya may as well be lumped in with the dubliners

dr zoidberg

ColHol wrote:

Ah sure your from leixlip, ya may as well be lumped in with the dubliners

Exactly Dublin North works fine for Leixlip. Well Confey anyway.