A read for the girls out there.....

climaxer

GEOGRAPHY OF WOMEN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile soil.
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France, gently aging but still warm and a desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia, lost the war and haunted by past mistakes.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Russia, very wide and borders are now unpatrolled.
After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages....only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

GEOGRAPHY OF MEN
Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iraq - ruled by a díck

meepmeep

Bam!

The_Goose

very true, me likes!!

cajun_tiger

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED

1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptise cats.
2. When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back, they always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3 year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can’t trust a dog’s to watch your food.
6. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10. The best place to be when you are sad is Grandpa’s lap.


GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED;

1. Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2. Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3. Families are like fudge….. Mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4. Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5. Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.


GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1. Growing old is mandatory: growing up is optional.
2. Forget the health food, I need all the preservatives I can get.
3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you are down there.
4. You’re getting old, when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5. It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6. Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.


THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE


1. You believe in Santa Claus
2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus
3. You are Santa Claus
4. You look like Santa Claus


SUCCESS

At age 3 success is…….. not peeing in your pants

At age 12 success is…….having friends

At age 17 success is…….having a drivers licence

At age 20 success is…….going all the way

At age 35 success is ……having money

At age 50 success is…….having money

At age 60 success is…….going all the way

At age 70 success is ……having a drivers licence

At age 75 success is…… having friends

At age 80 success is…….not peeing in your pants

Piste

Ha that's a good one Cajun TIiger has there

Pugsley

The 'success' one is funny

climaxer

Great ones Cajun Tiger - never tire of reading those. Here's an email I got this morning:

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the Rules from the male side:

These are our rules! Please note... These are All numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put It down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of It that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just ask for it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. > Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared To discuss such topics as the offside rule.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.