Girlfriend cheating on me?

LegacyUser

ok,my head is going to explode,
i think my girlfriend is cheating on me with her ex-boyfriend,
weve been going out for a good while and i am completly in love with this girl but i dont know what to do,
shes always talking about her exboyfriend and i know for a fact that she is still texting him,
i went to her debs there last week and she fukked off with her ex boyfriend for over an hour and left me there on my own(i dont know anyone from her year).
when she came back she all she said was "ahh dont worry,we were just having a chat,i love you".,
at the time i figured,ok thats all she was doing,ill leave it,but ever since then i cant stop thinking about it and i cant stop thinking about her,its doing my head in.
i dont know what to do

Beruthiel

Guest1232 wrote:

at the time i figured,ok thats all she was doing,ill leave it,but ever since then i cant stop thinking about it and i cant stop thinking about her,its doing my head in.
i dont know what to do

there is no point whatsoever being with someone you don't trust!
either you trust her and leave your suspicions at the door
or
you leave her
only you can figure out which of those you should be doing.

AngryBadger

Beruthiel wrote:

there is no point whatsoever being with someone you don't trust!
either you trust her and leave your suspicions at the door
or
you leave her
only you can figure out which of those you should be doing.

Second.

As Beruth says, trust is implicit, or there is no spoon, I mean relationship.

Say it to her, and if she balks tell her to walk.

po0k

Kick that bitch to the kerb.

For her to do that to you on the night of your debs, leaving you alone for an hour while she was "talking" to another guy not-to-mention one she has a history with, is just not on.

luckat

The problem here is with your own trust. She obviously likes this man and wants to remain friends with him - what's the problem there? Except that you're being jealous and possessive. People have a right to have friends.

dent

I would not normally post here but I'd say kick her to the curb. You sound about 18 so you have loads of honeys ahead of you.Its about respect and she is obviously messing you about. I'd dump her and move on. Its easy for me to say. It will be hard to do but ifs its messing your head up your better off.

delly

You could always say to her that your feeling a little bad about the amount of time she is spending/texting/talking with her ex. Do it in a nice 'i'm not being unreasonable' way.

If you do the other option of kicking her to the curb, you might never have a true idea of whats going on. But if you do it the first way, her reaction might give you a snapshot of what the story is, and then you can make a choice.

Typedef

Cheat on her... you'll feel better.

If you turn out to be wrong... mores the better.

Jim

Personally I think your over reacting.

The Sweeper

Why don't you just ask her? You can judge from her answer whether or not you really believe her. If you don't, just split up with her!

koneko

Jimeatsmenu wrote:

Personally I think your over reacting.

Ditto. She was talking to a guy, so what? Is she ever going to be allowed to talk to other guys?

Talk to her, ask her straight up. She might still be friends with her ex (some people are!).

James_M

koneko wrote:

She might still be friends with her ex (some people are!).

yeah fúck buddies. relatrionships with exes only exist because one or both of the people are still looking to relight the flame - or already have. I'm sure people can come on here and say "But I get on great with my ex..." Thats most likely because they still want to get into your knickers/boxers/Y-fronts.

You may be over-reacting but if its in your head and you're worried about it then do something about it. If you don't you stand a good chance of being made a fool of.

You don't have to be cool about your gf keeping in touch with her ex all the time. Its understandable that would make you uncomfortable regardless of anyone doing the dirt.

Jim

James_M wrote:

yeah fúck buddies. relatrionships with exes only exist because one or both of the people are still looking to relight the flame - or already have. I'm sure people can come on here and say "But I get on great with my ex..." Thats most likely because they still want to get into your knickers/boxers/Y-fronts.

A generaliation, perhaps from your own personal experience, but untrue.

Maximilian

Only way you're going to know is to break up with her for a while - say you need some time or something. If she goes running back to her ex, well, then you know.

Its tempting to call her a bitch etc. but obviously, she doesn't know who or what she wants. Let her decide. All women are bitches anyway.

Jim

Maximilian wrote:

Only way you're going to know is to break up with her for a while - say you need some time or something. If she goes running back to her ex, well, then you know.

Its tempting to call her a bitch etc. but obviously, she doesn't know who or what she wants. Let her decide. All women are bitches anyway.

What?

James_M

Jimeatsmenu wrote:

A generaliation, perhaps from your own personal experience, but untrue.

Not so. But I've seen it happen enough and I've yet to see it work well.

Jim

I've seen it work well. As I said, personal experience.

dent

I know from experience from both being in his position and being the ex-boyfriend. Women at that age are fickle creatures. I'd burn your bridges. Sure ask her about it first. I bet she will freak. She not respecting you and from experience the ex-fella wants to get back into her pants. Can any bloke here contradict this. College is ahead of you. Go in single your too young to get tied down in any case.

Johnny Versace

If a lot of these are true, start worrying.

1. Has she changed her look? Has she gone on a diet? Has she being buying more new clothes than usual?

2. Any suspiscious phone calls/text messages/etc. to from/her?

3. Does she sometimes want to have sex with you after being away with her ex for a while? Could be guilt, or could be that she's still horny...

4. Are your instincts blaring that she is cheating? TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. They are rarely wrong (assuming you're fairly mentally normal.)

5. Did she cheat on her ex? If so, she will cheat on you.

6. Is she going to parties where you are very much not invited AND she says she doesn't know when she'll be home?

...

Do you know how to tell when she is lying? The eyes always move in a certain direction when someone lies. Figure out which way your girlfriends eyes move when she lies.

...

It's possible you're just being paranoid though.

Is she an "innocent" girl or a bit of a... slapper?

ballooba

Guest1232 wrote:

i went to her debs there last week and she fukked off with her ex boyfriend for over an hour and left me there on my own(i dont know anyone from her year).

Come on.. they were definitely doing it... did they actually leave the room?

Jim

dent wrote:

I know from experience from both being in his position and being the ex-boyfriend. Women at that age are fickle creatures. I'd burn your bridges. Sure ask her about it first. I bet she will freak. She not respecting you and from experience the ex-fella wants to get back into her pants. Can any bloke here contradict this. College is ahead of you. Go in single your too young to get tied down in any case.

I really don't believe some of these replies.

She txt's him, she talked to him at her Debs leaving you alone for an hour. Is there anything else that would support that she is cheating on you? If you do ask her she will probably be slightly (or perhaps very) offended that you think shes cheating on you, that doesn't neccessarily mean that she is cheating on.

Personally if someone I was going out with told me I couldn't see or be friends with my ex's I'd consider it a ridiclous request, and I wouldn't expect my girlfriend to alienate her ex's just because I'm paranoid.

Of course if there is due reason that she may be cheating on you, talk to her about it rationally. But from what I see, your over reacting.

Dr. Loon

Why did she split off with another bloke on her debs for over an hour? Seriously why? Doesn't matter if it was ex or anyone else. Questions should be asked, and you should express how rude that is (even if she isn't cheating).

Zulu

Firstly: whether or not she is actually cheating - she left you on your own for an hour at her debs. What were you doing for that hour? Sitting on your own? If so - do you really wanna go out with someone who treats you like that? You were her guest - you should have been treated as such.

Secondly: she should have a little sence and grace. Talking about her ex the whole time in front of you is just mean (Unless you keep bringing it up). It's evidently going to make you jellous. It sounds like you could just be a stop-gap for her.

No easy way to say this buddy - dump her. Sorry.

dent

Jimeatsmenu wrote:

I really don't believe some of these replies.

She txt's him, she talked to him at her Debs leaving you alone for an hour. Is there anything else that would support that she is cheating on you? If you do ask her she will probably be slightly (or perhaps very) offended that you think shes cheating on you, that doesn't neccessarily mean that she is cheating on.

Personally if someone I was going out with told me I couldn't see or be friends with my ex's I'd consider it a ridiclous request, and I wouldn't expect my girlfriend to alienate her ex's just because I'm paranoid.

Of course if there is due reason that she may be cheating on you, talk to her about it rationally. But from what I see, your over reacting.

To be fair I never said cheating. I mentioned respect. She is not treating him right and he should not tolerate it. Its the exception not the norm that people stay on very friendly terms with thier ex partners. If children are involved thats one reason. Think of the age of the people involved here. It seems like she is playing games. Sure talk to her but he's young enough to burn his bridges and find someone worthy of his company. To be honest I think your being quite naive.

MickFarr

Zulu wrote:

Firstly: whether or not she is actually cheating - she left you on your own for an hour at her debs. What were you doing for that hour? Sitting on your own? If so - do you really wanna go out with someone who treats you like that? You were her guest - you should have been treated as such.

Secondly: she should have a little sence and grace. Talking about her ex the whole time in front of you is just mean (Unless you keep bringing it up). It's evidently going to make you jellous. It sounds like you could just be a stop-gap for her.

No easy way to say this buddy - dump her. Sorry.

I agree with Zulu. What a bitch to leave you there for over an hour!

Doodee

right. Speaking from a little experience. You are going to remain thinking about it for quite some time. nothing ever slides easily.
Just out of curiosity, are you fairly new to the dating thing? cause if so this csan cause some paranoia. However, if you yourself feel that somethings up, **** everyone else, its your life your a living, so ask the girl if it will ease your mind but dont try to start catching her out, if you go looking for something you will only try to find the answers you want.

If herself and the ex are rather friendly, then just try keep your mind of it. You can point the finger all you want, but you will only end up miserable and depressed. then again, it all depends on how you feel about the girl.

As reguards the Debs situation, that wasn't on. no matter what. if she was "Talking" to the Ex, then why not include you in the conversation. And if it was such a personal conversation then why couldn't she leave it till another time. Its just not on. Being left alone sucks ass.

dent

Joodee wrote:

right. Speaking from a little experience. You are going to remain thinking about it for quite some time. nothing ever slides easily.
Just out of curiosity, are you fairly new to the dating thing? cause if so this csan cause some paranoia. However, if you yourself feel that somethings up, **** everyone else, its your life your a living, so ask the girl if it will ease your mind but dont try to start catching her out, if you go looking for something you will only try to find the answers you want.

If herself and the ex are rather friendly, then just try keep your mind of it. You can point the finger all you want, but you will only end up miserable and depressed. then again, it all depends on how you feel about the girl.

As reguards the Debs situation, that wasn't on. no matter what. if she was "Talking" to the Ex, then why not include you in the conversation. And if it was such a personal conversation then why couldn't she leave it till another time. Its just not on. Being left alone sucks ass.

Good advice alright

pontovic

look man if this relationship is going to be wrecking your head like it is now i think you would be better off dumping her and moving on. you could end up really hurting yourself in the longer run if you dont. i know it might be tough to do it, but i think its the best thing........

sorry but it is...........

ferdi

read her diary, its the only way!

po0k

Get Game

Stunt

The ex thing is always a problem for us fellas but I'm still friends with a few of my ex's and that's all it is friends. On the other hand her leaving you for an hour was totally out of order. If I were you I would trust her until you are given a genuine reason too doubt her but I would keep an eye on her ex. She may not be interested in him but end of the day he is a man and I wouldn't even trust my best mates with my girlfriend, men are men

Doc

How long have you been going out with the girl if you don’t mind me asking? If it’s only been a short time then you’re perfectly right to feel jealous and threatened buy the amount of time she spends talking and texting her old boyfriend and you should tell her that although you can appreciate the fact that she still wants to be friends its hard for you to know she is spending so much time with someone she had such strong feelings for in the past.
If she can’t understand this she’s not worth going out with.

If on the other hand you have been going out for a long time then it’s a matter of trust and if you don’t trust the girl enough at this stage not to fool around on you then you should get out of the relationship.

anthonymcg

Solid advise in the above. You should never leave someone your going out with in an unfamiliar scene with people he/she doesnt know for extended periods of time. That's just ****ing cruel.

yoyodel

dump her, definately

jesus_thats_gre

I would be concerned myself... Doubting someones activities does not mean you do not trust them, it just means that you have your sensible cap on and are protecting yourself...

If it keeps up and continues to annoy you, I would have a chat with her.. Make sure you do not go accussing her or what not.. Its hard to be tactful over such a subject but I can appreciate why you are worried..

Also, don't feel guilty for not taking every word she says as gospel either.. How many time have you laughed at someone for just blindly going all in in a relationship and then getting hurt...

jesus_thats_gre

Mind you, don't even dare suggest that she should change her relationship with her ex.. That will cause no end of trouble..

The debs thing was well out of order.. I personally would have felt very uncomfortable in such a strange situation and after an hour, would have been very close to just telling her to **** right off and leave her on her own... No doubt she would have ended up with the ex if you done this but abandoning someone like the way she did was just not on..

If its playing on your mind and she is doing nothing that suggests you are totally wrong, you will need to ask her what the story is..

As someone said above though, don't be trying to catch her out!!

dent

Just looking at all the posts. Wonder if he will check back here. Funny if he doesn't

Shoolaboola

she hates you, so does her ex, they are totally takin the p!ss out of u. get over it

nobodythere

luckat wrote:

The problem here is with your own trust. She obviously likes this man and wants to remain friends with him - what's the problem there? Except that you're being jealous and possessive. People have a right to have friends.

Let's recap... SHE PISSED OFF FOR AN HOUR AT HIS DEBS WITH HER EX-BOYFRIEND. Is that not pretty bad anyway? not so much it being her ex-boyfriend but leaving him alone for an hour. It's the kind of thing that gives you the right to be pissed off if she ditched you for anyone and the kind of thing to be suspicious about when it's an ex-boyfriend.

We can at least conclude that she knew you were thinking she cheated on you since she threw in ye old "i love you" at the end of the sentence.

Bottle_of_Smoke

ugggggggghhhhh horrible situation....

suppose ask her, if you're in love she should be able to handle the question.
some exes i get on grand with and we talk like friends.... others we eh have a few drinks and score each other....

dont tell her you have a problem with her seeing him (always end up scoring those ones!!)

and it IS completely unreasonable to have a prob with him seeing her, makes you look terrible, just ask reasonably, she may be completly innocent

IrishMike

id dump her no questions asked
seems like she suffers from princess syndrome
damn heartless leavin u stranded on ur own for an hour no matter what the excuse
unless she is AWESOME in the sack then get rid of her

Corksham

Beruthiel wrote:

there is no point whatsoever being with someone you don't trust!
either you trust her and leave your suspicions at the door
or
you leave her
only you can figure out which of those you should be doing.

I dont always agree with what you say!! but I think you hit the nail on the head this time!

Boggle

If your in love with her and she says she's in love with you then I take it ye've been together more than a few weeks.... And if she's still on about the boyfriend at this stage or considers him important enough to leave you stranded like that then there really is only one thing to do mate .... sorry. But then I reckon you have a fair idea of that already if your posting this....

On the flip-side you could just take things as they happen - see how it goes but leave her do the work. If she wants to she will, otherwise dont worry. Incidentally if he fecked off with ur missus - why didn't you feck off with his miss's??? revenge is fun.

passive

if you're strongly suspicious of the person you're going out with and you believe it's justified and not just in your head there's no point sticking around for clarification. if you REALLY want to stay with her but don't wanna be cheated on and subsequently dumped you could try cheat on her so, if she admits to cheating, you don't feel bad cos you've got your "so did I!" voucher...

pretty pointless from a loving & happy relationship point of view and not something i'd go for myself.hmm... aand from personal experience i'd recommend seeing if she has an online diary -_-' but let's not get into that.
best bet overall: get out or get some faith in her.

mycroft

Trust.

It's the foundation of a relationship. If it's not there then the relationship is finished. You and your partner must have trust and trust each other, otherwise it's not relationship it's just two people shagging while you tear yourself up inside.

If you can't bring yourself to trust her, your relationship is over and whatever sham of a relationship you have until you realise this will hurt you until you bring yourself to admit this to be true.

Finally the way she treated you. Show yourself some respect, she obviously isn't.

po0k

<cliché> TypeDef Her Sister™, then Fitz Her In The Cab On The Way Home™ </cliché>



Comment removed by request

meepmeep

I was just wondering why you didn't go looking for her?

I mean, would the fact that she was gone and left you for an hour, never mind with her ex boyfriend not be enough reason to go out and see if you could find out where she was? If she was up to something, you coulda caught her in the act, and if not, you could have put your mind at rest.

But seeing as its too late for that now, just come right out and ask her. She would have no right to be offended really....

tinkerbell

She shouldn't have ditched you at her debs in the first place! Especially considering you knew nobody and left you for over an hour on your own - she was being totally selfish! Tell her to cop on! If you're insecure about this guy anyway and she knows it, she should be doing everything she can to try and make you get rid of these insecurities, not make them worse!

Typedef

The reality is when she suspects you, it's probably because _you have_, slept with her friends/sisters/random strangers... or at least tried to.

If you *suspect* there is something going on with the ex... while that thing that's _going on_ may not include blowjobs and restraints... there maybe a case of looking back and wondering if she wouldn't really rather be with the boyfriend... with some knock on consequentials including *debating* the possibilities of that, plus likely outcomes.

They do it, we do it, that's the way the game works.... .sooo, if you *suspect* her, there is probably at least _some_ basis to the suspicion... you were the only one who has the unique _specifics_ to guide you where the rest of just can say... definately dump her/ definately talk to her... or in my case... definately cheat on her... this whole monogamy thing, gets you no-where but, cheated on !

Maybe you think that sounds a little "shoot first ask questions later".

So long as you get the whole foreplay technique down though.. the whole "shoot" part should be easy enough to delay to mutual satisfaction....