Dad sick for Christmas

Winnie

Hi everyone,

just wanted to know if anyone ever had a situation like this and how to deal best with it. basiscally my dad is going through chemo at the moment and we were told he would only need 6 months treatment but now he needs a few more which means he will still be sick by christmas. this is really hard for me as he is always the centre of attention at this time, singing and playing games and jokes. he is suffering with every possible thing that comes with chemo so he is hardly has the strenght to move.

anyway to make christmas a good one despite all this?

beer enigma

Hi Winnie,

not an easy one....my wife's dad went through a similar thing, although he was terminal & knew it. Always the life & sole of the party at Christmas - first one up singing, charades, you name it - Mr Life & Soul.

We decided to run christmas as normal - albeit, it was difficult as none of us are 'natural' showmen - but we tried it & it went really well. he joined in as much as his health would allow. He sadly passed away the following Feb, but said that it was his best christmas ever.

Not easy to give advice, suffice to say that try to be as normal as possible -without making it seem just a put on for his sake.....

Dunno if this helps ?

Andy

luckat

Time to make a big step, Winnie. Maybe get together with the rest of the family and make a CD of your Dad's favourite songs, with a cover photo with all of you - or a montage of the family, including your father. Then when it's singin' time you can put on the CD and start everyone singing gently - and give him his own copy.

You're going to need to prepare for a stress-free Christmas - have everyone help with the cooking and clearing and present-buying, get everyone in on nuking any arguments before they get going, make a schedule, and stick to it, so the day is happy for your father, and everyone else, but doesn't go on too long.

This is going to be a Christmas where you have to plan for love, not let the love work with no help.

mr_angry

Usually they run cheamotherapy in something like 6-week bursts followed by a two week break to allow the body to recover. See if you can arrange for his treatment to be scheduled so that Christmas falls during the second week of that 2-week break, in which case, he should be feeling a lot better for the occassion.

Zulu

You could be fine tbh. It depends on the type of cancer/treatment. In six months, he could be on smaller doses, so the effects mightn't be too bad, or they may be giving him Steriods, which will have him full of life. Try to be positive.

Boston

It's the little things that count not the anything else's. It's the being together. Don't really remember how I handled it. I think I didn't. Just the imprtant tradition of the family meal on christmas, just me my dad and my mum. Thats all I really needed to have a good christmas.

lisa.c

Do all you can to make sure he's comfortable and enjoying it all. try talking to the docs to maybe accomadate his chemo around the xmas period. you never know hopefully by christmas he'll be doing much better. they say a happy mind is a happy body. tell him how much your looking forward to christmas and spending time with him. this might give him some inner strenght to get going again.

GuanYin

Winnie wrote:

Hi everyone,

just wanted to know if anyone ever had a situation like this and how to deal best with it. basiscally my dad is going through chemo at the moment and we were told he would only need 6 months treatment but now he needs a few more which means he will still be sick by christmas. this is really hard for me as he is always the centre of attention at this time, singing and playing games and jokes. he is suffering with every possible thing that comes with chemo so he is hardly has the strenght to move.

anyway to make christmas a good one despite all this?

Hey Winnie,

I think you need to need to realise that one of the most draining and demoralising things for a patient is often the effect their illness has on those around them. For this alone, I think you're dad's illness is a reason to go out of your way to ensure everyone has a cheerful christmas with your dad.

Luckat's idea of the CD is good, but why not pass the mantle and have everyone take part in the singing and traditions that your dad likes so much. At the end of the day though, Boston is right, it is the little things and nuances that make the occasion. Personally, I'd sit down and think about all the things your dad does and likes around christmas time and not only show him that you guys notice and appreciate them, but also keep them going, involving him as much as you can.

He may really appreciate the cheering up. Because I'm sure he feels how concerned and upset you are. I hope its a good one for you guys. There are institutes out there that give advice and offer councelling on these matter,s but I've found that people know thier own family best, and when they get together and make the effort, what they come up with is far more personal and effective than anything a pamphlet or advice group might tell you.

Good luck!

P.S. I would advise heartily against postponing or altering any medical treatments unless the doctors are 100% supportive of the idea..

Winnie

well he has already done five months and its the period when he is off the chemo that he is sickest and only gets out of hospital a few days at a time, thats why im a bit worried about christmas day, as we cant change the treatment times, he could be in hospital for it. but hopefully not.

thanks for all your advice guys, will try be positive and make sure he has a lovely day

mrhappy42

has my wifes dad over for christmas when he was very sick..but just took him in to the house and had the festivities as best we could. Was not easy as we had to be up a lot at night with him and the kids. However looking back it was nice we did it and at least he was out of the hospital for a few days.