A girly boy!!

not_sure

Hi im just on to ask some advice on something and am mainly looking for girls advice but the fellas are welcome to throw in their two cents two.

Right im with a girl at the moment that im mad about and we get on really really well, shes really good looking and we are really good friends aswell and chat away to each other for hours and are really comfortable in each others company.

Now the thing is when we are together i am (male 22 by the way) mad into messing around with her, cuddling, mess fighting and generally mauling her etc. Now i get a good bit of slaggin off my mates for being like this and when i see my mates with girls and most fellas in general i notice a lot of them dont tend to be like this and im wondering if i am a bit soft about the whole thing. Do girls actually like that or should i harden up my ways and become more of a man. I grew up with little or not attention for various reasons and am wondering if im trying to make up for it now by trying to get as much 'one on one' attention as i can.

If anyone could offer me some advice id be most grateful!

LegacyUser

The answer to this is simple.

The girl is going out with you for a reason, because you....are you.
To change this to fit in with others could very well end with you losing her for not being with yourself.
Maybe some girls dont like it, but who cares? You're not with them

RE*AC*TOR

my girlfriend for one would be thrilled if i was a little more like you.
sounds like you got a good thing going, don't screw it up by trying to be matcho.

Stark

You should continue being yourself. If you try to change your ways, you'll end up coming across as wooden as an actor from "Enterprise", whereas atm you seem to have the fun and flirty thing down to a T. If she's not interested in you now (and you haven't suggested that she's not, she won't ask you out, you'll have to ask her out) then she'll never be interested in you, and you'll just have to settle for friendship.

simu

Your friends are probably jealous - ignore them.

Amz

The girl is with you because she obviously likes you for you and so hasn't a problem with this. Different people like different things.

I'm not into showing a lot of affection, but that's just me. Just like lots of people are into showing affection and being cuddley etc.

Don't worry about your mates. Continue to be yourself and just enjoy being with her.

seamus

As said, just be yourself, don't worry what your mates say.

Every man puts on a macho face, if only to save face in front of the one single guy who slags them for being wimps, yet he would trade everything to be in a relationship.

Men are funny creatures. Chances are most of your mates are only stern-faced and hard with their girlfriends when their mates are around. I can guarantee you that when you're not around, they're all coochie-coo, and cuddling on the couch, and little pecks on the cheek, and mess fighting.

Men have trouble displaying their emotion. To do so is perceived in the male mind as being weak and girly. I'm the same. I'm not half as affectionate to my girlfriend when my mates are around. I have trouble telling her I love her when I'm sitting in work ffs.

This is a symptom of that. To cuddle your partner, and generally do any "coupley" stuff is a form of displaying emotion, and as I say, makes some men uncomfortable.

Don't worry about it and don't change a thing.

Two questions - Are they still your mates even though they say these things? Will the continue to be your mates even if you don't change your behaviour?

If the answer is yes to both, then what are you worried about? If the answer is no to either of these questions, then they're not really your mates, so what are you worried about?

OfflerCrocGod

not_sure wrote:

Do girls actually like that or should i harden up my ways and become more of a man

NO. Irish men are as warm as Ice Cubes - it's not natural !!. Countinue behaving the way you do now it's just you showing your emotions - nothing wrong with that, enjoy it, enjoy your girlfriend

not_sure

hey thanks for that, yes i am going out with her, and yeah of course my mates will still be my mates, its just i read about some men being in touch with their femimine side and im worried am i a bit too in touch with mine ;-)

RE*AC*TOR

not_sure wrote:

hey thanks for that, yes i am going out with her, and yeah of course my mates will still be my mates, its just i read about some men being in touch with their femimine side and im worried am i a bit too in touch with mine ;-)

This is the problem with reading....

impr0v

The male is fast becoming obselete, so you're best continuing to work on your feminine side.

The_Conductor

Brilliant- you have one of the best relationships I've heard in a while.
Long may it last- you lucky bugger!

S.

CathyMoran

Congradulations - you have a healthy relationship that looks like it has a better chance of surviving long term than most of your contemporarys. Ignore them - they are just being jelous. It is you that will have the last laugh. My parents relationship was based on the same thing.

OfflerCrocGod

impr0v wrote:

The male is fast becoming obselete, so you're best continuing to work on your feminine side.

Says the guy with the Scarface sig

"Say 'ello to my little friend!"

Bottle_of_Smoke

doesn't anyone find those couples really annoying!?!?!?

OfflerCrocGod

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

doesn't anyone find those couples really annoying!?!?!?

If you are lonely it may be a bit annoying, as long as they are happy though, I don't think they'll care what you think.

ven0m

not_sure wrote:

Hi im just on to ask some advice on something and am mainly looking for girls advice but the fellas are welcome to throw in their two cents two.

Right im with a girl at the moment that im mad about and we get on really really well, shes really good looking and we are really good friends aswell and chat away to each other for hours and are really comfortable in each others company.

Now the thing is when we are together i am (male 22 by the way) mad into messing around with her, cuddling, mess fighting and generally mauling her etc. Now i get a good bit of slaggin off my mates for being like this and when i see my mates with girls and most fellas in general i notice a lot of them dont tend to be like this and im wondering if i am a bit soft about the whole thing. Do girls actually like that or should i harden up my ways and become more of a man. I grew up with little or not attention for various reasons and am wondering if im trying to make up for it now by trying to get as much 'one on one' attention as i can.

If anyone could offer me some advice id be most grateful!

Don't think there's too much wrong with this mate. I am by no means a 'touchy feely' person or would I normally [wait for it ppl!!!!!!] engage in what ur describing here - but with my current g/f it just happens & when I realise it, yeah it's a little worrying - but I figure f**k it! Ain't hurting no-one, I like spending time with her & sometimes small things like this go along way with women - most of em just want a guy who will be their friend first & someone they can 'hang out with' & a lover second to that; least thats what my g/f tells me..... and scary thing is, when it comes to her - I wholly agree with that!!!!!!! now THAT my friend is scary - but if I were you, I say f**k it - have fun, enjoy time with ur woman, don't let others dictate how you behave with her - if both of you are happy, screw everyone else!!!!!


::: ven0mous :::

the_syco

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

doesn't anyone find those couples really annoying!?!?!?

Yes, me and the rest of the lonely souls who walk the long road on these boards.

ven0m wrote:

if both of you are happy, screw everyone else!!!!!

Bad advice. Don't listen to him. Only screw the g/f

Bri

It's all good. Enjoy

Sleepy

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

doesn't anyone find those couples really annoying!?!?!?

Only when single and feeling sorry for myself about that fact. Other times they make me remember moments like that from my own life and smile.

Stark

The male is fast becoming obselete

Nah. Girls are turning into men these days. It all balances out.

WhiteWashMan

some people are 'touchy feely', and other people arent.
when you are in a relationship with someone who is the same as you, its great.

my partner and i are both of the touchy feely variety. we hug in public, hold hands, and do all the mess rugby tackle stuff, and kiss in public. we are both comfortable with it.

what i do have is a problem who like to copulate in public, or feel the need to show the world how far down someone elses throat they can stick their tongue.

public displays of effecition are not a problem. vulgar displays of lust, i can do without!

as to why your friends havea problem with it, ask them. i bet they just find it 'sickening', but with no real answer. as people have said here, its because they arent getting affection.

oh, and dont worry about being seen as a'girly-boy'. be whoever you are. as someone said, youre not going out with these guys for gods sake! and people will not appreicate it if you pretend to be someone and turn out to be completely different. and you wont be doing yourself any favours by pretending to be something you are not.

cajun_tiger

not_sure wrote:

Hi im just on to ask some advice on something and am mainly looking for girls advice but the fellas are welcome to throw in their two cents two.

Right im with a girl at the moment that im mad about and we get on really really well, shes really good looking and we are really good friends aswell and chat away to each other for hours and are really comfortable in each others company.

Now the thing is when we are together i am (male 22 by the way) mad into messing around with her, cuddling, mess fighting and generally mauling her etc. Now i get a good bit of slaggin off my mates for being like this and when i see my mates with girls and most fellas in general i notice a lot of them dont tend to be like this and im wondering if i am a bit soft about the whole thing. Do girls actually like that or should i harden up my ways and become more of a man. I grew up with little or not attention for various reasons and am wondering if im trying to make up for it now by trying to get as much 'one on one' attention as i can.

If anyone could offer me some advice id be most grateful!

my bf does the same with me we are very touchy feely and have mess fights pillow fight's it's great we always, always, end up kissing.... I'm with him because I'm crazy about him... I don't care about what my friends think- in what we do together- and I don't care about his friends thought's on the matter. I care about how I feel and how he feels and most important how we feel together

not_sure

reasurred me about the whole thing and that there are other guys like me. Id just like to point ou aswell that we are not one of those couples who are constantly kissing and have tounges down each others throat the whole time, our show of affection is mainly horsing around with each other plus an occasional quick kiss.
One more question though, sometimes when she stays over for the night and we shag or whatever, afterwards id always be all over her again cuddling her and all but then sometimes instead of doing it back she just sort of goes all serious and fixes this really intent gaze on me or into my eyes and i really dont have a clue as to what it means. I find it hard to look her back in the eye aswell because i spent most of my life just sort of using girls and was always against that whole commitment thing. Does anyone know what she means with that look? Its like she sees right true me but i dont realy know...Any Ideas?

RE*AC*TOR

well, you know there is more to sex than physical satisfaction. she's probably basking in your mighty awe. You need to relax a bit, enjoy the relationship without worrying about everything, and talk to your girlfriend about some of these things, instead of random computer nerds.

Zulu

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

doesn't anyone find those couples really annoying!?!?!?

If the couple are TOO cuddly yes. A friend of mine, and his girlfriend annoy me frankly. I'm not being jellous, they just make everybody around them feel awkard.
I guess it depends on age etc. They are in their mid/late twenties, and should realise the effect their behaviour has on others.

Sorry - I've no problem with public shows of affection - within reason.
Whispering amonst yourselves - even if sweet nothings - is rude.

Sorry, I'm on a bit of a rant here - but when I can't feel comfortable in my own home - FFS :mad: ...and I was keeping quiet about this, but reciently there was a discussion amonst the other flatmates, the feeling is the same for everybody....


I guess the moral of the story is: do what you want - but have consideration for others.

Sleepy

She's trying to look right into you and letting you do the same to her. It's kind of intense when you're with someone who does it but it's worth exploring because you can learn to say things to each other with nothing more than eye contact. Which can be fun for sharign far more tha "sweet nothings" in public

simu

seamus wrote:

Men have trouble displaying their emotion. To do so is perceived in the male mind as being weak and girly. I'm the same. I'm not half as affectionate to my girlfriend when my mates are around. I have trouble telling her I love her when I'm sitting in work ffs.

Out of curiosity, do many people consider touching, kissing etc a boy or girlfriend in public to be a display of emotion? I'd consider it more a display of sexuality.

climaxer

not_sure wrote:

One more question though, sometimes when she stays over for the night and we shag or whatever, afterwards id always be all over her again cuddling her and all but then sometimes instead of doing it back she just sort of goes all serious and fixes this really intent gaze on me or into my eyes and i really dont have a clue as to what it means. I find it hard to look her back in the eye aswell because i spent most of my life just sort of using girls and was always against that whole commitment thing. Does anyone know what she means with that look? Its like she sees right true me but i dont realy know...Any Ideas?

The look of love I guess. As someone said a lot more to sex than physical satisfaction (which is really important too) and it seems you are satisfying her on a few different levels so I think you can be proud and the best thing to do at a time like this is strut

Sleepy

/me hears BeeGees music in the background...

Oh, for the love of Jeff, Climaxer, what have you done?

seamus

simu wrote:

Out of curiosity, do many people consider touching, kissing etc a boy or girlfriend in public to be a display of emotion? I'd consider it more a display of sexuality.

Depends on the nature of it. As Cher said "If you wanna know, if he loves you so, it's in his kiss".

There's the nightclub kiss, tongues everywhere, hands everywhere which is an expression of pure carnal lust, a display of sexuality.

Then there's standing at a bus stop, look into her eyes, and give her one big passionate kiss, no tongues, nice and soft. That doesn't say "I want to have sex with you" (even though that's what the man is thinking - that's what men are always thinking), that says "I love you".

Bri

Look back at her.



Do it!

climaxer

seamus wrote:

Depends on the nature of it. As Cher said "If you wanna know, if he loves you so, it's in his kiss".

There's the nightclub kiss, tongues everywhere, hands everywhere which is an expression of pure carnal lust, a display of sexuality.

Then there's standing at a bus stop, look into her eyes, and give her one big passionate kiss, no tongues, nice and soft. That doesn't say "I want to have sex with you" (even though that's what the man is thinking - that's what men are always thinking), that says "I love you".

Hear hear - very well said Seamus.

logic1

Here's a tip Dorothy when you get to the Emerald City ask the Wizard for a pair of balls.

.logic.

simu

logic1 wrote:

Here's a tip Dorothy when you get to the Emerald City ask the Wizard for a pair of balls.

.logic.

They wouldn't look good with red sequin shoes.

logic1

simu wrote:

They wouldn't look good with red sequin shoes.

lol touché!

.logic.

simu

Oh, was I Dorothy? Why? I don't get that.

impr0v

Never mind my previous males and obseletism remark, if we keep watching violent movies and continue to pee standing up it won't happen.

not_sure wrote:

Now the thing is when we are together i am (male 22 by the way) mad into messing around with her, cuddling, mess fighting and generally mauling her etc. Now i get a good bit of slaggin off my mates for being like this and when i see my mates with girls and most fellas in general i notice a lot of them dont tend to be like this and im wondering if i am a bit soft about the whole thing. Do girls actually like that or should i harden up my ways and become more of a man. I grew up with little or not attention for various reasons and am wondering if im trying to make up for it now by trying to get as much 'one on one' attention as i can.

Behaviourally your actions (as you describe them above) would suggest that you are playing the submissive, or traditionally female, role in the relationship, which I suspect you recognise yourself with your choice of thread title. Your friends slag you becuase they are conditioned to think less of you becuase of the role you are playing. It lowers your social standing in their minds, even without them consciously thinking that your behaviour is that of 'a girly boy'.

Each relationship has it's own dynamic and balance of power, so there is no real answer to your question as to whether you should 'harden up your ways and become more of a man', as people will give their own answers depending on the type of relationship they prefer. You could try it if you wish, though it could dramatically shorten the life of your relationship if the female in question likes the position of dominance in a relationship, and depending on what qualities she is sub-consciously looking for in a father for her offspring. You might also not be comfortable in the new relationship either, because you are possibily seeking to play this role intentionally, due to the relationship your parents had, or the relationship you have with your parents which you have already mentioned.

logic1

simu wrote:

Oh, was I Dorothy? Why? I don't get that.

No you weren't but you can be if you want. You can be anything you put your mind to.

Believe then achieve!

.logic.

chump

I'd like to make a point...

When I was in first year college there was a couple we hung with who were touchy feely ... but not only were the touchy feely, they were excruitiatingly so... you'd be talking to one of them one minute, the next the other one would jump on them or somesuch and start wearing the face off them, that's a helluva way to end a conversation.

It was very much in your face, watch this, kind of behaviour ...

This kind of thing is completely different to a couple on their owned sitting and having a kiss. Or a couple who are out with a group holding hands or giving each other a slap on the ass once in a while... which is all good

but the over the top in front of all our friends - watch me kind of behaviour (whether or not that's what they actually want) is painful...

not_sure

Hey 'impr0v' thanks for some really good advice there, you have put into words all the jumbled up thoughts in my head there.

Yeah i do think i am playing the submissive role in the relationship but thats not to say she is ordering me around or anything like that, in fact one of the things we find very funny and usually ends up in a mess fight is when one of us "tries" to be serious and bark an order at the other lol. Im happy the way it is though and i am half thinking of showing her this discussion because we have this whole complete honesty going on but at the same time i dont want her seeing me resorting to an internet discussion forum to talk about our relationship or there definately will be slaps thrown lol, anyway youve all being a big help and i do appreciate it

Cheers!

OfflerCrocGod

seamus wrote:

Then there's standing at a bus stop, look into her eyes, and give her one big passionate kiss, no tongues, nice and soft.

You can kiss without tounge?! :eek: That must be boring.

Gordon

Yea Offler, they used to do it in ye olde black 'n white movies. When you kiss without tongues the whole world around you turns a shade of grey and you can't quite distinguish eye colour.

OfflerCrocGod

Gordon wrote:

Yea Offler, they used to do it in ye olde black 'n white movies. When you kiss without tongues the whole world around you turns a shade of grey and you can't quite distinguish eye colour.

ROFL, Sounds scary Gordon thank God we have colour now-a-days

Bottle_of_Smoke

If the couple are TOO cuddly yes. A friend of mine, and his girlfriend annoy me frankly. I'm not being jellous, they just make everybody around them feel awkard.

Thank you Zulu this is exactly what i meant, will everyone else stop implying I'm some sort of loner please!?!?!?

When im with someone id usually be holding hands when with them and have the odd kiss (this is when with a group i mean) but id never turn away from a conversation to lick her face or something along those lines *wHICh HaPPENS*

sceptre

simu wrote:

Out of curiosity, do many people consider touching, kissing etc a boy or girlfriend in public to be a display of emotion? I'd consider it more a display of sexuality.

Little of column A, little of column B. Seamus summed it up nicely

cajun_tiger

not_sure wrote:

Does anyone know what she means with that look? Its like she sees right true me but i dont realy know...Any Ideas?

pm me and i'll tell you all about "that look" i do it myself if its the one i think it is

Zulu

cajun_tiger wrote:

pm me and i'll tell you all about "that look" i do it myself if its the one i think it is

...no explain here please! We all wanna know. ...and by we all, I mean me.

cajun_tiger

ok the look....
there are two by the way, the first one you shouldn't be too scared of its just really intense I do it when after > xes < I'm considering more and if he's settling down for cuddles and sleep I'm going to stair at him until he does something (either kisses me to stop me staring or ask's what's up and I then kiss him any way the stair always gets me what I want
the other one isn't a good one, usually again after >xes< and again very intense this is a "how much do you really want me ,are you only with me for one thing, do you LOVE me, will you commit to me" stair

Zulu

ahhh, scary.

pickarooney

Do you put your hand over your mouth when you talk as well? This autocensoring crap is a bit annoying.