Why can't it be easier?

Kazzy

OK, really need advice please on a brief rendition of the last six months. Kissed this guy, friend of a friend, whom I hadn't seen in 4 years. On the night in question he admitted to talking about me with someone else only recently... how I was like this cool girl on TV. Of course I was flattered but at the end of the night, numbers were not exchanged and nothing was said.

I later got his number from a friend and we were texting back and forth for a while. When I finally asked him what the story was he said he 'thought I was cool' but wasn't interested in a relationship....which is fair enough if it was left there.

Any time, since then, that I have seen him out he has made an effort to come and talk, and on one occassion spent more than 4 hours talking to me. What I didn't understand was why would he do this when he knows how I feel and apparently isn't interested. Recently at a gig he kept giving me the eye etc..the whole flirting from a far situation and then when he left was very sure that he'd 'see me soon', even though Im moving.

My head is so wrecked by this guy...Ive made it obvious on numerous occassions how I feel...but mainly through text and yet he continues to spend ages talking to me when we're out. And its not like he has to, I know plenty of the crew, with whom I can chat with, but it always ends up just us. What is going on? When I find out somebody likes me that Im not interested in I try to back off a bit... but he seems to be acting more eager?

I know I should/will move on but can anyone shed light on what mite be going thru his head?

Help please?

RE*AC*TOR

You've answered your own question. He thinks you're cool but doesn't want a relationship. He probably considers you a friend and you are mis-construing his actions.

Lafortezza

I'd say he'd like to bonk you.

But is enough of a decent guy not to go for it because he knows you're probably after a relationship.

pickarooney

RE*AC*TOR wrote:

You've answered your own question. He thinks you're cool but doesn't want a relationship. He probably considers you a friend and you are mis-construing his actions.

It's like some parallel universe!

Yep, in non-bizarro-world, this is the way things are. He's been honest with you about his feelings and there's probably little you could do to change it. Sure he's not gay?

memphis

Sound to me that this guy is using you, he knows your interested in him, but he doesn't want a relationship, yet he will still keep you hanging in there.

Sounds to be that this guy is anything but decent, he wants to keep he's options open, keep you learking about in the background.

Now I could be wrong, just my interpretation of what you said.

OfflerCrocGod

memphis wrote:

Sound to me that this guy is using you, he knows your interested in him, but he doesn't want a relationship, yet he will still keep you hanging in there

What are you on about! Men are Digital either: A) ON OFF. Men either want sex or don't ( a weird state which can be cured with ample application of alcohol ), it's like binary 0, 1. We are very simple machines really

Optikus

He could be afraid of sex/relationship or he is gay, get him drunk and really try to get him in bed maybe when the ice is broken in that department you will know the truth.

Bottle_of_Smoke

lafortezza wrote:

I'd say he'd like to bonk you.

But is enough of a decent guy not to go for it because he knows you're probably after a relationship.

i think two things, either:

Lafortezza has hit the nail on the head
or

He really likes you but you aren't very good looking and he's very shallow

Kazzy

I think Re*ac*tor is probably right. He is a decent guy. He is also quite shy and guarded, compared with my normally outgoing self. And I think Im alright looking. Well he snogged me in the first place didn't he? I suppose thats not saying much though. Oh and Im pretty sure he's not gay either.

My friend (the link) said that I might scare him, personality wise. Im outgoing/ hes quiet. And if thats the case fine, Im not changing my personality for anybody.

Thanks for the replies guys

RE*AC*TOR

Do I get a prize?

meepmeep

Kazzy wrote:

And if thats the case fine, Im not changing my personality for anybody.

You go girlfriend!!

WhiteWashMan

memphis wrote:

Sound to me that this guy is using you, he knows your interested in him, but he doesn't want a relationship, yet he will still keep you hanging in there.

Sounds to be that this guy is anything but decent, he wants to keep he's options open, keep you learking about in the background.

Now I could be wrong, just my interpretation of what you said.

yes, thats right, hes keeping her keen and mean by 'giving her the eye' every now and then.

the big meanie!

the only one keeping anyone hanging in there, is the thread starter. if he has been forthright about not wanting a relationship, then you can probably bet, he doesnt want a relationship. just because he thinks your cute, or wants to have sex with you is because he is human, and everyone does these things.

i mean, if he shagged you, then told you he wanted to leave his wife\gf\dog then i would say he is doing something wrong, but i think you are picking up on wrong messages.

He really likes you but you aren't very good looking and he's very shallow

why is he shallow for wanting a good looking girl?
sounds rather sensible to me.

unless he looking for one of those fat buglies who are great in bed!?
in which case, thank your gods you are neither fat nor ugly

see, happy all round.
next patient please!

Sleepy

lafortezza wrote:

I'd say he'd like to bonk you.

But is enough of a decent guy not to go for it because he knows you're probably after a relationship.

I'd say this is it tbh. Sounds like he likes you, wouldn't mind sleeping with you but genuinely doesn't want a relationship right now and is too decent to lead you along. Be greatful you met a guy nice enough not to just use you for sex and dump you like a ton of bricks when he gets bored/wants out.

AngryBadger

Sleepy wrote:

I'd say this is it tbh. Sounds like he likes you, wouldn't mind sleeping with you but genuinely doesn't want a relationship right now and is too decent to lead you along. Be greatful you met a guy nice enough not to just use you for sex and dump you like a ton of bricks when he gets bored/wants out.

That's crazy talk, he's obviously a complete bastard for even considering her feelsings. No, no sleepy, you've got it all wrong on this one. This guy, should be strung up by his balls, I mean he made it perfectly clear that he wasn't interested in a serrious relationship, but he does find her attractive. That's some kinda mind whammy right there. Evil little sod.

Before I get flamed, i'm in a funny humour, seriously though, what more can you ask of a guy than to be that honest with you. And it happens that people are attracted to other people without wanting to date them.

WhiteWashMan

Hush your mouth angrybadger!

Bottle_of_Smoke

why is he shallow for wanting a good looking girl?

Really liking someone but then not doing anything about it because they're not great looking is a bit shallow dont ya think? What you consider shallow?

WhiteWashMan

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

What you consider shallow?

it has nothing to do with what my definition of shallow is.
suffice to say, this is not it.
why dont you tell me what your definition of shallow is?
where do you draw the line between being shallow, and being a charity case for fat ugly people, 'because you're not shallow'?

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

Really liking someone but then not doing anything about it because they're not great looking is a bit shallow dont ya think?

no, i call it having standards.

of course, most of the poeple that pull the 'shallow' line are the fat ugly people of this world who need to emotionally blackmail anyone into being with them.
its kinda like the way fat birds dye their hair ridiculous colours to try and hide the fact that they are plainly overweight.

'do you like my new hair'

'no. its stupid. and youre still a fat cow...'

tinkerbell

Maybe he just wants to be your friend? Isn't that what friends do - talk to each other for hours?

Just because you like him, doesn't mean he can't still talk to you - he has made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship but it's obvious he only likes you as a friend. Don't punish him for that - he ain't stringing you along just because he likes talking to you. Just enjoy his company and you'll gain another friend. Go find someone else that'll satisfy you in the relationship way.

CathyMoran

WhiteWashMan wrote:

it has nothing to do with what my definition of shallow is.
suffice to say, this is not it.
why dont you tell me what your definition of shallow is?
where do you draw the line between being shallow, and being a charity case for fat ugly people, 'because you're not shallow'?



no, i call it having standards.

of course, most of the poeple that pull the 'shallow' line are the fat ugly people of this world who need to emotionally blackmail anyone into being with them.
its kinda like the way fat birds dye their hair ridiculous colours to try and hide the fact that they are plainly overweight.

'do you like my new hair'

'no. its stupid. and youre still a fat cow...'

When I was younger I admit that I would not go out with a guy unless he was physically very attractive, then I didn't date a lovely guy because of that which was a big regret of mine for years. 2 of the guys that I dated since were based soley on personality and they were 2 of my great loves. As people get older, they tend to look at the wider picture...

To the original poster - unless you ask him bluntly you will never know (but then again you could spoil the friendship that you have), he seems unsure in himself - I can not see this guy making a move on you - I would move on and see what he does then (the idea of playing games is horrible but in this case it night be the only way you will know)...

wheels of ire

Or he could be like me.My sisters and even my ex-wife have told me that short of the girls they'd introduce me to lying on the floor,legs apart with a sign with an arrow and saying 'This Way', I would miss all the signs.
Maybe he's just dumb.

WhiteWashMan

CathyMoran wrote:

When I was younger I admit that I would not go out with a guy unless he was physically very attractive, then I didn't date a lovely guy because of that which was a big regret of mine for years. 2 of the guys that I dated since were based soley on personality and they were 2 of my great loves. As people get older, they tend to look at the wider picture...

i feel sorry for people like you.

why do you always think that just because someone is good looking and physically attractive, they cant be intelligent and have a good personality.

is there an inverse law around somewhere that i am yet to learn about that means as boobs get bigger, personality gets smaller?

you see, this is what i mean by standards and criteria. why would i go out with someone with no personality, just becasue they great tits and long legs?

why cant i get it all? i may be cutting down on my chances of people to be with, but hey, im choosy. just as anyone else is. i just have higher standards.

as people get older, the tend to get wiser.

Bottle_of_Smoke

why dont you tell me what your definition of shallow is?

ok i dont have a definition, but if you want to be with someone but won't because you're afraid of what other people might say\think then you are shallow.

where do you draw the line between being shallow, and being a charity case for fat ugly people, 'because you're not shallow'?

Charity case? if you wanted to go out with them its hardly charity, drawing the line tho I couldn't go out with someone unless i was physically\sexually attracted to them,however a personality can be physically attractive, the only thing that could really put me off someone i was crazy about would be if she was overweight.
I'm sure some will see this as shallow too but I'm just being honest.

why do you always think that just because someone is good looking and physically attractive, they cant be intelligent and have a good personality.

is there an inverse law around somewhere that i am yet to learn about that means as boobs get bigger, personality gets smaller?

Completly agree with this one,remember once saying to a friend "well for all you know pamela anderson has a better personality than dawn fu%king french" when someone gave out to me over the big women thing

Zulu

lafortezza wrote:

I'd say he'd like to bonk you.

But is enough of a decent guy not to go for it because he knows you're probably after a relationship.

nail... head...
He wants to knob you - but dosen't want to go out with you. At least he hasn't told you other wise.




...I sence a "the bastid used me!" thread comming!

CathyMoran

WhiteWashMan wrote:

i feel sorry for people like you.

why do you always think that just because someone is good looking and physically attractive, they cant be intelligent and have a good personality.

is there an inverse law around somewhere that i am yet to learn about that means as boobs get bigger, personality gets smaller?

you see, this is what i mean by standards and criteria. why would i go out with someone with no personality, just becasue they great tits and long legs?

why cant i get it all? i may be cutting down on my chances of people to be with, but hey, im choosy. just as anyone else is. i just have higher standards.

as people get older, the tend to get wiser.

All that I was trying to say is that I fall for someones personality - that is how I now judge how attractive a person is, though when I was younger they used to have to be intelligent, funny, tall and what most people would clasify as good looking.

The_Conductor

lafortezza wrote:

I'd say he'd like to bonk you.

But is enough of a decent guy not to go for it because he knows you're probably after a relationship.

I think Lafortezza has hit the nail on the head.

WWM- you're being a bit harsh on Cathy?
I know what you mean, but surely a personal experience doesn't necessarily imply that its what happens in every case? Personally I've made a semi-law for myself that I have yet to see broken. Ugly people tend to have much better personalities...... By that I mean- they do not have the benefit of radiant beauty to immediately attract a person, so they tend to have much better personalities (and in my books personality goes a hell of a lot further than looks!!!)

Just an observation.

S.

WhiteWashMan

smccarrick wrote:

WWM- you're being a bit harsh on Cathy?

sorry if it came over that way, but i do feel sorry for anyone (and its not specifically aimed at Cathy here, its just a generalisation) who has a list of criteria for a partner as long as a fingernail. do they not value themselves?

i mean, no one is going to go out with a homeless person. is that considered shallow? im sure homeless people have great personalities, what with all that money not getting in the way.
so is there really any difference in wanting someone with pert tits for a partner?
people alwys seem to play the shallow card when it comes to something physical like being overweight, or not being the prettiest. although, i do not see those people who dance around saying i am shallow, and a horrible person because i dont want to go out with fatty (with the bright fire engine red hair) over there. On the other hand, i also do not see the same people heading down to the local hosptial to go out on dates with disabled people. surely they of all people must have the best personalities? you know, maybe someone suffering from a debilitating disease? or maybe someone with dwarfism? perhaps a spot of cerebral palsy, or someone who has just plain lost both legs and an arm in a car crash?
or is it justthe fat and ugly people of this world who would have you believe that you are shallow for not looking twice at them, and for having lustful thoughts about the brad pitts and angalia jolies of this world?
you tell me?

smccarrick wrote:

I know what you mean, but surely a personal experience doesn't necessarily imply that its what happens in every case? .

no, but i think you have mis-read what i have said.
i have alist of criteria. it changes all the time depending on how i feel, how drunk i am (most criteria go out the window by 1am etc) where i am, my personal and work life etc etc etc.
but thats not to say that i meet someone, liek them, and shag them. it also doesnt mean that i dont know someone for years, arent the best looking and am not attracted to them.
this whole shallow thing is based on first impressions. if i go out at night to pull in a club, i dont go up to a fat bird and say, 'hey, youre fat and have a lovely personality (probably), want to suck cóck?'
no, if i am going to try and pull someone, i will obviously look at my definaition of a 'good-looking' woman. whatever that may be
it just doensnt involve being fat (or having rediculous hair..)

smccarrick wrote:

Ugly people tend to have much better personalities......

now there is the most silly generalisation i have ever heard.
people are people are people.
i have yet to see any proof of any type of person have 'better personalities'.
i mean, that is just a stupid statement to make.
every one has issues, and everyone has good and bad days and feel good about themselves, and feel down on themselves.
im sure brad pitt wakes up half the time wondering what he is doing wiuth his life, and why doesnt he look a little more like tom cruise. god, we all do it.
by the way, i feel that a lot of fat ugly people are often quite bitter and nasty towards anyone the percieve as good looking because they take attention away from them. perticularly women. they are not bad people, and it has no bearing on their personality (unless you want to call it a disorder:)) but i think fat people have more issues. maybe its the clogged arteries or something?

smccarrick wrote:

(and in my books personality goes a hell of a lot further than looks!!!).

give me a shout the next time you are in a club.
id love to see you fúck a personality.

pickarooney

Why are all famous, rich, good-looking people referred to as "personalities"?
Well at least they used to be in my day before this "celebrities" buzz.

I personally find that a person's internal well-being has a significant effect on their physical appearance. Condifence makes you sexier, for example. You can of course be a minging wretch and not give a fiddler's fück, in which case the relative increase in sex appeal is negligible, but hey, at least you're happier.

narommy

There is a TV personality starting threads on boards. We could have a guessing game

or would that be against boards ettiquite?

I guess that it's Caroline

Gordon

No that would be against the topic of this thread. Kinda like what this thread is doing though.

Any news Kazzy?

WhiteWashMan

Gordon wrote:

No that would be against the topic of this thread. Kinda like what this thread is doing though.

Any news Kazzy?

i feel that threads should be allowed to take thier path whatever way it goes, as long as it doesnt change drastically.

I mean, unless you want people to repeat the same thing for 3 pages, all giving the same advice. what use would that do?
besides, we do actually get some semi intelligent, reasonable, humourous posts here sometimes.

but what can you say to the plethora of people who post here and say 'what do i do. i know nothing about girls/boys and they are wrecking my head' ?

do you put up a sticky to say 'for those of you who are confused and head wrecked, please take this advice' and then a sentence saying 'just deal with it'?

or do you let the conversation takes its course?

with regards to the topic, i think that most of this is about someone not having a clue who they are or what they are doing. much like most people from about 13-25.
personality goes a long way.
pigs have personality, but i wouldnt eat the filthy muthafúckers*


*its a quote you know

Gordon

Actually I neglected to mention Eamo, I particularly enjoyed your post (#26) and found it a valuable contribution. Conversation should take its course yes, but it should also not stray too far from the topic.

Anyway, back on topic.

Kazzy

As regards WWM's last comment that questions only seem to arise between the ages of 18-25... I actually think, the older Ive gotten the harder all this stuff seems to be. Im 26 next week and can't see this situation clearing up just like that. For years I had the whole scene sorted. Knew what was going on. Avoided heartbreaking moments before they happened. Generally had nothing to complain about in that field at all.

But, in the last year, things have changed. Ive found that there are two types of straight guys my age...either theyve already experienced a long term relationship and would rather eat blades than get into another or theyve never been in one and consider every girl they snog as the next potential. Well thats what Ive realised recently.

Also I really thought the game playing would be done and dusted at this stage. Like we don't have enough to get thru daily, now youve gotta play stupid games with your crush of choice. Saying that you could all say that my mystery man (god I wish he was mine!) was up front and honest but the aftermath was not. And Ive been round long enough to distinguish between the various 'looks' of men. 'Friends' don't talk/flirt like that