Britain's Youngest Mums and Dads

climaxer

Did anyone watch it last night 9:00 to 10:30 on UTV. Very interesting - I was glued to the tv. I was a teen mum myself. I got pregnant at 16 and gave birth at 17 - unplanned and father ran the other way when he found out. The couple who had the twins when he was 13 and she was 17 was unreal. Nice that they are still together though 5 years on and still in love. The girl who was pregnant when she was 12 is amazing - such a great Mum to her little boy Cameron. They all coped pretty well in the end - the nurse who helped the 16 yr old bond with her baby did a fantastic job. Shame her own mum couldn't have given her the guidance though. Only Mum/Dad I couldn't understand was the girl who had 3 kids from 3 different dads by the time she was 17. She actually planned her first baby. I found it all very moving to watch and it brought back a lot of memories of when I was a teen Mam myself. Seems so long ago yet I can remember it like it was yesterday. Even though it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do I wouldn't change it for the world.

Praetorian

Did you ever consider giving your child up for adoption? Fair play to you for coping with what must have been a very difficult situation, I'm not surprised your fella ran off

climaxer

No I never considered abortion or adoption but I was scared sh*tless. My Mam didn't find out til I was around 6 months. I didn't show until then and she was totally shocked. TBH even though its still really clear in my head - its like a mad phase I went through. I was in school until I was 7 months and even worked after school until I was 5 months and it was the leaving cert year so I kind've pushed it to the back of my mind - mad or what but I was only young and had just lost my Nanny (who I was extremely close to), also my Mam was newly married to my stepdad and we weren't getting on at all. Once I felt my baby kicking and saw the scan everything else didn't really matter and when I saw her when she was born I just got this amazing feeling and strength and knew it was going to be ok. Her Dad saw her once and didn't bother after that. Said he couldn't handle it. His loss IMO. I have to say though even though my daughter wasn't planned I wouldn't consider her a mistake just a very good big surprise - best thing that ever happened to me BUT I don't understand how teen girls are planning to get pregnant - that just baffles me !

shiv

Without trying to come across as judgemental or disapproving, why is teen pregnancy such an epidemic in this country?
Is it really just the pendulum swinging to the other side, after so many years of unbelievably strict, constrictive Catholocism?
It seems like sex ed isn't what it should be, and Irish guys in particular are especially averse to condoms...
It's just strange when it's so culturally different to other places, and everywhere you go you seem to see young girls pushing prams. Like I said, I'm not saying any of this in a condescending way, I'm just trying to understand why things are the way they are..
I'd be interested to know what the use of the birth control pill is here compared to other countries as well...

OfflerCrocGod

I realise this may not be a popular opinion here but I think that show made a good case for legal abortions for us here in Ireland. I know that they are legal over there and that choice was not used by the participants of the show but I do think we need it over here because not all young mother stories end up "happy ever after". Maturity is needed.

shiv

I agree legal abortion should be available in Ireland. It's also probably one of the major contributors (the lack of it) that's resulted in the current situation, although obviously not the main one. I commend anyone who can go through with a pregnancy when it's unplanned, and especially when they're young, but choices have to be available. does it cost to have it done in england??

OfflerCrocGod

shiv wrote:

does it cost to have it done in england??

Yes, thousands :eek: but then again it could wreck not only the girls life but also the kids life and that is an even higher price.

shiv

I'm surprised it costs that much, in this day and age, especially in a place like England where I thought all health care was basically free or pretty close to it (compared to here)...

OfflerCrocGod

shiv wrote:

I'm surprised it costs that much, in this day and age, especially in a place like England where I thought all health care was basically free or pretty close to it (compared to here)...

Sorry, I misunderstood the question I though you meant how much for an Irish person to travel to the UK and get it done. In the UK there are more private abortions being done then public but yes the NHS does carry them out. Private ones would cost in the order of £500 including consultation. The Irish figure would include a hotel, recovery in a hospital, travel and lost work days. You can't just pick up and go you need to rest and recover so the costs mount up. We really need another Referendum - it would pass this time and it would make things a lot easier and cheaper and less stressful on the mother.

Blinda

OfflerCrocGod wrote:

Sorry, I misunderstood the question I though you meant how much for an Irish person to travel to the UK and get it done. In the UK there are more private abortions being done then public but yes the NHS does carry them out. Private ones would cost in the order of £500 including consultation. The Irish figure would include a hotel, recovery in a hospital, travel and lost work days. You can't just pick up and go you need to rest and recover so the costs mount up. We really need another Referendum - it would pass this time and it would make things a lot easier and cheaper and less stressful on the mother.

To answer from an advisory capacity, not service user.
Yes the NHS carry out terminations daily, monday to Friday. Patient arrives at 9am, has prep then theatre and discharged pm. Believe me many patients return to work next day.
In the past many Irish people used the service but nowdays it's not so easy. Private clinics provide 'additional comforts' which add to the bill.

elivsvonchiaing

climaxer wrote:

I was a teen mum myself. I got pregnant at 16 and gave birth at 17 - unplanned and father ran the other way when he found out. ...
Even though it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do I wouldn't change it for the world.

Exactly how the fcuk did this turn into a debate on abortion :eek:
Climaxer I admire the thread but think mods are needed here imho!

elivsvonchiaing

Okay I think that was more an emotional outburst than anything...
My ex gf was pregnant but miscarried - informed of ALL of this after we broke up so I may have some unresloved issues still.

From this context I have to say - Yes it was his loss - he probably already has regrets.

climaxer

shiv wrote:

Without trying to come across as judgemental or disapproving, why is teen pregnancy such an epidemic in this country?
Is it really just the pendulum swinging to the other side, after so many years of unbelievably strict, constrictive Catholocism?
It seems like sex ed isn't what it should be, and Irish guys in particular are especially averse to condoms...
It's just strange when it's so culturally different to other places, and everywhere you go you seem to see young girls pushing prams. Like I said, I'm not saying any of this in a condescending way, I'm just trying to understand why things are the way they are..
I'd be interested to know what the use of the birth control pill is here compared to other countries as well...

Shiv I think a lot of girls/young couples nowadays are actually PLANNING to get pregant that is the frightening part. As for birth control - I was waiting to get my next period to go on the pill (my Mam knew and we had spoken about it) and we used condoms the two times we had sex but one time it split. It was stupid of me/us not to get the morning after pill. I was 16 and he was 19 and I suppose we thought it would never happen to us! but it did. He was the perfect gentleman when we dated but once he found out he freaked and totally changed. As for abortion - I personally wouldn't be able to do it. In my eyes it is murder - I think every woman should have the choice but I just couldn't bring myself to ever have one. I really don't think all teen mams/dads can be put into one category.

elivsvonchiaing - sorry to hear about your loss..

Praetorian

Fair play to you climaxer. Give that woman karma!

elivsvonchiaing

Praetorian wrote:

Fair play to you climaxer. Give that woman karma!

Tried to :rolleyes: These karma rules kinda suck - suspect I'd still still be where I am now if they were liberalised though!

I.O.U. Climaxer when I have given out enough karma you will benefit.
{At the moment I probably owe pints here - boards 27/11! it'll be sorted by then }

climaxer

Praetorian and elivsvonchiaing thanks for the lovely words - no need for +rep but I won't refuse

shiv

Hi Climaxer
Thanks for your post, I agree that's the scary part, young girls actually planning to get pregnant or purposely playing russian roulette..As for abortion, although I think every woman should have a choice, I probably wouldn't be able to go through with it either. I don't lump all young girls who get pregnant into one category, I know quite a few people who've found themselves in this situation, and it's never black and white. I just think society's role or reaction to it is interesting..No judgement intended, I've had a few scary moments myself.

magpie

why is teen pregnancy such an epidemic in this country?

I've had it suggested to me by a friend who is a Psychiatrist that it's often a way for teenage girls to attain 'adult' status, even though they are still kids. IN other words having a baby makes you grown up, you can go on the list for your own flat etc

shiv

magpie wrote:

I've had it suggested to me by a friend who is a Psychiatrist that it's often a way for teenage girls to attain 'adult' status, even though they are still kids. IN other words having a baby makes you grown up, you can go on the list for your own flat etc

Hi magpie, thanks for your reply.
That makes sense, about jumping into adulthood, getting a house etc. The question though, is why? Why miss a huge part of your life on purpose? I sympathize with anyone who's accidentally gotten pregnant or been "caught out" so to speak, but intentionally planning it at such a young age baffles me..It's almost like there is no hope or interest in being young and independent and unemcumbered..

climaxer

shiv wrote:

Hi Climaxer
Thanks for your post, I agree that's the scary part, young girls actually planning to get pregnant or purposely playing russian roulette..As for abortion, although I think every woman should have a choice, I probably wouldn't be able to go through with it either. I don't lump all young girls who get pregnant into one category, I know quite a few people who've found themselves in this situation, and it's never black and white. I just think society's role or reaction to it is interesting..No judgement intended, I've had a few scary moments myself.

Shiv no probs I knew you weren't being judgemental. Its such a grey area. I think we all agree on one thing and thats teen girls planning to get pregnant is really worrying. I can't answer for them but do find it hard to understand why they would. I think Magpie might be on the right track. My cousin started saying she wanted a baby after I had my daughter and she was even jealous of me and thought it was all glamour dressing up my daughter but I soon put her straight on how hard it was and let her change a dirty nappy and show her the tough side of being a Mammy. Luckily she listened to me.

shiv

Thanks for the reply climaxer

unkel

climaxer wrote:

I soon put her straight on how hard it was and let her change a dirty nappy and show her the tough side of being a Mammy. Luckily she listened to me.

Good move, fair play to ya

It saddens me that some young girls feel their best move in life is to deliberately get pregnant to get their independence, i.e. a house or flat and social money. It might be a fairly recent thing here, but in the States it is the normal career pattern in some parts of society. Most (as in the majority) of black kids grow up in single parent families - single parent being a euphemism for daddy has left

Don't get me wrong. I have enormous respect for all parents. Let alone single parents that manage to do it all themselves, respect to all of you in that situation!

Capt'n Midnight

saw this - http://www.snopes.com/pregnant/medina.asp

I've heard diet or central heating blamed for puberty happening earlier but that is scary..

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

my self and alex's mam had an unplanned...

i was 19. just out of school 2 months.
she was 17. still had a year to go.
it happened in september.
so she had to deal with pregnancy through out school year. lucky she was doing leaving cert applied and her absence didnt mean too much. but we coped. baely might i add. there were several heated arguments about adaption.
she wanted to give him up and go to college.
so i said its your choice. but i dont. so ill take him and have full custody.
for some reason she said no.
if i cant have him then your not either. and it caused a lot of arguments.

i felt like total **** for that whole 4 - 5 month period.

we never concidered abortion. its too much to go through.
but i was ready to take her to court for full custody when she decided to give the child up for adoption. she backed down when i put the solicitor letter in her face.
since then, we went out for 6 months that he was born. and a month ago we split up.

we were too young to cope with anything serious. but look what we have from it.
(see below)

elivsvonchiaing

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe wrote:

my self and alex's mam had an unplanned...

i was 19. just out of school 2 months.
she was 17. still had a year to go.
it happened in september.
so she had to deal with pregnancy through out school year. lucky she was doing leaving cert applied and her absence didnt mean too much. but we coped. baely might i add. there were several heated arguments about adaption.
she wanted to give him up and go to college.
so i said its your choice. but i dont. so ill take him and have full custody.
for some reason she said no.
if i cant have him then your not either. and it caused a lot of arguments.

i felt like total **** for that whole 4 - 5 month period.

we never concidered abortion. its too much to go through.
but i was ready to take her to court for full custody when she decided to give the child up for adoption. she backed down when i put the solicitor letter in her face.
since then, we went out for 6 months that he was born. and a month ago we split up.

we were too young to cope with anything serious. but look what we have from it.
(see below)

I have been here without ever truly being there...
Think Irish law is "pants" on this; no real thought has been applied here...
As I see it fathers rights need to go to Strasbourg- be resolved. Full stop!

kerrybewwy

im a young mum myself. fell pregnant at 17 while still at college just starting 2nd year and still with another year till i passed. i stayed at college till the very end, my teachers even had to rite out risk assesments and asked me to rite out a birth plan just incase it happened at college as i was so far into my pregnancy as was predicted not to last the whole 40 weeks. luckily tho i gave birth 10 days late which ment it was during the summer holidays. i never took one day of college because of my pregnancy as i didnt think i needed to as i was fit and healthy. now on my last year of college katie comes in with me. i feel that just because you have a baby younge doesnt mean that you are going to loose out on an education there is always people out there that will help you. im still with the dad and he has been excellent with katie as he had never even held a baby before we had our own