same sh*t different day

LegacyUser

I have posted before on the topic but still have not done anything about the situation. I just like hearing peoples replies. It makes me feel sane.

I'm beginning to feel like one of those abused wifes who tell you they are getting beat to a pulp yet insist they love the person and won't do a thing about it. I'm screaming at myself, "I can see myself acting in this ridiculous manor but can do nothing about it."

I live with a single, alcoholic parent. This has been the way for 6/8 of my life. The other 2/8 I was only a baby and didn't know any better. I should know better by now.

I think I'm just venting and just want to share. Sorry if I'm makin you read crap.

I came home this evening after have a drink or two with family to my parent sitting in the kitchen. There was a pool of redwine/popcorn puck in front of my parent. Said parent was fine when I left the house for the evening. I can't keep looking after my parent, but when I do for a min or two they do something like this. Self distructive sh*t. I'm trying to move out so badly, for my own sanity. Things like this stop me. What would happen if I wasn't here?

j0e9o

seek outside help talk to the samartins maybe they can help, one thing i always try to do when entering a bad situation is take 3 steps back bite your tounge (by this i mean dont say anything) and 3 deep breaths, this should give you a clearer head in which to see the problem and try and work around it. This should work for the time being but in the long term unless you distance yourself from the problem its only going to drag you down the whole with it, and unless the one who's digging the whole is willing to climb up again ie admit to their problem and try to change, they will keep going down.

I hope this helps, look after yourself

AngryBadger

outside help is the way to go. As you say,what would hapen if you moved out,but equally so,is that being used as a kind ofblackmail to keep you there?

WhiteWashMan

j0e9o wrote:

seek outside help talk to the samartins maybe

good advice. if they cant help you, they will be able to put you in touch with someone who can.

by the way, the hardest thing to do is to hurt the other person in the situation.
but, if you dont, you will stay in the same situation, too afraid to hurt someone else, in order to improve your own life.
sometimes you have to put yourself first.

climaxer

t-rex wrote:

I have posted before on the topic but still have not done anything about the situation. I just like hearing peoples replies. It makes me feel sane.

I'm beginning to feel like one of those abused wifes who tell you they are getting beat to a pulp yet insist they love the person and won't do a thing about it. I'm screaming at myself, "I can see myself acting in this ridiculous manor but can do nothing about it."

I live with a single, alcoholic parent. This has been the way for 6/8 of my life. The other 2/8 I was only a baby and didn't know any better. I should know better by now.

I think I'm just venting and just want to share. Sorry if I'm makin you read crap.

I came home this evening after have a drink or two with family to my parent sitting in the kitchen. There was a pool of redwine/popcorn puck in front of my parent. Said parent was fine when I left the house for the evening. I can't keep looking after my parent, but when I do for a min or two they do something like this. Self distructive sh*t. I'm trying to move out so badly, for my own sanity. Things like this stop me. What would happen if I wasn't here?

First off no need to apologise - I certainly don't think I'm reading crap. I don't have any first hand experience or advice but really didn't want to read this and not reply. I don't know how old you are but there is a support agency called Alateen for kids aged 12-20 who's parents are alcoholics. You definiatly need to talk to someone like this or the Samaritans. YOu can't keep bottling all these emotions up. I can only imagine how you feel so torn - on one hand you really deserve to move out and you know that you need to for your own sake BUT on the other hand the guilt might eat away at you in case anything should happen. Its easy for me to say move out and put yourself first for once which is what I think you should do (after you've spoken to some support agency). My uncle is a chronic alcoholic and we all have tried everything (all meaning his wife, two kids, my Grandad (his Dad), his bros and sisters and he won't give up. He's tried I'll give him that but we are all heartbroken that he is throwing his life away. It is such an awful disease. He still lives at home with his wife and kids. Don't know why I'm telling you this - maybe to make you see you are not alone. Please seek some help and support. I really hope you get things sorted. Keep posting here even if its just to get things off your chest.

MistressPandora

I used to have a serious problem with my Dad's drinking until I was 12. I never realised what kind of situation I was in until one day things got a bit violent. He used to hit my brothers if they did something wrong, and one day I happened to get in his way. As the first girl in the family after 5 boys, I taught it natural that I was being hit, but there was another part of me that just screamed at me "This is not right! This is not right at all!" As a result, I ended up with a damaged back and neck and could no longer do gymnastics or horse riding.
For 6 months while I was in pain, I didn't go to a doctor because I was scared what he might say, but I ignored my Dad. Whenever he walked into a room, I'd stand up and walk out, completely blanking him. And every night I'd hear him cry.
My family relationships got very strained because of this instance, and since then, nothing has quite been the same. He has stopped drinking as much however, because he's now on blood pressure tablets etc.
I'm just letting you know that you're not alone, t-rex and climaxer, I guess we're all in the same boat. It's hard to deal with something like this, but with people like the Samartians, you will always have someone to talk to. Or you could PM me if you want to rant, I'll guarnatee a reply, I promise
Wow, probably the most personal thing I ever admitted on boards.

climaxer

Mistress Pandora - that is a very very moving experience - don't know what to say except no child should have to go through that and you are very brave to share such a personal issue here. I worry for my cousins who are now 14 and 8. My uncle is not violent but he comes in twisted drunk most nights and talks a load of bull. I don't have to live with him so its not even a fraction as difficult for me as it is for his own kids and wife or what you yourself have gone through. I remember visiting my uncle in hospital before xmas last year. He was given a few months to live with psorisas of the liver. His face was orange and his eyes too from all the drinking. He is early 40's and looks at least 10 years older. He swore he wouldn't drink again but we all knew deep down he somehow had no real intention. I know it is hard to do but I don't hate my uncle (even though he was caught drink driving a few times and lost his licence with my little cousin in the car and it makes my blood boil) but I hate the drink. It is a disease that is ripping so many families apart and ruining lifes. When you say you heard your Father cry - I am nearly crying myself reading that. My uncle has cried like a baby on a few occassions to me and other members of our family. We have tried all the possible approaches like the tough love approach - his wife said she would throw him out on the street but none of us could. Its a catch 22 for relations of an alcoholic. I am only his niece and it effects me so much so I can only feel a fraction of what it must be like dealing with a parent with a drink problem.

MistressPandora

climaxer wrote:

Mistress Pandora - that is a very very moving experience - don't know what to say except no child should have to go through that and you are very brave to share such a personal issue here. I worry for my cousins who are now 14 and 8. My uncle is not violent but he comes in twisted drunk most nights and talks a load of bull. I don't have to live with him so its not even a fraction as difficult for me as it is for his own kids and wife or what you yourself have gone through. I remember visiting my uncle in hospital before xmas last year. He was given a few months to live with psorisas of the liver. His face was orange and his eyes too from all the drinking. He is early 40's and looks at least 10 years older. He swore he wouldn't drink again but we all knew deep down he somehow had no real intention. I know it is hard to do but I don't hate my uncle (even though he was caught drink driving a few times and lost his licence with my little cousin in the car and it makes my blood boil) but I hate the drink. It is a disease that is ripping so many families apart and ruining lifes. When you say you heard your Father cry - I am nearly crying myself reading that. My uncle has cried like a baby on a few occassions to me and other members of our family. We have tried all the possible approaches like the tough love approach - his wife said she would throw him out on the street but none of us could. Its a catch 22 for relations of an alcoholic. I am only his niece and it effects me so much so I can only feel a fraction of what it must be like dealing with a parent with a drink problem.

Things are a little easier now, but if he even so much as threatens my little sister, he's gonna get hit with a plank or something heavy. She's never been hit, but he once screamed at her over her Junior Cert results. For someone who didn't study, she did extremely well. But my Dad reckons she's a lot more intelligent than that and all hell seemed to let loose for my sister. Afterwards, I was in the same room as him and he looked as if he was about to cry. I simply said to him "She's not going to talk to you for a while, you've really upset her. She didn't study and did extremely well, you're supposed to be happy for her. You should apologise."
Apparently he did say sorry, but it was a few days later.
In situations like this, you need someone to cry on their shoulder. In situations like this, my shoulder is always ready for a good cry.

LegacyUser

I was physically and mentally abused by my mother for over 20 years. I found that for me leaving was the only option - I got councelling to ensure that I would not repeat the cycle. My relationship with her is much better now but I still find it hard to relate to women (am a girl), though I have had sucessful relationships with men. I know that this is different from alcohol but the scars are the same.

99Dragons

This thing with the alcohol is a disease. They may walk from it, alcoholics and addicts, but the facts are most poeple don't get a reprieve. They go down.

Remember this.

But where does this leave YOU? That is the question. THIS is the REALITY. You have a life. YOu have many many options! You can get with support - that means people who have been through this or are still strugling with an active addict - and the groups and bands of people who have started their own lives apart from the addicts in their lives are powerful. They feel good, they feel just like home for ... well... they ARE home folks just like all of us.

Otherwise the addiction itself can have an effect on you and anyone who sits near the edge of the vortex being sucked into it. You will be amazed at the same story many many others have, it is YOUR story as well, just coming from the mouths and experiences of normal peole who have bad things happen to them. Then the things that used to baffle you will be simple and cause no pain for you...