Hypocrite, shy or just plain stupid?

LegacyUser

This is more a "get it off your chest" then anything. Sorry about the length.

I'm best of friends with a girl since the age of about 12 (currently 19). We've had 2 or 3 drunken kisses, most recently this summer walking her home. She's probably the nicest looking girl I've ever had the pleasure to touch lips with and I'm nearly certain she also thinks I'm good looking. I think I can safely say that I am honestly in love with her (that sounds so perverted as we have never been in a relationship or even slept together).

Anyway, the two of us were in my mates house last night (he was visiting his mother in hospital) and she suddenly comes out and says, "my heart's broken". She can handle her drink and only had one down her by then so wasn't drink talking. I just laughed it off as if she was joking but she then said it a few minutes later.

We then got talking for about 2 hours about how much she "loves" my mate. She doesn't know how fond I am of her and it was basically a chat between two friends. The person she was talking about went to her debs with her and has only recently started a relationship with someone else. She was saying that she can't sleep at night as she regrets not trying to get together while he was single.

She doesn't know how he feels about her so I told her I'd try to find out (which will be a bit tough considering he has a g/f). I told her she should have asked him out while she had the chance and she agreed. I put a small bet on with her that she'd be with him by Christmas and I'd do my best to help out (don't ask me why, couldn't think of anything to say). She told me she really appreciated it and asked me did I honestly want her to get with him. She must know I'm fond of her if she said that but I said of course I did and then it was a girlie "ahh, thats sweet".

She asked me if there was anyone around that I liked of but I just said no. I can't believe how hypocritical that was, first of all telling her she was silly not asking the lad out and then I go and do the same thing. I had 7 cans down me at this stage (I was surprisingly OK on that amount of drink as we were in such deep conversation and I was drinking about 6 hours) but still couldn't pluck up the courage to say how I felt.

I'm more jealous today then regretful though. Her debs was only on Wednesday by the way, she asked him to go while he was single. In the pub on Saturday she said she should have brought me as he was with his g/f all night at the debs (as I said, they only recently got together already had debs partners). I've always wanted to ask her did she feel the same way for me but wasn't brave enough. Last night would have been perfect as she could then really relate to how I felt and it would only have taken the word "you" followed by a laugh and a wink to give me something to fall back on after she asked me if there was anyone I was interested in.

I was as high as a kite when she said she should have brought me to her debs but this has brought me back down to earth. What this will probably do is get me more eager to get into her by getting really drunk and coming on to her.

Since she has now told me, this it is something that will be brought up every time we're alone together, I've no doubt. Hopefully the jealousy doesn't get the better of me and I do something I regret (ie. embarrass myself by letting slip with a few too many).

She said she felt great after our little heart to heart and she has told her girl friends and cousin (my mate also) already how she feels. I am the only one that knows how I feel and there is no way I'd tell my mates, her cousin is one of my best mates. That is the reason I'm posting this as its probably the next best thing.

Its all well and good saying tell her how you feel, I would with most other girls but we really are best of friends and know each other inside out, it would be too embarrassing.

Bottle_of_Smoke

I put a small bet on with her that she'd be with him by Christmas and I'd do my best to help out (don't ask me why, couldn't think of anything to say).

that must have hurt,
Its gonna be real hard but you'll just have to tell her, some of what you say makes me think she likes you but a lot says she just sees you as a friend, do you ever talk to her about her how you're physically attracted to her, if not might be a stepping stone to telling her the truth

Lafortezza

dunno! wrote:

In the pub on Saturday she said she should have brought me as he was with his g/f all night at the debs

I was as high as a kite when she said she should have brought me to her debs but this has brought me back down to earth. What this will probably do is get me more eager to get into her by getting really drunk and coming on to her.

Sounds like she sees you as the uber-friend who she can tell everything to but that she doesn't want to trade bodily fluids with.
If you ever had a chance with her then I'd say its nearly gone, you better make a plan to come clean and sweep her off her feet.

Or just get her really drunk again, tell her you love her and have some drunken bonking action.

LegacyUser

Actually, reading over my post it sounds like we're closer friends than we actually are. The only way we'd ever get to see each other is on the weekends, two of my mates are going out with two of her mates so we all go out together. We'd also find it hard to get a conversation going if were both stone cold sober.

I was actually thinking, we haven't gone drinking separately in a good few weeks. I virtually live in my mates house at the weekends, his mam had a stroke and she's in hospital the past 2 months. Anyway, she was saying yesterday morning that she was dying to go out, I had no money so I was just planning on going drinking alone in my mates house. She then came around to the house and wasn't even planning to go out even though my mate (her cousin) was going out, also alone (he had a row with the g/f. He's a bit mad at times). She is 10 times closer to her cousin as a friend then she is to me but she chose to stay in. She always gets really close to me sitting in a taxi or whatever too. She gets jealous when I'm with other girls too (I think), I don't think she likes one girl who I've been with.

I'm nearly positive its not just a friend thing but she just can't see past the other fella atm. I will actually do my best to find out how he thinks about her, she told me to tell her the truth but I doubt I'd want to tell her the truth if its going to hurt her.

I think I'll just get drunk on Halloween and see how it goes. The drink is a nice excuse the next morning if things don't work out.;)

LegacyUser

The fact of the matter is that you are probably the person she most admires in the world. I wouldn't say you should push the matter, just calm yourself down. I really think it would turn out bad if you were to say anything at this stage. It'd be much better for you if your mate doesn't feel the same way. Love is a term often thrown about. Is your mate a very good mate? As in very very good? If so, I think you should let him know. If he has feelings for her, you're in a pickle.

I've had an occurence or two very like this situation. I always ignored it in favour of friendship. But after watching Love Actually the other day (omfg I felt so gay for loving every bit of this movie) I looked at the Keira Knightly and bloke from Teachers relationship and envisioned myself in his position in 10 years...

Sleepy

We'd also find it hard to get a conversation going if were both stone cold sober.

And you think you love her?

LegacyUser

Sleepy wrote:

And you think you love her?

You think I'm bad, she couldn't get a conversation going with the other fella unless he was pelatic.

I know love is a term that can be thrown about so I wouldn't want to use that word but I've had a 6 month relationship recently and didn't feel a 5th of what I feel for this girl.

I take back saying it in the first post, I'll leave it saying I have really strong feelings for her. Its not really the point though. I'd actually like to add, I would also find it hard to strike a conversation with my sister.

Is your mate a very good mate? As in very very good? If so, I think you should let him know.

He's not a very good mate but not far off.

pickarooney

I'm not convinced she's not just going on about the other guy to gauge your reaction to see if you're as interested in her as she hopes. There's unfortunately only one way to find out.
Can you put into words what you feel for her, and why?

Sleepy

Just give it a go then. I think pickarooney may have something to what he's saying. As with every "what should I do about this girl I fancy" thread, there's only one answer:

JUST DO IT!

Have a go, it's not like your mate will get thick if he hears about it seeing as he's already taken. Or if he does, he's no right to so you still get to keep the moral high ground

secret_squirrel

Its always better to regret something you did - rather than something you didnt.

Go for it. Just be aware that you might be reading more into things that are there. But hey as long as you like her - go for it any way

Mr.Nice Guy

Buddy I don't think you're in too bad a situation!She's obviously willing to tell you personal information and you've become her confidant.This can work to your favour.
What you want to do is to continue talking to her about this other guy she is into.Ask her what she likes most about him,his qualities etc.
While she's listing all the things she likes about this guy she doesn't have,he's not there but YOU ARE.Therefore YOU will be the one that she associates these romantic feelings with.Just be there for her and let the chemistry take over.....