What do you do when sum1is blatantly telling u lies?

angeldelight

I've got this friend and everytime I speak to him I know he's telling me lies. They're usually small ones but really irritates me that he does it all the time. The reason I know he's lying is cause he gets his story wrong. E.g. he'll txt me saying he's going out on a date with Helen* then next time I see him he'll start telling me how his date with Louise* went... Or he'll say he went away for the weekend then 2 days later say he hasn't been away in ages. I don't wanna lose his friendship and he gets v defensive v easily so any ideas what I should do? I've tried acting all confused like "oh I thought it was Helen.." and he'll just carry on regardless...

gubby

when you say "the reason he is lying is cos he gets his story wrong" do u mean that he forgets!! or what? Maybe he is trying to impress you.
My mother used to say that a lyar has to have a good memory.
could you sit him down and explaine how much it annoys you and that you dont want to lose his friendship.

angeldelight

yeah I think he forgets what he's told me, it's never the same story twice. no he wouldn't be trying to impress me, he has no need to!! I tried that kinda and he took it really badly

Wertz

Lying like that IMO is either attention seeking or a sign of low confidence/self esteem.

If this guy is your friend it may be hard to tell him, but he needs to have it pointed out to him. How you go about that I'm not so sure.

Then again maybe he's just an idiot who enjoys thinking he's fooling everyone...

robbie1876

Start lying back to him for a week or two, until it gets really annoying for him. Then you can talk to him openly about it, and he will understand how annoying it gets.

I tried this once. *













* I'm not going out with her any more

OfflerCrocGod

robbie1876 wrote:

* I'm not going out with her any more

Based on that experience angeldelight I council againts such a scheme You don't want to lose his friendship and yet you can't confront him about his lying because he gets upset.....the solution is either put up with it or develop psychic powers so you can influence him to tell the truth. Or point him to this thread.

robbie1876

OfflerCrocGod wrote:

Or point him to this thread.

Genius!

Crucifix

If he's insecure enough to lie all the time, confronting him about could end badly. I guess in your situation I'd weigh up how much the friendship meant to me, then chose to ignore or confront.

swiss

I believe what you should do about it really depends on why he is telling such obvious and blatant untruths.

Some people simply lie pathologically. It might sound strange that a person would habitually and repeatedly lie for no other reason than out of pure habit, but it does happen. A good sign is whether the person, when telling the lie, actually believes that what he is saying is the truth. If this is the case, then councilling might be required. Seriously. If someone makes a habit of something like this it can cost more than friendships. It can cost jobs, partners, money etc. Bringing it up yourself will likely precipitate a negative response, so it might be best to see if any of your mutual friends have encountered the same problem. If the lying is pathological, it is likely that this is indeed the case, and they might help you in bringing this to the attention of your friend. I know you wish to avoid a confrontation, but for your sake and for his, I recommend that he be made aware in some way about this. If you do want to go down this road, I furthur recommend that you have specific instances of his lies - not to corner him, but to simply provide some corroborative evidence if he is in denial to himself.

If he is lying to you particularly, and is truthful to his other friends/family, then frankly I would wonder exactly how good a 'friend' he actually is to you. How can you take someone at face value when they consistently mislead and lie to you?

Alternatively of course, if it isn't that big a deal to you then you can simply learn to ignore it and take everything he has to say with a pinch of salt. Thinking about it, I know one or two people whom I know whom I would regard in a similar manner. It might sound cruel, but hey, why kid yourself?

shellspeare

angeldelight wrote:

I've got this friend and everytime I speak to him I know he's telling me lies. They're usually small ones but really irritates me that he does it all the time. The reason I know he's lying is cause he gets his story wrong. E.g. he'll txt me saying he's going out on a date with Helen* then next time I see him he'll start telling me how his date with Louise* went... Or he'll say he went away for the weekend then 2 days later say he hasn't been away in ages. I don't wanna lose his friendship and he gets v defensive v easily so any ideas what I should do? I've tried acting all confused like "oh I thought it was Helen.." and he'll just carry on regardless...

The thing with friends is that you need to accept all their faults as well as the things you like. I have a friend who always tells tall tales about male attention she gets, but i realised she does it to make herself feel better as she's gone through hell with men, so i accept this because if it makes her feel good then great. I'm sure there's things my friends dislike about me too, but true friends accept these things, it's like a marriage in a way, for better for worse. i'm babbling sorry, *blames wine*

angeldelight

swiss wrote:

If he is lying to you particularly, and is truthful to his other friends/family, then frankly I would wonder exactly how good a 'friend' he actually is to you. How can you take someone at face value when they consistently mislead and lie to you?

Alternatively of course, if it isn't that big a deal to you then you can simply learn to ignore it and take everything he has to say with a pinch of salt. Thinking about it, I know one or two people whom I know whom I would regard in a similar manner. It might sound cruel, but hey, why kid yourself?

Yeah I thought about that and had started distancing myself from him a while ago cos I figured he obv didn't see me as that good a friend but then he invited me to his debs cause he said I was his best female friend. I've tried to ignore it but every time he does it I just want to shake him cause if I'm that good a friend surely he doesn't need to lie to me! It is so frustrating cause it's never about important stuff, just small stuff that doesn't matter neway! Lol maybe I should 'accidentally' leave link to this place on a piece of paper stuck to his forehead...

cleansingfire

He's taking teh p***. Laughing at you telling his m8s he can say anything to you and you take it. Now. do sumthing.

Pet

cleansingfire wrote:

He's taking teh p***. Laughing at you telling his m8s he can say anything to you and you take it. Now. do sumthing.

Sorry, I just can't seem to take someone who actually uses the word "m8s" seriously.

robbie1876

Pet wrote:

Sorry, I just can't seem to take someone who actually uses the word "m8s" seriously.

That's probably him now. He got angeldelight's note.

cleansingfire

Pet wrote:

Sorry, I just can't seem to take someone who actually uses the word "m8s" seriously.

gr8. mission accomplished. just extend the sentiment beyond me.

adjodlo

just be like "why the fúck you lieing man?? I think you're a loser anyway."

angeldelight

adjodlo wrote:

just be like "why the fúck you lieing man?? I think you're a loser anyway."

But I don't....... And I doubt he's laughing at me neways most of his friends are also mine. Neways thanks for all the comments, I'll try figure it out

Winters

I think this might be a case for PI...

*cue PI action music*

Tommy Vercetti

I used to work with a guy a few years ago like that. Everything he used to say was a big fat lie, he'd even go as far as claiming that he had a girlfriend and a kid, and really stupid things like that (we knew it was lies because people who lived near him knew all about him). Eventually I just got pissed off listening to him and told him straight out to stfu with the lies.

angeldelight

Winters wrote:

I think this might be a case for PI...

*cue PI action music*

I agree with you, didn't mean to open the thread in this forum!!

Pet

cleansingfire wrote:

gr8. mission accomplished. just extend the sentiment beyond me.

Heh, I was joking anyways.

elivsvonchiaing

I used to have a friend like this and put his personality in the spotlight more than once, i.e. confronted the lies. Got away with this twice then never heard of him again for about 12 years. Gather he has "grown" as result of our dead friendship. This could be the best thing tbo.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

sceptre

shellspeare wrote:

The thing with friends is that you need to accept all their faults as well as the things you like.

Funnily enough, the last time I made a comment on a line like that was when we were discussing Bush, Chirac and Iraq. Response is the same: a real friend would tell their friend when they're acting the ass. Or being a lying summbitch as the case may be.

ur mentor

why dont you move in and live with this friend? then you'll know everything!