Should I keep this secret?

Nasty_Girl

Hi I just found out a old mate of mine has been cutting himself for some time and is on medication, I haven't seen him much since I left school but we used to be really close and are still in contact.
I was sworn to secrecy about the whole thing and I guess if he wanted me to know he'd tell me. I just wish I could help and wonder how I can tell him I'm here?

NZAI

You can't help him. If he wanted you to know he'd tell you!

Sniipe

you don't need to bring up the subject, perhaps spend more time with "him" (we've narrowed him down to half the population and he has just left school, bout 20000 lads now) If u can spend more time with him and u feel u can then do it.

uberwolf

by telling someone he has made cry for help. You can't just jump in and say by the way... but you shouldn't just ignore it.

Sleipnir

of course you should keep it secret.
Whoever told you, shouldn't have. I'm sure that person was 'sworn to secrecy' but obviously that doesn't mean anything to them.

The buck stops here!

NZAI

For me (as a general rule), whenever someone has to "swear to secrecy" I know it is just someone looking for attention/being a typical teenager/etc.

Sleipnir

oh, well then you can tell everyone right?

koneko

uberwolf wrote:

by telling someone he has made cry for help. You can't just jump in and say by the way... but you shouldn't just ignore it.

Bull****. He was probably sharing a bit of very personal information with a close friend. A friend that chose to blab.

Forget you were told. If he wants you to know he'll tell you. Also shame on your friend for telling you.

uberwolf

if you discovered your friend was sucidal by accident and you ignored it because you weren't directly told I believe you would be partially responsible for their death and should feel guilt over it. Inaction is an action as well. If you witness something you become an accessory by choosing to ignore it. This is not as serious a case but the principle holds.

NZAI

But his doctor is aware of the situation, and most likely his parents (if he's on medicaton for this.)

It sounds like it is under control and she is just trying to butt in.

The bits that say "old mate" and "I haven't seen him much since I left school" means it would be weird and probably unwanted if you tried to do something.

Sleipnir

Exactly. What if the person discovered that a close friend had been telling his secrets to people he would rather didn't know and that knowledge sussequently pushed him over the edge.
Cuts both ways Uberwolf.

uberwolf

NZAI wrote:

But his doctor is aware of the situation, and most likely his parents (if he's on medicaton for this.)

It sounds like it is under control and she is just trying to butt in.

The bits that say "old mate" and "I haven't seen him much since I left school" means it would be weird and probably unwanted if you tried to do something.

that's fair enough.

Sleipnir wrote:

Cuts both ways Uberwolf.

tell me that was pun intended

Sleipnir

uh, GROAN!!!!

koneko

No one said he's suicidal so let's not go jumping to conclusions here. He'd probably feel his privacy is invaded if you approached him about it.

It doesn't sound like they're good friends anyway so just forgeda-aboudit

Sleepy

Just try being his friend. Call around slightly more often, don't let on you know. You could start with something as simple as a text message saying hi, long time no see yada yada yada, how's it goin? etc.

LegacyUser

To be honest, if you don't see him often then I'm sure the mate was looking out for his interests. Yeah, spend a bit more time with him but don't go getting the mate into trouble.

Nasty_Girl

NZAI wrote:

It sounds like it is under control and she is just trying to butt in.

I'm not trying to butt in. I'm just a bit worried about someone I care about, and with regards to your other post we're not teenagers.

Silent Grape

now that you know, you cant just pretend you never heard. a friend of mine blabbed to another about summat that happened to me, when the blabber friend eventually told me (months later) that she had let slip, i was completely gutted that the other friend didnt let me know.

so you never know., he might find out that you know, and then be devastated that you didnt do or say anything.

i would meet up with him, and gently tell him that you're aware of his situation, its a really tough thing to deal with, but he will more than likely appreciate it. i know i would, no matter how much the friendship has drifted apart.

Ba_barbaraAnne

Get in touch with your friend and arrange to meet him. Don't tell him straight away that you know his situation. Give him a chance to tell you himself. If he doesn't, and you feel that he really does need your help, then take Grape's advice and tell him gently that you know and are there to help. Then it's up to him whether or not he opens up to you.

Good luck.

ShiverinEskimo

He chose to tell someone that he thinks might be able to help. Does it need more people trying to help. Too much help is as damaging as not enough - makes a big deal out of it and puts more pressure. Let the person he told help him with it. And to everyone who thinks the first person told shouldn't be trusted - if someone tells you somthing heavy like that, its ok to get advice on giving advice. Not everyone is a psychiatrist.

Silent Grape

eskimo, nobodys making a 'big deal' out of it. a quiet word saying, 'ive heard about it, is there anything i can do, you can rely on me', is not making a big deal out of it. i know when im low, the more friends i have supporting me, the better.

psychiatrists make lousy friends.

Victor

Should I keep this secret?

I don't think you shoud go spreading it around. Secrets are bad, surprises are good.

Perhaps you should, in a roundabout way, make sure that this person has help available to them, but don't go crashing in there.