Dont know that to do

LegacyUser

Hi, I would like some genuine advice here please.
I got a message last night from a friends boyfriend sayin that if i ever lay a hand on his gf again id have to deal with him. I thought this wuz a joke and wrote stupid replies.
I should point out that me and his gf had some petty squables about a month or so ago.
his txts got more serious, So i asked what was goin on?
He said that me his gf and his friend were in the kitcen. me and his gf were arguing and i swung at her and hit her, and his other friend had to pull me away! Which of course is NOT true. I have never hit anyone in my life. His gf is one of my friends. This txt came out of the blue, so she must have said something to him. What i cant understand is why she done that after al this time?
I would never cause harm to her! She's been my friend for 2 years now. He's tryin to paint me as some kind of monster or something. He also said that his gf dosent know he's texting me so if i told her there would be trouble. Im really bad at confrontations so please any advice or help on what to do would be greatly appreciated. This is really making me feel terrible.

Gordon

Sounds like a load of bollix. Mind, I can't believe you conducted all of this without even speaking to the guy. If your friend is such a friend then you should speak to her instead, cut out the middle man.

His girlfriend doesn't know he's texting you?! Sounds really fishy. I think she should know pretty soon. Give her a call for goodness sake.

ferdi

tell him you didnt do **** and if he dont back off he will have to deal with the boards.ie Pose!!!!

Hello Kitty

You should probably keep your messages and show them to your friend and see what she says....

LegacyUser

Thats the problem! i cant chat to her cos i live with them and he never leaves her.She's changed a lot since she;s been with him too,so i dunno if i could talk to her anymore .Maybe it's cos im workin night shifts im get paranoid but its freakin me out.

BrianD3

Tell the stupid macho bollix to go **** his mother and warn him that if he makes any more unfounded allegations or threats that you'll involve the gardai. Keep all text messages that he sends you in case you need to show them to the gardai. Get in touch with your female friend and ask her what's the story. It may just be a misunderstanding but if it's not you can't let yourself be bullied or blackmailed which is what this amounts to.

BrianD3

LegacyUser

I cant talk to her cos he's always there! she's changed ALOT since she's goin out wit him and i dunno if i could talk to her. Maybe its just the night shifts and lack of sleepmakin me paranoid, but Its frekin me out. Thanks for teh replies anyway. Still dunno if i should show her teh messages. (hes a pretty big guy and im not)

Idbatterim

Ring the bloody muppet up, tell him what the real story is and if he doesnt believe you tell him to get f"cked, would you really care about that muppet or your "friend" if shes the one spreading the lies? Id cut off contact with both the morons, dont reply or speak to either. You dont need that sh%te! The boy friend is probably trying to pose as a knight in shining armour, hes probably telling her now how him and 200 of his mates will beat the living crap out of you, (he reckons you dont stand a chance) anto and deco are real hard men so watch out for them! If i were in your position id tell him the truth, and if he didnt back off id tell the wa%&er to bring it on! The ones who threaten with violence are usually the cowards when the **** hits the fan!

BrianD3

Idbatterim wrote:

If i were in your position id tell him the truth, and if he didnt back off id tell the wa%&er to bring it on!

Your nick is very appropriate

BrianD3

Idbatterim

The nick is obviously ripping the piss, i cant stand scum bags, but what i said in the post was genuine.

AngryBadger

some guy wrote:

I should point out that me and his gf had some petty squables about a month or so ago.

He said that me his gf and his friend were in the kitcen. me and his gf were arguing and i swung at her and hit her, and his other friend had to pull me away!
He also said that his gf dosent know he's texting me so if i told her there would be trouble.

ok...I don't want to be alarmist but I'm going to play detective for a few lines

If what he's accusing you of never happened, then either he's lying, or she is.

If he's lying, it indicates that he wants to keep you away from her, so the first question i'd ask is, how close are you and her. You mentioned that she seems to have changed lately, what are we talking about here? Asking this because if he is making this up, and has put you in the position where you think you can't tell her, it sounds to me like he's putting you off her, while in all likelihood he's telling her to stay away form you at the same. Something about things between them sounds fishy.

If she's lying to him...first question becomes, does she have a history of this, have there been instances of her spinning yarns before? Next question is, would you reckon whatever squabbles you had were enough for her to make something up, or is this just something she does, and are you the unfortunate guy caught in the middle this time?

Third possibility is, was there anything physical about any exchange you had with her, and were there other people around? By physical, I don't mean violent, I mean harmless stuff like might you have had your hands on her shoulders, might you have pushed past her, or pushed her out of your way or anything like that, or were the exchanges very vocal, were you shouting at her? If any of the above is the case, you may be looking at a classic case of chinese whispers, the boyfriend may have gotten bits and pieces of stories from other people, fragments of conversations that kind of thing, maybe he puts a story together in his head about all this stuff, and asks her if ye had a row, she says yes and suddenly he thinks you clocked his girlfriend.

Before I suggest ways of dealing with these, there's one thing that puzzles me, why would he text all this **** to you? Granted you work the night shift, but if you're living with him, there'd surely be some time when he could say this to your face. If it was me, and I thought someone was hassling a girl I was going out with I'd be...well...it'd be unpleasant for all concerned. So why did he text you instead of having a face-to-face.

All of which makes me think this is BS. My gut is he thinkgs there's something between you and her. He also either feels threatened by you, or feels that she is more interested in you than him. This could simply be borne of the fact that you're good friends with her for the last two years, or there may be more to it. Either way, if something like this is the case I'd say his threats are hot air.

In any case, she needs to be made aware of what's going on, whether she's pulling the strings, or he's playing with your head, this all hinges on her being unaware of what's going on between you and him. If he's playing headgames with you, she'll be pissed, if she's playing headgames with both of you, he'll be pissed with her. If no-one is playing any games, and it's just chinese whispers only she can tell him that nothing like that happened and have him believe it.

On the other hand if they both turn on you, then you need to move house, because you're living with freaks.

There's one more thing. This guy could be one of the obsessive types, could be that he's warned her off you, maybe why she's avoiding you, proceed with caution, but the thing to do is let her know what's going on, I re-iterate, she's the hinge of this whole thing.


Whew...ok I'm off to do some good heroes

LegacyUser

She does have kind of a history of exaggerating things but i dunno if its enough to straight out lie.
her BF dosent see me cos i work nights and sleep in the day, while he's at work. He's a big macho **** and will flex his muscles at any chance he gets.
There's nothing between her and me, we used to be good friends just not really anymore. nothing physical.
They do infact have a history of playin head games with people. She was never like that before. she's become a complete bitch,
I think, your right though. I need to find a way to chat wit her when he's not there (which is gonna be pretty tough)
oh and im movin out when college starts again
thanks for putting things in their right place. As i said im really bad at confronting people. Cherrs

AngryBadger

some guy wrote:

She does have kind of a history of exaggerating things but i dunno if its enough to straight out lie.
her BF dosent see me cos i work nights and sleep in the day, while he's at work. He's a big macho **** and will flex his muscles at any chance he gets.
There's nothing between her and me, we used to be good friends just not really anymore. nothing physical.
They do infact have a history of playin head games with people. She was never like that before. she's become a complete bitch,
I think, your right though. I need to find a way to chat wit her when he's not there (which is gonna be pretty tough)
oh and im movin out when college starts again
thanks for putting things in their right place. As i said im really bad at confronting people. Cherrs

If she's a complete bitch now, then maybe you're wisest course is to ignore the whole thing, including the boyfriend, and his threats. He cant't, and won't do anything, if he ever seriously intended doing anything, without you giving him a reason, so maybe the thing to do is play it cool, don't respond at all. Let her go fly, and let him stew in his own crud waiting for you to say something. Whatever works for you.
Woohoo, another satisfied citizen, hey anyone got a cape they'd be willing to donate? the superheroing business doesn't pay very well...and I'm afraid my power ring will exhaust itself in the middle of a battle if I keep using it to conjure up underwear.....

lisa.c

sooner you move the better... why would you even want her as afriend now when she has done all this to you..

word of advice dont leave your forwarding address..

kyodatsu

he sounds like an aggressive idiot and she may or not be lying. regardless of whichever one of them is in the wrong they will back their partner.

my advice would be to stay as far away from them as possible. they sound like lunatics. its better to have no friends than to hang around with muppets.