bf problem

LegacyUser

hey there , my problem is me and my boyfriend are togeather with years , we were school yard sweethearts and have never been with anybody else
now im getting these fellings like i want to try out some other guys , i love my boyfrend but why do i keep thinking about kissing other guys ?
any advice?i subtly asked him and he says he never thinks of anybody else that im the only girl he ever wanted and now he has me so what more could he ask for , am i a bitch?

Rock Climber

no you're not a bitch.
You're BF is not being honest if he says he never thinks of other girls.

Now you have two choices simply in my view.
Either you stick to the "he's the one" and go to him for pleasure whenever you feel the urge or see a good looking bloke.

Or you decide he's not the one but dont make that decision untill you discover that there is someone else with which you have a realistic chance of something happening...then you jump ship but only and I mean only if this someone else makes you realise that you arent actually happy with your current BF.

Casual flings and lots of them would make your mind up for you too but the complication is of course that you would have to and should tell your BF that you want a break first and then go out and kiss all and sundry for a while till you see how you feel.
Upside of that is you'll have short term fun, the downside is you might find , your current BF is "the one" but he may have found someone else by then.

gubby

Your not a bitch... your normal. and maybe if he was completly honest he could feel the same. lets face it.. if you ask him has he ever thought of any other girl.. He is hardly going to say "oh yeah, sure, there is this girl at work that I wonder what it would be like to kiss her" imagin how you would react.
Is there any way that you could be apart for a while.. ???
Could you take a break? could you take a job in some other country for a while.. and try out without actually breaking up?
just a suggestion..
Whatever you do.. dont marry him thinking that those feeling will go away.

LegacyUser

we moved in togeather a few months ago , i think , i have issues because a few months after we got together he kissed someone else , so now im tinkin well if he could do it , why cant i , but not really.im so confused , i keep thinkin wtf like he did cheat on me , but then im like its not really anything to do with that because that would`nt make me think about other blokes.
now were living together it`d make having a break from each other even more messy.
I just cant feel the same trust etc since what happened ant that was years ago

Nasty_Girl

Well, the eternal optimist in me says "Relax, everyone feels like that at times!! You'll be fine just take it slow"
But the other side says "no, I don't ever look at other guys"
(I'll add here that i'm only with my fella for under a year so maybe that hasn't kicked in yet)
Every couple has teething problems when they move in first but there are some things you should think about,
You don't trust him.
You think about other guys.
You're not happy.

So now you have the decision, stick at it and try to get past your fantasies and insecurities or break free and move on. It's a tough one to call. The only thing I can really say is that any girlfriends I have that fancy other guys during there relatonships usually end up unhappy, bored and finishing it, but that's only their experience, the bottom line here is for you have to do what makes you happy and not worry what others will think, if you'd be happier exploring your single side for a bit then that's what you should do. There's no point staying with some one if you're not happy, it's not fair on either of you. Just remember that it's not written in stone that you must have a boyfriend, you don't have to stick with him.

nobodythere

Whatever you do don't cheat on him.... take a 'break' if you have to (I see a Friends episode coming on!)

sceptre

help wrote:

so now im tinkin well if he could do it , why cant i

This is how the Cold War started. Mistrust is a dangerous thing if you don't discuss issues through to completion. Looks like you didn't.

isolde

Rock Climber wrote:

Upside of that is you'll have short term fun, the downside is you might find , your current BF is "the one" but he may have found someone else by then.

That's exactly what happened to me. Be careful what you wish for.

The Corinthian

The second worst thing in the world is meeting the right person too early in life. Your twenties, specifically your early twenties, are all about sowing your wild oats. If you’re tied to a monogamous relationship too early then you’ll always ask yourself “what if?” - and, I assure you, sooner or later your subconscious will conspire to resolve that dilemma, normally with disastrous results, as you self-destruct your existing relationship (generally by cheating in a way that will get you caught) so that you may taste others.

After all, you’re now bringing up the fact that he had kissed a girl years ago and tied it into your present situation - is this really because that minor infidelity went unresolved or because you’re looking for some moral self-justification for what you know you will inevitably do?

As has already been suggested, having your cake and eat it is your optimum solution. Of course, the risk there is that even a temporary split is likely to result in a permanent one. You could cheat on him discreetly, of course, but that’s very not likely if you’re cohabitating. Another option is an open relationship, but (with respects) you need to be a lot more self-assured for something like that than you appear to be.

My guess is that either you’ll successfully bury this deep down in your subconscious, where it’ll resurface to bite you in the ass in a few years time, or you’ll break up with him within a few months - I’m afraid that the light at the end of this particular tunnel is probably that of an oncoming train, so unless you are able to pull off a temporary split, successful open relationship or discrete infidelity what you really have to consider at this stage is a question of damage limitation.

Zulu

help wrote:

I just cant feel the same trust etc since what happened ant that was years ago

Sounds to me like you can't forgive him; if you can't forgive him, or trust him - then you should leave him. ...perhaps you just want revenge?

nobodythere

Agree with Zulu... From personal experience you never really let go of these cheating things when it's someone you love. And it does really all build up and make you feel bitter towards them. I can't give you any advice on that because it happened to me and I was heartbroken. It became more about learning to live with it than letting go of it which works for a few months but isn't really a good option.

How about you show him this thread? Big leap of faith maybe -- but switch positions around. What's the worst that could happen? (I swear this forum is becoming one big Dr. Pepper commercial lately).