rant. ignore if you want.

LegacyUser

This post is not intended to be very coherent, I just want to get a few things off my chest. I'm really depressed and I don't know where to turn. So I rant on the internet. What a cliché.

I'm 21 and I'm alone. I have no girlfriend, no real friends, and I don't get on with my family. Although my family love me, we do not see eye to eye, and I harbour a lot of bitterness over my childhood. There isn't really anything in life I derive pleasure from at the moment.

I've never had a girlfriend. My encounters with women have all been unsatisfactory and it's my fault. I have such a low opinion of myself that I simply cannot process the idea that a girl might find me attractive. I have ****ed things up over and over again, and though it is completely illogical I can't overcome these thought patterns.

I haven't had a difficult life by most people's standards, but it has been a constantly stressful one. I was branded a "gifted" child when I was young and for this reason I have constantly been surrounded by people older than me. I skipped classes in school, did the leaving when I was 16 and went to college very young. I was constantly one step behind my "peers" in terms of maturity, physical development and confidence, which made me extremely insecure when I was young. At the moment I'm studying in Europe with a load of people who are on average 26-27 and have already done PhDs. Once again I find myself behind the curve and treading water. I find it very difficult to make friends at the best of times, this is an exaggerated case.

People look at my life and think "wow, this guy must have it all", but in reality I'm one step away from ending it all. This is all completely illogical, I know. What's really tipping all this off is the fact that two people I know committed suicide over the last summer. I could see elements of myself in them. When I get into my "manic" mode I'm afraid I could do anything to myself.

Ok, sorry for wasting your time.

dudara

You need to go talk to a professional, have a look at the last page of the sticky with links at the top of this forum

Binomate

indulgent wrote:

This post is not intended to be very coherent, I just want to get a few things off my chest. I'm really depressed and I don't know where to turn. So I rant on the internet. What a cliché.

I'm 21 and I'm alone. I have no girlfriend, no real friends, and I don't get on with my family. Although my family love me, we do not see eye to eye, and I harbour a lot of bitterness over my childhood. There isn't really anything in life I derive pleasure from at the moment.

I've never had a girlfriend. My encounters with women have all been unsatisfactory and it's my fault. I have such a low opinion of myself that I simply cannot process the idea that a girl might find me attractive. I have ****ed things up over and over again, and though it is completely illogical I can't overcome these thought patterns.

I haven't had a difficult life by most people's standards, but it has been a constantly stressful one. I was branded a "gifted" child when I was young and for this reason I have constantly been surrounded by people older than me. I skipped classes in school, did the leaving when I was 16 and went to college very young. I was constantly one step behind my "peers" in terms of maturity, physical development and confidence, which made me extremely insecure when I was young. At the moment I'm studying in Europe with a load of people who are on average 26-27 and have already done PhDs. Once again I find myself behind the curve and treading water. I find it very difficult to make friends at the best of times, this is an exaggerated case.

People look at my life and think "wow, this guy must have it all", but in reality I'm one step away from ending it all. This is all completely illogical, I know. What's really tipping all this off is the fact that two people I know committed suicide over the last summer. I could see elements of myself in them. When I get into my "manic" mode I'm afraid I could do anything to myself.

Ok, sorry for wasting your time.

If you feel you're to far ahead why don't you take a year or two off and let people your own age catch up with you? You could work which might open new paths to higher self esteem, build up a bit of confidence in you to go out and do things that you want to do, help you with the ladies etc.

g'em

you're not wasting anyones time. I'l take any excuse to stop working for five minutes..

You're obvisouly finding yourself in a very difficult (and understandably so) situation. You do need to talk to someone- if you're studying maybe there's a campus counselling service you could avail of. Is there anyone you work with who you could confide in? Often, just unburdoning yourself will help.

Is there any local clubs/ societies you could join to meet people the same age as you? Are you involved in any sports? I've met loooaaads of my friends through sports, and it means you always have something to talk about.

Once you start to make friends, and interact more, you'll find your confidence will get better pretty quickly. Negative thinking feeds off itself, and to stop it you have to stop thinking negatively. Sounds simple but the reality is of course very different. But keeping occupied will help- keep your brain engaged in something other than yourself!!

Maccattack

How about buying a backpack, taking a year off and doing some travel.

Impossible to be depressed when you do that.

missingtime

Been there bud (apart from being really "gifted"). Dunno what turned it around really.
Dont think bout "ending it all" thinking like that will just make everything seem worse.
Someone posted about joining societies thats good advice. Try internet gaming, maybe join clans or somethin that can be a really good laugh.

fjon

Maccattack wrote:

How about buying a backpack, taking a year off and doing some travel.

Impossible to be depressed when you do that.

Not quite sure that's the best thing to do. You are often alone when backpacking, and you have to be a certain person to be able to socialise with strangers...

dudara

Maccattack wrote:

How about buying a backpack, taking a year off and doing some travel.

Impossible to be depressed when you do that.

I'm of the opinion that a lot of people head off backpacking because they don't know what else to do, and hope that the trip will help them "find themselves". Escaping away to some destination isn't going to do that for you. You have to find contentment in yourself, not delusion on some beach somewhere.

Jonny Arson

indulgent wrote:

People look at my life and think "wow, this guy must have it all", but in reality I'm one step away from ending it all. This is all completely illogical, I know. What's really tipping all this off is the fact that two people I know committed suicide over the last summer. I could see elements of myself in them. When I get into my "manic" mode I'm afraid I could do anything to myself.

Do you really think suicide is a solution to your problem? It isn't.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

You can overcome your troubles. Sometimes I feel sh!t about life, sh!t about myself, I feel where you're coming from to a degree. From your post you seem to know what your difficulty is so that's a plus. You do lack alot of self-esteem and confidence about yourself but this can be overcome. You need to talk to a professional counsellor who can help you understand and overcome your problems which with some help from yourself build up yourself and enjoy life.

cooker3

dudara wrote:

I'm of the opinion that a lot of people head off backpacking because they don't know what else to do, and hope that the trip will help them "find themselves". Escaping away to some destination isn't going to do that for you. You have to find contentment in yourself, not delusion on some beach somewhere.

Yes, I was sort of the same this summer. I went to the states to do J1 and didn't know anybody going over. Now while there was a lot of good about it and did make friends and all that, still not everything I would have hoped it would have been.

Maccattack

I stand by my suggestion.

If you put yourself in the right frame of mind and dont expect anything you can be suprised at what does happen.

So what if youre alone for a while. You wont be for long. You ALWAYS meet people. Your horizons broaden as a result and you DO grow as a person.

The 'finding yourself' cliche came about for a very good reason. Because many do.

But hey, if its not for you its not for you. Im just offering a suggestion to a dude whos a bit down at this point in his life.

Rubbishing a suggestion wont help. Its up to him which suggestions he picks up and runs with.

bungeecork

Maccattacks solution might not suit everyone, but the thrust of it is to make a change in your life and see what happens. Wise. Only you can do that for yourself. Maybe talking to a professional is the only change you need to make. But it's not the only change you can make. You're not practicing for a life you going to live - you are living your life right now. If you're not happy with it, do something to change it.

Bitterness over your childhood? Just let it go man. You can't change the past.

Siogfinsceal

Take some time out and have fun!! get a normal easy job get some money and go travelling, make friends , learn to play an instrument etc. ive the opposite problem- 25 and I feel 16 - I was sick for a few years and misse dout on a lot. ie never went to a debs, went travellign or anything - im actually quite jealous of your success. your only 20 youve done so much and learn so much. so chill out for a bit and let teh world catch up with you!

ps. 3 of my best friends - one is 40 the other is 55, another is 13. age is not relative its the people that count! find some like minded people to have fun with